Disclaimer: I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

Sailor-Earth13: Yep, Katsura had Shishio fill in as the Choushu's shadow assassin (hitokiri). And he's doing a good job of it. Notice no one's heard a peep from Shishio after he got the job? Kenshin may be Katsura's bodyguard, but he is also the surface hitokiri, the one the Shinsengumi always encounter. After all, that Hitokiri Battousai rep is bound to stick. Anyhow, it will be part of his job to deflect the bakufu's attention away from the real assassin. So announcing that he's a hitokiri in the paper will be plausible. And Kenshin isn't just Katsura Kogoro's bodyguard. Read on! As for that wolf, wait for the later issues.

New Kyoto Post

Working for a Brighter Future!

Issue 16

LOCAL NEWS: Flash Mob!

A flash mob of young women was spotted on the grounds of a local temple after news got out that the Shinsengumi's mandatory medical checks were being held. The females somehow made it past the tight guard on the Shinsengumi premises and were seen gathering outside the temporary clinic. They dispersed upon learning that Okita Souji had undergone his medical examination earlier in the day.

The guards on duty were found roasting a wild boar behind the temple's library. Their names were released as Captains Harada, Nagakura and Toudou. Chief Kondo has since punished the trio by taking away all their leave for this year, much to the dismay of Shimabara residents.

SHINSENGUMI FIASCO

Our brave peacekeepers tried to rid us of the panther that has been terrorizing our streets after the beast trespassed onto their premises late last night. It was believed that the panther was after the Shinsengumi's pigs. Several shots were fired from a cannon but the beast escaped unscathed. Damages were done to various buildings, including the dorms and the temple's library.

The Shinsengumi Vice-Chief Demon Hijikata and First Captain Okita narrowly escaped serious injury when a shot went through the room where Hijikata was giving his friend a relaxing massage. Hijikata has reportedly urged seppuku on the culprits responsible for interrupting his Souji's massage. (Yeah, sure…)

Umeko's Kitchen:

Another year, another Gion festival to prepare menus for. The usual rates and fare. Wonder if he will watch the fireworks with me this year…

Dear Umeko,

My baka deshi is ruining the reputation of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu! He's been using all that I've taught him for murder! Hiten Mitsurugi is for protecting the weak! My baka deshi ran away from home and is now known in Kyoto as Hitokiri Battousai! He'll be the death of me! I'm tempted to run into town and whack some sense into him, but I swore a vow not to embroil myself in political squabbles…

- Master Hiko of the Hiten Misturugi Ryu (I need my sake…)

Dear Master Hiko,

So you are the man responsible for the upbringing of this fine young man. I assure you that he has grown considerably since he left you. Now, he's channeling his abilities into protecting the happiness of others although it is regrettable he has to kill to do so … I suggest you sit back, admire the sakura, stars, moon or snow with a cup of sake. You did after all wash your hands off politics.

- Cheers, Umeko

Dear Umeko,

My friend went missing some time back. I found him. Now, he hates me with good reason. Unfortunately, I think he's gone off the deep end and seeks to harm those close to me! I fear for the safety of my friends and family. I'm currently training to be a swordsman in a certain public security body. Do you know how I can become stronger to protect those I hold dear? I fear I may have to… you know…

- Not Puppy-kun

Dear Puppy-kun,

I referred your query to a master swordsman who offers you this advice:

"Try talking to this friend and work out your misunderstanding. If he's really impervious to reason… well, I dunno. Personally, I'm still working on trying to talk down the Miburou without resorting to bloodshed. It's good you seek to protect; because only then will you become stronger. Stay the same inside. Excuse me… duty calls."

By the way, Puppy-kun, tell your friend his candies will be home-delivered once he pays us for last week's.

- Umeko

Ryouma (From outside the window): Howdy, Sugar Plum… (waves cowboy hat)

Nani? He's here? (Runs out)

Bodyguard: Umeko-dono, Katsura-san wouldn't be too happy, I'm to make sure you're… ORO! (As he gets whacked by a flying ladle from Umeko.)

Nami: Himura-san? Told you not to try stopping Umeko-san.

Personal Ad:

WHY? Why do you have to be that Hitokiri Battousai? As if San-nan weren't enough… You do realize I'll have to kill you the next time we meet, do ya? (Cough, cough, cough…)

– Sou aka Capt. Okita Souji of the Shinsnegumi First Patrol.

Reply: You SERIOUSLY need medical attention for that cough. Will leave a prescription for coughs on the temple gate. No guarantee it works given I got it from my shishou

- Battousai

Urgent opening for exorcist

Former YMSA members seeking Christian exorcist. We suspect our late leader Yoshida's a secret Christian after both Buddhist and Shinto rites failed to send him to the afterlife. Contact us via Umeya.

(Look! He's still hanging about the riverfront with his page… Kitamura's dead too, right?)

Notice! Oshino's Tea Pavilion

Oshino's Tea Pavilion is NOT of the same shade as those Shimabara teahouses. We are an establishment for actual tea-loving individuals, NOT hanky-panky. Aoshi-san, we have your Chinese jasmine tea leaves here. Do pick it up during opening hours. Daylight opening hours. We do not appreciate you calling after sunset from the rooftop. You scare Grandpa.

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Gion Festival specials at Umeya! We do home deliveries. Book your rooms early for the best views of the fireworks… (Wait, they cancelled the fireworks this year…)

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Shimbara Teahouse specials. Bookings open now! We regret the beautiful courtesan Akesato has literally vanished from Shimabara. We believe she has eloped with a lover. However, we have other pretty ladies to wait on you like a king. Ask for Sakura, Chidori and our other waitresses.

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Forget Shimabara sleaze halls and that dissident den called Umeya! Drop by at Aoiya for wholesome family fun! We are not a front for a shady ninja organization like the folks at Umeya and the Ikeda-ya line inns will have you believe.

(Who put this ad? That oh-so-cool bishonen with the little ninja girl holding kunai… NAMI! They're from Aoiya! Hey! Quit throwing kunai, you ninja brat!)

Author's notes:

The We-Luv-Okita-sama fan club returns. The Shinsengumi medical examinations, what better chance for the women to try peeking at Okita-sama? Oh no! Panther in the pig sty! Save Saizou the piggy! Relax, it isn't Saizou's fate in this ficcie to be eaten by a panther.

Ryouma-Umeko platonic friendship? Akesato changed her profession and her identity after San-nan's death. Someone just got on Umeko's bad side. Aoiya-Umeya competition up!