Disclaimer: I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.
A-chan: Your letter is answered. And we learn the benefits of a social network like the Women's Association of Japan. (grin) Employment opportunities for women and social services! Medium-certification included?
Sailor-Earth13: Read on for more SaitouTokio developments. Disaster for Aoiya on the cards! There is a saying a blessing may be curse in disguise.
Misaoshiru: Glad you liked it. Watch out for the RK references as well as the PMK ones.
Poor Okita took ill after witnessing a fierce duel between two of his friends in the last issue. Another obituary? Well, just read on for the details.
New Kyoto Post
Working for a Brighter Future!
Issue 18
OBITUARY NOTICE
Shinsengumi First Captain, Okita Souji, has perished from a lung infection. We can only lament that a fine young man had been denied the warrior's death he so richly deserves. It is rumored that his ashes have been scattered into the local river.
Yesterday morning, droves of young females threw flowers over the Shinsengumi HQ gates to mourn his passing. A redhead page sweeping near the gate was literally overwhelmed by the avalanche of flowers and had to be dug out by other Shinsengumi members. The women then thronged to the local bridge with more flowers in hand…
Surprisingly, our paper was also flooded with touching words of condolences that we were threatened to publish.
"He was a true friend and samurai. I only regret we never got to spar one more time… I will always remember those friendly sparring matches in the schoolyard and that poetry night at the Sake Shack. Rest in peace. I salute you as a fellow swordsman and samurai."
– A Hitokiri
"He was a good customer who loved our sweets and cakes. He picked up his tab and those of his Miburou colleagues. We at Umeya will miss him and his piggy."
- Umeya management
"Sou-niichan, rest in peace. We'll miss you… Waaahh…"
- Orphans of the Mibu Orphanage
"Sou-niichan. Sorry for making up those stupid songs about you and painting those bad names on the walls."
- Katsu and Sano
(Katsu! What are you doing? What is right, Sano… BIFF! POW! Hey! Break it up! Both of you! Yes, Sagara taicho…)
"Yo! Oki, Ryouma wishes you peace. Will pay my respects at your tomb later!"
– Anonymous guy running through street
LOCAL NEWS: Restaurants closed!
Several local restaurants were closed by local health authorities after cases of food poisoning were reported. Eateries affected include the new Aoiya after guests at a party became severely ill after eating their ramen. The famous Sakura Teahouse and Peach Teahouse of Shimabara have announced temporary closure until their female professionals recover from this incident. Authorities are seeking the merchant who supplied flour to these places for help in investigations. Aoiya will be closed until further notice.
LOCAL NEWS: Bridge Collapse
Several young women were injured when the bridge they were on collapsed from overloading. Fortunately, no one was killed. It is still unknown why the women chose to crowd on the bridge prior to the collapse. Rumors of a mass suicide pact are rife. However, due to a recent dry spell, the water in the river is only knee-deep. No one drowned. They just suffered a couple of broken bones and bruises.
Kyoto Town Council Notice
With effect from next week, cremation of the dead will be mandatory as we are critically short of space for burials. Arrangements for cremations can be made with your nearest Buddhist temple. However, as of this notice, ashes of those who perished of suspected respiratory illnesses will not be placed in Kyoto temples due to fears of disease.
AOIYA INN STILL OPEN!
We of Aoiya regret the closure of our kitchen by the health authorities. However, our inn is still open for business. Guests will have to forgo the in-house meals. We will be slashing our room rates by half. We look forward to having our kitchen opened by the authorities.
Addendum: Okita still alive
It has been brought to our attention that reports of Okita's death are a little premature. According to the Shinsengumi spokesman, he has simply been bedridden with a minor lung infection. The We-Luv-Okita-sama fan club was seen celebrating in the streets after the Shinsengumi's official statement concerning Okita. They sent about 50 plus carriers of hot soup and a fight broke out over whose soup Okita will drink. In the end, all the soup was spilt in the street.
Apology Notice
To the owner of the big black cat, I apologize that your pet is no more. It had the misfortune of running into me a couple of nights ago in a dark alley while I was on guard duty and I did a battou number on it. I will be glad to mail you its pelt as an apology.
– Hitokiri
Umeko's Kitchen:
Had to console about 50 young girls, some of whom are near suicidal. What is our young coming to? Don't they know that it ain't worth it? Imagine jumping off bridges because some ahou's kicked the bucket. Want a fine example of manhood? Look no further than Sakamoto-san. Now that's a man.
