Disclaimer: I do not own Peacemaker Kurogane or Ruronin Kenshin.

M.Kasshoku: About Kenshin being trained by Umeko, I figured he must have picked up his cooking skills from somewhere… Can you picture Hiko teaching Kenshin to cook?

Sailor-Earth13: Yes, it is one of Okita's fan-girls. One of his biggest. She's a kunoichi working at Umeya. He guessed right who she is.

Our non-dissident paper brings you a Shinsengumi official notice in this issue. All's not quite well at Umeya. Saitou-Kenshin showdown at the soba shop!

Spoilers for PMK vol 4.

New Kyoto Post

Working for a Brighter Future!

Issue 20

SHINSENGUMI OFFICIAL NOTICE

All citizens are to be on the lookout for suspicious characters of Choushu origin. "We remind you that those miscreants are bent on spreading anarchy in our capital city!" Vice Chief Hijikata of the Shinsengumi stresses that if you are aware of any such persons, come forward immediately or risk being executed for being a co-conspirator. The authorities have been tipped off that the Choushu and Satsuma factions are up to something.

"As such, we have imposed a curfew and roadblocks. We will not spare any effort to eradicate these dogs. Aku Soku Zan. Good citizens. Rest assured that we will guard the Shogunate," the vice-chief reportedly said before he flew into a rage and drew his sword on his first captain. The first captain had just stepped out of the barracks with a dog-eared book.

He yelled, "SOUJI! It's bad enough you read those haikus aloud in the barracks but do you intend to do so outside?" The young man took off fearing for his life as we all do when faced with the Demon of the Shinsengumi. The young man passed the book to a young redhead and instantly diverted the wrath of his superior onto the hapless youth. Another fine display of bushido from our wolves.

RELAY RACE or BREAKAWAY?

Citizens of Kyoto were puzzled when they observed Vice-chief Hijikata chasing various persons throughout the city streets with a sword. The persons included Captains Harada, Toudou and Nagakura. This incident further fueled rumors of internal strife in the elite swordsmen unit.

A Shinsengumi spokesperson later stated that the men were involved in a relay race as part of training and that Hijikata-san was in no way going to kill them with his sword. The sword was purely for motivation purposes as was the murderous look on the man's face. The newspaper advises the public to be wary of such training programs in the Shinsengumi. Very wary indeed.

Medium Held over Soba Place Brawl

A local medium, Fujita Goro, was alleged to have tried to kill a customer in the popular Oshima's Soba Place in downtown Kyoto. Customers claimed the man suddenly snapped and drew his katana. The redhead customer who was the target of the medium's rage simply sidestepped his Gatotsu, thus avoiding serious injury. He then knocked out his attacker with a lightning fast kick to the jaw.

"I was going to seek his services in contacting my departed wife, but I think I'll look for another medium," the redhead youth was quoted as saying. Strangely, he declined to file charges against his attacker and vanished before local police arrived. The medium was taken in for questioning.

Miburou's Best Down

Third captain Saitou Hajime of the Shinsengumi suffered a broken jaw in what Shinsnegumi spokesman claims is a freak accident during a friendly match with his colleague. As such he will be on medical leave until his recovery. The news was received with much joy in the Choushu neighborhoods and the Satsuma region.

"I advise Saitou-san to stick with a liquid diet for the next two weeks at least. No soba, only watery porridge," the medical assistant to the group's official doctor said before fleeing to escape Saitou-san's infamous Gatotsu. A get-well-soon celebration was held in the Miburou's honor at a certain unnamed restaurant in downtown Kyoto that had suffered a downturn in business after being raided several months ago.

Umeko's Kitchen:

Busy with New Year preparations. No, Nami, I am not throwing myself into my work to numb myself over what happened the other night… What? The letters? Of course, silly me…

Dear Umeko,

I am very bothered by what happened some time ago to my superior. I'm not buying the official story! I know the man. He will NEVER desert and he will NEVER commit seppuku over any trumped-up charges. Sometimes I feel like confronting the other superior, but I think I'll come out of it shorter by a head. I'm going crazy here!

