Chapter Nine: His Silent Approval
Edward and I had been taken to a military base in Lior after the incident. I had been given part of the engine to analyse, since the military also wanted to run tests on the machinery. We really couldn't run tests on the it though, because we couldn't even begin to comprehend that kind of technology. But Edward claimed he didn't trust the military anyway, and he was happy about me analysing part of it. We were locked in a small room together where Edward looked through the materials that had been found within the crash site (mostly papers) and I dissembled part of the so called "zeppelin"
"Isn't it odd no people were found within the crash site?" Edward spoke up suddenly, neatening a pile of papers that he had just tried to make sense of. I looked up at him with a thoughtful expression and nodded. "I mean I have no idea how this thing got here… and the fact there wasn't a pilot… and that it was just full of information on how to make it… (not that we can even comprehend this type of technology)." Edward sighed. "It's just all too coincidental."
"Well they really aren't that complicated… it's just the materials that I have never seen really." I said walking over to him. "Its pure genius but really it all connects together." I pointed to the map following the lines. "This all fits together here see?" I said pointing to the paper with my index finger. "I would never be able to think it up, but it looks easy to assemble, it would take a while and I doubt we would have the kind of materials to do this type of experiment, so basically it is almost impossible, but it's worth a try." I said placing my hand on my chin in deep thought, suddenly my mind fell back to the conversation Edward and I had had with Riza earlier.
"Here you go Winry I presume this shouldn't be a problem for you to analyse for us?" Riza said placing part of the machinery in my hands.
"Hawkeye, what does Roy think of this? Does he also want this?" Edward said interrupting Riza's eye contact with me.
"Yes he does, and he told me to tell you someone is looking after Resembool, while you and Winry help us out." Riza smiled and turned back to me. "Winry do you think you will be able to build this one day?" She asked me softly while Edward observed our surroundings looking for something he didn't seem to be having any luck in finding.
"Well maybe… I don't have any idea how it works though, and this type of metal and all the materials used I haven't seen anything like it before." I told her holding part of the machine in my arms, which was starting to hurt me. I passed to it Edward who held it without any trouble.
"There are plans on how to build it." Riza told me. "See the thing is, this type of invention would be very valuable to the military, we would do anything to build it." Riza said standing up straight and fixing herself up.
"Now just hang on a minute here! If Winry builds this all you're going to use it for is wiping entire cities off the map!" Edward said angrily. "She won't have any part in it!"
"It would be best if you let Winry make her own decisions. Roy wants to get his hands on this and I will get it at whatever costs, besides this would be very valuable to you too Winry, you want to build it don't you?" Riza said with a sigh.
"Yes but we don't need to build it… if that came all the way from that other world… then there is a chance I can get to my brother, or a chance he can get to me." Edward said in a barely audible voice. I stared at him with curiosity for a few seconds and finally put my screw driver down.
"Okay that's enough hiding Edward, spill." I said referring to all this "Crossing the gate" nonsense he had been going on about over the past hour.
"Winry…" Edward said softly. "When I went to battle the homunculus at the end of everything… Lyla made me cross the gate." The mention of the gate seemed to traumatize Edward so I placed a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me with horror and he fell into his hands. "There I met my father, beyond the gate it leads to another world called London… I saw things… I" Edward stammered.
"What do you mean beyond the gate? Is it like some sort of door? I don't understand." I said in a confused manner.
"Well you have never seen the door so you couldn't possibly understand… the first time I saw it was when Al and I transmuted our mother I was taken beyond the door and my leg was taken as part of equivalent trade, during that time my head was packed with so much information I thought I was going to explode." I listened to Edward with sympathy, mainly because I didn't understand anything he was saying and that was sad. Sad that he had to experience something like this, something that I couldn't even comprehend.
