Chapter Three
I came home and looked for my mom first. She was in the kitchen.
"What are you hiding from me!" I yelled. I didn't feel bad, because she was a stranger to me, and I didn't know her.
"Kai? Honey, are you okay?"
"Where's Megan? Why doesn't she want to see me!" I know I was loud. But I don't care. Behind me, I heard Tyson and Hilary walk into my house. Actually, this wasn't even my house. I felt like cops were chasing me, and I was the bad guy.
"Kai, calm down, honey. I think maybe you need some rest." My mom told me.
"I don't need rest!" I know I'm acting like a baby, but I can't think properly right now. My own sister doesn't want to see me! Why the fuck not!
"Hey, Kai! Shut up!" Tyson grabbed me. "Don't talk to your mom like that. Are you crazy?" He wasn't on my side…and I knew it. No one was.
"Where's Megan?" I asked again. No one volunteered to answer that question, so I ran up stairs. I took an educated guess at which one of the three her rooms would be. The one on the far right was mine apparently, so I picked the one furthest away from me.
I tried to push the door open. It was locked. I twisted the door knob so hard, I felt the lock break completely.
"What the fuck's your problem?" I heard a feminine voice from the inside. This was her room. I opened it, but she was pushing it closed from the inside.
"Hey Megan! It's me! Kai!" I said as I tried to push the door open. She was pretty strong, or maybe she had a chair under the knob or something. I felt my mom try to pull me away from the door. Then I felt Hilary and Tyson help my mother, which wasn't fair, because…it just wasn't. It was three against one, plus my sister just made it worse.
"Kai! Look man, you need to seriously relax!" Tyson said. He pulled me away from the door, and I tried to fight it, but when so many people were not on my side, I lost. I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to die. Wasn't this a dream? Maybe not. Because I felt emotion, and in dreams, you don't really feel emotions. I ran to my new room, and slammed the door shut. I locked it. I kicked my shoes open, and I didn't care where they landed. I lied down on the bed, with my face on the pillow. I felt salty water trickle down my face. It wasn't fair.
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I got up slowly in bed. Everything was dark, so I pulled the clock radio near me and looked at the time: 3:47 AM. I yawned as I got up slowly, and looked around for a light. I was kind of confused, because I forgot I was in a new room. I turned on this table lamp and looked around. I looked at myself.
I had slept in my street clothes again. It didn't matter. I tried to remember what happened. Then I did. And I felt so bad. But this time, I didn't cry. I felt so mad. Not at Megan…but at my mom, and Tyson, and everyone else. Why would they try to stop me from seeing my own sister?
I was turning into a maniac. I was killing myself mentally. I needed to stop and unwind for a second.
I tried to think about why Megan wouldn't want to see me? From what I saw, she wasn't shy. Maybe she was mad at me. Why would she be mad?
Maybe she was just mad because I never gave her a phone call, or wrote her a letter in all these years. But she didn't either, so then I should be mad at her too, right?
But then again, I am the older sibling, so I have more responsibility. But still, she's only a year younger than me, so the whole responsibility thing was the same for both of us. Plus, I don't know, but I just think girls have a bit more responsibility sometimes…I'm not being sexist, but…it's true, okay?
I just couldn't figure out why she'd be mad at me. Or maybe she just hated me, but I don't know why she'd hate me, because she doesn't even know me that well. How can you hate someone you don't know?
It hurt because I wanted to see her, but she didn't want to see me. It hurt because mom didn't want me to see her either. It hurt because no one was on my side. It hurt even more because dad wasn't here.
In trying so hard to look away from you, we followed white lines to the sunset…
I wondered what I'd be doing right now, at this very minute, if dad were still alive. I'd probably be at home, doing my homework, and then play some basketball late at night with dad in front of our house, and then get a few complaints from the neighbours.
The next day I'd get a drive to school from dad, and meet up with Matt, Andrew, and the other guys.
I know that was never going to happen again, in my entire life. I yawned again. I felt tired, but I didn't feel like sleeping anymore. I felt hungry, since I didn't have any lunch, or an after school snack, or even dinner.
If dad were still alive, he'd wake me up, and get me some dinner. I suddenly realized I'd be embarrassed to go to school tomorrow, because I acted totally weird in front of Tyson and Hilary.
