Thanks for the reviews everyone. I read everyone of them, and I really do consider them. I'm not going to change the rating because I warned that that chapter was PG-13ish and most of the story isn't. This wasn't supposed to be a "dirty" story. Anyway, I came up with a great idea (in my mind...) for a new fic but I'm gonna finish this one before I start it. I'm pretty sure you'll all like it.
Enjoy
Ron ran home as fast as he could, not stopping for anyone or anything that got in his way. In fact, he actually passed his house before he realized he wasn't going anywhere. When he got home he slammed the front door shut and went straight to his room.
"Hey Rufus, where's Mom and Dad?" he asked, out of breath.
Rufus got off his exercise wheel looked at him strangely. "Gone. I dunno..."
"Oh...well the weirdest thing just happened and-"
BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP
"What the heck was that?"
BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP
"That kinda sounds like...the Kimmunicator. But where is it?"
"Remember? squeaksqueak Gave you one, too." Rufus pointed out the fact that Ron was given his own Kimmunicator.
"Oh yeah...that's right, huh Rufus? Wade gave it to me last month. I never used it though...guess I never thought I needed it..."
BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP
Ron answered. "Yo. What's up Wade."
"Hey Ron," Wade greeted. "How ya doin?"
"Uh...alright, I guess..." Ron said uncertainly, not sure if he should tell Wade what just happened. "Why'd you call?"
"I wanted to apologize for the way I've been acting the last few days. I didn't mean to act like such a jerk. It's just, you know, Kim made me kinda crazy when I saw her like that..."
"Heh. No sweat Wade. We're still buds."
"Good. And don't worry, I've gotten over Kim. It took some neural surgery with my laser activated nanobot-"
"Uh huh...yeah...can you say it in a language that normal people can understand?"
Wade sighed. "Never mind. Just know that I can act normal around you two again."
"Okay...but speaking of normal, Kim hasn't exactly been acting like herself lately."
"What do you mean?"
"Uh, well...it's just that-"
Just then, the door swung open.
"What the???" Ron turned around in surprise.
"Hey Ron..." Kim waved.
"K-K-Kim??? How'd you get inside my house???"
She smiled seductively. "You left the door open...and I followed you all the way from my house, just so I could apologize for my...'behavior'."
"Aren't we all?" Wade joked from the Kimmunicator.
"Hey Wade. Do you mind signing out? Me and Ron have some business to take care of..."
"......Eww!" Wade finally cried out. "I can take a hint. You two better not get too crazy. Remember, Ron's only a teenager. Later."
"No wait!! Wade!!" Ron said in desperation, but the blank screen of the Kimmuniactor didn't answer back.
"Now, where were we?" Kim said, closing the door. She slowly made her way toward Ron, adjusting her top slightly.
"Oh man..."
"What's going on?" Rufus asked.
"Beats me Rufus. But that's why I ran home so fast..."
"Oh..." Rufus nodded.
"Ron, come here. I don't wanna hurt you..."
"Stay away from me!" Ron ordered. "This is so wrong! I don't know...you know...wait......"
Ron paused and nervously thought back to the last few days. He thought about all the strange things that were happening, frantically trying to connect them. It didn't make sense, but he knew something was up.
"Where're all our parents?" Ron asked Rufus. He shrugged. "Both mine and Kim's parents weren't home and I haven't seen them all day. Not to mention Kim's brothers...or Josh. He wasn't at school today, and he's never absent."
Again, Rufus shrugged.
"In fact, didn't he go over to Kim's house yesterday?..." Ron said, thinking back to the conversation Monique had told him about. "Woah, this is too weird."
While Ron was talking to no one in particular, Kim overheard and was starting to get a little nervous herself. "What's the matter Ron? Don't you like me?"
"I do..."
"Then why don't you trust me?" she asked innocently.
"Uh. Because you tried to get me in bed at your house," he retorted.
Kim blushed. "...That really hurts Ron..."
He looked at her confusedly. "What hurts?"
Ron noticed that, all of a sudden, tears were welling up in Kim's eyes.