- Hachi (Eight)

Dear Hachi-san,

Excuse me, lad. No one ever bought the official story of San-nan's demise. Look for someone with similar views as you to talk to. Hang in there. DON'T confront your boss, especially if he is Hijikata Toshizou. If you fail to find anyone holding the same views as you in the pack, drop by at Umeya. I'll be willing to lend my ears. As will Nami here... (Umeko-dono!)

My prayers are with you, Umeko

Dear Umeko,

I am a back-street physician but I think some guys I work for think I'm an old witch! Koji claims I'm trying to kill him with my treatment. I think he should count himself lucky he can still feel his legs! Maybe I should consider removing them the next time he calls…

Not-a-witchdoctor

Kitsu-san, hang in there, we are all very stressed these days.

Dear Umeko,

I had a disastrous relationship previously but I've found another special someone. He says he's employing me as his personal bodyguard, but he's so sweet even if he's a bit eccentric at times. I think I'm falling for him. He told me my blue eyes are lovely… Am I reading too much?

Blond gal

YOU! You're that blond bimbo who interrupted us at the restaurant! Keep your hands off my Ryou-kun! Why didn't you jump into the river or something after your last relationship, eh? Bitch!

Nami: As Umeko-san's a bit worked-up, we'll be looking for alternative advice columnists. If you are mature and willing to solve the problems of others, please drop by at Umeya's kitchens for a walk-in interview. Umeko-san! You can't go out after curfew!

Personal Ad:

Urgent meeting tomorrow night at the same place. Prepare your toolkit, Stray Dog. Will send Red to assist. Dragon-horse has secured transportation, hopefully. The girls overhead some things from the Sake Shack concerning the neighborhood wolf pack's next move. Will provide the papers needed and send them with the New Year cakes.

- Plum Blossom

Personal Ad:

Kogoro! I'm pretty sure when I signed that agreement with you the other night; it did not include a 'keep away from my neesan' clause! That freaking line appeared after your page waved it over a candle! Be assured it is purely platonic between Sugar Plum and me.

- Sakamoto

Reply: Ryouma, you're so damned irredeemably indiscreet. You endanger my neesan by simply being with her. How many times do you get chased by the law this month alone? And what about your personal bodyguard?

Reply: That's it! Both you guys need to talk. Drop by at my place for supper on Saturday. You know where. Ryouma, about the hole in my roof… when do you intend to pay for the repairs?

Assorted advertisements:

New Year Mochi cakes! Get your mochi cakes at our Momo Mochi branches throughout the Greater Kyoto area.

Tired of writing those New Year cards to relatives you never even see? Are you sick of having your friends poking fun or trying to decipher your horrendous calligraphy? Enlist the services of our professional writers! We write letters for all purposes. Drop by at Miki's Brush-house today!

Want a private place for a quiet round of tea and poetry with a friend. Must be free of political spies. Contact me via Umeya.

URGENT! Need information concerning the whereabouts of a certain blond bimbo who's been harassing a friend of mine. Contact me c/o this paper. (sharpens naginata)

Author's notes:

Kenshin inevitably picked up some of Okita's moves from their sparing matches in the schoolyard. Like how to disarm and incapacitate a sword-wielding attacker. More reason for the murderous intent in the Kamiya dojo ten years later.

Guess who Stray Dog and Red are. (grin) Kenshin, Ryouma and Umeko are in Kyoto. Katsura is in the outskirts of town. Umeko's getting involved in her brother's affairs. Her girls are the kunoichis of Umeya, including Hotaru and Nami. New Year mochi cakes, anyone? Comes with a secret message in the box.

Katsura pulled a fast one with lemon juice on Ryouma. He seriously objects to Ryouma and Umeko's platonic friendship.