Title: Forgiveness 8

Disclaimers: I don't own them I just wish I did.

Spoilers: Cruz does not exist in this universe. Takes place after the start of season 4.

"Leave!" he shouts as he clenches the bed sheet tightly in his left hand. The veins in his neck begin to bulge as the anger rises in him. "Leave me the hell alone." He turns to face the wall and pulls the sheet roughly over his shoulder.

"You can't get rid of me, Bosco. I'm not leaving." I say to his back. I can see the tension in his shoulders as he burrows deeper into his pillow. "The silent treatment isn't going to work. I'll keep talking 'til I'm blue in the face."

"I don't want you to talk about him. You have no right to talk about him to me," he spits out angrily.

I move around the bed so I can face him once again. He doesn't look at me but I can sense he's on the verge of breaking down. I push on. "And why don't you want me talk about Mikey, huh?" He doesn't respond. He just closes his eyes as the tears come.

"Bosco, we need to talk about Mikey," I whisper softly as I approach him.

He shakes his head no and I reach and let my hand fall on his shoulder.

"No," he chokes out. "No…don't."

"I'm not going anywhere, Bosco. I'm right here." I rub his shoulder as he is racked by sobs. " Bosco, you can tell me. Please tell me." My heart is breaking as I watch his tears spill down his cheeks.

In between breaths he continues his assault on me. " Leave…me…alone. I – I hate…you. You don't…know anything. " He pulls away from me and tries to lower the rail to get out of bed. I struggle briefly with him but he doesn't have the strength to fight me let alone stand up.

In his frustration he starts to pull out all the wires and i.v.'s.

"Bosco – Stop that." I yell as I grab for his hands. I manage to still them but he continues to struggle against me. I loosen my grip on his wrists not wanting to hurt him but I keep my hold on him.

He tries to pull away a few more times and each time I feel the waning of his strength. I decide to let him go, I know he's not going anywhere. He pulls his arms up over his head and drapes them across his eyes to hide from me.

I sit and listen to his sobs until he finally falls asleep.

The i.v. needle and plastic tube snake out of my arm like an umbilical cord. In a strange kind of way, it is a lifeline that connects me to the world of the living.

I finger the tape holding it in place. I know removing it won't kill me but I don't want it. I don't want anyone to waste his or her time or effort on me. I don't want anyone to care.

I peel off the tape and pull the needle out slowly. I feel the cold metal snaking it's way up through my skin. I stare at the small hole in my arm and watch as a few drops of blood begin to seep out.

I stare at my arm and the site of my own blood leads me to darker thoughts. It wouldn't be fair to take the easy way out. I need to be punished for what I did to Mikey.

It is the middle of the night and Faith is at home. The nurse won't be back for hours and I see this as my chance to leave this place. I can't stay here any longer. The doctors and nurses need to attend to people who deserve to live, not someone like me. I push myself up and bring my legs over the side of the bed. A wave of dizziness hits me and I brace myself against the bed.

I wait until the room stops spinning and then slowly make my way to the closet to retrieve my clothes. My body does not want to cooperate. Every step feels like I'm dragging an elephant behind me and I'm soaked in sweat from the exertion of walking 10 feet. I grab at the door handle and hold on for dear life.

My heart must be beating at a thousand miles an hour because it threatens to burst right out of my chest. I slide down to the floor and wrap my arms around myself. I know I won't get very far. I'm incapable of my own escape and all I can do is wallow in my own weakness. I laugh when I realize it's what I deserve.

The cold floor feels like an oasis against my burning skin. I ease myself down onto my side and rest my cheek against the tiles. I'm not going anywhere for now so I close my eyes and wait for sleep to take me.

TBC…