Chapter Five: His Past
When we reached the house, I became excited that I was almost jumping out of my pants. Edward was actually going to talk to me for the first time in god knows… I suspected he was doing it just to make himself feel better, but I didn't really care. We entered the house which seemed dark and foreboding, it didn't give off the same presence it did when we had left and I instantly worried. "Mr… are you there?" I called out, referring to Mr. Romance. Ed and I exchanged worried glances, even when he almost annoyed the hell out of Edward; I guess we were sort of used to having him around now.
"HAIIIIIIIIIII." He came running out of my room hugging a picture of me and Ed embracing when we were little. I furrowed my eyebrows angrily; he went through my stuff? What kind of sick pervert was he? Instantly a picture of him sniffing my underwear formed in my mind. But the fact he was holding one of my most treasured photos reeked a kind of disgusting innocence for a man his age. Just when I was about to yell Ed talked in my place.
"Yeah that's me and Winry when we were about ten." Edward started walking closer to the picture. "Come to think of it we were pretty close back then hey Winry?" Ed said, examining the picture in his hands even with the small amount of light.
"You two were clearly in love! IT'S MEANT TO BE." The man said spinning around on his tippee toes. Edward let out a frustrated sigh and slapped his forehead causing me to laugh.
"Idiot, we were ten!" Edward shoved the picture back into the mans arms and stuffed his hands into his pockets. The man looked towards me with stars in his eyes and I seriously felt like throwing my wrench at him. In time... in time...
"Don't go through my stuff." I said in an annoyed tone. Edward stood by my door and motioned me to come in with his head.
"Are you coming or not?" He said emotionlessly. I hope he wasn't going to be like this all night, I could just see our conversation now. "Ed… how was your day." "My day was fine." "Alright then… umm… how is your research going." "Fine" "Ed is this annoying you?" "Yes can I get back to my research?" I looked up with sadness and sighed, this wasn't going to go anywhere. I nodded sadly and walked into my room with my head down, ignoring the man who was looking at us with pride in his eyes. What a freak.
As soon as we entered the room Ed removed his coat and sat on the edge of my bed closing his eyes, and crossing his arms over his chest. I also removed my jacket and found myself staring at his toned arms more than once. I let out a sigh and shook my head, was he even going to bother starting the conversation?
"Winry, I really am sorry for today." He said. Tonelessly, but it was a start.
"Me too…" I stood by the door rubbing my hands together behind my back out of nervousness. "Ed, what are you going to do if you can't find a way?" My hands fell to my sides and clung to my short black skirt as I awaited an answer.
"No, that's not a possibility I will keep trying." He said sternly, opening his eyes wide.
"Don't you want a family?"
"Not really."
"A woman to love?"
"I have you don't I?"
"But I mean a lover, lover."
"Not interested, women need time, time I don't have."
"Have you ever even looked at a woman?"
"I have looked at you haven't I?"
"Ed stop being a god damn rationalist for a second and talk to me, when I said talk I meant talk as in a human being, not some machine." Ed flinched at this comment and let his hands fall to his sides. I sighed and walked over to him placing a hand on his metal arm so he wouldn't feel awkward and smiled. "Now tell me have you ever looked at a woman?" I was eager to find out about Ed's past with women even if he didn't want to tell me, but he was so cold and far away I wanted to know how he reacted. He thought on my question for a minute and grinned. I really couldn't imagine Ed willingly having sexual relations with a girl… I really couldn't.
"Well have you ever looked at a man in that way?" He asked turning to face me on the bed. I grinned and crossed my legs realising I had broken that numb barrier for tonight, and Ed was actually going to be himself, be carefree.
"Of course!" I told him winking.
"With whom?"
"No, no, you are cheating you have to tell me your past with women now!"
"Let's see… I try not to think about it really, I'm really pre-occupied and that's the truth, I have really never thought about it. Mustang used to tease me saying I took my sexual frustration out on people in battle but… I don't know about that either. I don't exactly know what sexual frustration is." He scratched his forehead and shrugged. "He used to say I was too uptight, but he didn't understand me and Al were living for one reason only, I don't see why romance is so important to girls, honestly." Ed looked away disgusted and I just smiled, it all seemed very true.
