Disclaimer: I own nothing except plot and (at this stage) Xavier.

Chapter 8 – My Suicide

Xavier opened a pair of bleary eyes to see the form of Albus Dumbledore leaning over him.

'Ergh, what's going on? Where am I?'

'You were found in the Slytherin bathrooms in a pool of blood holding a photo.' Dumbledore replied, 'perhaps you ought to tell us what's going on.'

'What! Where am I anyway?'

'You are in St Mungos Hospital, psychiatric ward,' a figure said stepping out of the shadows, 'Albus, Severus, Lockhart, could you give us a few minutes alone.'

Dumbledore nodded and stepped out of the room followed by a dreary Snape and a Lockhart who seemed drained of all life.

'Dad, what are you doing here? What am I doing here? I didn't do anything, look there's no marks or anything, surely you should be elsewhere?'

'Xavier, I am here because you need me. You are here because you attempted suicide again, and yes there are other things that I should be doing, but you are more important.'

'But Dad, I didn't try and kill myself, I'm fine, no scars or anything.'

Joseph stepped across the room and sat by Xavier's side. He took Xavier's hand in his own and turned it over to reveal a wrist laden with scars, he took a deep breath and said, 'Xavier how do I know that all of these scars are old. I knew that changing schools would be difficult for you, but I thought we agreed it was for the best. Then again I guess I've never known what you truly wanted. I left you alone when Gilderoy died and I didn't know a thing about your depression before you were found the first time. I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you.'

'Don't call him Gilderoy,' Xavier said struggling to hold back tears, 'He wasn't his father, he was Gil and I was over his death until I found his photo in that pool of blood. Either way I didn't try and kill myself, that wasn't my blood. These scars ARE old. I haven't cut since I left hospital the last time.'

'Then whose blood was it?'

'I, I don't know.'

'Xavier you know you need help, you just can't admit it. This is just like last time.'

'Dad just leave me be, no one believes me so I may as well stay here. You were the only one I ever trusted aside from Gil. Now I can't trust you and Gil is dead. I would be better of dead as well, a least then we could finally be together.'

'Don't say that you can trust me; I'm just trying to help. I've already said that I'm sorry I wasn't there after Gil died, and I really am.'

'The only reason you are sorry is because you don't want me to die. But you don't believe a word I say so you may as well go.'

'Xavier,' Joseph murmured with tears in his eyes.

'Just go Dad; you weren't there when I needed you and now I don't need you and you're here, so just leave. Go back to your war.'

Joseph stood and strode abruptly out of the room, tears streaming down his weathered face.