Author's Note: This fic tries to stay as true to the D.N.Angel story as possible. It's emotional without angst, suspenseful without action, and real to the characters, while still following true to the D.N.Angel universe. At least, I hope so. XD It takes place after the whole series has ended, so be warned that it contains spoilers! Feel free to tell me how well I did, comments, compliments, criticisms, critiques. This is my first D.N.Angel fic, so I definitely could use the feedback. ;) This fic is a one-shot, and is rated PG-13, for some Satoshi x Daisuke. Yummy!
Disclaimer: Satoshi, Daisuke, and D.N.Angel itself don't belong to me. Obviously. That's why it's posted here, and not at fictionpress. XP
Enjoy your SatoDai; Gut'n Appetit!
Now that the chaos was finally complete, the days would revert to the ways of the time before. The school would reopen, and the throngs of anxious young fourteen- and fifteen-year-olds would return to a superficial world of arithmetic, uniforms, and gossip.
And like it had been before, Hiwatari Satoshi would retreat to his quiet corner in the back of the classroom. It was his haven, where to an onlooker, morning shadows obscured his frame and his emotions remained enigmatic. Here he would sit and observe these normal students, saying normal words and doing normal things that seemed so far out of his reach. He would study everything that was out of his reach... every thing, every person. His hair, like strands of noonday sky, would fall upon his face, and between the breaks of the light, his midnight eyes would pierce through, and observe.
If called upon to answer a question by Sensei, he would do so, but his attention was not focused on the class work. After all, he'd learned these mathematical formulas by the time he was seven. There was no need to devote his whole attention (or even one tenth of it, for that matter) to child's play.
"The answer is 'x equals 8.8.'" The words came from his mouth, but he had no conscious thought about uttering them. He was barely aware he'd even said them.
"Absolutely correct, Hiwatari," declared Sensei. "You must have studied the material very hard. Everyone in this class should learn from Hiwatari-san's example."
There were several murmurs of admiration throughout the classroom, even a few whispers of, "You're so smart, Hiwatari-kun!" He, however, only felt annoyed by the teacher's insistence that he answer the question. After all, it shook him out of his intense study of more important subjects than algebra. Running a slender hand through his hair, he glanced down at his desk, hoping no more shrill voices would hand him a cheap compliment.
There was one more compliment given to him, but this one did not come from a flirtatious female. Instead, it was a kind-hearted and truly impressed voice, that of one Niwa Daisuke, that whispered, "Nice work, Hiwatari-kun."
Those midnight eyes briefly glanced towards the source of that voice, a body turned backwards in the seat in front of his. Even more brief was Hiwatari's response, the passing of a slight smile across his lips, as though riding on a wisp of smoke.
Now there, Hiwatari observed, is a slight change of the ways of before. Before the incident, he had barely known what it felt like to smile. But after his fateful encounter between his and Daisuke's inner demons, and the destruction of them both, his face felt as though it didn't weigh quite as much anymore. It was easier to lift into the expression of a smile. How very different.
Niwa turned away from the blue-haired boy and towards the girl to his left, Harada Riku-san. Hiwatari observed closely as the older Harada twin cast a brilliant smile - far brighter than any of his had ever been - to Niwa, and he responded with a fainter version of his own.
Ever since the destruction of the inner Dark and Krad, Niwa and Harada-san had been spending many of their spare moments in each other's presence. For several months, their contact had grown intimate, and they could be seen wandering the shops together, and the parks, and the beach out by the open sea. It would seem to most onlookers that they were indeed experiencing young love at its finest.
However, Niwa had been changing. His reactions gradually faded in intensity, and he could often be seen with eyes as dense as morning fog. These were minute changes from before. But an observant eye such as Hiwatari's could easily catch these subtle hints to unrest, whether in the classroom or, such as it were one Friday evening, at a chance encounter at the local library.
The library was an ancient place, where the maroon stone walls seemed to thrust skyward into infinity, with stained glass windows providing light for the darker corners. Dust collected on the tables and chairs, and though silence was not enforced, the feeling of entering a tomb was so great that most people entering immediately fell silent. It was a place of solitude, where students came to rest, read, and study, miles away from the commotion and bustle of modern student life.
Niwa Daisuke had been tucked away in a cozy red armchair, in a completely secluded corner of the back of the library, and was immersed in his algebra textbook. Hiwatari discovered him with the book in his lap, a pencil tucked behind his ear, and furrowed eyebrows marking a particularly troubled face.
"I hope I am not disturbing you," Hiwatari said. He peered down at the mass of entangled and slick cherry vines that was Niwa's frazzled hair.