"But you don't even want a family?" I asked curiously tilting my head to the side.
"No, I don't."
This concerned me quite a bit, for one our age, settling down was usually right around the corner but Ed was as restless as usual. "So you have never had sex then?" I asked screwing up my face in shock. It was weird to think of Ed having sex, and weird to think he hadn't had it at all at his age. I wonder what he would be like while making love, probably analyse every body movement and take everything that happen as chemical reactions, but really what made it so wonderful was the feeling.
"Winry… this conversation…" He looked away with a blush on his face.
"Edward… where not children anymore, where almost twenty-two and you blush at such a question, what am I going to do with you? You're so serious then one little thing can make you blush, it's adorable." I lifted my leg in the air for emphasis and watched as he tensed.
"Don't call me adorable!"
"You're avoiding the question again." I said sharply resting my legs across his lap. He seemed to ignore this contact and sighed.
"No, but I have read about it and I don't see anything special in it, so it's not one of my top priorities." Edward argued.
"You can't judge from a book you! LOOSER!" I shouted angrily. "It's about loving someone, when their touch makes you feel alive, then having them inside of you makes you feel so high like a paradise."
"What? It's not like you have done it have you?" Edward glared at me his eyes becoming slits. I blushed and looked away.
"No but I want to wait till I do love someone."
"Love is a state of mind; it is caused by you thinking that person means everything to you, so automatically your mind puts that into action, love is a verb nothing more." Edwards's stupid answer made me furious and I treaded on ground I should have never treaded on.
"ARE YOU SAYING THE FEELING YOU FELT FOR YOUR MOTHER OR YOUR BROTHER WAS A STATE OF MIND?" I yelled slapping him across the face. Edward widened his eyes at this and I found tears starting to well in my eyes. "Are you saying everything I feel for you is a state of mind? You said it yourself, I am all you have left, how does that make you feel Edward, just what the hell am I to you?" He held his cheek and looked up at me numbly
"You're Winry." He replied his eyes glazing over. He had put his walls up at the mention of his mother and brother and it was my entire fault.
"Ed…" I reached out my arms and pulled him down on top of him. The sudden movement caused us to fall to the floor on top of each other. This tended to happen a lot, and I knew I wasn't the only one that thought it was suspicious. Ed tried to sit up but I clung to his neck and got pulled up with him. The hug was meant to signify the old days, where we touched each other without question. Why was he afraid to hold me like he used to? We were older and yes there was some strange feeling between us, but it didn't mean we had to shut each other out completely. We knew each other better than that, and I wasn't going to give up on him.
"Winry let go of me." Ed yelled struggling tremendously but I kept my arms around his neck and pulled my body closer to his. Before long he stopped struggling and allowed me to lay my head on his shoulder.
"Don't let me go." I whispered into his ears as he relaxed into my embrace. I felt him close his eyes and wrap his arms around my waist. "Our relationship Ed, isn't something you can analyse, it's something beautiful. We have lost everything but we still have each other. It's not a science, and don't bother thinking logically just don't push me away." I held my hands over his plait tightly and squeezed him affectionately. "I miss the old days where you could come up and wrap your arms around me, or give me a kiss on the cheek without feeling bad about it." Ed remained quite and I was grateful to that. "It's such a fight when I want you to touch me." I giggled. "And lately… I have wanted to touch you more and more…" I whispered hoping he wouldn't hear, even though I was right near his ear and it was inevitable.
I didn't know why I was feeling like that, but at night I longed to be by his side. Was this just a friend missing her dearest friend after so long…? Or was it a woman crying to be touched by the man she loved. Yes loved. I had always loved Edward, but it had been dormant, I had never felt romantic connotations towards him, but I was a little more grown up now.
"Winry…" He said with surprise, digging his head into my neck. "Winry, I miss Al."
