Disclaimer: Harry Potter and co. does not in any shape or form belong to me, but rather to the great J.K. Rowling. Just letting you know, and all.
Lily's Diary
Sept 5
Thank the Lord that today is in fact Friday. Tomorrow the sacred and holy weekend shalt begin and we shall at last be free from the confines are restraints of our taskmasters and slave drivers (a.k.a professors.).
Lily
Sept 5
Today I gave Minnie the note to see if she knows whose writing it in. She said somebody might have asked their friend to write it for them, too! Argh. This opens a whole new realm of possibilities. She said I may just have to face the ugly facts—I will have to wait till Sunday to find out the mystery writer.
Just great. I am so impatient!
Lily
Sept 5
In Defense Against the Dark Arts. Professor Dalmici was being horrendously boring and making us copy practically a whole text book worth of notes from the board. Why must they annoy us so? It's probably in the teacher manual. It's probably a requirement, when they get hired here.
I can just see it. This is probably the test to see if the teacher's sufficiently boring. What they (most likely) do is bring a whole bunch of students into the teacher's office. Then the person gets to lecture and Dumbledore counts to see how many students are sleeping, how many are passing notes, and how many are paying attention.
That's how he does it! I've uncovered his secret! Hmmm, let's see. Then each trial-teacher would get a boredom score. Five points for every kid asleep, two for every one passing notes, and none for the paying attention students.
And the higher the better. In fact, Binns was probably top in his boredom score.
NOBODY can stay awake in his class, I tell you. It's a physical impossibility.
They probably even have a scoreboard for the whole thing! And it'd be a huge achievement to be top on it. I bet Dumbledore would give the top three a raise, or something.
Lily
Sept 5
Hmmm. Let me count the boredom score for this class.
Ok, let's tally up. I'll start for the front row…Marcia Robbins is—yes, she's sleeping. Samuel Goodman's passing notes with his friend, Mitchell—ok, four points…then—wow, somebody's paying attention! I think her name's Dalia. Ok, zero points for her.
Lily
Sept 5
Math's never been my key subject, but I've calculated his boredom score as 37.5. Wait, that can't be right, can it? There aren't supposed to be decimals….argh. Okay, we'll round up, to 38.
I will check this score with Dumbledore later, though, because one can never rely on my (practically nonexistent, but whatever) math skills.
Lily
Sept. 5
Absolutely HILARIOUS time at dinner today. Really, I'm not exaggerating. I'd try to tell it to you, but I'd probably die laughing in the middle and leave you in suspense. Hahahaha.
Lily
Sept 5.
Oh fine, fine, I'll tell you. Sirius decided the school was getting a "bit on the boring side" and decided to play a prank. He got some of the vodka that the house elves cook with. It's completely harmless when cooked, but it's pretty strong stuff uncooked.
Anyway, since he claims the house-elves are so "obsessed with him because he is the mighty and great Sirius Black whom every body loves and adores with their whole heart" (his words, not mine…). Well, the house-elves gave him the whole bottle! It's a gigantic bottle, I think Ogden's Vodka.
Anyway, Sirius had the gigantic bottle under his chair at dinner. He sort of tried to discreetly uncork it under the table. Alas, he didn't know that if you press the cork, it (the cork, keep up!) blasts off and normally blasts into somebody. It banged into Peter—it was hilarious. One minute he was just eating his roast beef, the next he's practically knocked off his chair by the force of the cork. It scared him out of his wits, you should have seen his face.
Anyway once the cork was off (which was an adventure in itself…) he snuck up to the teachers' table. He started chatting merrily to Professor Amistera (I swear she was flirting with him….urgh! She's like ninety! Well, her hair is graying, at least.) Then, when she went off to get some potatoes (which were on another table) he poured about HALF of the bottle into her drink. It fizzled and sparked, but thankfully it settled by the time she came back. Sirius had returned back to our table….and we were all eagerly watching the progress.