"I saw in London, those Zeppelins." Edward looked up at me as I gasped with shock. He had looked fairly acquainted with them I had noticed. "That's when my father told me about the energy for our transmutations… "To fix a broken radio not only to you need all the parts to put it together, but you also need the energy to do the transmutation, this energy comes from beyond the gate. Alchemists tap into this power and open the gate to bring energy from the deaths in this world and convert them into energy for the transmutations… we all have a small gate within us." Edward repeated the words as tears filled my eyes.
"You use lives from beyond the gate?" I asked unable to take in everything he was saying, I backed away from him while his eyes became numb with regret.
"Why do you think I don't use alchemy as much, now that I know this?" Edward looked up at me begging me not to be angry at him.
"HOW DO YOU STILL USE IT? EDWARD YOU'RE KILLING PEOPLE!" I yelled turning my back on him.
"No… that's not completely true, people are dying in that world all the time and their soul waits between the worlds ready to be converted into energy for us, so I am not killing people." Edward yelled quickly, running up to me and grabbing onto me tightly, trying to make me believe. I shook my head in denial as he shook me violently. "Winry listen I'm not hurting anyone." Edward said firmly pushing me against the wall to look into my tear filled eyes."
"But you're using souls, your using people… it's not right Edward, it's not right!" I yelled back at him trying to struggle free from his embrace. At that comment he let go of me instantly. "I know that if you died and your soul was used for energy instead of being able to rest, that I would never rest, don't you understand? Think of your brother? You say he is in London world, what if he has died and you have used him as energy! DON'T YOU SEE?" I yelled as he covered his ears and backed away from my words. "How could you!" I slapped him across the face causing him to back against the wall with a thud. He glanced at me with traumatized eyes and started to slide down the wall. He dropped to his knees and lowered his head, his hands becoming limp near his sides.
"I used…" He said softly looking forward numbly, no expression evident, no emotion in his eyes. I stared at him for a few seconds hurting deep inside, the tears streaming over my eyes and running down my face, yet no tears from Edward's eyes could be seen. Seeing him in this state hurt me. He looked so fragile so small, although I would never tell him, it seemed as if he was shattering into thousands of pieces. I bent down to his level sobbing quietly and took him in my arms.
"Ed I'm sorry." I said softly clutching to his head as I rested my cheeks against his. I heard him inhale sharply in my ear as if he was holding in his tears and cringed. "It's not you're fault you have to use alchemy…" I said desperately trying to make up for the mistakes I had committed.
"Why am I alive Winry… it seems me existing only brings the death of others…" He said softly into my ear bringing his arms up to clutch my thin top covering my chest. I had pulled my overalls down with the heat and they gathered around my waist to let me breath slightly. I cried desperately digging my head into his shoulder.
"Please don't talk like this Ed, please, if you don't stay alive I'll be sad, I'll loose my way." I sobbed squeezing the braid I had plaited with affection. So many words were forming on my tongue, but I couldn't say the words I knew Edward wouldn't want to hear from me. So many words of love I could have whispered to him, so many things he didn't know I truly felt. But I had just succeeded in making him feel even worse, and I was going to make up for it somehow. "Ed you have to live, you have to find a way to bring your brother back here right? You want to stay alive you want to!" I said firmly lifting myself from him to stare into his eyes. He ran his hands down my sides gently resting his hands on my hips. I couldn't help but close my eyes momentarily and wish his gloves weren't stopping us from being closer.
I opened my eyes after a long blink and saw Edward looking away thoughtfully his head turned to the side while leaning against the wall. His hands remained on my hips firmly and his breathing had returned to normal. All the contact and affection from Edward lately was proving too much for me to take.
He needs human touch more than you could ever know right now, but he doesn't even know that himself. He is longing for something but he doesn't know what.
I remembered those lines from the letter, and looked at Edward in his sad thoughtful pose. Maybe he didn't even notice he was touching me. Maybe his body was just reacting to the pain inside. He finally turned his head to look at me his eyes slightly glazed over. "You're right." He said without his energy, without the fire that once burned so brightly, without the passion, without the longing to bring his brother back.