"I miss him too Edward." I replied. "I wish I could help you study, but I'm not good at these things the only thing I can do is try my best to make you the best Auto-mail I can so you will never be inconvenienced." Edward tightened his grip after I said this and I felt his cold metal against my skin and flinched at the sudden change of temperature. I knew Ed was sensitive about his arm and I cursed myself for flinching. "You're Auto-mail will be done tomorrow." I told him, feeling the romantic moment slowly fade away as Ed had obviously been offended.
"Yeah thanks." He pulled away from the hug and sat back up on the bed removing his boots which I had come to love. "Winry…" Edward sighed removing his shirt quickly.
"You are going to ask me if you can leave right." I asked sadly looking down. "You want to go to bed right?"
"Well now that we aren't pretending to be engaged I can sleep in my own room and I am a little tired." Edward exclaimed placing his shoes on the ground I stared at his auto-mail leg for a while and nodded. He had broken his promise quicker than I expected.
"You promised me." I replied
"I did talk to you Winry, and it was nice, I am just tired." He told me and the answer was fair enough. But what did he think a conversation was? We were only talking and enjoying each other's company for a few minutes.
"Good-night Ed…" I whispered crawling up onto my bed. He looked at me sadly before shutting the door and whispered something that sounded like he was sorry. I had turned off the light and gotten into bed angrily when I finally heard him shut the door to my room. That was it; I wasn't going to try anymore. I'd had enough. That night all I dreamed about was embracing Edward tenderly.
When I awoke I was in one of those dreamy worlds. I could still feel the heat from my dream around my body and wrapped my arms around myself in a state of content. "Ed…" I whispered shutting my eyes sleepily. I sighed heavily, hoping this was just a phase, just because I had missed him so much. Ed hadn't hugged me in almost eight years till last night, and I didn't know how long I could crave another embrace from him.
When I emerged from my room I saw Ed sitting on the cough in his trademark position. Legs crossed with a book in his hands. I caught a glimpse of the title as I walked past and grinned. He hadn't changed at all. He was reading The chemical make up of all matter. I didn't know how he could stuff his head full with so much information and remember it all. He was a genius. "Breakfast?" I asked from the kitchen glancing into the fridge. After a few seconds scientist boy had not replied so I looked up over the bench and sighed.
"Breakfast?" I asked snatching the book from his hand to make sure he was paying attention. I kept my thumb on the page he was up to and waved it around in the air.
"No it's okay I made my own." He took the book back and crossed his legs again returning to his reading. I stood there in disbelief. Was he lying? The kitchen was as shiny as ever and nothing was out of place, surly Ed didn't clean up after himself.
"You cleaned up as well?" I questioned raising my eyebrows.
"Un." He nodded, running his eyes across the page. I shrugged and headed over to Ed's auto-mail deciding I wasn't hungry anyway.
The day went by and the man Ed and I liked to call Mr. Romance had gone out looking for something, can't remember wasn't listening, too busy with the auto-mail. It was nice to have quiet in the house; the sound of Ed's breathing and page turning mixed with my tightening of screws was quite refreshing.
He had finished his books more than once and journeyed back to his room to grab another one. But he always returned to the lounge room, and we sat in silence keeping each other company. "This is useless." I heard him whisper hearing a loud crash. I looked behind me to see he was sitting there with a sulk on his face and smiled.
I tightened a few more screws and held up the finished product. "Ed!" He looked over at me and smiled, also appreciating the good timing. I had also finished his leg, since I just had to make a few adjustments. After a few minutes he sat back down on the couch with just his blue boxers on and I kneeled at his side.
"I'm just sorry I can't connect them both at the same time." I held his arm and steadied it ready for connection. The same for his leg.
"It's alright Winry, just do it straight after." He smiled nervously. I could see the strain in his face. He was already preparing himself for the pain. I glanced at him sadly before I readied myself.
"1,2,3" I connected his arm and heard him cry out with pain. His strained cries froze me for a second before I could get myself together to connect his leg. His pain was hard for me to understand but every time I connected him I would almost burst out crying and I wasn't even feeling the pain. I felt like holding him as he struggled through the pain in a very manly way. Still not shedding one tear of pain.
