TITLE: Not in Love
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: A talk with Sawyer leads Shannon to a very important revelation.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.
Thanks to mrstater again for all her help!
Shannon had never ventured this far into the jungle on her own, and she tried to ignore the fear that grew with every step she took. She knew she should have taken Sayid up on his offer to accompany her for her walk, but then it would have defeated the purpose of why she needed one. Sayid had made a comment about their future together and she just needed to think by herself. He'd said something about being glad the plane crash brought them together -- and told her that he loved her.
She wrapped her arms around her stomach trying to comfort herself. She hadn't responded to his declaration and a part of her felt guilty, especially after seeing the hurt expression in his eyes. But it wasn't like she was going to lie to him; she didn't love him. She was simply having fun with him until they were rescued. That was all this was. Sayid was the only person on the island worth spending time with, and the fact that he seemed to genuinely enjoy her company was just an added bonus.
That was all this was, she repeated again. A stupid fling, if you could even call it a fling since there was no sex involved, that would end as soon as the rescue boats came. They'd get back to civilization, and they would go their separate ways. She frowned at the thought; she wasn't sure that she wanted them to stop seeing each other. He was the first real friend that she ever had and she wasn't ready to end that. It didn't matter anyway - that thought only counted if the rescue boats came.
She remembered her last relationship with a significantly older man; it had ended poorly, too. She shivered as she thought her last encounter with her husband, Emile. She had been a complete idiot to marry that man. She tried to remember if it had really been love or just her way of rebelling. She sighed sadly. She knew why she married him: because he loved her and treated her like a princess. But that hadn't lasted that long. She never wanted to feel that way again, as if she could be tossed aside as if she had never even mattered.
She wondered briefly if married life would have been different if it had been Sayid that she had seen in France. Of course he probably wouldn't have even looked at her. She shook her head. It didn't even matter. It wasn't like she could marry Sayid on the island anyway.
She signed again. "Why am I even thinking this?" she asked the trees that surrounded her. "It's not like I'm in love with Sayid."
A voice that seemed to come from the trees responded, "Sticks, you really are a dumb blonde if you believe that."
Shannon froze for a second, thinking of the whispers that she had overheard Sayid talking about, but then she realized that creepy whispers wouldn't call her Sticks; that could only be Sawyer.
"What are you doing out here, jackass?" she asked, her annoyance clear.
"Sorry, darling, that name has already been reserved for the good doctor," he smirked as he stepped out of the bushes, "You're going to have to do better."
She rolled her eyes, "How does eavesdropping bastard sound to you?"
"My, my, it seems that the princess is feeling cranky that someone overheard her lying to herself."
He leaned against a tree his amusement of the situation written clearly on his face.
Her cheeks flushed with anger. "What do you think Sayid would do if I told him you followed me out into the jungle while I was all alone?"
She smiled triumphantly at the look on his face; he was no longer amused. His eyes turned dark and menacing as he moved closer to her. The smile slid off her face as she thought about screaming. Sayid would come for her.
His voice sounded more like a growl, he asked, "And what do you think, Captain Falafel would say if I told him you were strolling along saying that you aren't in love with him?"
"He already knows that," she said, uncertainty lacing her words.
"That's not what I've heard through the rumormill." He walked moved even closer, and she could feel his breath on her face. She took two steps back trying to distance herself from him. "You'd be surprised what people are saying, sweetcheeks. It seems that the two of you are in the running for the first couple to add to the little society we've got going here."
She looked away from him embarrassed. She couldn't believe that the others were talking about her and Sayid like that. They hadn't even had sex yet and already the rumors were starting.
"You're lying."
He looked at her curiously. "Now why would I lie about that? Good gossip is hard to find." He took out a cigarette from his pants pocket, and held it dangling in his hand. "Don't know what the big deal is. I figured you'd be off in a whole new world with Aladdin, not here in the jungle with me."
She looked apprehensively at the cigarette, hoping that he wouldn't light it because it would aggravate her asthma. Sawyer seemed to notice the look on her face and after rolling his eyes he returned it back to his pocket.
"I don't know why you even care. Sayid and I aren't really a couple."
He snorted. "Do you really believe that or are you just delusional?"
Her eyes narrowed in anger. "Why am I even talking to you?" she yelled.
"I'm just trying to help princess, figured someone on this damn island should get some action." He looked at her with mock thoughtfulness. "I figure Sayid will just have to start looking for someone else."
Shannon thought back to when she had walked in on her husband having sex with someone at a party. She remembered at the time how upset she was, how hurt she had been. But for some reason the idea of Sayid's lips on someone else's tore at her heart even more.
Tears filled her eyes, and she snapped, "Are you going to be the first one in line?"
His annoyance was written clearly on his face as he threw his arms up in the air. "Why did I even bother?" He shook his head as he stalked out of the wooded area.
Shannon watched as Sawyer left, his words playing over and over again in her mind. Would Sayid replace her? She felt a tear slip down her face and she wondered why that thought hurt so much if she didn't love him.
Her thoughts returned once again to Emile. She thought about how happy she had been when they first got married, but that had lasted about two weeks before he called her a worthless whore. Two days later he had smacked her across the face for the first time. Each day he seemed to find a new way to torture her. She knew that Sayid would never do those things, but then a part of her wondered what if he did. She had never expected Emile to hurt her. What would make Sayid any different?
She closed her eyes and an image of Sayid was there. She saw him smiling at her, the look in his eyes telling her how much he wanted her, not anyone else on the island only her. She could feel his gentle hands caressing her face, never pushing her too far or too fast, always waiting to see what she wanted or needed.
A horrible thought crossed her mind. Here she was so worried that she was going to be wrong about Sayid, that she might be ignoring the fact that she was right about him. Sayid wouldn't hurt her; she knew that. She'd always known it. Sawyer was right: she was lying to herself. She'd fallen for Sayid and only now saw it.
She smiled as she thought about all the different ways to tell him that she loved him. She just had to find him first.
"I love Sayid," she said trying out the feel of the words.
"I am glad to hear that," came an accented voice from behind her.
She jumped, startled that for the second time someone overheard her. She blushed as she turned to face Sayid, an amused grin on his face. She also noticed that there was this happiness in his eyes that she didn't think she had ever seen before.
She placed her hand against her pounding heart. "Didn't anyone ever teach you not to sneak up on people?"
Sayid moved so that he stood in front of her. "Did anyone ever teach you not to run off into the jungle alone?" He swept her hair off her face, staring into her eyes. "I was worried when you did not return."
"I wasn't completely alone. Sawyer was here for a while."
He frowned. "Was that meant to make me feel better?"
She smiled up at him. "It should. He made me realize something."
"What was that?"
"That I love you." She leaned forward and kissed him gently. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her towards him.
The kiss quickly grew more intense and he finally pulled away, resting his forehead against hers, "I assume that means that I must thank him."
She nodded. "That would be nice of you." She kissed him again.
"But I believe it will have to wait."
"You better believe it does."
Shannon felt relieved that she had finally come to terms with her feelings for Sayid. She was in love and felt like she could scream it from the cliff tops. But for now just telling Sayid would have to do.
They moved to be protected from the sun and the others who might walk by as they continued to kiss. Shannon couldn't help but think that the rumors might eventually come true.
The End.