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Chapter 3: Trying to get him home
Piper tried hard to stay calm while she let the scrying crystal move over the map. It was now more than a half hour ago that Chris had left and she couldn't stand the thought that he was out there alone after what just happened. The guilt she felt was almost overwhelming and Piper didn't believe that she could handle it if anything happened to her son. As she once again looked at her little boy on the picture that she used to scry for him she couldn't hold it back anymore. She sat down on the chair behind her and started to cry again.
Leo quickly walked over to her and took her into his arms. "Don't worry. We'll find him. And then we'll…"
"We'll do what?" Piper interrupted him. "Tell him how sorry we are? Tell him that we didn't mean those things we said and done to him? Do you really think that this is enough?"
Leo couldn't answer for a moment because Piper had just spoken out what he thought himself. But then with another look on the picture of his family he said "Maybe not, but it's a start. I know that he has every right to hate us for what we've done to him but you just have to believe that he's able to forgive us."
"Why should he?" Piper asked him desperate. She couldn't get the pained look in Chris' eyes out of her mind. The pain she had caused her own son.
"Because he's just here to save his family. I don't think he would have come back if he didn't loves us" Leo said and tried to convince himself as much as his ex-wife.
Piper still couldn't really believe in what Leo told her but she couldn't just sit here while her son was somewhere out there, maybe believing that she wanted him dead. She stood up and took the crystal to scry for Chris again. But the minutes passed and nothing happened. "Why can't I find him?" Piper asked frustrated.
"Maybe he knows a way to block it. I mean I can't even locate him by myself" Leo answered but this was clearly not the answer Piper had wanted to hear.
She gave him a deadly glare before she said determind "Then we have to try something else. Go up there and tell your stupid fellow elders that they…"
"Piper I don't think that they can locate him either" Leo cut her off. "I'm an elder too."
"But we have to do something!" Piper shouted furiously. "Our son is somewhere out there and he maybe thinks that we all hate him! All he wanted was to save us and we treated him like trash! I know that you maybe doesn't even care if he needs us but I do! So stop with your damn excuses and help me find my son!"
Leo was clearly hurt by her speech but he couldn't blame her for what she had said. "Piper, I also care about him. He is my son too. And I want him back as badly as you."
Piper saw and heard how bad her ex-husband felt and she quickly calmed down a bit. "I'm sorry Leo. I think I'm just angry at myself. I didn't have the right to say something like this… but we have to find him!"
Leo sighed and wanted to give it another try to sense for his son but then suddenly a thought hit him. It wasn't a happy thought though because it didn't remember him of something he was proud of now that he knew Chris' real identity.
FLASHBACKLeo orbed on the top of the Golden Gate Bridge where he had sensed Chris. He had to talk to him about what had happened today. Once he was fully materialized on the bridge he saw the young whitelighter sitting there with his head on his knees. He seemed dejected but Leo didn't care. "Good place to think, isn't it?" he asked to get Chris' attention.
Chris didn't bother to look at him. He already knew what was going to happen. "What do you want?" he asked with an emotionless voice.
"Just to talk. You know Chris, trust is a precious commodity. Once you lose it, it's pretty hard to get it back" Leo said refering to what had happened this afternoon. Chris had manipulated them all so that they would bind Wyatt's powers and while the sisters had been distracted the order had been able to kidnap his son.
"Where'd you read that out of, a fortune cookie?" Chris snorted.
"Don't be a smart ass" Leo warned. "It doesn't help your cause."
Finally Chris turned around to look at him. "My cause? Pretty much screwed that up, don't you think?"
Leo nodded in agreement. "Yeah that's exactly what I think."
"Then what the hell do you want from me?" Chris repeated with an annoyed voice but deep inside he was getting really desperate. How could have everything went so wrong? His own mother didn't want to see him anymore and his whole family didn't trust him. How should he now be able to save his brother?
"I want you to leave my family alone" Leo said with a hint of anger in his voice.
"I'm here to save your son so…" Chris tried once again to convince him that his motives were good.
But Leo didn't let him finish. "The same son who you let be kidnapped today?" he asked sarcastically. "Forget it Chris. This time I don't believe you. I trusted you but everything what you wanted was to get my son, right?"
Chris shook his head. "No, I want to save him. You don't know how the future will look like. Wyatt will be the ruler of all evil and no one is save from him. He even tried to kill me."
Leo frowned confused as he heard the emphasis Chris used as he said me. "And why exactly would this be so horrible?"
Just like in old times, Chris thought at Leo's comment. "I almost forgot that for you it would be a reason to celebrate" he said bitterly.
"Well after what happened today, yeah I think it would be" Leo responded. He didn't see the hurt expression on Chris' face because Chris looked again down on the water. "And remember, if I ever see you in Wyatt's nearness again I'll make up for what I missed in Valhalla." With that he orbed away.
END OF FLASHBACK"Piper! I think I know where he is" Leo said while he tried to suppress the memory of what he had said to his son.
Piper looked at him with new hope in her eyes. "Orb" she said but it wasn't even necessary because Leo had already taken her hand to bring them to their son.
