A/n
hi yaz.. Wchoo chhoo.. Haha so hyper.. Any one want eggies?..lol. Any ways here's nother oniee for you haha byezz.. Go read now n.n
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Untitled
By : Tomi Yamamoto
I dug my feet deeper into the warm sand., inwardly giggling when I felt a tingle between my bare toes. All I could hear was the crashing of the waves and the whistling wind. It was peaceful here.
As I sat leaning against a rock, and looking out into the water, I pulled my shivering knees to my chest resting my chin on top. I closed my eyes and let the wind blow into my face, my long hair flapping behind me. I liked being alone like this. Alone and away from everyone else. And besides its not like anyone would miss me.. Right?
I guess I didn't like having too much company and just kept my problems to myself.
Once again I sat in silence, enjoying the wind, the salt water, and the warm sand. I had asked myself a couple of times before if I was born for a reason... if I had a purpose. But I never really got an answer to that. I had to come to the conclusion that I'm just another outcast. Hated and refused by everybody. Of course I had friends. But even if I'm surrounded by the people closest to me, I still have this weird empty feeling. It's something no words can ever describe. I just feel like the love I get from friends and family is all just pretend. I wouldn't know if they just felt sorry for me or if they really do like me for me.
No one seems to understand me, not even my own mother. She tends to think that nothing is wrong, that I'm just perfectly fine and happy with everything. I tried talking to her, telling her how I felt, at least once or twice, but I didn't think she was even listening or if she even cared. And if she was listening she probably thought I was being delusional or that I was being over-reacting.
You might say that I hate my life. Well, in ways I do hate my life, just the fact that no one listens to me or even tries to understand me, and that I always have these empty feelings, like something's missing. In some ways, I'm pretty grateful, having the friends that I have, and even if my mom is a single parent, she still manages to find time to take care of me and spend time with me. But still I can't help but notice that nothing ever seemed to go my way. It felt like my friends didn't really like me and that my mom, the only family I have left, was there.. Physically. I can't even remember a time when she actually listened to my problems and gave me advice like a mother would normally do.
There were times I would blame them for everything I did wrong, or if something bad happened to me, I know I shouldn't blame anyone but sometimes I just wish hat they were more, supportive. If they did care about me they had a bad way of showing it. But at certain times, it appeared as if they didn't even care or bother to show that they cared. As I started to accept it, I couldn't really blame them anymore. I started blaming the gods. I don't really know if I have a reason to blame them either, but after all they know everything right? So if they knew I was just going to live a miserable life, why let me live? Why was I born in the first place? It's not like I had some kind of special purpose. Why was I sent into the world if my life would turn out to be rotten, and me turning out to be a nobody. No purpose. I'm not special, I'm not pretty, even if my friends and mother tell me I am. I'm no one to be proud about. I can't make any difference. I'm just another soul to feed, a waste of time.
Opening my eyes, I realized that the wind had died down a bit and the waves were now mere inches away from my toes. I wanted to cry, but all my tears had already fallen and dried up from every time I thought about this. I have to accept my life as it is. I can't do anything to change it. I can't go back to the past and try to prevent things that had happened. For a long while, I've come to believe that I was destined to be alone, a nobody, an outcast. Nobody knows how I feel, just me. I had my ways of hiding how I really feel and no suspects a thing. Heck, no one even bothers to ask me anything. My own guidance counselor doesn't realize the fact that there is something wrong. I went to her and tlak to her about my problems, but just like my mom she thought I was being delusional, crazy, just wanting attention. She smiled at me and looked at me as if she had accomplished something. I rolled my eyes in hurt and annoyance. I was and still am just another extra, just a shadow.
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A/n :
MUahaha..haha -chokes-cough-cough... teehhee.. no more evil laughs for me.. maybe. but anywhos. here you go.. hope you likedtedded it teehhee.. bye byez.. toodlez.. review please.. chocolate chip cookies!mmm!