As a Head Girl I should probably have stopped it…but, can't I live a little on the wild side? Or let Sirius live on the wild side. Ah, well.
She came back, sat in her seat and was looking about for Sirius. She took a huge gulp of her drink (pumpkin juice mixed with vodka must have been a simply delicious combination….yuck) and immediately shot up towards the ceiling with this fire stuff on her bottom! Like when a rocket ship blasts off.
It was soooo funny. One minute everybody's laughing and chatting and etc, the next, the Astronomy professor shoots up into the air like a boomerang. Madly funny. Then she shot right back down, and her cheeks were bright red and her bottom still had some sparks coming off it.
She ran out to the bathroom, but we did not miss the smoke emitting from the seat of her robes. Hahahahaha.
She didn't give Sirius a detention, either. After all, she loves him. She probably believes he'll sweep her off her feet once he's graduated. If I had made a teacher shoot to the ceiling like a rocket and fire sparks at their bottom, you'd have bet I'd have a dandy detention slip.
But alas, the world works in strange (and really really funny) ways. And we may just have to learn how to accept them.
Lily
Sept 5
I sound comically wise, which is ironic because I've just finished discussing smoke emitting from a teacher's bottom—and the said teacher sailing a zillion feet into the air.
Lily
Sept 6
Extraordinarily tired and angry. It took Tessa and Minnie's combined efforts to wake me.
And do YOU know how my darling dear friends wake me?
Yes, with a bucket of ice cold water. I know. How could they, right?
The fact that they had been trying to wake me for forty five minutes still does NOT justify their action in the slightest. Grrr.
Lily
Sept 6
At breakfast, eating my lovely toast with blackberry-apricot jam. Two seats down, a little first year falls asleep with a plop—face down in their oatmeal bowl.
I can sympathize, as much as it pains me to admit it. Yes, I, Lily Evans, DID fall asleep in her oatmeal bowl in the 1st year. Back when I was not privy to the obvious joys of apricot-and-blueberry jam on toast. (How could I have lived, I now wonder.)
But that was only because I was up till 5 in the morning, writing an essay for the stupid potions teacher, Professor Poche.
I thought I would never live that day down, but hey ho, here I am….er, living. As you can see. Obviously, otherwise would I be writing? And the answer to that is a resounding NO.
Lily
Sept. 6
Oy. Does the whole world have it in for me? I think so. But what did I ever do to anybody, hmmmm? Nothing, but nooooo! Everybody has to go around screwing up my already imperfect life.
You know, I bet they have meetings. How to Screw Up Lily's Life Club. It's probably a class right here at Hogwarts—unbeknownst to me. Probably taught by the lovely James Potter. There are all the little tips and hints about how to mess up my life, schedule, and just plain annoy me. It's really quite a clever plan, only now I've found them out. They can't hide from me any longer!
Minnie has said I have some "inner hostility issues". Harrumph. Well, she's WRONG because I'm the most UNHOSTILE person I've ever met! So there.
(Yes, I am aware that I sound alarmingly like a five-year old.)
Lily
Sept 6
Alright, so here's what happened:
The stupid, stupid Potions teacher, Professor Poche, has assigned me to work with WHO for the whole entire year? Not Minnie, not Tessa. Not anybody who I'm REMOTELY on good terms with.
No. He put me with the ONE person I cannot stand. And could you just take a guess as to who that was?
James bloody Potter.
Because, Prof. P has secretly hated me, ever since that potion I made accidentally splattered all over him and turned him into a whinnying donkey.
It's not my fault! I was a young and stupid second year girl who had no talent for Potions whatsoever! Well, some things never change (my talent level for Potions, I fear, is something around negative 999,999,999,999,999ish….).
So WHAT if we had to call in Professor Dumbledore to lead him out by a rope round his neck? So what if we had a donkey who was whinnying and snorting all through the halls? So what that people asked to ride him? Madam Pomfrey put him right in the end.
