Chapter 24: The Lorien nursing home
"Cield, do you have a type of device I could use to communicate with my family?" Erestor asked. Lorien was still a far way off.
"Listen Erestor, if you still have yet to notice, no one around here is that dumb any more, you CAN say that you need a cell phone, stop trying to be like King Arthur!" Glorfindel commented.
"Shut up and drink the herbal tea to ease your leg." Erestor snapped as Cield threw a cell phone at him. Cield smiled as he caught a flying sock his son had shot.
"Be more careful Nenmir." Cield tossed the sock back.
"Sorry ada." Nenmir gurgled in happiness, crawling over Erestor (who started to panic, thinking the elfling was trying to assault him) and sitting on his father's lap as Cield drove.
Glorfindel looked at Erestor who dialed a number on his phone.
"I will not be home for some hours, Lord Glorfindel was injured and I ride in Prince Cield's car to bring Glorfindel to be healed... What do you mean I'm never home? Ai... Ai... All right we are at the hospital, love, I doubt they allow cell phones inside... Bye dear... yes I'll bring home some cream... Yes I will ask Galadriel if she has any more brownies for our elfling... Okay I will clean out the garage when I get home... No I am not returning our plasma screen television!" Erestor hung up.
"You should not have gotten married, Erestor." Glorfindel smiled.
"Well maybe you should have, then when you get old your children could finally stick you in an old folks' home, in fact you really should be in one right now, no elf who was around in the first age should be here now!" Erestor snorted.
"Hey, has your wife seen your scars?" Glorfindel poked a brown scar that was on the side of Erestor's neck.
"Don't touch them like that!" Erestor swatted away Glorfindel's fingers.
"You are so embarrassed, that's why you usually keep your hair down and wear too much mascara, foundation and blush, but look! You braided your hair today and ran out of foundation so now I can poke them!"
"Cield, help me get this -thing- inside the -hospital- please!" Erestor pulled some coins out of his pocket, paid Cield, and the two dragged Glorfindel into the hospital.
"Oh hello Lord Celeborn!" Glorfindel waved as Celeborn passed by. He was a resident.
"Why do you live here, sir?" Erestor asked.
"In all of Middle-Earth, this is the only place that is mind-reading proof... I can finally think of whatever I want without my wife knowing!" Celeborn was so happy, that's why he lived there.
Nurse Billy Bob (this poor stupid hobbit has many jobs to make a living) bowed.
"How may I help you?" Billy Bob asked.
"Fin here broke his leg." Cield smiled.
"Oh, I understand. Well, follow me and I will get it fixed. He can even have his own room!" Billy Bob smiled.
As the four walked down the halls they past by many rooms, and Billy Bob would explain each one.
"The one we just past is the janitor's closet and this is my therapy room. Inside is my assistant, Tappin, he's my brother as well, and he is dealing with a very needy patient, Prince Calaen of Mirkwood." Billy Bob explained. Cield dropped Glorfindel's legs and Glorfindel screamed.
"A-and then... I-I... H-he... B-broke a... v-vase... And... Thranduil... b-believed... my b-brother... L-Legolas... A-and... A-and... I k-killed... My older b-brother... A-and he... c-came... b-back... b-because h-he's a... b-big... b-big... big m-meanie... A-and... A-and... I grew up w-with... T-Thranduil a-as my father... because... cause... p-people like to l-lie t-to m-me... A-and my little brother L-Legolas u-used to b-be c-close t-to me b-ut..." Calaen's head snapped up when he saw the very pissed off Cield glaring at him.
"You liar! I am Thranduil's son! Legolas is my annoying brother so get your own! Thranduil is MY father, MINE MINE MINE! I am the prince, ME, ME, ME... Oh and Legolas is MY brother, NOT NOT NOT yours! And Tonus is MY older brother who YOU did not KILL!" Cield yelled.
"No, I am the prince of Mirkwood! Legolas is my brother you imposter! And I did kill him and I'd do it again but... I have no idea who Tonus is, another imposter I bet!" Calaen jumped up.
"Remember what you learnt in anger management class!" Tappin yelled. Calaen was now fighting Cield.
"Prince Cield does not exist! I am prince, Prince Calaen!"
"No, it is prince CIELD! And prince Tonus... and Legolas!" Cield bit Calaen.
"Um, moving right alone... Don't worry, we get that a lot here." Billy Bob continued his tour, leaving Calaen and Cield wrestling.
"Well, here it is, Glorfindel's room. It will take us a week to heal him to the best of our abilities." Billy Bob bid Erestor farewell.
"Um, Cield, please, I need to get back to school and with you and Calaen fighting I cannot really get back."
"Hey, Erestor, did you know that me and Calaen have so much in common? Hell, both our names start with C!" Cield smiled, one arm around Calaen.
"That's nice, now bring me back home!" Erestor followed Cield and Calaen back to the cab.
Erestor paid Cield and hopped in. Calaen sat beside him. Erestor was uncomfortable.
When they were at the school, Erestor got out of the taxi as quickly as he could. Having Calaen beside him was very scary. As Erestor had an abusive childhood, sitting beside someone who needed therapy and anger management classes was very creepy.
To be continued...
I've decided that the word of the chapter is: Assault! It is a very amusing word, that's why! I will try to use the word assault in all of the response to reviews! Lets see if I can...
Big THANK-YOU to Mistopurr for letting me use Calaen. You have to read her story to really understand that part... Basically Calaen is a big meanie... Well, he loves his little brother Legolas then he blames Legolas for their mother's death sort of and well Calaen kills his older brother and he is mean like Cield tended to be in the beginning of Haldir's Here... But a lot worse! I always knew Cield and Calaen where meant to be... friends!
Gods-girl2004: I am glad that it is okay! Now I am happy. Cield's kids are also amused with pots and pans (especially Sam's orc-killing frying pan). But once, a PURPLE sock assaulted Cield's son (Nenmir) so now Cield has a goal in life to destroy all purple socks. I have pink socks instead, it keeps Cield content and it lowers the risk that Cield will try and set a fire and burn my house down.
Manwathiel: Making fun of Glorfindel is fun, and the same goes for Legolas and Haldir, of course. Mini Nazgul was named after my pet garbage bag (he lives in a tree outside a homeless people's shelter (so me and my friend get nervous that a hobo will assault him), he turned one year old in September, he's still in that tree)!
Mesozoic Flower: Thranduil says to stop staring at him like that. He thinks you want to assault him...
Mistopurr: So, what does Calaen have to say about this chapter? Does he want to have Cield as a friend? Erestor is scared of Calaen, but Erestor and all other characters in this story are being abused (since Billy bob says that once you abuse or assault a character you can make it do lots of cool tricks like playing dead... It gave me a reason to assault Haldir) so they may not exactly be their normal selves... Fun to kill yourself, our school play for the first semester is Alice and Wonderland...
Here comes the hockey puck: Merry is friends with everyone, since he is always able to offer them some weed... Merry also knows how to assaultinnocent bystanders.
Surf all day and do the hula: Good job on saying that you like it. You get a brownie, and your choice of elf (or smelly dwarf or hobbit) to assault you...
Laer4572: I like that you like Haldir's Here. I have no need to say assault in this response to review – oh wait, look, I just did!
Haldir's Heart and Soul: If Glorfindel is not careful the purple socks from beyond will assault him and being such a blonde he will not even realize how evil they are! Purple socks shall all die!
Bberry06: Do not laugh at the gods - they may assault you!
Ms. Unknown: I worked hard on choosing the perfect names to stand for each letter... Since Mini would surly assault me if I gave him a silly name like Nicole... Hey that's my name!