After a while we returned back to work, he searched through his papers with less enthusiasm and I worked on the machine with less enthusiasm, due to his lack of it. I would constantly stop to watch him gather the papers lifelessly, his eyes tired with a hard days work and a sudden realization we had both come to make.
"Shit!" I heard him yell as the papers dropped all over the floor within a few seconds, many hours of sorting gone to waste. Edward slapped his forehead with frustration and I knew he couldn't take much more before he burst. I dropped the welder and ran over to him to help him pick the papers up. "Don't worry I'll do it Winry." Edward said with a small smile, shielding his real emotions.
"I'll help." I exclaimed bending down to start picking them up. Edward glanced down at me with a small smile and also began picking up papers. When we both reached for the last piece our fingers brushed and we both glanced up at each other with shy expressions. I moved away as he picked up the last piece and blushed as he mumbled a soft thank you to me.
My heart pumped fast as he walked past me to sit on the couch the air gushing between us as he did so. He started sorting through the papers again and I eventually got back to my work.
After some time I was completely worn out. I wiped the sweat from my forehead due to working with heat and sighed. I really hadn't gotten anywhere. Edward looked like he was about to fall asleep, and we didn't even know what time it was, we only knew it was late in the night.
"Full Metal Sir, Miss Winry, you're room has been prepared."
I almost jumped out of the room with delight and followed the man to our room. Edward followed closely behind, lost in his own thoughts and all I could do was look back over my shoulder to prove he was there since he was so quiet.
When we reached the room Edward shut the door hastily falling onto his bed with a sigh. I was only overwhelmed about the fact I could shower the sweat off my body and actually sleep in a bed! There was another single bed not to far away from Ed's. I removed my bandanna from my hair and shook my hair free and sighed with relief. I grabbed the towel that was placed near my bed and ran into the shower with glee. It was a blessing after a hard days work to be able to get into the shower and wash everything away. The idea of sleeping on a military base was a little to stiff for me but they definitely did look after you. There were soaps and moisturisers everywhere to take care of my body. I washed my body clean with my favourite strawberry scented body wash, and cleaned my hair till it felt soft under my fingers.
I felt so much better after the shower that I sighed upon opening the shower door. I felt so refreshed, so rejuvenated.
"Damn." I muttered underneath my breath, realising I had forgotten to bring my clothes inside. I blow-dried my hair and dried off my body as much as I could so I could run out and get my clothes without Edward possibly seeing anything. I peeked my head through the crack in the door I had just opened, to see Ed lying on his back with his eyes closed. The exact same position he had been in about 30 minutes ago. I rolled my eyes and stepped out of the shower feeling the softness of my newly washed hair against my shoulders. I grabbed my clothes and found some corner to change in, deciding it was safe enough to get dressed anyway as Edward looked to be asleep.
Once dressed I sat on the edge of my bed cleaning my area up a bit, removing my dirty clothes and placing them into the wash for tomorrow, while getting all my work materials ready as well. Once I had done all this I sat and watched him for a while, he was tensing his face slightly and watching him made me tense my face also, he was so frustrating.
"You really are hopeless." I muttered noticing the state he had decided to fall asleep in. Boots still on, hair still in, jacket still on, pants still on, belt still on. I rolled my eyes and made my way over to his bed. Now he wasn't going to like what I was about to do if he ever discovered it, but I didn't care. I wasn't going to let him sleep in that state.
I crawled on top of him in order to get to the opposite side of the bed. I tiptoed over him with caution trying not to cause the bed to move too much. I then leaned against the wall and slowly laid myself down next to him. I rested my head on my hand as I gazed down at him, I was in absolute awe of his peaceful sleeping habits. Without even thinking my hands reached for his braid hesitantly. I untied it gently laying next to him quietly. His face seemed to soften as I started to take out his hair, and run my hands through it gracefully, observing his relaxed expression.
