Aneela squeezed her eyes shut. Then she opened them to see the darkness of the Ebon Hawk's garage around her and Mical's shoulder. The tears blurred her vision slightly. She breathed shallowly for a few moments and looked at Mical with wistful eyes. His eyes were full of questions: "What is wrong?", "May I aid you?", and those kinds of inquiries. He wanted to help her.
His eyes looked into hers; they locked. And then it seemed as if the Force itself slowly pushed them to kiss. There is no passion, there is serenity, a voice in her head told her. She pulled away a little, bit her lower lip and said, "We can't." She pulled herself away from him fully, and looked him in the eyes. "You seek strength; you will find it in your future," she said.
"My...future?" he said. It was obvious he was reciting to Jedi code in his head to calm himself from this rejection. Kreia's words echoed in Aneela's head:
"If he leaves this place, he will leave the galaxy behind him. He will sit upon the new Council, reluctantly, as all good men do, and he will not forget the Jedi who had lost the Force, yet showed him the way to reclaim it."
She closed her eyes. "You will become a member of the new Jedi Council, but unwillingly," she said, "and you will wield the Force still. You will be strong, and that is all I know." Opening her eyes, she saw his expression. "How can this be true?" he asked. "Do you remember how Kreia could see into the future?" she asked. He nodded, trying to grasp why she was quoting a manipulating Sith. "She told me your future—everyone's future, save a few." Her eyes looked at the ground, obviously grieving.
"Did she say anything else of me?" he asked. "No," Aneela answered, "but I do know that you are strong, Mical. You will leave this place without me—it for the best of everyone. You will go to the new Jedi Council here, on Coruscant, and be a wise man until you are old. Then you will die a death of age in your bed one night." She looked at him. "But this is just my speculation. You may die in a thug attack, or even an airspeeder crash. But that is unlikely." "Is this the truth?" he asked. "Is this really the truth—my future?" She nodded. "Yes, but do not tell the other what I have told you—that I know some of their futures, and that I will leave this place," she paused. "Alone."
He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. She is leaving alone? But… she won't survive, he thought. "Do not underestimate the Force, Mical," she said. She took a few steps, and then looked at him. "Why are you shocked? You will see me again." She's reading my thoughts! he thought.
Aneela walked out of the garage, leaving Mical there. He didn't move. He couldn't. He did the only thing out of desperation. He called out softly not to awake any of the crew, "I have just one question." She stopped and looked at him. She knew what it was. "Are you…?" he paused, not actually believing himself for doing this. "Are you in love with Atton?" Aneela reeled back from shock. His enemy just asked if… She wasn't able to process the question because it was so outrageous, so morbid.
She moved to Mical and faced him directly. Take this slow, she thought. After a brief pause for an effect, she said, "My mind tells me 'There is no emotion, there is peace' and 'there is no passion, there is serenity'. But my human instincts contradict that—my heart goes against that. I have formed attachments the Jedi are forbidden to have, but I am not a Jedi. I have resisted the dark side, and I know I can." She saw the fear in his eyes. Easy, she told herself. "I love you, Mical, but not in the ways of true love. I love you like a brother, a family member. You are my family, since I have none. My parents are long dead, and if I had siblings, they've been scattered across the galaxy, never to be found by me. So this is why I cling to the family given to me, the family I have now: you, Mira, Bao-Dur, Atton, Visas, Mandalore…" She stopped so she could see him.
There was a feeling in his stance that either said all of his fears were confirmed or that he was at peace. He was trembling a bit; he looked at the floor. She continued, "The Jedi Order takes babies from their parents, and those babies have a family—their Masters and their friends at the academies where they are trained in the Force. All the Padawans that were trained since they were a child formed a family connection, if you will, with their teachers and fellow apprentices. Why? They were given no family. I was given no family. You and the others are my family." She wanted to quiet the unrest inside of him. "Come," she said, "and sit." He gave her a quizzical look. "We will meditate on this," she said, "to calm whatever conflict is inside of you." She sat down near the workbench and he sat opposite.
It seemed that hours had passed, and if not hours, many minutes. Aneela heard a sudden thump as she was broken from her meditation. She opened her eyes to see Mical had fallen asleep. This will do, she thought. Standing, she went to the dormitory on the left side of the ship to find Bao-Dur sitting silently on the floor, staring at the small pack sitting idly next to the doorway.
He looked up at her; she couldn't see whether he was crying or not because it was too dark. She gestured for him to come out of the dormitory. He stood and picked up the pack and followed her to the main hold.
"Leaving soon?" she asked. He nodded. "Stay," she begged. "General," he answered, "I can't. I'm homebound now." "Why do you have to leave now? Why not in a few days?" she asked. "Freighters don't go to Iridonia that often, and I was lucky enough to catch one just before they signed off," he told her. "Besides, the droids are all fixed, and the Hawk is good condition. That little T3 can probably take care of everything now that major repairs have been done."
She stared at the floor. Please don't leave me, Bao-Dur… she thought. "Is everything okay, General?" he asked. She nodded, although they both knew she was lying. Then there was a silence. Bao-Dur checked the time from a small handheld clock. "I should get going," he said. Aneela didn't notice she was crying. "You don't have to leave."
"I'm sorry," he said. "Thank you…for everything. For clearing up the anger from Malachor, for allowing me to sleep at night, for this…" He held up the lightsaber. "I've finally got my own to optimize." This put a smile on their faces.
