Hey hey! Here's 'nother one-shot for you guys.. It might be a bit corny cause for some reason I can't write anything that makes perfect sense.. But rhen again nothin's perfect.. I dedicate this to hmmm... well I'll dedicate to all of you cool peeps out there.. Here goes it..

Guilty feelings
By : Hitomi Yamamoto

I've been denying it for far too long. I needed to get out of this nightmare that haunted me every hour and every minute of my days. I know he loves me more than life it self, but I didn't deserve his love. I never did or ever will deserve the company he has given me throughout these years.

From the start I've been deceiving him, using him. From the moment our eyes met, to the moment he took me out on our first date, to the time he had proposed to me, I haven't at all been honest with him. I only used him for his money, struggling to survive, after all I left my childhood home at a very young age. I didn't have anyone to run to.

He didn't seem to notice that fact that I didn't show any emotion back, and that I never once thanked him. But he stayed with me no matter what. And through these past years I've learned to love him, but I couldn't face the fact that I had used him for my own good. I had been selfish. Now the guilt just kept coming, and soon it would drown me. I can't live with him anymore. I can't help but realize that this relationship just isn't right.

I looked up at the window of the now empty house. I had to leave. I had no other choice. I know that he would be heart broken once he found out I left him. But it's for the better, I couldn't just smile every time I saw him and pretend that nothing's wrong. I couldn't live with that. I've come to realize that.

I'm grateful for the love he has given me, but he deserves someone better than me. He needed a woman who would love him for him. All though I would also regret leaving, I couldn't get over the horrible things I've done. I always wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him the truth. I began to realize that I had some kind of attraction to him and I couldn't bring myself to break his heart. But now I know that if I don't leave, these fears will eat me up inside, little by little.

I've ruined his life without him knowing. I don't plan on keeping it that way. I wanted him to be happy, I wanted him to be free and be with a person who deserved him.

I had to leave the city as soon as possible. I can't handle it anymore. Soon, within the hour, he would come home and call my name. He would walk into our bedroom and find a half empty closet and a note on his bed.

Hey hunnie,

I'm sorry for the things I've put you through all these years. I know you don't know what the hell I'm talking about. I left the city early this morning, 'cause I realized that you don't deserve me, no, I don't deserve you. Thanks for everything you've done for me, but I can't live with myself knowing that I had used you. Yes you read it right. I had been selfish.

From the start I've only used you for the money. And now I realize that some else, some one better then me deserves your love far more than I do. I'm sorry for everything, in time you'll realize what I'm talking about. I have grown more and more attracted to you as the years went by, and because of that I couldn't help but feel guilty for using you. So now I leave you to do what you I want. Don't wait for me cause I'm not coming back. After what I've done, I can't go back. I wish you the best. I love you...

Silently I continued to drive south, the bright orange sun setting over the horizon. I'm going to start a new life, a life without lies. I could just hope that he didn't take my departure too serious and do something stupid, that I will also regret. I wished him happiness and thanked him mentally.

Five years later

I smiled at the scene happening before my eyes. Leaving him has paid off. He was happy and so was I. He now had a woman by his side and a beautiful baby girl. I on the other hand, had a husband and two baby boys, twins. I guess I had done something right for a change.

I took another glance at the family sitting under the shade of the trees, smile absently and started to drive away. I needed to see him for the last time and make sure that I hadn't destroyed his life. I was happy with myself for once, realizing that I had helped someone, and corrected my mistakes. Now I don't regret anything that had done. I just find myself feeling guilty every time the memory comes back to haunt me.

"Realizing that a life filled with lies and secrets just leads to a horrible feeling in your stomach, like a void that threatens to devour you, if you don't do anything to change things. Guilt is the only way to describe it... you wanna change things so badly but, you can't help but feel helpless... You can say that guilt is just as powerful as love but in a horrific kind of way."

A/n

hmm.. Told ya it was corny.. Anywayz.. Yet another depressing one for you.. But it ended happy didn't it? So there you go.. Toodlez.. Hehehe ..hmmm..