Chapter Seventeen: My Time To See

By the time I had awoken the house looked once again like a house. The many papers and books had now disappeared and the man's personal touches to the already fully furnished house had vanished.

I sat up drowsily scratching my head. What's the time…? My pocket watch informed me that it was seven in the morning and I sighed with aggravation. "If only I could sleep in for just one day…" I muttered, swinging my legs to the side. My eyes adjusted to the light of a brand new day, the wrench on the bench caught the sunlight and twinkled in the morning rays.

"The wrench…" I whispered; sweat pouring down from my face heavily. "I have to return it…" Why me?

I glanced at the sun through the large window and sat in still thought about my dreams. No wonder I had woken up in a sweat. Al. It had been a while since I had dreamed about our mother's transmutation. But the dream never ceased to horrify me. The sight of my little brother being taken away, holding out his hand desperately while screaming to me, holding on to whatever life he had. Each time in the dream I got so close to grabbing his hand, but just before I ever grabbed onto it, it disappeared from my sight with an ear piercing scream of terror… from my brother.

Then there was the sadness… the pain that I had felt from loosing my leg mixed with loosing my only remaining family member… but then there was happiness, happiness from seeing my mothers hand fly up into the air, beckoning me to come to her. But then there was horror, absolute horror... something I would never forget. The twisted mutilated body that was now my mother, the sin Al and I had created.

Just forget it, your going to bring him back then all that can be erased. But no matter how hard I tried I couldn't re-write the memories, I would always carry the burden of our sins on my shoulders. I had to live with the fact that I had killed my mother for a second time… I had sinned against my own mother.

I sat on the couch hands linked together as I stared at the pile of information the man had left behind. Before I got anywhere I had to leave for the small private bank where everyone's taxes were sent too.

As I walked through the town I found myself smiling at all the life around me. People were laughing, children playing, husband and wife smiling… lovers holding hands. It was everywhere, young couples merely enjoying each others company… and at the sight of so many people in love I bowed my head with sadness. Many people called out to me and introduced their new loved ones, friends from the past I used to play with. I couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy as if they were teasing me saying "Good old Edward still alone…" Never before had I cared, I liked being alone. But without the company of my brother I had started to feel isolated from the world.

It's all my fault I am alone, I have no-one else to blame, if people want to get caught up with me they could end up getting hurt, I am not going to allow this especially from Winry. Did she think that I shied away from her for no reason? Did she really think that? Maybe it was better that way, if she didn't want to see methen I didn't have to try and control everything we were both feeling.

"Winry how could you leave me at a time like this!" I said with anger walking forward stubbornly.

"Winry?"

I looked up to the girl in front of me and grinned. What was she doing out here at 7:30 in the morning? "Nelly!" I exclaimed nodding my head. "How's it been? Haven't you changed?" I asked, observing the woman in front of me. Last time I had seen her was when I was around 16, and she had changed then also. "What are you doing out here so early?" I wondered out aloud.

"Just shopping, I like to get to the shops early so I don't have to stand in line, besides I needed food." She smiled happily. "So are you and Winry finally together?" She smiled holding some bags of food in her hands.

I blushed and scratched my head. "Well you see…" I blushed furiously, why couldn't I just yell at her like everyone else, well are Winry and I… together?

"Aww Edward that's adorable I never thought I'd see the day you blushed over a girl." She giggled.

"Hey…" I muttered scratching the back of my head continually. I really didn't like being referred to as some love sick man, but even Winry knew that she could make me blush at the drop of a hat.

"Hehe, hey why don't you come over? I can make you some breakfast." She said pointing to her bags.

I instantly smelt the food inside the bag. "Really…" I questioned, with a dreamy expression on my face. "I'm starving." She nodded with a smile accepting my acceptance of her offer.

It didn't take her long to cook up food and I observed her house as I sat at the table waiting patiently for the meal she had kindly offered me. The house felt lonely, unused and I sensed that many hours of days spent in loneliness had been experienced here. I had felt the same when I walked back into Winry's house. Now that I thought about it, Winry had that same far away look in her eyes as Nelly had right now.

"Here!" She handed me the plate of freshly cooked chicken and rice and I thanked her with all my heart digging into the meal straight away.

