Part 4: Life Without You
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: All characters are property of WWE and themselves.
Pairing: Dave Batista/Lilian Garcia
Notes: Each part of the series uses lyrics from the 98 Degrees album 'Revelation' (which, yes, I sadly admit I own, LOL). This part is from the song 'You Don't Know.'
Who could know the emptiness inside
Everytime I see your face
Too many feelings left behind
He watched from afar, taking a swig of his drink as he did so. He always eyed her from a safe distance. He had to. If he got too close to her, people would know what he was staring at; or worse yet, she would know what he was staring at. He couldn't have that.
No, Dave Batista had spent too long hiding, went to such great lengths to conceal his feelings. Lilian could never know how he felt for her. She could never know that while he was out in the ring, relentlessly pounding on his opponents, he was sneaking glances in her direction, her beauty too great for him to ignore. She could never know that he longed to hold her, to run his fingers through her silky blonde hair and make her his.
And so, instead of swallowing his pride - and the tormenting he'd no doubt receive from his Evolution buddies - and letting her know how he felt, Dave avoided her altogether. It was for the best anyway. After all the horrible things he'd done to his coworkers in the past, he'd be lucky if such a kindhearted person as Lilian didn't laugh in his face. There was no way she'd go for him, especially not after his being dubbed the 'monster' of Evolution. Nobody wanted a monster.
He told himself repeatedly to get over it, that dwelling on a relationship that would never come to be was no good for him. But everytime he caught a glimpse of her at the arena, or across the room of a crowded club like the one they were at tonight, he got a stark reminder of how far he had fallen.
Not being able to talk to her when she was so near gave Batista the most terrible, heart-wrenching feelings of loneliness. So many emotions were triggered within him simply by looking at her, and he could do nothing about him.
Now do you wonder why I turn away when you look at me?
Never wanting to your eyes to see
This desperate that knows how perfect we could be
From across the club, Victoria cocked her head to the side as she noticed her friend had stopped dancing, her eyes seeming much too preoccupied with something else. The raven haired diva glanced across the room, trying to figure out just what Lilian was staring at, but she came up with nothing.
"Lil?" she spoke to her questioningly, placing a hand on her shoulder.
"He's looking at me..." the blonde haired woman replied, without bothering to look over at her.
Victoria raised an eyebrow, squinting as she tried to identify anyone in the crowded mass of people.
"Who? Who's looking at you?" she asked, her dark eyes surveying the bar area.
"Dave," Lilian answered. "Dave Batista."
Just as she had uttered his name, Victoria caught a glimpse of the man himself. Almost immediately after she recognized him, Batista's head snapped in the opposite direction, and she swore she could see his cheeks flush.
Dave's stomach dropped from his body, the color draining from his face. She had seen him. Then, just as quickly as it had gone, the color flushed back to his face, this time in the form of a deep purple. He couldn' tbelieve what had just happened, that he had allowed his guard to slip so much that Lilian saw him staring at her.
From the corner of his eye, he could still see her, and he could vaguely make out the expression on her face, which he determined to be puzzlement. He frowned, a deep sigh emitting from his throat. He had never meant to cause her any confusion, but his need for the secrecy of his feelings did just that. He couldn't bear to look her in the eye. His heart, which knew completely that they were made for each other, kept his feelings locked up. And despite their desperate struggle, he knew they would never be freed.
Baby cause you don't know, how I feel
Livin' my life without you
Baby and you don't know, what it's like
Lovin' you all this time
I'll give you all my love, heart and soul
Riskin' it all on a chance
And now when I need you the most
You don't know
At night while he lay awake in bed, Dave often asked himself why he kept everything he felt hidden. The empty space beside him put a hole in his heart, one that couldn't be filled with just any woman. God only knew that he had tried that, more than a few times. He needed Lilian. And yet she had no idea, no idea at all that his sleepless nights were spent thinking of her.