"Oh no, not at all," replied Niwa, staring up at Hiwatari's impassive face. Although puzzled at how the blue-haired boy had found him in this corner, he was grateful that he had arrived. "I could use your help. You understand these quadratic functions, right? I've been struggling forever, and I still can't figure it out."
"Yes," said Hiwatari. He kneeled beside Niwa's chair and peered at the worksheet. "You can use the 'a' value to find the slope of the function by multiplying it by two."
"Thanks," said Niwa, hastily scribbling a note. "I was so lost, I had no idea what I was doing." He chuckled slightly, and a tint of blush appeared on his cheeks. "That's much easier than I thought it would be."
"It is extremely simple."
Niwa looked back at his paper and read a few lines in silence. He did not ask any more questions; instead, he began to hastily scribble new calculations down. The scratching of his pencil lead was the only sound that could be heard in the utterly secluded corner. Hiwatari watched as Niwa silently, but hurriedly, jotted down his work, his wide brown eyes dilated even more with his fervor. He worked as though he would lose the priceless information the moment his pencil laid to rest.
"Perhaps I should leave you to do your calculations." Hiwatari's voice, so soft in the school setting, seemed to him to echo off the stone walls.
"Oh no, no, you can stay if you want," exclaimed Niwa, dropping his pencil into the crevice of his book. His voice made Hiwatari realize that his statement really had been quite soft after all, as Niwa's voice actually did echo off the walls. His nervous shout had sounded more like a demand than a request.
Hiwatari did not move, still frozen by the chair. Niwa's words had carried a distinct weight about them, as though they were a balloon filled with water. Although they appeared light and carefree at a glance, the tone beneath them seemed to carry a heavy importance inside them, an importance that was begging to be released from its trivial façade. There was something there pleading, begging to be said.
"What do you want to say, Daisuke?" Hiwatari pierced Daisuke's shield through its core, even cutting through the formalities of speech. There was no point to formalities when there was seriousness to be said.
"Um... I..." Daisuke's chocolate eyes found themselves sliding towards the floor. The blush still had not faded from his cheeks. "Well, I don't know. I've just... you know... Been thinking a bit lately. About different things."
"About Dark and Krad."
The blush quickly transformed into a pallor. Daisuke's eyes bounded up from the floor, and over to Hiwatari. "You... you always know so much about these things."
"I know you well, Niwa."
"Well yeah, I suppose that's true." Daisuke's eyes wandered back to the floor. "But... Don't you feel a certain... emptiness? Like a part of yourself is missing?"
"On the contrary." There was no point in concealing his emotions concerning Krad, Daisuke had witnessed them all too well before. "Krad was a demon. A tumor that has been removed." Hiwatari rose to his feet, and surveyed Daisuke's rumpled uniform and his messy hair. "I am surprised that your connection with Harada Riku has not filled in that empty space."
Hiwatari waited for the surprised jolt, the brief shake of Daisuke's body and for his words to stumble and shake. He waited for the gentle, quivering voice to inform him of his troubles with Harada, about how she just couldn't fill that empty void remaining inside him, in the absence of Dark. Hiwatari was prepared for that, just as he had been for every one of Daisuke's other responses so far. His next words were already calculated, planned and waiting for the chance to be spoken.
A depressed slump appeared in Daisuke's form, and the suddenly quiet voice sighed, "Oh yeah, Riku-san... I guess I didn't tell you. We're not seeing each other anymore."
That familiar flit of a smile, for a quick instant, dashed across Hiwatari's face. Perfect, he thought. This was even more dramatic than he had expected. He fidgeted with his glasses, in hopes of concealing the expression in his eyes, while his brain searched for the perfect words that would be of consolation to Daisuke without expressing any passion towards this subject.
"That is very unfortunate," he said.
Daisuke's eyes fell. "Well, I guess it was for the best," He mumbled to his knees. "She was nice and all that, but she just... She wanted everything to be the same as it was before. But..."
Hiwatari's eyes narrowed. "It will never be the same."
"Exactly. It never will be the same." Daisuke sighed and glanced back to his blue-haired confidante. "I mean, obviously, some things have changed for the better... You don't have Krad in you anymore, for one."
"That... is true."
"And I don't have to deal with evading the police now. I don't have to hide my identity. But still... I can't be the person that I used to be. And I don't think Riku understands that."
"Harada cannot understand. She was not inhabited by another being. There is no way that she can understand that kind of emptiness, good or bad." Hiwatari was consuming his confidence like a drug. He understood Niwa Daisuke, he understood what the red-haired boy thought of this situation, as he had been through it himself. It had been so apparent on his face for so long, he knew. He'd always known.