Well, except he had hooves and couldn't speak without snorting alarmingly weirdly for a week.
Other than that, I have done absolutely nothing to the man. It's HE who has the issue with inner hostility, not me. He hasn't been able to forgive me since second year? What I grudge. I, of course am above holding such a silly thing as a grudge.
Except for Potter. But he, I must say, is a special case.
Lily
Sept 6
Our first potion was a complete and utter disaster.
It was supposed to be simple, according to our dear and beloved Professor Poche. That was the furthest thing from the undeniable truth.
When it turns the boy two rows across from you into a giant wheel of swiss cheese, you kind of know you've gone horribly wrong.
It was a complete and utter disaster. Urgh. If Professor Poche didn't hate me before (which he undoubtedly did…) he certainly LOATHES me times fifty gazillion now.
So Professor claimed it was a potion to change the skin color of any person to a flashing purple shade. As usual, he wrote out the instructions and stuff. Me and Potter had just gotten started brewing our disastrous potion.
He came up to me…well, we WERE supposed to meet up with our partners, so I can't exactly blame him for that. He had that annoying twinkle in his eye. He also had a grin on his face that I just wanted to smack off. Nobody should have a grin on their face when they are paired with Lily Evans for potions class. It will always end in tears—or worse, death.
Joking about that. Well, almost. Anyway…
So he was trying to be all nice and charming (he was failing alarmingly, sadly enough for him) and friendly and kind and all that stuff. I was just chopping my chrysanthemum roots into perfect squares, as the potion required. Anyway, I turned to put the roots into the cauldron between us.
After I dumped the roots in, he was looking at me and he took my hands over the now-steaming cauldron. It was quite funny, actually, because his face looked all wavy and stuff—that's what smoke does, you know? It was like one of those fun-house mirrors that make you look all weird. Lily Long-Nose, I would look like if I were in one of those weird fun house mirror thingies. Hmmm. Lily Long-Nose. It sounds Indian, except with my red hair and green eyes I don't think I'd quite fit in as an Indian.
Where were we, before I was discussing my future Indian title of Lily Long-Nose? Oh yes…the potions disaster.
So he had taken my hands and he looked straight to my eyes through all the smoke which was now a weird shade of orange. He was just staring at me. I was a bit dazed. Then he started apologizing.
Or his version of it, anyway, which was: "Erm…Lily, I'm really sorry for, um, you know, embarrassing you on the train and everything, I feel really bad about it and, erm, I'll never do it again." He said it as if he'd memorized it and it was all really rushed.
I just said, "Fine."
Then he grinned at me and I remembered just how much I hate the boy. Ah, alas.
Then he leaned forwards just as I was leaning forwards (to dust some of the crumbs of the chrysanthemum roots into the potion) and we bonked noses and it threw me off and so my leg banged into the cauldron, effectively spattering some of the stuff all over the class.
It was quite odd. Some hit Minnie and she turned into a giant piece of sharp cheddar cheese. Seriously. One minute she was sitting there, chatting to Tessa (LUCKY two got each other as partners…) and the next she'd just kind of thunked into the chair. Only, she was all squarish and orangey yellow. And a piece of cheese.
Everybody started screaming. Some had splashed onto Tessa, and she became a cucumber…(again, don't ask.) Only the life-size cucumber had two eyes right in the middle. You definitely haven't seen it all till you go into a Potions class where I am taking part in. Only there will you view the lovely sights of innocent students suddenly becoming various types of cheeses, cucumbers with eyes, chocolate cheesecake, apples, and even a fig thrown into the mix.
Really, it was like a supermarket aisle there in the potions class.
Well, except all the "foods" were life size and everybody else was crashing about into the various "foods", generally making utter and complete fools of themselves. Madam Pomfrey had to come to the classroom seeing as the "foods" obviously couldn't walk…it wasn't as if a tomato could suddenly sprout legs.
It would have been quite funny, actually, had me and James not got failing marks for the class. But sadly, we did.