She didn't know he was in love with her. And if she didn't even know that, she could never understand the pain he felt, the heartache caused by his unprofessed love. She'd never understand the stabbing feeling he got in his heart each time he tossed or turned, trying so damn hard to make the image of her go away. But it wouldn't go away, it never did.
That was probably the hardest part of it all. Because he was so set on keeping his goddamn mouth shut, he had to live without her. And as far as he was concerned, life without Lilian was not very much worth living.
All I ever wanted in this world
Baby I found in you
I've never felt this way before
But I can't break through
Sometimes he didn't quite understand why he continually tormented himself over her. In a literal sense, she was nothing to him. But in his heart, she was everything he ever dreamed of wanting in a woman. And he couldn't have her.
The feelings she made him experience, the floating sensation he got in his heart just by looking at her, all of it was so new to him. He had never felt anything like this before, and sometimes he almost reveled in it. When he closed his eyes and pretended that she was there with him, at his side, it felt real. But then his eyes would crack open and again he'd see the vacant spot beside him. Dave groaned, his eyes opening wide as he flipped onto his back.
"This shit has got to stop," he told himself, blinking a few times. "I have to let it go."
Despite the strength in which he spoke, Batista knew he was far too weak to let go. He could repeat the line till he turned blue, and he would never let go of Lilian, and of the hopes he had that they would one day be together. Instead, he forced his eyes closed and struggled for sleep. And when it finally came, he'd dream of being happy... and of being with her.
And now I lie awake, alone at night
So afraid now to close my eyes
With just one more dream of you I'll carry here inside
Baby cause you don't know, how I feel
Livin' my life without you
Baby and you don't know, what it's like
Lovin' you all this time
I'll give you all my love, heart and soul
Riskin' it all on a chance
And now when I need you the most, you don't know
You don't know, baby...
As he always did when they were in the same room, Dave snuck a glance at Lilian, a smile coming to his face as he watched her laugh happily. Her smile and laughter always had been contagious with him. He continued to gaze at her wonderingly, until he felt a tiny hand slapping at his cheek.
He glanced down, a look crossing offended and humored at the same time on his face, at Trish Stratus. They were in a new city, in a club much like the one from the previous night, only Dave was not at the bar. His buddy, Randy Orton, had gone to the bathroom, leaving his girlfriend on the dance floor with his best friend.
"What's so amusing?" Trish questioned him, now looking pretty amused herself.
Dave shook his head, his smile fading just a bit as he stared at the woman he was dancing with. He and Trish were good friends, but he'd never said a word to her about Lilian. He suspected she was probably closer to Lilian that she was with him anyway, so out of fear she would tell her - or maybe even worse, that she'd tell Randy - he never mentioned it.
"Nothing, sweetheart," he replied in the good natured, maybe even a little arrogant, tone that Trish had become so familiar with. "Just doing some people watching."
The blonde diva laughed, shaking her head as well. Her attention went back to the music they were dancing to, but Dave kept his gaze near her, worrying that if he looked at Lilian again, she would see him. He sighed... was it wrong that even though it was Trish who was dancing with him, he was staring at her blonde hair, pretending she was Lilian?
Giving up his attempt to keep his eyes off her, Dave glanced back in her direction, and his stomach dropped. He damn near growled as he watched her loop her arms around the neck of Chris Jericho. He knew the two were merely friends, as Chris had been with Lilian's best friend Victoria for some time now, but he was still incensed. It wasn't fair. He wanted to hold her, to stand by her side, to love her, and yet there she was.
It was becoming increasingly obvious to Dave that he would never have Lilian. He only hoped that he'd continue to see her in his dreams; at least there, he could be happy.
And I would hold you all through the night
I would stand right by your side
And I'd give you the world, if your live was mine
Now baby could it be I'm only dreaming
Don't let it pass me by
Baby cause you don't know, how I feel
Livin' my life without you
Baby and you don't know, what it's like
Lovin' you all this time
I'll give you all my love, heart and soul
Riskin' it all on a chance
And now when I need you the most
You don't know
And now when I need you the most...
You don't know