"Will I ever you see you again?" she asked. "We thought we'd never see each other again, and then we met on Telos. The Force'll bring us together again for sure—but for who-knows-what. It could be for some Juma or to kill another threat to the galaxy," he said. For some reason, this gave Aneela hope. "You're right," she said, and embraced the Iridonian tightly—like siblings departing because, after all, he was her family.
After the incident with Mical and Bao-Dur's departure, Aneela needed to sleep. After standing alone in the main hold long after Bao-Dur left, she retired to the medlab's bed. There she shut and locked the door and took off her robes. She wore makeshift sleep wear, her brown underwear, and crawled into the bed. Burying herself underneath the too-clean smelling sheets, she balled up and cried, again.
How many times can I cry? she thought. She rolled over onto her back and closed her eyes, clearing her mind. Eventually she slept, except it was the sleep that comes only to the grieving who reject sleep and don't want to wake up.
Aneela awoke to the darkness of the medbay, like she did yesterday. She saw the glowing lights of the consoles and threw the bed sheets off of her and then remade the bed for its next victim. She went over to the pile of robes she'd discarded the night before and put them on with little difficulty. After securing her belt and lightsaber, she unlocked and opened the medbay's doors.
She wondered the time and where everybody was. Aneela wandered to the dormitory to find Mira still asleep. No wonder she was a bounty hunter… she thought. She sleeps late. Aneela scanned the other beds: Atton's was messy since the blankets was thrown everywhere and the pillow was lopsided, Kreia's was neatly made, Mira's was filled, and Bao-Dur's was a little messy, like he'd made it in the dark.
Aneela wandered to the other dormitory to see Mical's bed was made in the same fashion the medbay's bed was made. She noticed Mandalore's bed was unused as it had been before. Aneela wondered if implants let him be nocturnal too, but never had the chance to ask him. Visas's bed, like Kreia's, was neatly made. It seemed like the Miraluka didn't sleep. Last was her bed which was made, but not perfect like Visas's or Kreia's old bed.
Knowing who was still aboard and who wasn't, she peeked into the garage to see Mical was gone. It must be really late, she thought as she proceeded to the hyperdrive area. Noticing T3-M4 working hard on the ship, she decided not to interrupt the small droid. He worked so hard and never rested his hardware; she was afraid one day he'd break. Now that was a fear that Bao-Dur was gone, but she pushed him from her mind. She scanned the hallway and came to the cargo hold, but noticed Atton playing Pazaak with himself—again.
She silently stood there and watched him sit there in his Jedi robes in pensive thought as he threw down cards and drew cards. It looked funny seeing a guy in Jedi robes concentrating so hard on not maps, old books, but Pazaak.
Feeling someone watching him, he looked up to see Aneela and grinned. She did a false grin to hide her emotions and walked over to him. He was sitting the floor and playing with the cards on a large box. He pulled over a footlocker. "Have a seat?" he asked. She immediately sat down and watched the cards as if she was trying to use the Force on them.
"Why do you play Pazaak with yourself?" she asked curiously. "I mean, don't you feel lonely or bored?" "Not really," he said, shuffling his side deck, "because it's just something else to do." Aneela highly doubted this. "Sure," she said in a disbelieving tone. He smiled at her and shrugged. "Wanna play?" She nodded and he gave her four side deck cards.
She went first and drew an eight. Atton always took a long time on his turn after drawing a card, so Aneela amused herself by thinking of her next move. She then looked at Atton—she really looked at him. Once again, Kreia still haunted her thoughts despite she was dead:
"There is no love left in a heart such as that one. But he would die for you, yes."
She then called him a fool and said that answered all of Aneela's questions despite it did not. Is there really no love left inside of him? Is he just an empty shell, held together by desperation? she thought. "Your go," he said, interrupting her thoughts. He obviously didn't notice her staring since he didn't say anything of it, and he would, knowing his normal behavior. She drew a card from the deck and got a two and then ended her turn.
Because… well, what if Kreia was right. I mean, she is psychic and all, but how can she really know a man like Atton? I mean, he plays Pazaak in his head just to make sure I don't know what really goes on his head. He even counts power coupling ticks just so nobody can— she thought, again interrupted. "Your turn," he said, focusing on the cards. His total was at sixteen. She drew another card and got a six. She then played a +4 card and won the match. Atton cleared the cards away and she started again with a ten.
But…do you love him? Do you truly love this guy sitting in front of you? she thought, glancing at him. He was focusing on her cards, and then looked at his own and the three he'd drawn from the deck. What will you do after your profess your love to him? Make out like they do in the holovids and then leave him for a number of years? she thought, and then her mind turned to a victim of Revan: Carth Onasi. Do you want him to end up like that? she thought. You want him—
"What's with you?" he asked. "You're acting like you've found out that you're father was a Hutt." He looked concerned—or was another one of his fake feelings to hide behind? "You're—you're not acting like yourself." She flashed a fake smile. "I'm fine," Aneela said as she turned to her cards and quickly drew a four and then she played her /-6 card as a +6 to win the game. "You win," he said. "Guess I need to practice more." She faked a smile again. "I keep telling you it's luck but you don't listen to me," she said. "I'll see you later at dinner, okay? I'm going to explore." "Okay," he said, grinning and nodding like he didn't have a choice.
At that, she put her side deck in a pile and got up off the footlocker and got away from the crate, telling herself over and over in her head that she was an idiot.
Atton watched Aneela leave. She'd beaten him—again. He needed practice. He was lucky she'd come—he was about to check on her just to make sure she was okay. He was flooded over with relief that she didn't find him the least bit antisocial, for he was thinking "Don't stare at her" the entire game.