Disclaimer: I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.
SPOILERS for San-nan's desertion.
New Kyoto Post
Working for a Brighter Future!
Issue 13
NOTICE of APOLOGY
We apologize for the suspension of our publication over the winter as a result of a perfectly innocent spelling error on our front page. We apologize to the relevant ba-ku-fu, note not baka-fu, authorities for any distress caused. Hey, cut poor Koji-san some slack, he just got out of Edo college. Please refrain from cutting him down.
I am writing this apology as poor Koji's hands haven't recovered from his taste of Shinsengumi hospitality over the winter. Same goes for his other parts.
We are NOT an anti-bakufu outfit! After tearing up half of Umeya's kitchen and the front rooms of my sister's restaurant, the local authorities found NO proof of subversive activities.
- Vice-Editor, K.K.
(Thank heavens for Umeko's sweets and the unnamed Umeya regular who put in a good word for poor Koji… Did I mention Koji whips up a tasty red bean paste dessert? Too bad he'll be unable to do so for a while.)NOTICE
The Shinsengumi HQ has moved!
The Shinsengumi is now co-occupying land with a local temple. The Kyoto temples regret that they cannot offer sanctuary to those who sorely need it. Fugitives and other sanctuary-seekers please take note.
The new occupants of the former Shinsengumi HQ request that unnamed persons stop defacing their property with anti-bakufu graffiti and throwing homemade bombs onto the grounds. The key culprits are described as a pair of young boys, one of whom has a hairdo resembling a rooster's.
MILITARY TALENT
The local Shinsengumi has finally addressed its most glaring weakness by appointing Itou Kashitarou as their military advisor. Itou is well-known for his sharp wit and good looks. If his wits outweigh his looks, we can be sure that he will be leaving for higher places soon.
Here are some quotes from various sources by yours truly:
"Itou-san is the brains that will help us achieve greater heights. We await his guidance on military matters so we can rid our glorious country of all anti-Tokugawa scum." Chief Kondo, while looking sideways at a very grumpy Vice-chief Hijikata
"I don't trust his aura…" a man with prayer beads, the Shinsengumi's resident priest?
"He is good-looking… not as good-looking as Okita-san, but Okita-san's off-limits…" a taishi
"Ita Kashi-what? Who's he? Okita-san's new pig?" an unnamed redhead page (scratches head as he goes off to feed pigs)
Mystery at Shrine
A tall, dark man was spotted in the woods behind the local shrine nailing a straw dummy to a tree late at night. The man was quoted as yelling: "Itou! DIE! Go to HELL!" as he nailed the dummy to the tree. After that, he drew his katana on the dummy and reduced it to pieces. For good measure, the mystery man cremated the remains.
The incident was witnessed by an Ishin shinobi, I mean, beggar who happened to be seeking shelter at a small hut there. The disturbing part was that the man responsible was wearing the uniform of a local peacekeeping group. One can only wonder.
Local news: NO Desertion!
Shinsengumi deny rumors that Vice Chief Yamanami has deserted. They claim his recent non-appearance was a result of illness, and nothing more. Citizens, Shimabara residents and regulars can look forward to seeing him after his recovery from his cold.
Murder Still Unsolved
In yet another instance of incompetence, local police are nowhere nearer to solving the horrific murder of the one of the richest men in the nation. In autumn, the cat-loving millionaire of Black Cat Mansion was found literally cleaved in half in his bed by his foster son, who wishes to remain unnamed. The man's guards were also found murdered. Police still have no leads, as usual.
Sources have it that the foster son was so frustrated by this show of incompetence that he took to drowning his sorrows by throwing really wild private parties in a certain Shimabara Teahouse over several weeks since the murder. Indeed, what better way to get back at those incompetents than depriving them of their regular entertainment on their off-days.
Umeko's Kitchen:
Here are the letters I managed to answer before some wild animals tore up half my kitchen searching for subversive elements. They only found my planned spring sweet selection. Their young leader was glad to order his men to leave us in peace after finding no anti-Shogunate persons or items and I agreed to bring back last year's Sakura Box. He wanted to get one for a friend.
Dear Umeko-san,
A lot has happened. My beloved wife died, by my sword. I killed her fiancé before we met. She knew I was responsible for taking away her happiness! Yet she was so good to me… I don't know if I can redeem myself, ever. I'm so confused!
- Shin
Dear Shin,
I sympathize with your loss. Try channeling your feelings into something creative. Your wife wouldn't want you mope forever, right? Drop by Umeya. We will try to help you through this difficult time. Have you seen to her funeral arrangements? I can help you secure a prime burial plot.
- Yours sincerely, Umeko
Dear Umeko,
I run a small roadside stall. However, my stall gets demolished by certain persons on their nightly raids! What should I do? I have family to feed and I can't do repairs all the time!
- Annoyed Businessman
Dear fellow businessman,
Welcome to the club. You can try to claim damages from the relevant authorities, but I suggest something like moving outta town. Honestly, I would do that if I don't have other personal commitments in town.
- Yours, Umeko
Dear Umeko,
I blundered. I tried matchmaking my best employee with a virtuous woman. Unfortunately, she was being used by others for their ulterior motives. My bad judgment cost a young woman her life and untold distress to my employee. Where did I go wrong? Will I lose my best employee?
- Not your brother
Dear Brother,
Everyone makes mistakes. Where you went wrong? I did caution you about giving a man's job to a boy. But did you care to listen? No… you had to hire him! Drop by at my kitchen. I've a few words to say to you…
- Your sister, Umeko
Excuse me. I have some matters to see to, like a funeral. My brother better help...
Advertisement: AOIYA Restaurant Inn OPEN!
Welcome all citizens and visitors to the newly opened Aoiya, the family restaurant inn. I am proud to present our opening special ramen, udon and soba set meals. We use only the freshest ingredients brought in by our specialized runners in the early morning hours by rooftop.
Special rates offered on rooms if you are young, sexy and female. If you're male, sorry, the rates don't apply to you.
- Innkeeper Okina
Personal Ad:
My beloved Ake, let us fly away together. Something cropped up and I must leave here. I look forward to seeing your lovely blue eyes at the bridge where we first met.
– Your love for eternity, Kei
Advertisement:
Umeya's spring sweets selection is out. They make the perfect gifts for all occasions, be it a secret rendezvous under the bridge or a visit to a sick friend. Drop by now!
Due to demand, we will be bringing back the Sakura Box with its flower shaped sweets. It's the perfect gift for friends you haven't seen in a while.
Personal Ad:
Kenni, caught sight of your red hair in a crowd yesterday but couldn't catch up to you as I was occupied with some urgent matters. Good to see you back in town. Can we meet up at Umeya this Tuesday for lunch after work? I want to plan an outing to a puppet show for the orphans and would like more suitable company since Toshi always scares the kids.
- Sou
Recruitment Drive: Local Group Seeking Samurai with Conviction
We are a yet unnamed group of samurai seeking to create a better future for all built on equality. Apply to Taka Su G, the shack outside Kyoto West suburbs.
If any non-samurais are interested, we can refer you to our brother group Seikihoutai under Saga Ra.
NOTICE:
The double-crossing rat has been dispatched. – K.K.
Author's Notes:
Kenshin's back in Kyoto. The real traitor's been zanned. There are 2 versions to how it was done. Lonely mountain road, Shishio as the assassin (RK manga). Downtown docks, Shishio as the assassin, Katsura watching (RK OVA)
BTW, someone has been enjoying himself since his foster father's murder, hasn't he. Yeah, San-nan (Yamanami Keisuke) has deserted. And someone has serious problems with importing talent.