"You smell nice…" He said with a quiet moan. I was shocked by his sudden compliment and removed my hands from him instantly. He was awake? And he was letting me lay next to him? I knew he was only so willing because he was probably half awake and didn't have any control over the situation, or thought it was some sort of dream. I knew how often I had thought that when Edward had come to wake me in the mornings.
"You idiot." I said softly running my hands through his soft hair again, savouring the soft silky hair running through my fingers. The moonlight reflected in his hair shining brightly. It also glowed onto his face causing Edward to omit a sort of innocent feeling. I ran my fingers over his face gently the skin so soft, like he had never experienced any hardships at all. I leaned over him slightly placing my leg in between his so I could lean over him comfortably. The warmth of his body coming into contact with mine only made me gasp and I had a sudden urge to rip the clothes off… off both of us. I ran my fingers over his soft lips watching his face slightly tense. His lips parted a little, almost as if he was inviting me. But I knew that wasn't the case, so I tried hard not to lust after his lips. I ran my fingers down his neck gently and realised I should remove his jacket and shirt. He never slept with anything but his blue boxers on. With care and gentleness I removed the clothing being oh so careful not to wake him up and ruin this time I was allowed to lay next to him.
I crawled down his body slightly after resting on his bare chest for a while and removed his belt gently. He squirmed slightly after I had thrown the belt to the side and placed my hands on his pants. I was becoming greatly aroused and had no idea how Ed was feeling. After removing his boots I pulled his pants off and chucked them to the side with satisfaction as if I had just removed another obstacle. I had no idea if what I was doing was right. But I was an adult now… was it so wrong to feel this way about another adult? I then steadied myself over him my knees digging into the bed either side of his legs, while my hands dug into the pillow either side of his head. He moaned slightly when I ran my fingers down his chest. His toned muscles didn't remind me of some man who worked out for a living, but rather a scared little boy who had fought more battles than he could count.
I smiled at him and pressed my lips to his chest wondering what reaction it would spark in him, I was all up for experimenting tonight and Ed didn't seem to be complaining. This human contact he so needed, this human contact I was giving him, to keep him with me. It was done in secret; I was going to make up for everything I had done to him with millions of little kisses all over his body. I was going to touch him and hold him tonight… tonight I was going to stay with him. He instantly arched his back slightly and made soft noises of approval.
"What are you… doing…" He groaned as I brought my head up to his neck and dug into it with soft gentle kisses. I didn't have a reply for him; I didn't know what I was doing myself. More like compelled, drawn, to his body like metal to magnet. I was enjoying the contact even if Edward wasn't participating and I wanted to be close to him, to help him carry some of his pain for a short time. I kissed his face playfully, yet I was trying not to bring him out of his dazed state... otherwise he would probably kill me or have a mental break-down.
"Winry… what are you…? Winry stop…" He whispered as I kissed lower and lower on his stomach, running my hands over his chest as I did so. He continued to moan my name softly, begging silently to stop but showing me with his body language that he didn't want me to stop at all. His eyes were completely closed the whole time and he never stopped whispering my name softly under his breath. After what seemed like a long time I fell off him to the side. Hours of touching and playing, hours of holding and stroking. Hours that I would never forget. If Edward should forget this tomorrow, so be it. Maybe he was having a dream, maybe he wasn't really him awake whispering my name so lovingly. But it made me so content I could almost hear my heart thumping for more. I wanted more, but next time I wanted him to touch me back.
I sighed with content and rested my head on his chest. I knew that if I slept next to him I wouldn't wake up before him. But I tried to promise myself that I would so he wouldn't have a heart attack when he woke up. Because I just couldn't move away, his skin was touching mine, slightly moist with the body heat we had just shared together, my body was tingling all over. I held onto him tightly, as fragile as he was. I had made him feel bad, I had made him doubt his existence, but I would hold onto him forever.
Saturn Stars