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Chapter 8

Nick moved for about the twentieth time, trying to get comfortable on Sara's couch. He had dosed on and off throughout the night never falling into a peaceful sleep. As he stretched his cramped legs out he heard a strange noise. He glanced around Sara's living, seeing nothing unusual he slowly sat up. The pain in his shoulder throbbed uncomfortably. Then he heard it again. His ears strained trying to figure out what it was. He looked down at his watch. It read 5:30 a.m.. He stood stretching his sore muscles. He heard the sound again, this time much more distinguishable, a whimper.

Nick made his way down the hall to Sara's bedroom door. He could clearly her pleas now. Her scared voice whispering, "No… stop… please… stop…no". Her words tore at him. He eased the door opened and stepped into the room.

He watched her as she thrashed back and forth on her bed struggling against her invisible attacker. Her blankets lay tangled at her feet. She wore a pair of sleeping shorts and a tank top, which had ridden half way up her torso leaving a swath of creamy white skin visible to Nick's eyes.

The sound of her saying his name caused him to quickly avert his wandering eyes up to her tortured, sleeping face. "Nick," she pleaded again, "Help me please. Don't let him hurt me, Nick." He stepped closer to the bed, his heart breaking just a little bit more. "I promise Sara. He'll never hurt you again. I swear on my life," he whispered as he bent down to gently wake her up.

The touch of a hand on her arm sent Sara heart rate into overdrive. She stifled a scream as she shot up out of bed. She felt a hand grab her arm and a voice say, "Sara you're okay. It's me Nick." She struggled for a few seconds and then relaxed slightly when she realized it was in fact Nick. She slumped back against her pillow breathing heavily and fighting the wave of nausea that flowed threw her body.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up," she said as she looked up at him. "It's okay Sara. Are you all right?" She avoided his eyes as she shook her head yes. He reached out and softly stroked her cheek. She turned slowly and met his concerned eyes. "Do you have these nightmares often?" he asked. She looked away again fighting for control of her voice. "I…" she started then stopped. She knew she needed to tell him the truth. "I use to right after it happened, night after night I'd wake up screaming. It was awful. I had to fight myself to regain control back over my life. I couldn't let him win. Eventually the nightmares became rare occurrences. But I still have them once in a while when a case from work reminds me of some horrid detail, a sound, a smell a touch. But this maniac has brought it all back, everything." She looked up at Nick as a tear slipped down her face. "It's like he's right here on top of me and I can't fight him. I hate that feeling. I've worked so hard not to feel like that. But all it took was one instant when he had me pinned against the floor and it's all come back again." She stopped and looked down at her hands fighting the need to throw herself into his arms and let him comfort her.

He silently watched her struggle with some internal battle. Because he had been through it, he knew all to well what she was fighting, the need to lean on someone else, and the desire to let someone else take care of it so for once in her life she could breathe and not feel the burden of the immense guilt. "Sara," he said gently pulling her up into a sitting position. He reached out and cupped her face. "This time it's different." She looked at him confused. He continued, "You called for me Sara in your dream. I'm here this time. You're not alone. I'm here to hold you and keep you save. I promise." She eyes cleared with realization. He was there in her dream. He was coming to save her. He was right; she didn't have to fight alone anymore.

Nick watched as her eyes filled with tears when she understood what he was saying to her. She took a deep breath and shuttered. "Nick," she quietly choked out. "I'm here honey. I'm not going to let anything happened to you. I promise. You're not alone anymore." He gathered her in his arm as best as he could and let her cry.

His arms felt wonderful. For the first time in her life she didn't feel so utterly alone. She knew the man that Nick was: kind, caring and very giving. But she knew deep down that he would never completely understand what she was going through. That she would never be able to give herself fully to him or any man. She was broken. Nick deserved a woman who was whole and who could love him openly and without reserve. She would never be that woman. She would take what he offered her now because she needed it, needed him. But she had to make him understand their developing relationship could only go so far. She would have to talk to him before they took it to the next level. She knew sex could confuse things but it could also make life that much more enjoyable. And with him she had no doubt it would be incredible. She wanted him more then she had wanted anyone before. She was tired of denying herself happiness. She knew they would make each other happy at least for a little while.

Sara gave Nick a gentle squeeze before slowly pulling out of his arms. "This has become a habit, me crying, you holding me. I have never cried so much in front of another person." He gave her an easy smile and said, "I'm just glad you feel like you can cry in front of me. But your secret's save with me. I won't let anyone know I got to see the vulnerable side of Sara Sidle and lived to tell about it." "Nick," she playfully growled. "You need anything?" he asked. "No I'm fine. Thanks." "You need to get some more sleep. It's too early to be up." Nick said as he stood up.

She looked up at him and could clearly see the lines of fatigue around his eyes. He looked exhausted. "Is the couch awful?" she asked. "I'm fine Sara" She reached out and grabbed his arm as he began to turn away. "Nick," she quietly said. He looked down at her and then at her hand gripping his arm. "Stay with me," she said. "Sara I don't think…" "Please Nick," she interrupted. "I'll sleep better knowing your close." Her beautiful brown eyes seemed to be pleading with him. "If your sure." he answered. "Positive," she said with a little grin. "All right," he said as he walked around to the other side of her bed. He lifted the covers and slid in. He lay on his back and turned his head to look at her. She was watching him.

"If you want we can sleep like we did before. You seemed comfortable that way." Sara said quietly. He looked at her for a moment noticing a blush beginning to cover her cheeks. He found it very endearing when she blushed over the smallest things. "Okay," he smiled. She smiled back. She rolled over onto her side and scooted backward until she felt his solid body up against hers. She felt him lay his arm on her hip. "Night Nick," "Thanks Sara"

Within minutes she heard his breathing change. He was fast asleep. She couldn't help but smile. She closed her eyes and thought how wonderful this would be on a nightly basis. She had never really shared her bed with man before. It had never felt right but with Nick it somehow did. She sighed to herself, feeling suddenly very confused. Somewhere along the way, everything about Nick had begun to feel right. She just didn't know how to handle it yet. Tomorrow she thought as she drifted off to sleep. I'll figure it out tomorrow.