Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. I only own the plot.
I got some of the ideas from "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. Every time I read it, it makes me think about my life…and how I should be doing productive things and making the right decisions…(Sigh)
Warning: might find this chapter weird…I've verses intersperse with the paragraph…something I tend to do with my other story so it's a hard habit to break so what the hell lol
Anyway, hope you'll enjoy this story!
Return to Innocence-2
You smiled at me
But laughter never reached your eyes
The wind is too strong, you say
That sand got into your eyes
And you cried
It is alright
Cry till your tears bring out the sand
I will remain by your side
Forget him my friend
The person is a fool
So blind
So ignorant
Of your feelings
Of your sacrifices
He is not worth it
I watched you though your struggles
Your implicit love for him
No words can make you change your mind
An innocent childhood crush
Beautiful memories together
Something you must preserve—
Even when you are in pain
Let him go
He is only your favourite male friend
There are other men
Who you had yet to meet
He's not the only one
You don't have to love him for eternity
Take my hand my friend
From this moment on
In six month's time
Learn to not miss him
Learn to ignore him
Learn to forget him
Learn to efface your love for him
Love is not suppose to bring you pain
Putting his happiness first--
But what about yours?
Be selfish for once
He can take care of himself
Love, but love yourself more
--My dear friend
Don't suppress your emotions
I want to see your beautiful smile again…
"It's almost morning." Lee said as he got up from his sitting spot. He dusted his pants before picking up his backpack.
They had been travelling for the whole night, only stopping a few times in between to break. Their mission wasn't an urgent one; it was something that Tsunade had to dig up from her large pile of scrolls. In fact, Tsunade told the pair to take their time, giving them a full two weeks to accomplish the mission.
Tsunade, being the legendary Sennin and the Hokage, probably had a good idea as to what is going on. It was better this way; Tenten decided. She didn't want to explain to her idol that the sudden mission request was so she could use it as an excuse to get herself out of Neji's wedding.
However, despite the fact that she'd lost a potential lover, she managed to keep an important friend right?
She should be happy…but she was not.
Leaving Konoha…was a wise decision. She wanted to spare herself the pain, knowing the fact that Neji was about to get marry and watching him marrying someone in front of her were two different things.
She would rather get slapped across her face or get punched hard in the stomach than to watch them, because her heart wouldn't be aching to say at least.
A physical wound would heal after sometime, but an emotional wound will linger much longer…especially when it comes to Neji. Since his wedding announcement, her heart hurts every time she saw him. She felt as if there were multiple katanas stabbing deeply into her heart at the same time…it hurts so much that she had difficulty breathing property in front of him.
But she held her ground and act as if nothing was wrong.
Neji and Tenten could've been more than friends. However, a part of her was satisfied, happy even that she had someone she could treasure and love. However, the irrational part of her was telling her that she could take Neji from Sakura because--
Neji valued her too.
She could exploit it if she wants. She could've done it from the very beginning…but Neji looked like he was opening himself up, that he was actually enjoying chatting with Sakura.
Tenten felt like telling him that Sakura could never be the right girl for him and that they would never work out. From what she'd seen, Sakura still had feelings for the Uchiha. On the other hand, Tenten herself was willing to devote everything, even her life for him. Yet, when she spoke…
She urged Neji on, telling him that it's about time that he gets himself a girlfriend.
When Tenten and Neji were younger, there was a time when Tenten told Neji exactly what she was feeling whether she was angry, frustrated, or sad. However, as their relationship developed…she began distancing herself from him. She started lying to Neji that everything was fine and the same as before when it was not. She hid her feelings by acting the way she was before she fell in love with Neji. She kept reminding herself she was his friend and his friend only. No doubt, Neji had noticed the tension in her whenever he was around. However, he never questioned…so she kept her mask on. Then, it hit the point where she didn't know how to act around him anymore.
Like now.
It wasn't fair.
If she was the only one feeling like she was in hell then he should feel the same way for making her fall in love with him. He should suffer, just like her, when he marries Sakura. He should live with the guilt that he will never be able to respond to her feelings. He should…
What was she thinking?
Thoughts like these were the reason why she left Konoha…and made her hate herself.
It was her choice to love in an implicit way, not Neji's. In some ways, she found herself really pathetic. She was a shinobi, someone who had the ability to take anybody out without a second thought. But she was never able to gather enough courage to tell Neji her feelings because she was scared that he'll leave her.
