Author's Note: This one took me awhlie to write and I'm not sure if I even like it. See ending note for more.

10…6…3…5...2…4… Atton counted the number on the Pazaak cards as they flipped by. What was he still doing on the ship? He remembered hearing Mical leave early in the morning. He sat staring at an eight when he threw it on the floor with the rest of the cards.

He stood at the galaxy map and stared at the planets, rating them in his mind. Dantooine—defiantly not my place of choice, he thought. No cantina, no Pazaak den. All it is just rolling hills, a ruined Jedi enclave, a bunch of hicks, and that strange blonde doctor. His eyes scanned past Korriban. That was one weird place, he mused, even though I didn't even get off the ship. Atton looked at Onderon and Dxun and remembered long hours of boredom, big insects (once he went to check the outside of the Hawk to make sure no exterior damage was taken) with big wings, and lots of rain. Onderon was a crumbling planet where Queen Talia ruled over the rebels and her loyalists. He looked at Nar Shadda and longed to be in the Pazaak den. Now that is the place, he told himself as he studied the planet carefully on the galaxy map.

He knew that he could probably go there now if he wanted, but decided naturally against it. Besides, he was a Jedi now and Jedi were supposed to be above credit-grubbing in cantinas and Pazaak-playing—his main hobbies. He stared out the cockpit window and looked out at Coruscant, the city that never sleeps. It seemed that airspeeders and ships were always going about and speeding past the docking bay.

He knew that he would have to face himself sometime. He was just either too lazy, too afraid, or something else. He guessed the formers, but he still wasn't sure. He remembered Mira always calling him a liar and said he lied to himself too much and a lot more than anybody she'd ever seen. But something didn't feel right. It was like he was denying himself, but he knew the truth.

His mind instantly warped back to the rejection scene he had memorized and created so well in his head. What would happen if he finally let down some of those walls? He would be vulnerable—and that wouldn't happen again.

But he couldn't fight it. The feelings had devoured him and sometimes even diverted his mind from Pazaak. He looked at the cards on the floor.

Aneela strolled on the street. It was crowded and busy. The weather was fairly pleasant; her robes weighed her down. Her robes were some Jedi robes she snagged from Mical. They were green and baggy. Aneela liked the Jal Shey Neophyte armor she'd wear when they were searching for the Jedi Masters on Nar Shadda, Korriban, Telos, Dantooine, Onderon, and Dxun. She'd bought them at the salvager camp on Dantooine and had worn them ever since.

The robes set her apart from the regular citizen of Coruscant. People sometimes stared and then some just acted with such indifference she thought she was invisible. Her lightsaber was underneath her robes on her belt; the orange twin blades had killed many enemies. Thinking of the lightsaber, she remembered what Atton said when she told him she lost her lightsaber. "I thought Jedi were supposed to be married to their lightsaber," he said. This caused Aneela to laugh out loud because she knew it was true: she could never part with her lightsaber.

Why must I always think of him? she thought, frowning. Is there love left inside of him? Was Kreia just saying that because she hated him or is it the solid truth? She stopped walking. But Mical—she said that he loved me. She didn't act good to him let alone anybody. She was always insulting Atton and calling him a 'fool'. Does that have any significance in what she told me? She put her hand on her forehead. She knew this would not stop haunting her until she ended it. Do you want to keep doing this? she asked herself. You know how to end it, but you just don't want to do this. Except this has literally consumed me and I won't rest until I get this off of me, will I?

Aneela walked to the edge of the street and leaned up against the wall. Will that bring you peace? she asked herself, staring at the crowd. What if it doesn't? Is this even humiliation or is it bravery? She told herself not to be afraid; she braved Malachor V after it haunted her ever since she left. But somehow this was different. She was tired of breaking and hurting other people. She'd done enough in the war, and even though her past was a pretty tortured one, she had never really cared that much about people she'd been with. The fact was that she hadn't been with them long at all—they'd die somehow or desert.

She knew there was a lot of unrest in her. She then thought of the Jedi she'd trained; what if they saw her in a wreck and they'd lose hope? She'd cured the unrest in all of them so why couldn't she cure herself? How did she cure them?

She analyzed the steps: she awoke the Force in them and then began their training. But she talked to them. And then the thoughts of confronting her conflicts came back and began to bother her more.

You can't run from it anymore, she thought. Like Malachor, you've got to go back and straighten things out, no matter how hard it may be. She sat down on the ground with a slight frown still on her face.

May the Force help me, she thought as she closed her eyes and went into a pouch on her belt and found the comlink. She then realized what she was doing. Do not back down, her mind told her.