Tessa still has a green sheen about her and Minnie smells vaguely like some sharp cheddar. She's in the shower right now, I expect vigorously washing, trying to rid herself of the smell.
Argh, everybody will hate me. Still, it's not much difference than before, eh? Only now it's with the excitement of knowing I'm able to change people into various food groups without even meaning to!
Ah, the beauty of being…er…me? Who am I joking.
Lily
Sept. 7
Ow, ow, I cut my hand on an edge of one of the MANY pages of the amazingly interesting (not) book, Potions: A Sixth Year's Study. Such an astonishingly creative title, too. Ouch, I've got a nifty little paper cut right above my knuckle. I'm too lazy to get a tiny strip of cloth to wrap it in, and obviously I can't perform a spell to clear it up…the whole darn "no magic in the hallways" rule.
Anyway, must continue with my work. I must attempt to redeem myself in Prof. Poche's eyes by getting highest marks on every essay he assigns. And I'll have plenty of opportunities, of course, because the man assigns at least fifty a week.
Not exaggerating, either.
Sept 7
I've just noticed that the blood has spread into a shape of a dolphin, if you look really closely. Hmm. Let me take a better look—see, if you look that way, it's a dolphin…wait, but if you turn my hand around and squint a bit, it could be a broomstick. Hmmm. I'm sure there's some whole advanced symbolism connecting to this—probably concluding that a huge bag of dungbombs will drop on me when Mars is in its sixth house, or something.
I can't say I care very much, though. I've never been one for divination.
Lily
Sept 7
Out of sheer boredom, when me and Minnie were lounging around in the dormitory, I asked what she thought my odd paper cut (I still haven't bothered to clean up the little spot of blood) was in the shape of.
She claimed it looked like a rocket ship. I've got conflicting signals here…
Or maybe it just proves that we are all very, very bored—bored enough to analyze the shape of my paper cut and other such "mysteries" that we will never solve.
Sadly enough.
Lily
Sept 7
I have just remembered about my mysterious note and how I'm supposed to meet "Mr. Mystery" tonight, at 12 in the common room. Itching to know who it is. Not literally, obviously. I will probably be mighty tired in the morning, but alas, life is…umm…
(this is where a wise old phrase and/or adage would be stated, but as I'm the furthest thing from wise, I don't have one, so feel free to fill in your own.)
Lily
Sept 7
I bumped into Professor Trelawney at dinner, as I was going over to the teacher's table to get some buttered sprouts and beans.
(Please don't ask. I had the urge.)
I was innocently taking my desired dish of buttered beans and sprouts, when she gets all weird and stuff. She looked up to me with wide, freakishly odd eyes (behind hugely magnified glasses that make her look rather like a startled owl) and grabbed my left hand…the hand that I'd gotten a paper cut on this morning. In fact, the blood had miraculously stayed through the day.
Whether it was a dolphin, a broomstick, a rocket ship, or something entirely different, I still had no clue. But anyway.
So she looks up at me, all wide eyed (behind freakishly large glasses, which in my opinion make her look rather like a startled owl, but I digress) and gasps dramatically.
"My dear, the metal-spiked balloons!" she says in a fearful whisper.
Metal spiked balloons? What've we got now, four different opinions? We should send a survey round Hogwarts, and just go by the majority vote, or something. Honestly.
She still had my hand clasped in her bony hands, all covered with weird jewels and stuff.
"Ummm…" was what I managed to say. Really, there wasn't much else to say.
"My dear, do you know what this symbol indicates?" she asked, still in a whisper. Honestly woman, get a grip! Everybody's shouting at dinner, no need to whisper. Anyway, she leveled her voice to a louder, dramatic and what she probably assumes "spooky" tone.
I only shook my head.
"These predict a grim, sorry life for you that will undoubtedly end in a horrendous and ill-timed murder by an unwitting Hullfellamp plant! You must beware, dear, when Mars and Venus conflict! That is when you will be in the most danger!" she now had gotten a really loud voice.