"You're right... Damn, Hiwatari-kun, you're always right." Daisuke fell back into the plush chair, and briefly touched his hand to his temple. Hiwatari's keen eyes observed a droplet of sweat swiftly removed from said temple. This must be a very passionate topic for him.
"I have been through a similar dilemma," Hiwatari pointed out.
"True..." Daisuke's pupils were scanning Hiwatari's face, studying everything but dodging his eyes. To Hiwatari, it seemed as though he was trying to read the crevices of the blue-haired boy's face, searching for something. And yet... What doesn't he want me to see? "But what about you, Hiwatari-kun?"
"Eh?" For a brief moment, Hiwatari was defenseless. He hadn't anticipated this question at all. What is Niwa doing? This isn't what he is supposed to be speaking of... This is about him, not me. "What is there to say about me?"
"You tell me," replied Daisuke. "Have people been treating you differently? Now that you don't have that monster inside you... How have things changed for you?" He grinned sheepishly. "I don't want to make this all about me, so..."
"There is nothing for me to say." Hiwatari turned, refusing to look at his red-headed friend. "The world still sees me as the same."
"But you don't want that, do you?"
The strictest control of facial expression couldn't stop Hiwatari's eyes from widening. Niwa, why do you keep asking me these questions? "No... I suppose not."
"I mean..." Niwa sounded almost desperate, fishing for things to say, for things that would make Hiwatari react. Hiwatari refused to let down his guard. "You remember that one time we got locked in the freezer, and you said you just wanted to be seen as a normal fourteen-year-old, and live a normal fourteen-year-old's life?"
"I have said nothing of the sort." It was getting more and more difficult to control his face. Hiwatari could feel the muscles beginning to spasm.
"You said that before, Satoshi." Now it was Daisuke who cut across the boundaries of speech, who demanded an explanation from the unwilling Satoshi. "When you were trying to sacrifice yourself..."
"Don't remind me of that incident!" His body seemed so lost to its own will. The spasms spread like a disease to his arms, legs. He buried his face in his hands, his calculated advantages now worthless in this upturned circumstance.
"Why do you want to go back to the way things used to be?" Why are you interrogating me, Niwa Daisuke? Why couldn't you just have acted the way you were supposed to, to let me study and learn more about you? Why try and delve your way into me?
Daisuke continued, leaning across the arm of his chair and now staring directly into Satoshi's eyes. He's found that weakness he'd been searching for, and pounced on it the moment it surfaced. "What is it about life months ago, with Krad inhabiting you, with all that secrecy and mystery surrounding you, with all that loneliness, that could possibly make you want to go back to that? I don't understand, Hiwatari-kun. I really don't."
There was nothing Hiwatari could reply with, no answer to Niwa's question that he could admit. He rose to his feet and responded the only way he knew how, by shielding his flaws with meaningless bitterness. "Why do you question me, Daisuke? What do you want from me?"
"I just want... " He paused for a moment, not for having a lack of words, but to make sure that Satoshi would stay and listen. "I want to know who you are. What you really want. Hiwatari-kun, I can tell you're not happy. And you should be, since Krad is gone..."
His defenses were crumbling down, shattering to millions of little pieces at his feet, leaving himself naked and unprotected. He fell to his knees, and the words spilled from his mouth, uncensored. "It doesn't matter! The emptiness is still there. I never achieved what I wanted."
Niwa's eyes were wide. "But, Hiwatari-kun... What did you want?"
"Why must you keep asking me!" His teeth bared, and beads of sweat trickled down his cheek. Were they sweat beads, or tears? He did not know. "Why can't you just let me live the way I used to, in my shadows?"
"Because you are Hikari. You are Light." Daisuke smiled. "Your name gives it all away." He rested a hand upon Satoshi's shoulder, despite Satoshi's shudder at his touch. "Satoshi... Things don't have to be the same as they used to be. You can change them now."
"Daisuke, you just don't understand. You... can't... You can't ever be..."
"What? What can't I be? Satoshi, I want to help you."
Such an innocent voice. Would he understand? Would he understand this turmoil of emotion? How could he? Hiwatari searched through his mental notes, through everything he remembered about his intense subject of study. There was nothing that said he would understand.
Except... except for those clouded eyes, in the presence of the Harada twin, as though there were something hovering out of his reach, that he could never find with Riku... Except for that kind smile that congratulated him on something that he, Hiwatari, could accomplish every day, that smile that made trivial events suddenly seem just a slight bit more important. Just a slight bit.
His eyes drifted back towards the redheaded boy's, for the first time in what seemed like hours. "Daisuke, do you want to help me?"
"Of course I do! I just told you, I wanted to help you."