Now I know for a fact that they thought I was crazy, and if they didn't think that, then they're crazy. For a second, I really did think I was going crazy. Maybe I should seek help. Maybe I should talk to someone. But who? I didn't want to talk to the guidance counselors in school, because then they'd tell all my teachers, and then my teachers would start treating me differently, and you know, it would create a mess.
Maybe I should just stab myself with a butcher's knife a couple of thousand times…
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The alarm clock went off at what I believe was 7:30 AM. I got up. My hair was all over the place; Leslie always told me I needed a hair cut, but I kinda liked the shaggy hair.
At least I got a lot of sleep – like, I don't know, more than twelve hours or something. Usually, I go to bed, but I can't fall asleep until after two hours or something. I keep thinking about things I'm not supposed to think about.
I wondered what would happen if I opened my bedroom door. Would Megan be waiting there to apologize? Would mom be there, very worried? I felt bad for the way I acted yesterday.
I unlocked the door and opened it. No one was there. But I heard voices from downstairs: Mom, Megan, and Tyson and Hilary. What were they doing here? I wanted to walk to school alone today. I think I remember the way – okay, maybe I don't.
Maybe I shouldn't feel bad about my behaviour from last night. They should understand, especially mom because she's…mom. But then again, maybe I should feel bad, because I'm aware that I acted badly.
By eight, I had the courage to go downstairs, and I did expect a few laughs or jokes or whatever.
"Are you alright, Kai?" My mom asked.
"I'm fine." I said. I knew everyone was watching me like I had the SARS disease. I guess I did since everyone was 'afraid' of me. I watched Megan, and there was some other girl at home too, and I'm positive it was her friend.
"I'm going to school." Megan said, as she put on these pink Converse-All Star sneakers. She was wearing perfect fitting jeans; with a forest green off-the-shoulders top that had American Eagle written in cursive yellow writing on the front.
I noticed how her hair had a darker shade than mom. Her hair was left out today. It ended a bit above her shoulders, and was cut in layers. The ends were flipped out a bit – reminded me of Brittany Murphy from 8 Mile.
She acted like I didn't exist. She didn't even look at me, however, her friend gave me a few momentary looks, but that was it.
"How about you wait for Kai, Megan? You can all walk to school together." Mom said. I watched the red-head turn around.
"Does it look like I want to?" God, that girl had attitude, especially with mom. Did she have issues or something? She swung her school bag over her shoulders. "C'mon Danielle, lets go." She let her blonde friend out of the house first, and then got out herself.
I then discovered that all this time, everyone else was watching me in the house. When I was eating breakfast, the entire house was quiet, and I know that every single one of them was looking at me. I felt so uncomfortable. I just wanted this to be a dream, the most horrible dream of all time.
I was finally done, but I was still hungry, but it didn't matter now. My mom packed me a baloney sandwich this time. Did she not get that fact that I couldn't eat meat? Of course fucking not. She didn't deserve to be my mother. What kind of a mother wouldn't call her own son in like, eight years? Wasn't she curious about me? Didn't she love me?
"Ready to go, Kai?" Tyson asked. He acted as if nothing happened yesterday. That wasn't exactly a good thing – not for me at least – because I think he's thinking I'm weird, and I know Hilary thinks I'm a complete idiot. Maybe they told everyone about me, like Ray, and Brooklyn, and all those other people. I'm more than positive they did. Now everyone will be acting weird around me. I'm being a hypocrite, because I judge people by their looks…but I hate it when people do that to me…
I grabbed my bag, and I didn't bother looking at my mom. I wasn't sure if I was angry at her or not. Hilary kept quiet, and when we walked to school, none of us talked or anything, which made me feel even more uncomfortable. Maybe they were trying to read my mind. Or maybe they just thought I was mental.
"So uh, did you finish your homework, Kai?" Hilary finally asked.
"No." I said. How could I finish my homework when I was sleeping all day? I still felt tired though. Fuck everything! I'm going to sleep through all my classes. School didn't really matter anymore.
"You can copy off my sheet if you want, during lunch." Hilary offered. We finally got to school, and I had math first period today. I didn't even listen to the teacher blab about limitations or whatever.
Next I had chemistry. I forgot how to balance chemical equations and all that. I didn't even remember the symbol for aluminum. We even had a pop quiz in class, which I totally flunked.