Once they appeared on the bridge they could see Chris sitting there with a shaking body. For a second Piper asked herself what was wrong with him but then she heard his sobs and her heart shattered into pieces. She wanted to reach out to take him in her arms and tell him that she was sorry and that she loved him but suddenly Chris gasped "Mom… I'm so sorry."
It broke Leo's and Piper's heart to see their son like this. They had always thought that nothing in the world seemed to be able to put Chris in an emotional state but now they realized that he has always just suppressed his feelings. It must have been horrible for him to be all alone to deal with everything and they hadn't make it any easier for him. "Chris" Piper spoke softly and touched her son's schoulder.
Chris turned around, surprised that they had found him. He had blocked every magical way out with that they could have been able to locate him. That was something he had needed to learn in a world where he had to hide from his own brother who wanted to kill him. So how had they found him?
Piper now knelt down beside him and wanted to pull him into a hug but he quickly stood up and tried to wipe off the tears from his face. He didn't want to let them know how he felt because he knew that they would feel guilty and maybe even hurt. But he had never wanted to hurt them – especially his mom. "How did you find me?" he asked while he tried to get his voice back to its usual emotionless state.
"I thought that you would might be here" Leo explained. "You seem to like this place."
"Please come home with us Chris" Piper pleaded and took a step in her son's direction but he backed away again.
"Home?" he asked coldly. "Where should this be for me?"
Piper had to gather all her selfcontroll not to start to cry again at Chris' comment. What the hell had she done, she asked herself for the hundredth time. "By your family" she answered. "By us."
Chris slightly shook his head. "No" he said his voice so low that his parents almost couldn't hear him.
"Chris please stop acting like you doesn't care about what we've done" Leo now said. "I know that we made a lot of horrible mistakes but we would have never did those things if we would have known who you are."
When Chris didn't answer Piper tried again to take her son's hand but again he fliched away from her. She sighed sadly but wasn't ready to give up yet. "I'm so sorry honey for what we did to you. I – I know that you have no reason to forgive us but I love you so much and…"
"No you don't" Chris finally said. His voice wasn't cold any longer, it was full of pain. That were exactly the words his mother had said to him before she had died and at that time he had believed her. But now after what had happened the last months he wasn't sure of it anymore. He asked himself that if his mother would be still alive in his time she would have also grown to hate him like she did here. "You hate me" he stated and caused his parents to look at him in sorrow.
"No" Piper now whispered. "No, Chris. Don't you ever believe that."
"Why? It's the truth, isn't it?" Chris asked while the tears came back into his eyes.
"No, it's not the truth" Leo answered.
Chris couldn't stand this anymore. There they stood, trying to convince that they cared about him after what they had said and done in the past months. How the hell should he be able to believe them? "Of course it is!" he yelled suddenly. "You maybe feel like you have to love me now that you know that I'm your son. But we all know that you hate me for who I am – for what I've done."
Piper and Leo looked at him in shock as they realized that Chris really seemed to believe in what he just said. "Chris, I know that you're hurt" Piper said near to break down again. "But you have to believe us. I could never hate you. I lo-"
"Why should we lie to ourselves?" Chris interrupted her. His voice was now no longer pained, just exhausted. "You both have made very clear how you feal about me and I can't blame you for that. I know that I'm not someone you want to be related to, or even have as your son. I understand that – really."
At this time the tears were streaming down Pipers face again and even Leos eyes watered up. They couldn't believe what they heard from their son. What he seemed to believe. "Chris no…" Piper tried it again but was cut off by Chris.
"You don't have to feel guilty" he said. "I came back to save Wyatt and after I'm done with that then… well I'm not quite sure if there will be a then. After all I even screwed up my own existence. Maybe now your wish will finally come true Leo and you won't have to deal with me this time."
Leo's heart stopped almost beating as he tried to comprehend the meaning of Chris' words. "What do you mean?" he asked even though he wasn't sure that he even wanted to hear the answer.
"Well it's not like you've ever wanted me" Chris answered now again with a hint of pain in his voice about what his father had done – or rather not done – in the past. "But it's okay. I understand" he repeated. "It doesn't matter anymore."
"Of course it does" Piper contradicted quickly. "Chris you're our son. And of course we want you in our lives. I'm so sorry if you believe otherwise but please give us a second chance. We want to get to know you – the real you, not the emotionless mask you've put on since you got here. Please, I love you so much sweetie. Please come home with us" she pleaded again and hold out her hand for her son to take it.
Chris looked at it and for a second he really wanted to believe in what his mother told him and take her hand but he couldn't forget the looks of hatred she had given him in the last two days. He couldn't forget that they all hated him. He swallowed hard before he took a step back from his parents. "I have no home here. I didn't have a home since I was fourteen and I got used to it. So stop feeling like you owe me something because I don't need you anymore." He knew that what he said could probably hurt them if they just cared a little about him but he didn't want them to know how he really felt. Before they could say something he orbed away from the brigde, leaving his parents cry on each others shoulder.
TBC...