Neji was never accustomed to loving and trusting someone. She saw how he lived his life. His father was dead when he was young; he despised his uncle for his father's death. Then he felt shameful when he found out the truth behind it. Afterwards, it took years for Neji to rebuild his relationship with the Main House. Even up till now, he didn't fully acknowledge the Main house yet.
That was why…she didn't have the heart to destroy his relationship with Sakura.
At the same time, she didn't want to gamble their relationship…Neji was too important for her. She couldn't lose him. If he loves her then everything would work out, but what if he doesn't. What if he only considered her as a team-mate and nothing more? What if he is really in love with Haruno Sakura?
So many uncertainties and too many doubts…
Therefore, even though the words of how she felt about him were just sitting at the edge of her tongue, she swallowed them and kept them to herself.
In some twisted ways, it served her right she supposed. This taught her a lesson, she can have a secret crush all she wants but she had no right to complain or feel resentment toward her crush for falling in love with someone else. It was her who had waited too long, chances that had slipped away from her will never appear again.
However…
Tenten was an adult; she could deal with the consequences of her actions. She could deal with her unrequited love. In fact, that was what she was doing right now.
Tenten stood up and stretched. The journey wasn't too difficult since they weren't going at their top speeds but it was beginning to take a toll on her due to the amount of time they had been travelling.
If she stayed in Konoha, she wondered what she would've done. Maybe she'll really end up harassing Sakura, aka beating her to a bloody pulp, until she gives up on Neji or grabbing Neji by the leg so he couldn't get to the church. Perhaps she'll even declare her love for him in front of everybody and force him to marry her instead while she was at it.
Tenten snickered.
"You're smiling again," Lee said as he observed her. "An evil smile but this is a good start."
"You worry too much about me," Tenten said, eying him. "You, on the other hand, should take better care of yourself."
"I, as the proud beast of Konoha," Lee declared proudly as he did his good-guy pose. "will not be defeated by a simple heartbreak. All I need is a few thousand sit-ups, push-ups, and other exercise and I'll be as good as new."
Even though she was hurting inside, she was glad to see Lee taking the facts well…unlike her.
They continued on, but now they were walking casually on the ground instead of hopping from tree to tree.
"Sakura-chan," Lee started, his tone filled with gentleness, not a touch of anger or hate could be heard. "had never led me on. She turned down all my invitations and even told me that she'll only see me as a friend. It is me who had kept my hopes up, thinking that maybe one day she'll accept me. I would be lying if I tell you that I wasn't discouraged. Deep down, I'm used to the fact that she will never return my feelings. Therefore, I love her, but just not as deep."
"I wish I have controlled my emotions before it's too late." Tenten sighed. Then a thought hit her, "Say Lee, if it weren't for me, would you have left Konoha also?"
Lee shrugged, "I doubt it."
Tenten looked sadly at him, she knew him well. He would probably smile and give Sakura his blessing, even when he was devastated inside.
But…
If Lee can do that, why couldn't her? Lee and she was Neji's best friend, if they left him on the day that was the most important to him…then what kind of friend are they? If she were going to stay being Neji's friend, then…
At least somebody deserves to be happy at this occasion.
"Let's go back Lee." Tenten said as she looked toward the horizon. Suddenly, her life didn't seem so hopeless and depressed as before. It was as if the weights that had been pressing down onto her were lifted. After all, tomorrow is another day. If the sun can banish the darkness in the world, then she'll just have to find her own sun, the one that will banish the sadness from her world.
She had been hanging onto Neji for so long that she'd forgotten how to let go, but maybe this was a good time for her to learn. After all, it couldn't get worse than this. She'll just spend a few months going on a few A-rank missions where she could go on a killing spree legitimately. Then, she'll just get Lee and the others to listen to her infuriating bitching and whining.
Besides, she hasn't been out partying for awhile anyway. She'll just hang out with her friends or find more work to do--like cleaning up her apartment or something while she's in Konoha—do anything she can to keep her mind busy so she won't have time to think about Neji.
And if that didn't work then…
Well she'll worry about that when it happens. Now, she got a wedding to attend.
"What?"
"Let's go back to Konoha." Tenten said as she turned around to face him. "Give the pair our blessings. Maybe out of it, you'll get to steal a kiss from Sakura. Just don't French her in front of Neji though, I can't guarantee you that I can hold him back."