Lunch sucked. I had like, two bucks on me, so I got myself some salad, and some juice. Everyone was talking, except me, and no one seemed to care, which totally meant that they were giving me my 'space', which meant that Hilary and Tyson had most likely told the others about my mental disorder – whatever my mental disorder was.
Finally, I had physics with Tyson.
" – this assignment is to be completed in groups of three, and since everyone's last assignment was done poorly, I've chosen your groups this time." A few 'boo's' were heard as Mr. Earl finished. Mr. Earl had put me, Tyson, and some guy named Nathaniel; Nathan for short apparently. But since Nathan wasn't here today, me and Tyson had to work on this assignment ourselves. I didn't talk of course, because I didn't want to. I was afraid I'd say the wrong thing, or just screw things up.
He didn't say anything either. We only got one sheet per group, with instructions and a bunch of questions. He had already started working on them, without my help. Of course, I don't think I would be able to help, because I know nothing about this class right now. I was supposed to study yesterday, but I didn't because of obvious reasons.
I felt bored, just sitting there and not doing anything. I started to read the physics book instead; I don't think I was too behind. The class was on chapter two, or three. I'd have a quite a few pages to read.
"Kai, are you okay?" Tyson asked after about thirty minutes into class or so. I didn't exactly feel like lying, but at the same time, I didn't want him to know I wasn't fine.
"Yeah." I said.
"About yesterday – "
"Yeah, I'm sorry, okay?" I said. I don't know why I apologized; maybe it was because of my extreme actions yesterday. I don't know why I said sorry to him though.
"It doesn't matter." He said. "I can't say I know how you feel, because I don't." At least he was being honest. "But I feel bad for you, and I just want to help."
"There isn't anything to help me with." I said. And I think I was right. How was he supposed to make me happy? Can he bring my father back? Can he get my sister to like me or at least talk to me? I don't think so.
He didn't say anything to me, so there was another long pause. "I didn't tell the others about yesterday." He said finally. "If you thought I did."
Thank god for that.
"I didn't tell the others anything. All they know is what you told them, and if you don't want me to say anything, then I won't." He said. "And if you want, I won't tell Hilary anything either…if anything else happens."
"Thanks."
"No problem." He said.
"But can I ask you something?" I asked. I was going to ask about Megan. I wanted to know what was going on.
"Yeah?" He had his eyes on the paper that Mr. Earl had given us, but I know he was listening.
"Do you know anything about Megan?"
"No." He said.
"You know something." I said. I was prepared to force the answer out of him.
"I don't, Kai." He said. "I swear." He slouched back in his seat.
"Why won't she talk to me?"
"I'm not sure." He told me. "But maybe she will – eventually."
"But doesn't she care about me? She hasn't seen me in a long time. Doesn't she want to see me?"
"Probably not after she found out about – " He mumbled something, but stopped as soon as Mr. Earl beamed over him.
"Are you boys just talking? Or are you working?"
"We're talking about question fourteen, sir." Tyson lied.
"Okay. Kai, are you doing okay?" He asked.
"Yes, I'm fine." I said. He smiled, and walked away from us, and to the other groups. The class was pretty noisy; I doubt anyone was doing actual work in the class. Some girls behind us were talking about tampons. Don't ask.
When Mr. Earl was a great distance away from us, I questioned Tyson, "What'd you say?"
"What?"
"You said something about my sister, Tyson." I said. "You said something about her finding out about whatever."
"I didn't say anything." He said. Okay, either he was really good at acting, or I was really good at being an ass hole. But I was sure he said something about Megan. I didn't ask anymore questions, because I didn't want to annoy him. But then, he spoke up again, "She hangs out with my brother – a lot. With Dylan, I mean, 'cause they're in the same grade."
"My sister's friends with your brother and you don't know anything about her?" I asked. It was unusual, because I'd probably know a lot about Dylan, if the situation was the other way around.
"She never comes over, and she hardly calls." He told me. "Dylan's pretty enigmatic. He never talks about things unless he's asked too. I'm sure if I ask him about – "
"So can you? Can you ask him about Megan?"
"Look, I'll tell him to walk home with us today, alright? And maybe you can ask him." He said. It seemed fair enough. "I'll tell Hilary to go home with Brooklyn today."
