Disclaimer: Hey, I don't own any of his it's all J.K. Rowlings. She's just being kind enough to let me play with her toys, I promise I'll put them back when I'm done.
A/N: This is my first slash fic so please be nice. Reviews would be AWESOME to. Well enough babbling from me and on with the show… or story… or fic… or whatever you feel like calling it. Anyway here we go!
XXXX
Sirius,
I hardly know where to being. I guess the beginning is always the best. I guess this all started in our 3rd year. I guess it started the summer before. It was a hard summer on us as you probably remember with my dad dying. I really missed you and James so much that summer, but it seemed like I was longing to see you more than him and for reasons that I couldn't quite explain. When I saw you on the train on our way back to school something inside of me gave a flip and a twist at the same time when I saw you. Yes, I was happy to see you both, but nothing flipped when I saw James. It took me a few weeks to recognize it and grow to allow it but I knew it was then that I fell in love with you.
Do you remember Christopher? He was always a year above us. I'm sure you do, you always talked to me about him. You were quite open with the fact that you were gay. Well I hated Christopher. I know I had no real reason to hate him, he had never done anything to me it was just that you were so infatuated with him that it drove me mad. You broke my heart every time that you talked to me about him. He was just so beautiful with his dark hair that seemed to fall perfectly around his face. And that his dark eyes were so beautiful, you would tell me this so often through out of time at school and I regret that just last month you told me again. And how just a wave, a smile, or a simple hello from him could just brighten up the worst day for you. How I wished that it was me that could do those things to you.
Every one that you fancied or dated crushed me. I couldn't bear to watch it or hear you talk about them but I put up with it lest you think something was wrong. My façade never fell whenever I was near you but it took all my strength to keep it up. Hell, there were so many times that it was all I could do not to shove you against a wall a kiss you until you were sure that I loved you. But I had to seem strong, it was my job in the Marauders to help keep us all together and standing without to many detentions. But now as we leave and will drift farther apart I have to tell you all this.
I love every thing about you. Your happy go lucky attitude towards school and life in general. The way your hair always hangs annoyingly in your eyes. The way everything you do looks cool. How you could always look great when you just pulled something out of you disorganized trunk. Especially how you were always so open to James and I about how you felt on everything. I love how you are so passionate about everything you do, and how loyal you are to your friends. You're always so carefree with life, never spending too much time to think about what you were about to do. I envy the way you could forget trivial little things that happened and just move on. God Sirius, I even love your vulgar words and your cruelly blunt way of putting things. I'm sitting here as I write this letter trying just to think of something I dislike about you or something that ever made me mad, but I can't think of anything. Your personality is wonderfully perfect, along with everything you do. Even if nothing ever happens between us, just like I think it wont, just please don't change. I couldn't bear to know that your wonderful personality and carefree self had changed into some worried and uptight man.
Now before you start wondering why the hell I didn't tell you earlier, just think. I was terrified to tell you. I never told a sole. If I told them what would happen? I'm sure you and James would have supported me being gay but that's just the thing. I'm only gay when it comes to you, I've never found another man attractive before you or during me loving you. And I couldn't very well say, "Hey Padfoot, guess what? Well you'll never guess so I'll tell you. I love you." I'm not that kind of person. I was hoping I would just get over you and everything would be fine but as you can tell I never did. I guess the thing I was really scared of was losing you. I could live with you as just a friend, even if I didn't want to, but I couldn't live with you looking at me with disgust all the time. So now I can tell you everything because I'm leaving soon to go to London. I'll be there for a few months and if you're not to disgusting please owl me when I get back. If for some reason you need to contact me just to James. He and Lily know where I'm going.
I love you Sirius and I probably always will. Eventually I may come to put that towards the back of my mind and try to move on, but I can't with out telling you this first.
Love,
Remus.
XXXX
A/N: Aww sweet no? Okay well there you have it. I'm not sure if I'll write a sequel to it. I might, it all depends on the reviews I get so if you like it please review! Thanks times… A MILLION! Now I'm off to drink tea…