"Winrrryyy…" He said hoarsely after enduring many minutes of pain. I liked the way my name sounded rolling off his tongue. And I was flattered that I was the word he had chosen to speak in this time of pain, to help him get through it. I laid him down on the couch and watched him suffer in silence. I felt like stroking the hair out of his face but restrained myself.
"Hello children." The man came in with a bag full of shopping and I stared at him in surprise. "I bought this food since you are so kindly letting me stay here, ooo I see your fiancée has just received his auto-mail so mine will be around the corner I sure am excited."
Ed and I dropped our jaws to the floor and looked at each other in a defeated way. "I already told you we aren't engaged." Ed said in a deep voice, on the edge of tears as was I. It had gotten almost to the ridiculous point now.
"But of course you are and I will cook a meal to celebrate. You can't fool me! Everyone says they aren't engaged after a fight." He danced over to the kitchen and began pulling out materials. Ed had already forgotten the pain and was worrying about a new one. Ed and I turned to each other with worn out looks on our faces.
"What are we going to do?" I said without any tone, bashing the wrench against my hand. I was trying so hard not to throw it right at the stupid idiot, just because he had brought home food and I was low on cash.
"I say make the auto-mail and get him the hell out of here." Edward said his eyes turning to slits and if looks could kill I think I would be dead on the floor by now with blood everywhere.
"Ed… how bout you use alchemy." I sniggered the evil side taking over.
"Don't tempt me… its illegal." Ed replied equally excited with the idea. We both had a psychotic look on our face as we thought of wondrous ways to kill the man.
"What are you two lovebirds talking about over there?" The man sung twirling some cake around on his fingers.
Edwards's eyebrow twitched and I knew he was almost over the edge as was I. "I say we cut him up into little pieces haha, hahahaha…" Edward laughed insanely transmuting his new auto-mail into a weapon.
I laughed nervously at Ed's seriousness and pulled him up by the arm. "I'm going to take Ed for a walk to test out his auto-mail, get dressed chop chop Edddyyyy darling." I said in a sarcastic voice to Edward, who seemed pleased at my sudden idea to avoid that idiot in the kitchen. So he should be pleased because one more second Ed could have turned to the dark side and that wasn't a lie. Ed dressed quickly after flinching at my use of the word darling and pulled me out the door by my arm.
As soon as we had shut the door behind us we ran for our life over the hill, running to freedom. It wasn't long till we stopped at the hill we used to play on and sat down in fits of laughter. "I swear…" I giggled punching Ed lightly on his metal arm.
"Swear you were going to kill him?" Edward laughed standing up. "Oh my two lovelies, why don't you kiss for me? Have you thought of your wedding dress Winry? Oh Edward let me get that piece of sea weed from your teeth you don't want to look bad for Winry!" Ed said in a low voice mimicking Mr. Romance who was safely inside my house cooking away. He walked around in a drunken matter copying the man's actions in an exaggerated manner. "Oh why aren't you sleeping together? Oh Edward you look so cute when Winry stands 1 metre away from you, Oh Edward you look so cute when Winry is 50 centimetres away from you! Oh Winry you look so cute when Edward is any random measurement away from you, actually you two look cute together as well! I mean you two are just so perfect together! Let's take a photograph!" Edward collapsed in front of me with a sigh. "He really gets on my nerves that old man." Edward told me wiping his forehead dramatically.
I applauded his performance and leaned back. Relying on my arms for support. The sunset comforted me and we both relaxed watching the sun go down for some time. "How does it feel?" I asked him referring to his auto-mail.
"Un great!" He lifted his arm into the sky in an attempt to grab the sun that was setting and settled down again. He had that far away look in his eyes that told me he was thinking of all the wrong he had done. He was feeling the guilt from everything he wanted to take credit for alone. And in times like these I felt almost compelled to observe him. I knew what he was going through but I would never let Ed know that, if he wanted to deal with this alone that was fine, but I was going to find away to break down the walls and get close to every part of him, inside and out. One day he was going to let me be a part of him. I raised my eyes from my thoughts and watched as a shadow started to appear at the bottom of the hill. When the man came closer I recognized him straight away and obviously so did Ed, as he sat right up and widened his eyes with shock.
"Colonel?"
Saturn Stars