I'm really sorry it took a long time to update. I was swamped in school work. Not as good as you might expect it to be

Chapter III: The (Mis)adventure

Squall: Ok, the boys will take the hallway to the right, and the girls will take the corridor to the left.

Selphie: Right-o!

Zell: Selphie, you're mood is awfully happy for a horror story.

Selphie: No, this is just the part where the clueless teenagers are like, "There are no such things as ghosts." But then in a few chapters or scenes or whatever they'll be like, "OMG Help US! Ghosts are EVERYWHERE!"

Zell: Oh. . . ok.

Squall: How many of you have watches?

Irvine: I do.

Quistis: Me too.

Squall: The time is 1200. Meet back here by 1500. Now move out!

Zell: Who made you the boss?

Squall: I did. Now shut up and move it Zell.

(The boys go right, girls go left. Squall, Zell, and Irvine find themselves in a loooooong hallway)

Zell: Awwww . . . look how long it is.

Irvine: (Looks down long hallway. Counts the number of doors) There are only three doors, Zell.

Zell: We might as well kill ourselves now, cuz that way too many.

Squall: Zell, shut up. (Goes to first door. Tries to open it. It is locked.) Damn. Ok next door.

Irvine: Squall, ever since you broke up with Rinoa, you've become a lot more social.

Squall: I guess so. (Tries to open second door. It is locked.) DAMN IT!

Zell: By process of elimination, the way out is behind door #3!

Irvine: I think we all figured that one out Zell.

Zell: Oh yeah? Well by the transitive property of equality, you are officially an idiot.

Irvine: Stop talking about yourself, Zell.

Zell: Great comeback. I'm glue and you rubber. Whatever I say bounces off you and sticks to me.

Irvine: Zell, I think you got that backwards.

Zell: I know what I am but what are you?

Irvine: Know what, Zell? I just figured out that talking to you is like trying to nail jello to a wall.

Zell: (sarcastically) WOW! How long did it take you to figure that one out?

Irvine: 'Bout three minutes.

Zell: Hey, you're not as stupid as I look.

Irvine: Once again, Zell, I think you got that backw—

Squall: ENOUGH! Zell, from now on you can't say anything more that five words at one minute intervals. And Irvine, you are not allowed to touch yourself in front of men.

Irvine: (Takes hands out of pants) As you wish, Commander. (bows respectfully)

Zell: What happens if I say more than five words at a time?

Squall: I have the right to castrate you.

Zell: (gulp)

Squall: Now. (opens door three. It is an empty room with a treasure chest in the center with many flashing light pointing to it.)

Zell: Looks like (thinks about how many words he's said so far) there nothing here.

Squall: (Opens treasure chest; finds a key) Ok, I think this opens a door.

Zell: No shit, Sherlock, I thought you were smart.

Squall: . . . four . . . five . . . six . . . seven . . . eight . . . That's over five words Zell. Irvine hold him down.

Irvine: Gladly. (pins down Zell)

Zell: WAIT! NO! STOP IT! DON'T COME NEAR ME! HELP! SQUALL, DON'T!

Squall: (puts on a rubber glove the kind that doctors wear yes the really cool ones that smell funny) Prepare to meet the new high voiced Zell.

Zell: (takes a very deep breath to calm himself) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Squall: (covers ears) shutupshutupshutupshutup!

Zell: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Irvine: My FREAKING EARS!

Zell: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Squall: LET HIM IRVINE, LET HIM GO!

Irvine: (Lets Zell go)

Zell: Thanks guys. That ALWAYS works. And if you don't abolish that five words per minute thing you'll be sorry.

Squall: And if we don't . . . ?

Irvine: Yeah? What can you do to us?

(Five minutes later.)

Irvine: (shouts) Use the key to open the other doors.

Zell: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Squall: (shouts back) I've tried but they don't work.

Zell: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Irvine: (shouts) Then what do we do?

Zell: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Squall: (shouts back) Hold on, I have an idea. (Grabs Zell. Uses him as a battering ram. Breaks down door #1)

Zell: (unconscious)

Irvine: Nice move, buddy. You killed two birds with one stone.

Squall: Thanks.

Irvine: Oh by the way, which do you prefer: Quistis or Rinoa?

Squall: Damn, that's a hard question. See, Rinoa is the airheaded girl who doesn't know SHIT about raising a family, but she's one hell of a partner in bed. Quistis is really smart and bossy, like a dominatrix, but I bet she can raise a family better.

Irvine: So, which one do YOU want?

Squall: (thinks) Quistis. Definitely Quistis. But anyway, let's get a move on.

Irvine: What about Zell?

Squall: (Shrugs) What about him?

Irvine: (kicks him awake) Zell!

Zell: . . . hm? What? What happened? Why does my head hurt?

Squall: You . . . uh. . . fell.

Zell: oh. Hey the door's open!

Irvine: Yeah. Let's go in.

(They go in. They are in a dark room with only one door.)

Squall: (Tries the key) gasp It opened!

(They enter doorway. See a LONG winding staircase going down.)

Irvine: So Squall, you never answered my question: How come you're more social after you broke up with Rinoa?

Squall: Why are you asking me these stupid questions?

Irvine: For charcter development. The author wants to get rid of all the tiny details now.

Squall: Well . . . you see uh . . . coughrinoausedtosexuallyabusemeanditaffectedmementallyandnowthati'mfreenowifeelmuchbettercough

Irvine: oh, I see. So you've turned to Quistis for sexual healing.

Squall: Yes.

Zell: Hey it's just like that one song! What's it called?

Irvine: Zell, your epidermis is showing.

Zell: huh? What? (starts squiriming. Falls down stairs) OW! OOF! Son of a! ARGH Damnit! OUCH!

Irvine: Should we follow him?

Squall: Wait. (Pulls out torches from stone walls. Hands one to Irvine.) Ok now we can go.

(they walk down the long staircase.)

Zell: Oh God! Ouch! Hyne, that hurt! Oooof! OUCH! GAH! ARGH!

Irvine: You think he would have stopped, but no.

Squall: Well he IS a moron after all.

(Reach the bottom of the stairs.)

Irvine: What the ?

Zell: (Is pounding head against stone wall.) Ouch! Jesus! OOF!

Irvine: Zell, what are you doing?

Zell: I'm trying to find the secret passage.

Squall: (points in the opposite direction) You mean that wooden door?

Zell: OMG! Squall, you're a genius! You found the secret passage!

(Irvine and Squall look at each other)

Zell: (Opens door and runs in) Well let's see what's in here. . . . OMG!

Squall: (Rushes in) What is it?

Irvine: (sees what Zell saw) Holy S#!

Zell: Hyne save us, it's a !

I hate cliffhangers don't you?