"sniff I told you my deepest, darkest secret and all you can do is shun me and run away from me. If you really didn't like me, you could've just told me...The only reason why I told you is because I thought you felt the same way..." A single tear slowly made its way down Kim's perfectly shaped cheeks.
Ron held the urge to laugh in Kim's face for her horrible acting. But an idea sprung up into his head so he decided to play along. "No...I...I do like you Kim."
"Yeah, you like me. Like me a friend-type way," she spat.
"No. I love you in a friend type way. I...I..." Ron gulped. "I like you in a...another way..." As he said that, his face reddened.
That confession even surprised Kim. She chuckled silently. "Oh Ron. Come here..." she said, motioning for a hug.
He grinned and walked to Kim with open arms. As they embraced, Ron couldn't help but feel uncomfortable because of the 'cushions' between him and her.
"Oh Ron, this is the way it was meant to be..." she sighed. "I love you."
While Ron was apparently preoccupied, just trying to keep his cool under this high pressure situation, Kim pulled out a small device from her pocket...
"Ron..." she whispered.
"Yeah?"
"...I'm sorry this didn't work out."
Kim swiftly raised her hand in the air and took a swipe at Ron's forehead but he ducked before she could attach the chip.
"What!? How could I have missed!??" Kim yelled out, now that Ron was on the other side of the room.
"Ha! I knew you were up to something!"
"Hmm...not as dumb as you look. You're kinda cute you're mad, too...maybe we DO have a future together..."
"Shut it. I'm not gonna fall for the same trick three times."
"Yeah, but I mean it this time..."
"I don't care!" Ron said, annoyed by her persistence. "You're not Kim! I don't know what happened to her, but I'm gonna find Kim where ever she is!"
"Oh, how cute. You and Kim would make such a cute couple."
"ARGH! Quit teasing me! What are you, anyway? Like a clone or something???"
"No you idiot, I'm a- wait a minute. I'm not gonna tell you."
"Fine with me..." Ron mumbled. "You stupid cyborgs are all the same..."
"I'm not a cyborg, moron!!!"
"Oh...uh...shape-shifter???"
"UGH!! Forget what I said about you being smart."
Ron smirked at the remark. "Oh really? Then would I do...THIS??"
Ron picked up the Kimmunicator on the ground.
"What're you doing?" Kim asked.
"Heh. If you were the real Kim, you'd know that the Kimmunicator has a paralyzing ray that I can activate...just like this!!"
He pushed the top button but nothing happened.
"..."
"..."
"Um...hold on for a sec. Just a slight technical difficultly..."
"You dolt. Only Wade can activate that function."
"...Oh..."
"Yeah. 'Oh.' Got any more bright ideas?"
Ron rolled his eyes. "You may not be Kim but you sure do have an attitude like her's..."
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
Fearing a fight, Rufus scurried over to Ron's side of the room and crawled into his pocket in a hurry.
"I guess we're out of things to talk about Ron." Kim licked her lips then arrogantly tossed her hair to one side of her shoulder. "So let's just skip to the grand finale..."
As she said that, she raised her hand in the air again with the computer chip in her palm.
"Uhhh...hey look! Is that Orlando Bloom naked?" Ron pointed.
"Where!?"
Ron used the distraction to scurry through Kim's legs and make a run for the door. He did, and continued to the front of his house.
"What- Nobody tricks me like that!! UGH!! You are SO dead!!"
She chased after Ron while he got to the front door and sprinted into the streets. While he was doing that, Rufus got out Ron's cellphone and dialed Monique's number.
"Good idea, Rufus!" Ron said, panting like crazy. "Maybe she can help."
Ron looked over his should to see Kim just making her way out the door. She looked like a bull charging after its victim.
"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!!!" Ron yelled into the phone. All he heard was the ringing on the other end.
Finally, the phone came to life. "Hi!" Monique answered.
"Oh thank goodness! Monique, Kim's acting like a psychopath and she's chasing me down the street!!! Please help-"
"You've reached the cellphone of me. Monique. I'm not here right now, but please leave a message after the tone. Especially if you're a guy." Monique laughed on the other end then she was followed by a beep.
