Nights Of Fire
A small fire at Camp David finally forces Josh and Leo to discuss the one thing they've always tried to avoid. -- Mainly Josh and Leo
Disclaimer: The West Wing characters don't belong to me, I just like to play with them and fill in some back stories from time to time.

Part II

Tuesday Night - August 2002

Leo couldn't sleep, the night was too warm and the air still held a faint smell of smoke, so he got dressed and went for a walk. Seeing lights on the Laurel Lodge, he decided to see who else was awake at 3 in the morning. He wasn't too surprised to find Josh lying across one of the sofas reading a report.

"What are you doing?" Leo asked.

Josh glanced across at Leo. "Reading."

"Yeah, I can see that," Leo sighed. "It's 3am, Josh."

"You're up," Josh pointed out as he sat up.

Leo couldn't really argue with that. He poured two coffees, handed one to Josh and sat down. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Josh!"

"Honestly."

"Bad dream?" Leo asked.

"Didn't I just say I was fine?" Josh replied a little more sharply than he had intended.

"You did," Leo agreed. "Yet, you're sitting reading an agriculture report at 3 in the morning."

Josh put the report down and ran his hands through his hair. "Yeah."

Leo waited for Josh to continue, when he didn't he asked, "Someone playing loud music?"

"What?"

"Well something's keeping you awake."

"Fear of sleeping is what's keeping me awake," Josh replied.

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"So you're gonna stay awake for... how long?"

Josh shrugged. "'Til I get home. I'm not scared of the nightmares, Leo, I just don't want the others to know I have them."

"We're here for another 3 days, you're gonna collapse of exhaustion. Go to sleep and forget who knows you have nightmares. Everyone has them sometimes. Go," Leo instructed.

Josh started to put his papers into his backpack but stopped and looked across at Leo. "And you're walking around at 3am because?"

"I'm old," Leo smiled, "we don't sleep."

"Maybe you should try, before you collapse from exhaustion as well."

"Probably," Leo agreed. "Go and sleep."

"Only if you do."

"Josh!" Leo sighed.

"I know why you're stalking round in the middle night," Josh told him.

"You do?"

"Same reason I am." Josh replied. "You can talk to me you know."

Leo shook his head. Josh was the last person he would have ever considered discussing this with. It was a bond they shared that neither of them had ever talked to the other about.

"I'm not a kid anymore," Josh said. "Maybe it'd help both of us."

"Or maybe it'd make things worse."

"Maybe," Josh agreed. "But we've tried not talking about it for over 30 years and that hasn't helped."

"Josh, I don't..." Leo began but Josh ignored him.

"You couldn't have done anything," Josh said. "Believe me, I've relived that night thousands of times. If anyone had gone into the house, they wouldn't have stood a chance."

"I know," Leo quietly agreed. "Doesn't make any difference though."

"Yet you kept telling me there was nothing I could do."

"You were eight, Josh, I was an adult."

"And that made you immune to fire?" Josh asked. "You stopped me going back. You saved my life." He took a steadying breath and then stood up, picked up his backpack and went to leave. As he passed Leo he squeezed the older man's shoulder. "Go and sleep."

Leo sighed, leaned back in the seat and stared up at the ceiling. Jed's voice made him jump. "That's good advice, Leo. Go and sleep."

"Why is everyone awake in the middle of the night?" Leo asked.

Jed shrugged and sat down. "I wasn't eavesdropping," he began, "I was just on my way in here."

"Okay," Leo cautiously replied.

"When you said you were there, I didn't think you were actually at the fire."

"Yeah," Leo nodded. "I'd just parked outside as Josh came running across the lawn."

"You stopped him going back into the building?"

Leo nodded. "The neighbors tried to get in but... the fire was so intense, I've never seen anything like it. I didn't try though, I froze," he admitted. "I held Josh and I couldn't move."

"What could you have done?"

"Tried."

"If you'd let go of Josh, he'd have run back inside."

"Possibly," Leo agreed. "He wouldn't talk to me for months after. Wouldn't even look at me."

"What changed?"

"Noah figured it out, talked to him." Leo smiled slightly. "Turns out he thought he was upsetting me. Little bugger was trying to protect me."

"Some things never change," Jed smiled. "He is right though, you probably saved his life."

"And if I'd got there five minutes earlier?" Leo asked.

"But you didn't, you can't change that and whatever the reason you didn't, it still isn't your fault."

"I know," Leo replied. He saw the doubt on Jed's face. "I do know. But last night, it bought it all back."

"For Josh as well?"

"I would imagine."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Flashback - February 1971

When Noah and Leo entered the room, Noah saw his son quickly leave, trying his very best not to look at his father's friend. Leo noticed too and felt a twinge of remorse as he watched the young boy skulk away.

"I don't know why he does that," Noah tried to apologize.

"I'm not his favorite person, don't worry about it," Leo told him.

"Why?"

Leo wondered how to answer that, without causing Noah more pain than he was already dealing with. "I remind him of the fire I guess."

Later that evening, Noah went to talk to his son. After much thought he'd reached a difficult decision. Leo was his friend, but if him coming to the house upset Josh, then he'd have to ask him to stay away, for a while at least. He found Josh watching television in the den.

"I thought you were doing chores for your mom?"

Josh looked guilty for a second but quickly recovered. "We're doing the Old West at school."

Noah was doubtful that they were actually studying The High Chaparral, but it let it pass. "I wanted to talk to you about Leo. Do you want him to stop coming by?"

"Why?"

"Because you get upset whenever you see him."

"I don't," Josh protested.

"You do," Noah argued. "When he walks into a room, you walk out."

Josh hung his head and studied his hands. "I don't mind him being here."

"He thinks you don't like him."

"I do," Josh protested. "He's your friend, he makes me laugh."

"Not recently he doesn't."

"Sorry. I do like him. I... he was..." Josh struggled to find the words to explain.

"He was there at the fire," Noah finished quietly. "He reminds you of what happened."

"Yeah."

"So would it be better if he didn't come round anymore?"

"No!" Josh replied. He chewed his lip while he thought about what to say, how to make his father understand. "He looks sad when he looks at me," he continued in quietly. "I don't want him to be sad."

Noah studied his nine year old son and wondered whether he'd understood; Josh was avoiding Leo not because Leo upset him, but because he thought he was upsetting Leo. "So if you both stop looking sad when you see each other, it'll be alright?" he asked.

"Yeah, I guess. I can try."

"Shall I ask him to try as well?"

Josh nodded. "He doesn't talk about flying anymore, he used to tell me stories about flying."

"Well next time you see him, ask him to tell you. And, Josh, it's okay to be sad you know."

End Flashback

Part 3 -->