Lee gasped in fake surprise, "Tenten, you dirty-minded girl!"
"Now, if my mind is in the gutter," Tenten said seriously, trying to hold back the smile that was itching to appear. "I would tell you to not press her down right in front of the altar and…"
Lee covered his ears with his hands as he ran toward Tenten. When he past by her, he playfully smacked her on the head.
"Ow! I'm going to get you for this Lee!" She yelled as she chased after him.
"Come and catch me you perverted girl!" Lee shouted. He'd never once looked back at her.
With that, they raced down the road that they'd come from, back toward Konoha.
If she couldn't get the man she loves, then at least she could be happy for Neji for getting the woman he wanted.
And maybe, just maybe, Neji will give her a hug too.
(A hopeless desire
Wanting something that you just can't get
Perhaps, this is the reason--
Why she wanted Neji so much
Like a child who cannot buy her toy
Once obtained, it's no longer be special
If she has the right to love
--then she also has the right to choose how to love
Maybe this way she…
Unrequited love is not a sin)
There were miles before I reach the end
I'm standing at a crossroads
Everything was so peaceful
I couldn't help but to remember…
I really didn't want to lose you
But at that time--
I was not satisfied…
Looking at the path before us
Where the end was already predetermined
I couldn't help but to wonder…
If I'd turned left or right—
Will I have a better ending?
Without this incident
Perhaps we would've reached the end
Together, going back to our house
Thinking up names for our children
But my heart urged for something more
Alone, I walk for miles on the new path
Never reaching the end
But I can no longer turn back
You are like a long lost dream
Fading away…
Until you disappeared--
Yet at this time I realized
The one I desire is you
Without this incident
Perhaps we would've reach the end
Together, watching our children grow
Thinking how wonderful my life have been
With my heart regretting for not taking another path…
Or
Should I have remain by your side--
Continue the journey together
Perhaps then…
Even without this accident
We would drift apart naturally—
And go our separate ways?
Which path am I destined to take?
Sakura looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were a bit puffy from crying of the night before. Eventually she was able to sleep but even her dream haunted her. She dreamt of being at the church with the groom standing next to her. At the beginning, it was Neji who was standing next to her, but as the priest continued his speech, Neji somehow evolved into Sasuke. When the priest asked him to kiss the bride, Sasuke wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, pressing her against him as he whispered words that brought chill up her spine.
"You are forever mine."
He gave her a mind-blowing kiss where details could not be described in a PG-13 story. Then she woke up, panting hard.
It was a disturbing dream; however, what disturbed her more was the feeling she got from it. The chill she felt wasn't fear, it was excitement. A book she'd read once said that dreams was a way for a person to fulfill his or her wish…
It didn't take a genius to figure out that Sasuke still had an impact on her.
"I'm going to be waiting at the bridge tomorrow."
(The tranquil surface of water--)
Sakura shook her head as she applied more makeup on her face to cover her blemishes that were caused by her insufficient sleep. She wondered if Neji would die of a heart attack when he sees her.
"I'll be waiting at the bridge tomorrow, for the whole day."
(Can be destroyed by the tiniest small pebble…)
Sakura slammed her fist on the cosmetic table in front of her. The eye pencil that was in her hand snapped into two. Sakura glared angrily at her reflection. Stop thinking about it! Sakura's mind screamed.
(The rippling effect will immediately be felt…)
What was she doing? She was about to get married to Neji yet she was still thinking about Sasuke.
(But the most affected area…)
Sakura had been so determined to marry Neji…and Sasuke just have to show up from nowhere, completely destroying her plan and the peace which she'd fought so hard to get.
(Will be at the center core where the pebble was once dropped)
She hated Sasuke for still having a strong influence over her emotional state. But most of all, she hated herself for still not being able to make up her damn mind.
(Like a prisoner who suddenly has an exit presented…)
No, she had already made up her mind. She'll just need to gather more resolve to marry Neji now.
(Her heart was wavering…she knew)
"You look like shit." A female voice said behind her.
(By a hopeless desire…)
Sakura turned around and found Temari lodging at the doorway. Temari smirked when she saw Sakura's sour face.
"Pre-wedding jitters." Sakura explained dully like she had rehearsed it many times before. Turning back to looked at the mirror, she picked up her brush and combed her cherry hair. She yanked at the places where her hair was tangled.
Temari walked toward Sakura and took the brush out of her hand. She gently combed Sakura's hair, untangling the places where there were knots.