"Then..." He paused for a brief instant, to sift through his collection of words and blend together the best ones to create the most perfectly concocted sentence. He gave to Daisuke a glimpse of his swift smile and whispered to his friend, his lips forming each syllable with extra care... "Can you fill the emptiness inside me, Niwa Daisuke? Can you make me... complete?"
At that moment, a surge of warm blood flooded through his spine, providing both release and tension. There, he'd finally said it, asked the question that had been his motivation, his reason for studying Niwa Daisuke for hours every day. Now there was only the wait for the answer.
But what if he were to fail? What if all these hours of concealing himself were sacrificed in vain? What if Niwa were to glance back at the ground once more - each time it was painful for Satoshi to watch, and if it were to happen again, it would tear at him like the wound from a sword - and tell him that, no matter what they'd experienced together, he felt that his other half were yet to be found, that he could not share the passion that clamped Satoshi's heart like a vice?
"Satoshi-kun..." Niwa's voice descended down to a whisper, and his face flushed with warmth. His hands quivered, his eyelids fell to the floor. "I... I..."
Satoshi had never been able watch his own failure unfold. And here it was, blossoming like a poisonous flower. "Niwa-kun. If you must say no, then just do it. Now." He began to turn, in hopes of running from this humiliating scene, so he could return to the life he knew. That of coldness, of calculating, of living and existing alone.
But before he could run, he was wildly jerked back towards the chair by two supple hands that were clutching his own. He found himself tumbling into a mass of plush, of fabric, and of skin. Instinct told him to bolt, but once his eyes were fastened upon the moist chocolate of Daisuke's own, he knew there was no hope of escape.
"Satoshi-kun, don't run from me. Not again." Niwa's face was still as flush as the setting sun, and Satoshi was keenly aware of a fervently throbbing heart beneath him. His body trembled. He couldn't handle this... There was no logical way to cope with it...
"Just... Wait for me. Just listen to me. I know you listen to me during class, in the hallways, there you hear my every word. Just listen to me now."
"I... I am listening, Daisuke..." Satoshi's own heart was escaping from his control, sending waves of blood throughout him, washing over him with a tsunami's intensity. What does this mean? Daisuke...
"Sa-Satoshi... I've always wanted the... the most happiness p-possible for you..." His lips quivered, hovering inches from Satoshi's own, and the blue-haired boy shivered at the sight. He tasted his own sweat as it dripped down his cheek. He didn't know how much longer he would be able to tolerate this. Let me know, Daisuke, onegai... Please, let me know.
"And you-you always were the happiest ever I was around, I could tell... And those little smiles, you know, I've always seen them... I'm so glad you've learned how to smile now... It makes me so glad to see you smile..."
A little tug pulled at the edge of Satoshi's lips, and that faint grin was unveiled once again. He smiled because it made Daisuke smile.
"And you, you understand what it means to be alone, to... to be absent of the demon within... You're the only one who truly knows what it means."
"We are two... two of the same kind." Satoshi lifted his hands to Daisuke's cheeks, gently brushing away the tears.
"Yes, Satoshi-kun... Yes... So, you see..." Daisuke's grip tightened, and Satoshi found himself gliding those few millimeters closer to the beautiful redheaded boy. Mere inches of sweltering space separated them, and they both, starved for oxygen, gasped for that humid air. "I don't think it's... it's not a question for whether you can complete me. I think... I think the question is..."
Those few millimeters of space separating them suddenly decreased to zero. Daisuke's eyes fluttered until they closed, and he lifted his hands to Satoshi's cheeks, guiding him down until their bodies met. Satoshi's arms found themselves clutching at Daisuke's slender form beneath him, and their lips finally found what they had been seeking. Satoshi shuddered at the touch, at this feverish connection, and realized that tears were fleeing his eyes, tears of mystery and secrets and concealed pain releasing from his mind and his body. No more were they to occupy his mind, now that he finally knew, now that he'd finally learned what he'd been wanting to know for so long.
He clung madly to the body of the young red-haired boy, exploring his soft and slick arms, lips and back, just to make sure this passionate madness was indeed real. When their kiss finally parted, Satoshi opened his twilight eyes and examined the flushed face below his, the wide auburn eyes, shining lips, and beaming smile. Yes, this is reality, Satoshi realized. Finally... I don't have to hide anymore... I can be free. Free to be me.
Satoshi gave his newfound partner his most precious gift, a faint - but so pure and sincere - smile. His teeth glittered in the light of the late afternoon sun that shone through the window. And as he descended upon Daisuke again, the red-headed boy murmured his final query. "Satoshi-kun... The question is... Can I complete you?"