Nights Of Fire
A small fire at Camp David finally forces Josh and Leo to discuss the one thing they've always tried to avoid. -- Mainly Josh and Leo
Disclaimer: The West Wing characters don't belong to me, I just like to play with them and fill in some back stories from time to time.
Part III
Wednesday Night - August 2002
"People are going to talk if we keep doing this," Josh commented when he entered the Laurel Lodge and found Leo already sitting reading, with the television turned down low. "Coffee?" he asked.
Leo checked his cup and found it empty. "Please. So what are you doing here?"
"Got stuff to read. You?"
"Same."
Josh handed Leo a coffee. "What I don't understand is why you're doing it here. It's not like you share a cabin, you're not gonna wake anyone."
"Needed some fresh air," Leo replied. "You didn't bring anything with you," he pointed out Josh's lack of a backpack or files.
Josh shrugged and sat down. "I couldn't sleep. What you reading?"
"Proposed amendments to the highways bill."
"Well if that doesn't help you sleep nothing will." Josh stared into his coffee and Leo watched him curiously.
"You okay?" Leo asked.
Josh nodded and then looked across at Leo. "You know what was the most frightening thing on Monday night?" he said. "The fire alarm didn't wake me up. I could smell smoke and I could hear sirens, but I thought they were part of my dream. If Toby hadn't woken me, I'd have slept through it."
Leo didn't know what to say to that. The thought horrified him. He knew Josh had nightmares about the fire, who wouldn't? He hadn't realized they were that real though, or that they could be that dangerous.
"My dad told me that nightmares couldn't hurt you," Josh continued. "Seems he may have been wrong."
"You'd have woken," Leo replied and prayed it was true.
Josh hadn't meant to scare Leo, he'd just needed to tell someone. "Yeah, I know," he agreed. "Can I ask you something? About that evening?"
Leo nodded. "Of course you can."
"I don't know whether what I remember, whether it's real..." Josh hesitated. "I'm not good at this, I'm not used to talking about it," he admitted.
"I know." Leo was well aware that Josh hardly ever told people, even his closest friends, how had sister had died. He knew he'd rarely talked to his parents about that evening. "What do you remember?" he asked.
Josh stared at his hands and wondered how to begin, or even if he wanted to. As the silence dragged he could feel Leo watching him and suddenly knew he that he couldn't do this.
"Josh," Leo broke the silence. "You don't have to tell me what happened in the house, I know you can't do that. Just tell me what you want me to clear up for you."
Josh swallowed hard before speaking. "When I see the house, I don't know if I'm... I remember, I think... the flames they were, were they everywhere. I mean did it really go up that quickly?"
Leo nodded. "Yeah it did. I don't know how. I never imagined a building could burn that fast. When I turned into the street and saw you, I couldn't tell what you were running from at first. Then, there was a, I don't know..."
"Rushing noise," Josh supplied, "and a roar?"
"Yeah," Leo agreed quietly. Josh wasn't the only one not used to discussing this. "Suddenly it was like the whole house was consumed," he said without thinking. As soon as the words were out of his mouth he knew he shouldn't have said that.
Josh tried to steady his breathing. He needed to be outside, away from everything, he needed to be alone, he could feel the panic coming, wave after wave, and he knew he had to fight it, to push it down, but it was hitting him and he couldn't move.
"Josh?" Leo spoke softly. He moved round the coffee table and sat next to Josh. "Josh, look at me. Look at me," he said with more force.
Josh raised his head and tried to focus on Leo. He'd known this was coming for two nights. Now he could hear sirens, but not from Rosslyn. This time there were no gunshots, there was only the smell of smoke.
"Josh," Leo was saying. "You're going to be okay. You're safe, everyone's safe."
Josh clenched his jaw and tried to fight the tears as the episode slowly passed. "I'm okay," he whispered.
"I'm sorry."
"No, I knew this was coming," Josh replied, his voice still no more than a whisper. "That's why... I had to get out of the cabin. It's why I came here."
The two men sat quietly for a few minutes; Josh slowly starting to feel normal again and Leo wondering if there was anything he should be doing.
After a while Josh spoke. "It isn't normally like this. I have a nightmare, I wake up and that's it. But since Monday," he shook his head. "It's almost... it's like a PTSD episode," he admitted.
"Which is probably what it is," Leo responded. "It's why you should talk to Stanley Keyworth."
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Thursday Afternoon - August 2002
Leo and Josh left the president's cabin and walked to Lauren for some lunch. "You feeling alright?" Leo asked.
"You asked me that at breakfast."
"Yes, but that was five hours ago, now I'm asking again."
"I feel fine, hungry and a little tired, but fine."
"Okay, but I'm going to keep asking you."
"Just as I thought we'd stopped doing that."
"Then make the call and I'll stop bugging you."
"Not going to order me to do it?" Josh asked. "'Cause last time it was, 'talk to the guy or you're fired'," although he now realized that Leo had had no intention of firing him.
"Last time you were so close to the edge that one small move would have sent you over," Leo pointed out. "This isn't like then, I know you can handle it, but you're not okay."
"So keep asking me if I am is kinda pointless then," Josh replied.
Leo considered arguing, but instead he just sighed. "Apparently."
Josh hadn't been expecting that and he dropped his defenses a little. "I do feel better today, not okay," he admitted, "but better. When we get back to town I'll make an appointment with my counselor, but I don't need Stanley."
Leo nodded, "Good."
"What about you?" Josh asked. "You alright?"
"Yeah." Leo hadn't slept well for the last few nights and Josh's revelation about the fire alarm not waking him had really shook him up, but he wasn't about to share that with Josh.
Josh smiled knowingly, "So we're both fine then. You want to get some lunch before another afternoon of fun?"
"You don't find meeting the French President's aides fun?" Leo asked, taking Josh's cue and falling back into the old routine of banter.
"Not when half of them insist they don't speak English."
"Not long left," Leo smiled. "We're leaving this evening, you may even sleep tonight."
"You never know," Josh agreed as Toby caught up with them. "Toby's having fun too," Josh told Leo.
Toby shook his head. "I've had more fun at the dentist," he complained.
END