I think Tyson was already annoyed by my presence. I was ruining everything for him. Because of me, he couldn't even take his car to school, he couldn't really have fun at lunch anymore, and now I was making him leave Hilary. But on the other hand, it made me feel better that Hilary was not going to be with him after school today.
But because they couldn't walk home together, it resulted in a long ass – fifteen minutes to be specific – make out session by the lockers. I just watched, and wished they'd stop.
Tyson had called Dylan on his cell when class was over, and told him to wait near the front gates of the school. I then wondered where my cell phone was – I had one until the accident, and then it was gone. I didn't remember it till now. Oh well, it was probably lost during the accident or something.
"Alright, let's go, Kai." Tyson said. The school halls were empty by the time we were getting out, except for a few students inside the classrooms either for extra help, or detentions.
"Sorry about you and Hilary." I said.
"Don't worry about it. I'm seeing her tonight anyway."
"Where are you guys going?"
"Movies, dinner, you know, the usual. She's been complaining about how we don't go outside anymore like we used to. And since today is Valentine's Day, it kind of makes sense to take her out tonight."
"Today is Valentine's Day?" I was so caught up in things, that I didn't even know it was Valentine's Day today. But did it really matter? It felt like a normal day. The only thing that happened today was some bake sale at school, but by the time we went to get some good stuff, we found out that all the ninth graders had pigged out on it.
"Yeah, man." He said. He sounded more stressed out than happy about seeing Hilary. "She has a right to complain, I think. I guess I'm busy with all the school work. I have three tests next week, so it's like, I have no time. I was thinking about dropping out of the band, and the soccer team."
"The band?"
"Yeah, we're still in the garage though. It used to be me, Hilary and Brooklyn, but Brook left the band because he just didn't have time. It looks like I might quit too."
"You guys have a band? That's cool. Don't you guys have gigs anywhere?"
"We turned most of them down, because we don't have time. And then my mom got really sick a few weeks ago, we had to take her to the hospital, so I just didn't feel like doing anything."
"I understand." I said. We got out of the school, and there was no sign of Dylan. "Did he leave?"
"If he did, I'm gonna go home and kick his fucking ass." Tyson said, as he dialed an unfamiliar number on his cell. "Hey, Dylan, where the fuck are you, man? I told you to wait out here!" There was a small pause, followed by continuous cursing, "Why the fuck are you in the parking lot? What's your fucking problem, dick?" He seemed pretty pissed. Maybe he was really mad at me but he was just taking it out on Dylan. I heard Dylan cuss back a bit, as the two were really loud. We finally made it to the parking lot, and I was surprised to see not only Dylan, but Megan as well, and that Danielle girl, along with a bunch of other eleventh graders. I think it was their entire 'crew'.
What shocked me most was Megan was smoking…my own sister. Even I didn't smoke – even though I'll admit I tried it before, and when my dad caught me, he kicked me out of the house for the night. I slept in a bus shelter, and I'll never forget that night. Anyways, I watched as she dropped the cigarette butt on the ground and stepped on it. She immediately cursed under her breath when she saw me.
"Hey, I gotta go guys. I'll see you tomorrow." She said, walking the opposite direction. Danielle and two other guys followed her. I was going to run after Megan, but Tyson stopped me.
"Just talk to Dylan, alright? And then maybe you can talk to Megan. Don't go scaring her off, Kai." He told me. I guess he was right. I was only going to make her angry if I kept following her or something when she didn't want me to. Tyson turned to his younger brother's friends. "Get lost guys, I need to talk to my brother." I guess he treated Dylan's friends like his own siblings or something, because they listened without arguing. Dylan waved to his other friends, and came up to us.
"What?" He asked. "What'd you need me for?"
"You need to tell me everything you know about Megan." Tyson said. "Him, actually." He pointed at me.
"Why?" Dylan looked at me. "Why do you wanna know about Meg?"
"Because she's my sister." I said. Wasn't it obvious? God. People in Toronto are super dumb.
"Well, I don't know. What do you wanna know about her?"
"Everything." I said.
"Um, okay, well, she's sixteen, and she likes carrot muffins, and she hates white chocolate, uh, she plays field hockey and apparently her sex god is – "
"How about you not tell us who her sex god is?" Tyson made a face. "Doesn't she tell you anything about Kai? Doesn't she talk about her girly problems!"