"Aw man!! Stupid answering machines!!" Ron handed the phone back to Rufus, in his pocket. In his other pocket, Ron pulled out the Kimmunicator that he stashed away, after he made a run from Kim. "Call Wade!" he ordered Rufus.
"Why can't you??" Rufus questioned.
"Uh. Kinda busy," Ron said, motioning towards Kim, who was gaining ground with every second.
Rufus quickly pressed a few buttons on the Kimmunicator before the screen flashed on.
"Wade!" Ron said greeted.
"Hey Ron," Wade waved from the comfort of his computer chair. "Why do you look so tired?"
"Because..." Ron huffed. "Kim...is...an...animal!"
Wade scrunched up his face and put his soda down slowly. "Ewww! Ron! I didn't need to hear that!" He shook his head disappointedly. "I don't need to know about Kim and your intimate relationships...I forgot that that's the reason I hung up in the first place..."
"NO! WADE! We didn't do anything like that!! Kim is chasing me down my block with some kind of small computer thingy in her hand and SHE'S CATCHING UP TO ME, PLEASE HELP!!!!" Ron said frantically.
"Oh... Oh my gosh!" Wade said, realizing the severity of the situation. "I know you don't have time to explain the rest of the story so I'll just tell you what you need to know."
"Okay! Hurry!"
"I found a way to change Kim back to normal."
"What!?!?!" Ron yelled into the Kimmunicator. "Why didn't you tell me earlier!?!"
"I thought you and Kim were busy..."
Ron growled. "I'll deal with you later Wade. Just tell me how to make Kim stop chasing me."
"Oh. Well, I can't do anything about that...but I CAN get Kim back to her normal age."
"Hmm...do you think Kim's any slower at 16???"
"...Doubt it."
"So this conversation's gonna have to wait. First I gotta address the OTHER problem with Kim. The one that seems a lot more deadly at the moment."
"Okay. Uhh..." Wade thought to himself. "I got it! This PROBABLY has something to do with Drakken and Shego, don't you think?"
Ron thought for a moment. "Hey, yeah! That's right! Drakken said he had a 'perfect plan', or something like that, the last time we fought. Maybe this is what he meant."
"Yeah. So get to Drakken's lair as soon as possible so we can put a stop to this."
"Right! I'm on it!" Ron assured him. He ran a few more yards before he realized one huge flaw in their plan. "Waaade!"
"What Ron?"
"Assuming that I can actually MAKE IT to Drakken's lair without getting hunted down by Kim, just how am I gonna beat Drakken AND Shego AND Kim with no help from my friends???"
"Uhh...oh yeah. Forgot about that."
"Aw man! This is hopeless!!"
"Wait. What happened to all your friends?"
"Well, actually, I don't have that many friends but Monique is gone and so are my parents and Kim's parents and even Josh! Though, I wouldn't have asked him for help, anyway..."
"Hmm..." Wade pondered out loud. "Hmmm..."
"Why'd you 'Hmm' twice?!? Can't you hurry up the thinking, Wade!?"
He looked back and he could already see Kim was only a few yards away.
"...I've got it!" Wade announced. "What about that Bonnie girl? Is she missing??"
"Uh...don't think so."
"Great! Then get over to her house and tell her to drive you to the docks where I'll have a transport waiting for you. The pilot will take you two to Drakken's lair."
"What!? No offense Wade but that plan is bologna!! (pronounced bolony, if anyone doesn't know that) There's...there's so many flaws in that, I don't even know where to begin!! First off, I doubt Bonnie would help me, even if it meant the difference between life and death."
"Just do it!!"
"Okay, okay..."
Wade signed out temporarily and Ron gave Rufus back the Kimmunicator. Without any more distractions, Ron focused on getting away from Kim and all the way to Bonnie's house. He just hoped Wade knew what he was talking about...and that Bonnie would be willing to risk her life for him...
'So basically...I'm a dead man...'
JOKE OF THE DAY (this joke goes along with the little dirtiness in the last few chapters...):
A little girl and her mother were out and about. The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl still wanting to know about her mother, then fires off another question, "Mommy, Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak and look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."
Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."
The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"
The little girl shrugs and says, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."
"Where did you learn that?"
The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."