Dear Umeko-san,
I am the leader of a military youth group. The common folk support my group loads. My life philosophy is based on the belief that all men are equal. Unfortunately, I think the group to which we are a subsidiary of doesn't feel the same. I think they may want to promote me and transfer me elsewhere. What should I do? I don't want to go. I have two fine lads looking up to me.
- Taicho
Dear Taicho,
You are thinking way too much. You are in jeopardy of losing your head over something that may never happen. Since you are doing so well with your youth group, I doubt they will transfer you elsewhere. Thanks for keeping those two lads from burning down my kitchen. I'll save some cakes for them the next time they drop by. It is young folks like you who make our nation's future.
Best wishes, Umeko
Dear Umeko,
I've recently rented this nice old appartment in Kyoto at a really cheap price. However, there's one itty bitty problem with it...It's haunted! Full to the brim with ghosts! I've been thinking about hiring that spiritualist that's been advertised in this newspaper. You know, that Fujita Goro guy. I've heard he's the best. And considering how many ghosts are in my house, I NEED the best. The only thing is I've been hearing these weird rumors about Fujita-san...That he's a Wolf, or something...I'm scared of wolves...Especially if they're from Mibu. Do you think I should still ask for his help?
-Haunted
Dear Haunted-san,
Please! Do you know that he bungled sending Master Yoshida's spirit to rest? The night after his attempted exorcism, someone saw the ghost Yoshida attacking a redhead kid. And when we tried to ask for our money back, he tried to Gatotsu us! Allow me to introduce better exorcists, like Emiko at the Mibu Sandals store or Granny Fuyue from the old shrine.
Yours, Umeko
Dear Umeko-san,
I recently lost a good friend. Then I find out another friend of mine is a serial murderer. Then my harridan of a cousin is in town and wishes to marry another friend of mine. In addition, I've been under the weather recently. I feel as though no one cares anymore. Even my best friend's been too preoccupied with his work to play with me.
- Sou-chan
Dear Sou-chan,
No one cares? What do you call your entire fan club trying to jump off the bridge on hearing of your demise? Wait, you're dead…
(Get that pig out of here before I make bacon out of it! ARGH! You-you're… Eek! GHOST!
The 'ghost': Umeko-san! Please, Toshi will kill me if he learns I sneaked out for candy…I should've sent Tetsu-kun instead…)
Advertisement: Kitsu-dono's clinic cum funeral home
I have expanded to meet demands after an increase in the number of deaths and injuries suffered by Kyoto civilians. I also deal with animal attack wounds in addition to gunshot, sword and naginata wounds. Friends and family can also check out our budget funeral packages.
Paid ad: Personal Notice
Hajime! You understand what a DATE is? Quit getting your friends to escort me to the plays. Well, not that I mind most of the company. However, Hei-chan's too young for me. Shinpattsan's married, and I know his wife. And Harada's an uncouth moron. He got us kicked out of the theater for his bad behavior. Next time, I want Saitou Hajime and only him to escort me to the play, not the Comedian Trio!
TokioPS. Souji-chan, you escort Hajime to our next date at the kabuki theater's premiere of Tale of Genji, okay? Quit malingering!
Employment Opportunity:
Medical personnel needed for field duties. You must be reasonably fit and able to make spilt decisions pertaining to life and death while under pressure of battle. Training will be provided but basic medical knowledge in sword wound treatment will be an advantage. Contact us c/o the morgue.
Advertisement:
Need anti-ghost talismans? Ask for Emiko at Mibu Sandals. Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back (unlike that guy from the Soba Place).
Author's Notes:
Poor Suzu's pet panther's history… And poor Fujita Goro's getting the flak after he bungled his exorcism of Yoshida. (SPOILER) Actually, the real Yoshida's dead by this point and the sightings are a case of mistaken identity. Suzu's one-armed bodyguard does happen to resemble the deceased Yoshida. Even poor Tetsu got freaked out when he encountered Suzu on his evening stroll.
Kitsu-dono's running a clinic, morgue AND funeral-home? Your one-stop service centre! The Choushu Ishin is training medics for field duties. Needless to say, we know why…
Based on historical records, Toudou Heisuke is the youngest captain, not Okita. Okita's the second youngest. Hence Tokio's remark on Hei-chan. Tokio's trying her best, but Saitou keeps out-foxing her… Imagine going to the kabuki theater with the Trio.