Staring at it, she thought of the words to say. Trembling, she picked it up. "He-hello?" she stammered, very nervous. "Yeah, hey Atton. Um, can you meet me outside the Hawk? It's important."

What did you just do? he thought. He picked up the cards and threw them at the window in anger. She will say something Jedi, you watch, he told himself. He banged his head on the back of the pilot's chair. "You idiot," he said aloud. He threw himself at the chair a few more times before ceasing.

Fear of everything had consumed him—of himself, of Aneela, of rejection, of dying, of pain, of every negative emotion.

"What will you say to her?" he thought aloud. "Mical…" He stopped; he knew what he was going to say. "Mical is right for," he said softer than the thought before. He spoke at normal volume now. "Tell her he's got a future and he's got a decent past. He's aiding the Republic, and I'm just—Atton. What could I possibly give her that she doesn't already have? What can I possibly do to even begin to measure up to her?" He realized he had given up, even though he knew that he loved her. It might be that first-sight love, but he didn't know or care.

So you're going to reject her? he asked. Just see how things go, He was shaking a bit, and he could feel his heart beginning to race. He stood but felt like he could fall at any second; the fear was consuming him. Aneela's voice told him, "Remember the Jedi code" in his head. He could even remember the Code but he guessed after a few seconds of deliberating of words. In monotone, he recited it:

"There is no emotion; there is peace.
There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.
There is no passion; there is serenity.
There is no death; there is the Force."

Strangely, he felt calmer. Shit, I am turning into a Jedi, aren't I? Pretty soon I'll doing the whole cryptic-routine and meditating, he realized in horror. He brushed this dilemma off to face another one.

Atton exited the Ebon Hawk to find Aneela standing right at the edge of the docking bay. She was staring at the beautiful skyline and busy traffic. He felt himself want to run back onto the ship, but he kept himself planted with hope. He took a quiet, deep breath and walked over to her, his robes swaying. Your time is up, he thought to himself as he neared her.

"You wanted to talk to me?" he asked, already knowing the meaning of this meeting. Aneela turned to face him. "Yes," she said, noticing the fear in his eyes. "It's important."

Atton mentally prepared himself for the blow. "On Malachor," she began, "I had to face Kreia, who called herself Darth Traya. I didn't kill her right away—we had one final conversation." She looked out at the skyline for she couldn't see his eyes anymore—they gave him away. He was full of fear, regret, and hope—and they killed her inside.

"She said she wanted to give me one last gift. She looked into the future for me," Aneela continued, still staring at the skyline. "She said Mira's, Mandalore's, Mical's, and Visas's future. There was nothing about Bao-Dur, the droids or—or you." She spoke slowly and solemnly. "She said that Mira would live her life happily and remember me. She said that Mandalore may reunite the clans, but the time of the Mandalorians is over. She told me Visas would go back to Katarr and feel peace finally. And she told me that Mical would be in the new Council and that he wouldn't want to be, but he'd do it anyways." She stopped.

"She also said…" Aneela couldn't say that Kreia said Mical loved her. She couldn't. You've come this far, her head told her, so finish it. Without warning, she shed a tear of shame and regret. "She also said that Mical loved me." She stopped. She couldn't bear it. Go, her head screamed. More shameful and regretful tears involuntarily fell from her eyes, which she believed cried too much nowadays.

"She told me that you," she paused to try to stop it. She would've done anything to fast forward. "She told me that you are forever a murderer." Painful tears fell across her face. "And," she choked, "she told me that you could never love anybody."

Atton felt his body tense. She'll believe it, he thought. That psycho witch reconnected her with the Force. The words brought a new thought: Could he love anybody? He deserted a lot, but was this time different? Atton grew tired of all his sentences ending in question marks—he wanted answers.

Without thinking, he said, "She's wrong." Amazed at his own words, he watched Aneela turn to face him with tears streaming down her face. "Is that from your heart or is just another one of your lies?" she asked. "Do you even speak from your heart, or are there too many walls guarding it? What the hell are you afraid of!" The thoughts consumed her; she forgot the Jedi Code; she forgot who she was talking too and started to yell. "Are you afraid of actually finding someone but then becoming vulnerable? Is that what you're afraid of! If you love someone, you tell them! You don't stand in corridors, hide in empty rooms, or guard yourself so nobody can know what's inside of you. You—" she stopped suddenly. She saw his face.