"What the fuck are girly problems?" To me, Dylan looked like the sane sibling, even though he was younger. He was more calm and collective. Tyson was just…out there…where ever 'there' was…
"Why are you making things difficult, man?" Tyson asked, as he crossed his arms. "Does she talk about Kai or not?"
"No." Dylan said as he squint his eyes a bit because of the sunlight. I didn't understand why, but the blonde kept making eye contact with his older brother. It was like they were giving each other secret messages or something. Telepathy maybe? I doubt it.
"See, Kai?" Tyson turned to me. "No offence, but maybe your sister just has issues."
"She does not have issues, Tyson." I said, defending my sister. I know she doesn't. I'd know if she did. Or maybe I wouldn't…what if Tyson was right? What if she did have issues? But I think Tyson was referring to other kinds of 'issues'. I was talking about actual issues, you know, like medical problems or something.
"How would you know? You don't even know her that well." What was Tyson trying to say? I didn't know my own sister? He has a point. But why was he being so discourteous when it came to Megan? Did he really hate her for some reason? Why would he? She hangs out with his brother…and they seem to be pretty close friends.
It's not like I hate Dylan, unless he's hiding shit from me about Megan, then I'd get pretty angry. I'd be mad at anyone who's hiding stuff from me about Megan – including mom.
"Neither do you." I told him, finally. I understand Tyson is an honest person, and outgoing as well, but if I always act like I'm really nice, and that I can't talk back to him, he'll probably take advantage of me, sort of like Leslie. So I'll show him now, that I'm probably not as quiet as he thinks I am, and I want him to know, that I don't want him getting in my way for anything, and he doesn't need to baby me all the time. I hate disagreeing with people – especially when they're nice to me – but, I have to do this.
He seemed a bit shocked at my statement, I guess, because he was looking at me like I was a ghost.
"Probably more than you…" Dylan garbled. He said it so quietly, I barely heard it.
"What was that?" I asked.
"Can we go home now? I have to study. Yes, I know I sound like a nerd…but I've made a promise to my dearest mommy." Tyson said. "And then I've gotta pick up Hilary, and you know, I' m really busy, and I'm sure you are too, Kai. We have a test in physics next week, and you have a lot of reading to do."
He sounded like my father. Great, he got me thinking about my father. At least during school I wasn't thinking about him. I don't think I thought about my dad since yesterday. I was only really thinking about Megan…and Hilary.
I dropped the subject. Tyson and Dylan knew something. It was obvious. But they wouldn't tell me even if I threatened to suffocate them. If they were keeping secrets, that meant I'd have to act like a girl – no, not as in wear a pink tu tu, and put on candy flavoured lip gloss – but, be sneaky like a girl. Girls are always sneaky…don't deny it.
"Alright." I smiled – probably the first time since I got here in Toronto, "Let's go." Dylan walked ahead of us by like, two feet or something. Me and Tyson ended up talking about women: he talked about Hilary, I ended up telling him about Leslie, and then talking about Leslie. Then we started talking about how women were very picky eaters…and theeeeeeennnn we started talking about how hot Angelina Jolie is. We mainly talked about her boobs…sorry girls…that's what we talk about…not all the time though…we highly respect women.
I got home, and studied for a while. Physics was actually sort of interesting, I'm not even kidding. I understood everything I read from the text book, and was able to finally do the assigned homework.
Mom called me down for dinner at around seven (thank god it was mac and cheese). Megan was there too. Of course, she didn't even look at me. I watched as she poured ketchup on to her plate of mac and cheese. It was funny, because I taught her that back when mom and dad were together. At least she still remembered something I taught her. It made me happy.
By eleven, I was getting pretty tired, and for the first time after the accident, I didn't have to cry myself to sleep, because I was so sleepy, I fell asleep right away. I didn't even change my clothes – I went to sleep in my jeans and t-shirt from the day. A dirty thing to do, I know.
Hopefully, when I wake up tomorrow, everything will be back to normal, and I'll be in B.C., with my dad, with my friends, at my old school, and there will be no such person as Hilary…
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Lotsa 3 to my reviewers! Hutchy, Apple Senorita…um…very sorry if I'm forgetting others…that's not a very nice thing for me to do…to forget my reviewers…fuckity…sorry…I willlll mention you all in chapter 4! Stick around! The plot's juuuuust getting interesting…and you better believe it. R and fucking R pleaserz!