"This is so awesome." I said eating it as fast as I could. "I haven't eaten since god knows…"

"So tell me about you and Winry…" She said dreamily placing her hand on her cheek.

I paused and placed the chicken that was about to enter my mouth back on the plate. "Winry and I aren't together…" I answered softly.

"What? But you look like your so in love with her!" She said with shock horror.

"I do?" I said with a thoughtful expression. "Tell me is it love?" I asked gripping the side of the table. "I'm so lost… I don't know what I am feeling, and she never wants to see me again, how am I supposed to deal with this?" I clutched the table fiercely. "All I know is that now I don't have her... I can't stop thinking about her." Having no idea why I was confessing my inner most private thoughts to Nelly, maybe there were just times you had to let it out. To anyone you could.

"Edward… of course you love her." Nelly said with a small smile. I looked up at her with desperate eyes begging for it not to be so. It's a state of mind... I can stop feeling like this.

"No I can't love her… I can't!" I said refusing to believe it.

"But how could you not? You have been with her since a child, she takes care of your arm and cares for you more than I have ever seen a woman care for a man. She also loves you deeply, and you would have to be selfish and stupid not to love someone who dedicates her life to helping you." Nelly said with a sigh. "Really, Winry said you were selfish and stubborn but I had no idea, whatever happened to the Edward I used to know?"

"Well if she loves me so much! WHY DID SHE LEAVE ME?" I yelled standing up and banging my fists down against the table, her comments suddenly infuriating me. Nelly flinched at this and stared up at me with fear. "Why did she do it to me?" I said with regret and sadness I backed against the wall with terror.

"Edward what happened?" Nelly said with panic standing up to rush to my sides.

"I hurt her I didn't want to… she left me…" I replied barely. "I have nothing but her, what am I supposed to do?" I asked Nelly desperately. I slid down the wall with desperation and my eyes glazed over with helplessness.

"Well my husband passed away last year… it felt like he left for no reason… I have been so lonely Edward. That's why I get so angry at people like you and Winry!" She said slapping me across the face.

I stared up at her with curiosity as I held my face in my hand.

"You two still have each other, yet you're being stubborn and won't admit your own feelings! At least Winry is still alive Edward! You can go back and apologize or make up for it with the rest of your life! BECAUSE AT LEAST YOU BOTH STILL LIVE! Yet you intend to stand here and waste your time together when one of you could die at any second! STUPID STUPID STUPID! What I would have given for one more chance with him, and I see people like you sitting here sulking because you aren't man enough to admit your own feelings!" Tears started to fall from her eyes and she sunk to the floor with me.

"But…" I looked at her with wide eyes and almost mentally slapped myself. "I don't want to hurt her." I said softly looking away.

"IDIOT! I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD MEET SOMEONE SO DUMB!" She yelled digging her head into her hands. "What's going to hurt her more, having to spend her days in loneliness or having to say goodbye to you like every human does eventually, people die, people change, and it's a part of life. BUT YOU CAN'T AVOID WINRY BECAUSE YOU THINK SHE IS SCARED! BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONE THAT'S SCARED!"

I gasped, my vision slightly blurring. "But I will go away, I know this, I have to save my brother." I looked away hurting over the pain I had to suffer in my life. I knew how this woman felt, loneliness, emptiness after loosing a loved one.

"If you die Edward, or go away, she will still hurt even if you don't admit your feelings towards her. You leaving her will always hurt her… you should tell her how you feel before you do." She stood up and wiped her tears.

"But… I don't know how I feel." I replied with a blush. Stop blushing like an idiot...

She grinned and held out her hand. Once she had helped me to stand she placed her hands on my hips. "If you really don't know, I'll tell you how you feel, all you have to do is answer my simple questions. Keeping in mind we are all adults." We sat down at the table together and she handed me some tea generously. All I could do was look up at the hill where Winry's house was situated and watch as the clouds started to gather.

"Finally some rain, we needed some." Nelly said. I nodded and relaxed as I heard the rain slowly start to fall. It was about ten in the morning, yet it looked like the afternoon with the dark clouds blocking the sun. It's like the sun was going down on me, as the rain continually poured through my life.

