Chapter 17: Professor Denethor
"Hello class. As my wonderful son Boromir-
"And Faramir!" Faramir squeaked.
"...No interrupting or I will send you to the idiot- I mean, principal... Now, as my wonderful son Boromir plus my average son Faramir know, I am professor Denethor." Denethor spelt his name on the chalkboard.
"Hello Denethor."
"No! Hello professor Denethor!" Denethor snapped at the little children. Frodo's hand shot up.
"What?" Denethor asked Frodo.
"Why do we have to call you 'professor' Denethor? Gandalf lets us call him just Gandalf."
"That's because Gandalf is a soft-hearted idiot. I am wise and a true professor. Now you shall call me professor Denethor or else!"
"Dad, can I call you dad?" Boromir asked.
"Yes."
"Can I call you dad?" Faramir asked.
"FARAMIR! Raise your hand. And no, you cannot call me dad."
"Can I call you dad?" Pippin asked, Merry looking shocked at what Pippin said.
"No stupid midget boy."
"Oh... Okay." Pippin looked sadly away.
"Now today-
Denethor shot a glance at the identical elves sitting beside each other.
"Who are you two?"
"Elladan and Elrohir."
"You two need name tags."
"Why?"
"So that I can tell which one of you is Elladan and which is Elrohir you idiots!"
Denethor went to his desk, took two pieces of paper and wrote 'Eldan' on one and 'Erohell' on the other, then took two pins (just pins, not safety pins) and pinned the tags to each twin.
"My name is not spelt Erohell. It's E-L-R-O-H-I-R."
"And mine is spelt E-L-L-A-D-A-N..."
"I don't care!"
The twins quickly closed their mouths.
"Now, today we will be exchanging students. We will be changing 5 of our students for 5 of the Mordor College students."
"What is a COLLEGE?"
"It's a bigger, better school than this."
"Oh."
"So, I have already chosen our five. They are Faramir, Eowyn, Eomer, Estel and Grima." Denethor smiled. "The exchange is for a month. Have fun children, we've already had your parents pack your bags and bring them here. Now please children, welcome your five new classmates who have just arrived: Lurtz, Ugluk, Witch King, Mini Nazgul and Felly the Fell Beast!" Denethor smiled as the two Uruk-Hai, two Nazguls and giant fell beast entered the room. All the children screamed.
"Good bye my love, Arwen!" Estel yelled as he and the four other exchange students where taken out of the room.
"Now, could you each introduce yourself? Lurtz, you first."
"Hello classmates. My name is Lurtz Uruk-Hai. I am one of the first of the Uruk-Hai, bred by Saruman the wise. I am nineteen and attend Mordor College every day of the week. I am very excited to be in your class this month. I will be replacing Eomer, so I will be taking his seat. My hobbies include hobbit-whipping, pulling curly hobbit hair from hobbits' heads and scaring children."
"Thank you Lurtz! Go take Eomer's seat. Ugluk, introduce yourself."
"Hello my name is Ugluk. I am a fighting Uruk-Hai, just like Lurtz. I attend college and just like Lurtz I am nineteen and I go to school every day of the week. To get to school I ride on a warg whose name is Fuzz ball. I am so glad to be a part of this exchange and I hope I will feel welcome in this class. My hobbies are very much like those of Lurtz: I enjoy chasing little mortals, torturing smaller people than me such as hobbits and eating meat. Thank you for listening. I'm replacing Eowyn."
"Very good Ugluk! Witch King, go please! Witch King is here to replace my boy Faramir."
The witch king screeched very loud and all the children screamed.
"Thank you Witch King. Mini Nazgul, you may go now."
"Hi... My name is... Mini N-Nazgul... I'm... Shy... And I-I'm not as... big as the... other Nazguls or the Witch King of Angmar... I-I fly to school on my mini fell beast... his name is... Heinz... I like school and... I like to paint pictures and... smell old man Herman's flowers... and I like the colour pink... and I love children... I'm eighteen and I'm in my... first year of... college... And I'm replacing... Grima."
"Thank you for that very quiet presentation Mini Nazgul. Last but not least it's Felly's turn. Felly, go on and don't be as shy as Mini was."
Felly growled loudly and took a seat where Estel sat. Arwen backed away.
"Now, I hope you will all enjoy your new classmates. Now it's time for a spelling test!"
To be continued...The plot of this chapter was given to us by Haldir's Heart and Soul.
Ooh-Ooh-I-luv-Harley: Ya, I think Sauron and the new exchange students from Mordor will beat up some little hobbits.
Haldir's Heart and Soul: Your wish is my command. Poof. There it is!
Mistopurr: Nah, now why would playing a runner bean throw them off? You might just be able to get the role of the rock behind Tom Cruise or maybe even the tree that Brad Pitt leans on... Better yet, why not be hired to play One of Orlando Bloom's runner beans?
Ms. Unknown: Cute is good.
Bberry06: Short is okay. But I like long reviews more.
Kit Cloudkicker: I know, but it was a suggestion from the fans. I have fans with dirty minds. To your other reviews: The dates are screwed up, but I need all the characters I can get which includes ones that by all means should be dead. Ya I guess I should blame Peter but still, I don't like mortals very much anyways so it won't help by blaming Pete.
Starlit jewel: Damn! I just sent Aragorn away... Well, maybe Pippin could steal it? After all, he did take Saruman's Palantir...
Lombadia Greenleaf: I like miracle whip. Billy Bob says yes. He says to come to his piercing & tattoo shop at 445 Bag End, the shire on the day of Yule. Darth Vader makes Mr.Goslett's famous snack: A salty cracker with processed cheese, an anchovy and a cherry on top. Plus he adds the miracle whip to give it the extra zip the snack needs. Yum! He offers it to Badiddledoo and Cory.
Moonyasha: Yum, sleeping gas. That tastes so good!