I fought to hold back my laughter. Professor McGonagall looked over from the other side of the table.
"Really, Sibyll, I highly doubt that Miss Evans here will die from what you claim to be a "death by a Hullfellamp plant." There are no plants of this sort in Hogwarts." McGonagall said.
"Ah, Minerva, I would not speak, for you too are in for an untimely death!" the old bat screeched.
Then Dumbledore joined in the conversation by saying "Sibyll, I am sure nobody shall be dying—at least, not today. Kindly pass the mashed potatoes, they're looking rather good today?" he said with a twinkle in his eye.
The lady is clearly off her rocker. Well, what else is new, really?
Lily
Sept 7
Back in bed at around one o'clock, after the evening's rather "interesting" events.
And very, very odd.
So at 12 at night, I snuck back down to the common room. It wasn't exactly difficult to get away from Minnie and Tessa…they were both blissfully slumbering away, like two sacks of potatoes.
Wow, that was random.
Anyway, I waited for fifteen minutes. It's quite eerie, actually—the firelight was beginning to dim and there were shadows being cast all over the common room.
Then I heard footsteps…I'm not lying, either. They scared the living daylights out of me and suddenly somebody said simply, "Hello, Lily." In my ear.
I must have jumped about a foot. Well, I couldn't exactly jump, for I was sitting on a couch. Maybe I could have blasted off my bum with the help of some Fire whiskey or something. Like a rocket ship. But you get my point.
I turned and it was who of all people? James.
I was a touch shocked. "Are you a little scared, Evans?" James teased.
Of course I was…but I said "No, of course not, Potter."
"Good." He said. "Now…let's go."
"Go where?" I asked. He held up this weird silvery thing…a sheet of material that seemed almost liquid, it moved so fluidly.
"You'll see." He winked.
Does he really think I'm one of those simpering Hufflepuffs who are utterly charmed by his winks? Does he honestly think I am a member of his fan club? If he thinks that, he's been living under a rock for the better part of his life. Well, I am most certainly NOT charmed by him and/or his accompanying winks. He has the crappest winks known to humanity.
He explained to me about the "invisibility cloak" deal. We set off under it…and the boy STILL refused to tell me where in the world he was leading me.
I was soooo afraid as we navigated through the darkness…it was like my heart was not a heart, but a cannon. I had to stand right pressed into that stupid Potter. I had half a mind to just leave but sadly I'd probably get caught by Filch.
After awhile of creeping about in the darkened hallways, I had no clue where in the world we were. Potter apparently did, though, because we reached this portrait with a picture of some odd eighteenth century witch. I didn't pay much attention to her. I was too confused. After all, I really was in need of my scone and tea. I feared that my stomach's rather loud rumblings might wake up the whole castle. Happily, they did not.
Anyway, James whispered, "Acid Lollipop" to the witch in the portrait, who nodded and swung forward. Wordlessly we entered…
No, not candy land or a land where children lie laughing on grassy meadows, with butterflies landing charmingly on their noses, and the golden sun warming their shoulders. No, not the land where antelopes roam and seldom is heard a discouraging word…or however that song goes.
It was a rather nice room, outfitted all in red and gold. The ceiling was red and gold striped, the rug had a similar pattern. There were chair with red-painted wood and gold pillows…and chairs with gold-painted wood and red pillows…okay, I think you get the point. There were various couches, still in our lovely house colors, and a low red table in the middle of the room. There were two doors adjacent to the room—a gold one, and a red one (what a surprise, not!).
There were even some sweets on the low red table—in red and gold foil. I grabbed one to satisfy my hunger. It wasn't a scone and tea, sure, but it'd have to do.
Gryffindor heaven, sure. But what in the world was it?
"What in the world is it?" I asked brilliantly, staring at the gold-and-red chandelier, which was emitting some warm golden light.