"That's Winry's wrench isn't it?" She said pointing to the item I was fiddling with in my hands.

I scratched the back of my head and grinned. "Yes we have become rather good friends…" I laughed.

"Why do you carry it with you?" She questioned.

"Well I was going to return it, but I can't." I told her.

"Still then why do you choose to carry it with you when you could leave it somewhere?"

"I…"

"Is it because it's the only thing that reminds you of her?" She questioned taking a sip of her tea calmly. I twitched slightly, starting to become fidgety and nodded. There was really no point in lying now. "I see… have you and Winry ever…"

"She kissed me once." I said before she had time to finish her question. Nelly smiled softly.

"Did you kiss her back…?"

"Of course I did." I replied with frustration. How could I not?

"It wasn't just a kiss was it?" She laughed.

"Well you see it sort of went like…" I blushed furiously, vivid visions of her kissing me passionately in my own coat coming back to get the better of me.

"It's okay; just tell me how you felt…"

"Like I couldn't bear being separated from her, once she had touched me I held her close to me greedily… I wanted to hold her… I felt whole for the first time in so long…" I said dropping my head. The words coming out of my mouth easier than I thought they would. I still didn't like the interrogation... and if this had any chance of getting back to anyone in the military or Winry... I would god damn keep my mouth shut.

"Edward…" She sighed. "Why are you two not together then? It sounds fine to me."

"Well the next day we got into a fight because I wouldn't show affection for her in public, she thought I was using her as a play thing. I got so angry over this… so I yelled at her telling her it was all a mistake." I flinched at the memory of sudden betrayal and hurt in her eyes. "After that… she didn't even bother fighting about this problem with me anymore, and she left."

"Now what, do you want her back? Do you think you can just hold her at night-time? You say you don't want to hurt her… but it looks like your trying too." Nelly answered noticing I hadn't drunk any of my tea.

I kept my head down over this comment grief washing over me. It's not that I didn't want to be with her in public, it's just that I had to get my head around what happened and if I was happy about it before I did.

"Edward… do you dream about making love to her?"

I blushed over this and looked away to hide it. "I have never done the such." I said huffily.

"Edward… stop being a baby what are you twenty something? Why does this type of conversation still make you blush?"

"Damn okay yes! YES I HAVE ARE YOU HAPPY?" I yelled keeping my head away from hers. There was silence for a long time and I let out a loud sigh. "I have never made love before, but I know one thing, I want to be... inside of Winry."

"Gentle… or rough?" She asked. Now this was one question I didn't understand and I screwed my face up in puzzlement and turned to her so she would notice the evident confusion on my face. "Do you want to do it gently, or roughly?"

"What?" I said with anger. "What do you think I am? Of course I want to be gentle with her!"

Nelly sat back in her seat with a smile. "Definitely." What kind of conversation is this? What the hell does this have to do with it! She just wants to embarrass me.

"Why would I want to be rough?" I asked with sadness, the thought of hurting Winry of course hurt me.

"Lust, men who just want to have sex with a woman, hear her scream, do it hard and fast, it's harsh I know Edward, but it's the truth. Sex where the touch means nothing, and there is no emotion, that's what you call lust, it has nothing to do with love. The fact you want to be gentle with her, that you want to touch her and hold her, shows your not just doing it for your own pleasure, you say you want to be inside of her and the fact you refer to it as 'Making love' makes it obvious I should think." Nelly giggled. "You don't lust after Winry… you love her, pure straight out strong love, just accept it… now it's time to go get her right? That's what you're thinking isn't it Ed?"

What Nelly had told me instantly made everything more clear in my mind and I stood up from the table instantly. "Thanks Nelly." I then ran out the door as fast as I could.

The rain was beating down hard on my skin and the mud was splashing up all over my body as my feet came into contact with the ground after every pain brining step towards her home. I ran with speed, faster than I had ever had, and felt the world come to a stop as I ran closer towards her door. The fast steps I took towards her were beating in time with my heart. It was almost getting to the point where I couldn't do anything without her. I knocked on her door hard, a look of anger and determination in my eyes. This was going to be the first fight I ever won against Winry Rockbell!

I know I'm going to wake you up since you sleep in but Winry you better hear me out.

Saturn Stars