Say it, his head told him now. "Why do you think I'm afraid? Why do you think I hide from you? This has occupied my thoughts for way too long," he said. He turned to walk. "Oh, and when you're skipping off with Mical, just remembered the ones who saved you, the one who taught you how to shield yourself. Just remember…" he stopped in the middle of his addendum. "…that I loved you."

It's finished, Atton told himself. He'd stepped out of himself to tell her. He then realized that she meant so much to him—she was the only one who had changed him, who had made him open up. Usually he didn't say anything that was inside of him unless absolutely necessary, but he didn't with her.

It was then he realized she stopped yelling; he could feel her stare, he could sense her gaping. He didn't turn. "You're the only one who made me say what's inside without pressure," he said. "I…well, I kinda wanted to tell you. It wouldn't get out of my head." He sighed. "And when I look back at the Atton Rand who killed the woman who showed him the Force, I don't recognize him. This Atton Rand wouldn't since he knows the way of the Jedi because he is one." He turned and looked at her. "You've got unbelievable powers—you've changed the unchangeable," he softly said.

You changed him. You made him civil. You gave him a reasonable outlook on life so he can have a decent future, she thought, and now he wants to give you one. She then thought of Carth Onasi, and how Revan's leave ruined him. She looked at Atton's sad face. Do you want that to happen to him? she asked herself.

She took a step towards him. What are you doing! her head screamed at her. Pretty soon she was a few meters from him. "I'm sorry for everything," she said and wrapped her arms around him. Then thoughts came, like when she was with Mical: Is this it or it just something you want to feel? She thought of her leave, and felt tears falling already. I need to toughen up… she told herself.

Atton stared at the woman in his arms: she was crying and looking downward. This was the moment everyone dreams of, he realized. Everyone dreams of holding someone they love and here I am. And then she looked at him.

She could feel the Force inside of him. It might not be very strong, but she felt its presence and sensed safety was finally in reach. She stared into his eyes, the only window that anybody had to the interior depths of Atton Rand. There was still fear, but a sense of peace now there. She could still sense he was angry; she wanted to calm it.

This is the will of the Force, she told herself for reassurance or maybe it was the truth—she didn't know.

This is strange…I don't know if I can handle this anymore—all this overly romantic stuff, Atton thought. He wasn't used to anybody caring about what happened to him. "So, uh," he said, scratching his head, trying to lighten the mood a bit, "are you exiled Jedi allowed 'such attachments'?" "No," Aneela said as she began to smile, "but we can work round it."

"I'm not used to anybody giving a damn about me," he said. "Oh I know," she said. He felt as though the Force or something was flowing through his veins and, without thinking, put his hand on her face. She did the same; the two kissed.

Atton, somewhere in his depths, felt as though all the anger had been extinguished. It had been awhile since a kiss meant something to him. He'd won a few from Pazaak games, but that was it.

Aneela realized what she was doing and pulled away. You are insane! her mind yelled at her. You are so selfish—now he will end up like Admiral Onasi!

"We shouldn't've done that," she said. "What?" Atton said, astonished. You kissed me, he thought. "Why!" "It's not fair for you," she said looking downwards now. "I'm sorry." "What the hell are you talking about!" Atton cried. "I have to leave!" she said. "Now?" he said. "No!" she said, increasing her volume. "I'm going to find Revan and help her."

Atton reeled back in shock. Why would she go? She already saved the galaxy twice—during the Mandalorian Wars and by killing that old witch. I think three times would be a bit overdoing it, he thought. "Why!" he said. Desperation was going to overtake him, and he knew this. "Because I always follow Revan," she said, which was the only answer. "Let me come with you," he said. "I can help you fight off whatever's coming." She shook her head; "I cannot take anybody I love," she said. "But you can't…" he cut himself off.

A new emotion flew over him. It was for the worse. He hadn't felt since he was a child and since his father had gone to aid the Republic and he knew he'd never see him ever again. He started to feel tears. She can't leave, he thought, because she is the only one who cares…

She noticed him cry as he briskly tried to dry his eyes. She really had changed him a great deal. Her mind flew back to Nar Shadda: here was the guy who told her of his past, of how he killed a woman for showing him the Force. Now he was professing his love for her and crying. And then she remembered what Revan did: leave those behind who she loves; she knew she had to. She couldn't bear it; she'd changed a man so much that he was crying in the presence of a woman he loved. She couldn't bear it.

She put her hand on his face and wiped his left eye. "There is no emotion," she said, although she was crying too, "there is peace."

Final Addendum: Hope this wasn't too overly romantic and too much like TV... Sorry the update took so long. I didn't like this chapter at first and began a new one, but then decided just to post this one and then have the next one be chapter six.