"The heads room!" he said as though it were obvious. I inwardly smacked my head. I'd read about heads rooms in Hogwarts, a History.
We sat down on opposite couches—me on the red one, him on the gold.
"So why did you choose 12 at night to show me it, hmmm?" I asked, annoyed.
"I dunno." He said lazily, flashing that irritating smile that he thinks is so heart melting. Well, it's NOT, Mr. Potter! My heart is as cold as ice cream. NON MELTING ICE CREAM.
I also noted another small door—striped red and gold, whoa!
"Well, what're all the doors for?" I asked.
"They lead into rooms." He clarified. Har, har, Potter. Like, I had no clue at all. Doors leading into rooms? Completely far-fetched. You must be kidding.
"Yes, but rooms for WHAT?" I asked, attempted not to lose my temper.
"Well, one for you, one for me. Beds in them, so we can work together in here, and not have to trek all the way back to our dormitories. And that" (he pointed to the stripy door) "is the bathroom."
In a moment of utter childishness, I leapt up and ran to the gold door and opened it. "I want this one!" I said. It was beautiful—furniture all in gold with red trimming.
"Ah, but I'm afraid that's my room, Evans." James said, walking over. How dare he? It was MINE! As everybody knows, if you claim it first, it's YOURS. Well, obviously everybody knows with a brain. Which excludes Potter. So maybe I shouldn't have been so harsh.
Anyway the short and long of it is I shoved him and he shoved me…and I wasn't expecting it so I fell on top of the gold-colored sheets on the bed…and he fell on top of me. Stupid bastard! I bet it was on purpose.
Momentarily all I could see were his hazel eyes and feel his chest rise and fall against me. Urgh…! I don't want to think about this. We were completely silent.
"My room, Evans." He smirked. Urgh, the idiot. I stalked off into the other room. Urgh. He was on TOP of me, ewww! Well, I suppose it could have been worse. He smells like aftershave…at least not Snape's signature greasy-turnip scent. Or maybe Greasy Turnip is a type of very fancy boy aftershave. Perhaps boys adore it. I wouldn't know, being a girl myself.
"Fine, Potter! This room's much nicer, anyway!" I shouted.
Which is completely untrue. Red clashes with my hair. But hey ho, we can't all tell the truth all the time, can we?
Lily
A/N: I'm not sure how much I liked that chapter…well, you guys will tell me, won't you? Thanks.
As always…reviews make me write so much quicker…be it comments, suggestions, rambles, etc, or whatever, I appreciate it SO much. So if you want a chapter soon…please review. It's the driving force that keeps me writing…
Anyway, loads of thank you to my marvelous reviewers: Queen Tigress: I'm glad you liked that line. Bloodwyne, moon-fan-101, lilMissBrandybuck: I can sympathize too, being a redhead myself as well! Charmingly-holly: Glad you liked the ink fight, it was SO much fun to write! Mooncheese: I'm glad you liked the fic...hope you liked this chapter too. Taniita, Vanessa-Black and Zabini: Yup, here's an update, even if you can't review it! PhoenixPlume, theKRITIC: Yeah, I guess we have different ways of imagining Lily. I don't think one or another is right…it's just the point of view of the author. Also, why do you want Tessa to "die"? How does it clash with JKR's story if somebody goes out with Sirius? And also, you just found out what happened with the secret note. Siriuscomet: Awww, thanks! Dodgergirly7: Thanks! I'm glad you think it's funny! DancingPandaa: Sorry, I'll try to write more Remus, but there won't be AS much of him as say, James. Anyway, glad you liked the chapters! Jeran: Oooh, thanks for the imaginary muffins! I love muffins. Also thanks for thinking the story's funny. But I don't know about a beta reader…do you know any good ones? Or where I could, like, advertise for one? Ok, I hope you liked the chapter! Skippy, crazy turtle: Hmmm, you'll see what the unicorns do… (winks) JadeGreen14, tonksss