The only sound in the room was the sound of the comb going through Sakura's hair.
Temari and Sakura were never close. They'd talk to each other a few times when they met and that was about it. Today, Sakura wasn't in the mood to put up her usual friendly and talkative act. Temari, being focused on her work, remained silent also.
"I think it's more than pre-wedding jitters." Temari said, finally breaking the silence.
"How would you know," Sakura retorted. She turned around and faced the blond woman. She felt angry that Temari was butting into her business.
Temari sighed as the braid she was working on became ruined. She let go of the strand and started over once again. She looked up and faced the angry woman.
"I'm married," Temari smiled a little as she raised her left hand, showing Sakura her silver wedding ring.
Even though Sakura could clearly recall the wedding ceremony between Shikamaru and Temari a few years ago, she still had difficulty believing that it had actually happened. After all, they seemed so…
"Different right?" Temari asked, finishing Sakura's thoughts. "I know. In some ways, even after all these time, it seemed surreal to me."
"Have you ever given up on him?" Sakura asked softly, her thumb fidgeting with her engagement ring.
"More times than I could count." Temari chuckled, "He's so lazy and don't even get me started about his obsession with cloud-watching. There are times where he drove me up the wall. I'm sure you heard about all our on and off relationship. I'd always ended up going back to the Wind Country."
Sakura nodded. But she couldn't suppress her curiosity so she asked, "If he makes you so angry, then why didn't you find another man?"
"I tried, I really did. It's not as if there was no man in the Wind County who was interested in me. During the 'off' period, I'd even gone out with some of them. A few even proposed to me and I was so closed to agreeing. So close, but I didn't, I couldn't. Therefore, I turn each and every one of them down and back to Konoha I go. It's not as if Shikamaru wasn't dating other girls as well. He went out with Ino and some other girls. I don't know what happened but we ended up coming back to each other.
"People used to tell me that the relationship between Shikamaru and I would never work too. Well, I was one of the believers. It seemed so wrong, even just thinking about it. We are shinobi of two different countries. Our personalities are so different; I'm the action-taking type while he's the laid back type. Not to mention that we argued most of the time. Hell, he's even two years younger than me. But when we are together…" Temari paused, trying to find the right words to say, "It somehow feels right and I supposed that's all that matters.
"A relationship doesn't just happen. Like clapping, no sound will ever come out with one hand. Both sides have to work on it. Shikamaru might be lazy and considers everything as troublesome. He might not be the best man in the world but he'd managed to convince me to believe in him that he'll try. I'm sure that Neji is going to be better than him." Temari smiled at Sakura, "As long as both of you are determined to make the relationship work, it will, somehow."
Temari finished twirling Sakura's hair into a bun. Using some clips and a small diamond crown to secure it, she placed the white veil over Sakura's head. She moved back, marvelling at her work.
"You can't be rational in love. I tried that, the equations never balance out. Don't think, feel. It's never too late say no, all of us will be there to support you decision. We want you to be happy Sakura." Temari patted Sakura on the shoulder. "But once you'd made the choice, stop thinking about the 'should've, could've, would've' crap. Remember, the grass is always greener on the other side. You can't take all the good stuff. You got to save some for others."
With that, Temari left the room, closing the door quietly behind her, leaving Sakura in the room alone so she can think about what to do.
Sakura looked at her reflection once more.
Today was her wedding…
She should be happy. She should be smiling.
But she wasn't.
Instead she found her heart aching.
She was already inside the church. She was already in her wedding dress. She was fully prepared. Her friends and family were going to be gathered here to watch the ceremony which will be starting in half an hour. Most of all, Neji will be waiting at the altar for her to show up.
"It's not too late huh…"
Easier to be said than to be done, Temari.
Through the mirror, she saw someone standing behind her.
"Neji…"
"We need to talk about us and about Uchiha Sasuke."
(A hopeless desire…
Something she had no hope of gaining
But that didn't prevent her from wanting it
Sasuke's only here because he is going to lose her
She is only here because Sasuke didn't want her
A man she can have…
A man she wants to have…
The moment for her final decision has come
And she wondered…
Should she choose with her brain or with her heart?
Is being human a sin?)
Cyberwing's current status: Not in the right state of mind, barely slept on the night before to study for her test. Should be sleeping right now but find herself staying awake to type this chapter up...
PLEASE REVIEW! NEED MOTIVATION! Lol