It's been a while since the Looney Tunes were in theaters. That's when they, the people at WB, decided to make a movie. This movie was Space Jam which would star Bugs Bunny with Michael Jordan (Or is it the other way around, hmmm….)
Prior to the making of the movie, Bugs had been having some personal trouble (Particularly in his love life). It seems that the love he and his wife, Honey, had wasn't as strong anymore.
For example, Bugs came home and found Honey engaged in a phone call. The weird thing about it was how she was talking…
"Yeah…oh yeah. But babe, how are we gonna pull this off? I mean I haven't gotten any papers back. The suspense is killing me! I'm disparate to get out of this noose," just then she noticed that Bugs was there, "Uh…I gotta go bye!"
"Who where ya talkin' to?" asked Bugs.
"Nobody," answered Honey unconvincingly.
"Yeah right Hon. You've been acting weird lately, what's goin' on?"
"Nothing's wrong," she answered as she went into the kitchen.
"Somethin's up alright. She can't fool me," thought Bugs to himself as he concocted a plan.
What Bugs decided to do was to hire a private detective. He figured it would be the best thing to do. The detective followed Honey around. Until one day he followed her to a clinic. This clinic was for cosmetic surgery. When he was inside, he saw Honey go into a surgeon's office. He approached carefully and peeked inside. Honey was sitting on the desk talking to the doctor. The doctor was this well built brown rabbit. He had light brown eyes and dark black hair. He and Honey were in a very intimate conversation. The detective was able to hear a few of the things that they were saying…
"Alright Hon, so did you get the papers?" asked the rabbit.
"They're right here Bob. Pretty soon I'm going to be single again!" said Honey.
"Then you and me get together. This is going to be marvelous! I just got a beach house in Miami and we can leave this place behind and start anew."
"Yeah. My life is finally going to be all I ever wanted it to be!" said Honey as she grabbed Bob and kissed him deeply.
The detective was able to snap a few pictures of this. He leaved to go show Bugs. Bugs was not at all pleased. Who would be? Later that day Bugs came home and found his wife, Honey, packing her things.
"Where do ya tink your goin'?" he asked coolly.
"I'm leaving you Bugs, for good. We had our laughs but I think its time we start seeing other people."
"In case ya haven't noticed, we're married not dating. You just can't leave me like dat. I know you're seeing someone else."
"That doesn't matter. He's such a great guy," she started to daydream and kind of forgot who she was talking to, "He's young, sexy, rich, and a doctor (sighs) he even has his own beach house, now that's my kind of guy. Oh my Bob!"
"But I got a beach house, too! What's dat guy got dat I aint got!" yelled Bugs.
"Well for one thing, he doesn't dress in drag! He's handsome and refined. (Sigh) He also makes more money than you do!" shot back Honey.
"I can't believe you! You're leaving me, your husband, for some big Quack!"
"He isn't no Daffy Duck!"
"How did you even meet dis guy?"
"That's none of your business!"
"None of my business! I'm your husband darn it!" he yelled than he remembered, "that time you had your plastic surgery…that's where you met him isn't it!"
"Huh! Well…GOODBYE! I don't need you! I just got the divorce papers and my life couldn't be better!" she said as she stormed out of the house.
"GOOD RIDDANCE!" he yelled back with rage and pain in his voice.
This took a deep toll on Bugs. He fell into a state of depression. He didn't know what to do. His good friend off-screen, Daffy, noticed his behavior.
"Bugs, are you OK?" asked Daffy.
"No Daff. I just can't get over her. She broke my heart and tossed it to the dogs," said Bugs solemnly.
"Why don't you move on? She doesn't deserve a guy like you. You should find someone who appreciates you for who you are."
"You're right. But, I just can't get her outta my head. Like it was my fault you know."
"Don't go blaming yourself. You're not the one who told her to cheat on you."
"(Sigh) I guess so."
"C'mon Bugs! You're not the sulking type. Get up and find a new girl. It would be easy for a guy like you."
"A guy like me? I dunno…what Honey said to me really hurt my pride and self-esteem. Am I really a good guy?"
"I'm telling you, you are, even though I despise you for it! If it's coming from me then it must be true! If you wont believe me then you'll have to figure it out for yourself."
In other news…
The Movie was going to go into production. The writers were still writing the script. The director, however, wanted to get under way. He started the auditions for roles in the movie. The writers often went to the auditions to get ideas for the story. In the auditions, the toons acted out a monologue and played a little one on one with Michael Jordan. But, since most of them couldn't play, the director had to settle for the ones that could a least dribble the ball.
The casting director was making some final casts for the toon actors when she noticed something, 99 of toons where guys! She went to the director to address this issue. She suggested that auditions should be held for female cartoon characters. The director responded, "There aren't that many, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to hold auditions." So there was a banner placed over the Shleisinger Gym saying, "Auditions for Female Toon Actresses".
J.C. the Wabbit: Yo! A. Penelope Quill, I honestly have nothing against you, but I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. But, I have my preferences and Lola is and always will be the best in my book. You read at your own risk, you can't say I didn't warn you!