Disclaimer: Harry Potter and co, created by J.K Rowling, does not in the slightest degree belong to me. Case closed.

Lily's Diary

Sept 15

Aaaaack. My life could not get any worse. Urgh.

Lily

Sept 15

Fine, fine! I'll tell, I'll tell, don't get yourselves all worked up about it. Well, not that I'm writing to anybody here but myself, but hey ho. Whatever.

Lily

Sept 15

Alright, so this is what went down (I sound so western…):

We were in the lovely and oh-so-exciting class of transfiguration that I just excel at (not). It was this really difficult lesson about changing alligators to pianos…now, don't ask me WHY.

So each of us had a rather large alligator, disgustingly slimy and very huge (I was praying it wouldn't get hungry and just bite a chunk of my ankle off as a bit of a mid-morning snack), chained to our desk. They were all varying large sizes but mine was absolutely ENOURMOUS. Its eyes were all scary and yellow…resembling a rather lovely spoiled mustard shade, but okay…

It was like this in-class test, almost. She pointed to each one of us, row by row, and we had to (hopefully) change the alligator into a piano.

She pointed to this random boy named Clive first, and he pointed to his snapping alligator, and said, "Erptillus Matreelus!" The alligator changed into a piano, but what was supposed to wood was green alligator-print skin. McGonagall made a note in her grading book.

So, she went down the rows, and my heart was beating faster every passing second…like a cannon ball was enclosed in there, without my knowledge. Well, I wouldn't put it past Minnie, she'd think it was utterly hilarious…but anyway…

She came to James Potter, who lazily said, "Erptillus Matreelus." and of course his alligator changed into a lovely, polished wood piano. UGH, how I hate the boy! It just isn't fair…HE gets a normal, nice piano…but I get…

So she nodded to me. I swallowed and I could swear my hands were like ice or something.

I pointed to the alligator (which was looking at me in a very menacing way…) and said quite forcefully, "Erptillus Matreelus!"

And then…

Urgh, I'm not sure if I want to recount this "adventure".

But I will, for the…erm….good of mankind?

Ok, whatever, it sounded good.

Anyway, so what happened next was this. There was this loud popping sound and the alligator's body changed into a piano…but then. But then I noticed two extraordinarily important things (well, no, three I think)

a. The piano…had alligator legs! Right attached to the wood of the piano

b. It also had snapping teeth instead of the keys, which were playing out rather odd melodies at random intervals…

c. The whole huge mess of a monster that I had created was also flashing silver and gold at random moments, and I had not a clue as to why.

Oh, why me?

So the…thing, I guess….started snapping and charging at an astonished McGonagall…everybody took cover on top of their desks. McGonagall swiftly changed the thing back into a normal alligator.

Ugh. I mean, I know I'm bad at transfiguration, but THIS? I unleashed a snapping, running, scarily piano-alligator thing! Well, maybe that will be my career in life. Forget charms, and all. I'll do spells on things like tea kettles, and they will be supposed to turn into chipmunks but they'll turn into a furry, hopping, madly whistling chrome specimen…I could create a new zoo! And breed the oddest creatures possible. I'm sure I would be outstanding at it.

Lily

Sept 15

Oh, forgot to mention this:

Potter came up to me after class, when my cheeks were at the height of their flaming. Really, you could have just stuck a marshmallow on my cheek and you'd have it roasted. I'm quite nifty, I must say, if you need a blazing fire handy for roasting s'mores.

So he was all, "Do you want me to tutor you in Transfiguration?"

I looked like him as if he was crazy. Well, the boy undoubtedly IS crazy. But that's beside the point.

Anybody who offers to tutor me in Transfiguration should be in a nice safe mental ward. Really. I'd probably end up unleashing a porcupine permanently attached to a pogostick on him, or something equally horrendous.

And you know the weirdest thing of the whole ordeal?

Possibly because I really can't afford to fail Transfiguration…

I said yes.

Oh, Lord, what have I gotten myself into?

Lily

Sept 15

I plead temporary insanity. After all, the snapping-teeth/charging crocodile could have crushed anybody's sanity to bits.

Lily

Sept 15

Not that I had any sanity to begin with, but whatever.

Lily

Sept 17

It's not all that it's cracked up to be, being a Head Girl. All I seem to do is patrol corridors and snap at snogging couples.

Ah well, at least I'm getting exercise.

Lily

Sept 17

Although today the snogging couple I found was Sirius and some girl from Hufflepuff. They were snogging quite passionately in the Transfiguration hallway. It's just Sirius's new flavor of the week. He'll dump her within 2-5 days, I'm betting you.

This is kind of why Minnie and I are holding back on setting Tessa up with Sirius…because he's such a player, and all. Even though they'd look utterly adorable together…I so see it…

Although it might be odd having Mr. Prat's Best Friend dating Tessa. (PratPotter. Keep up, will you?).

Oh well, we have to…umm….sacrifice our time and our feelings for others at times, don't we?

(Don't remind me that when I try to sound wise and self-sacrificing I sound really really messed up.)

Lily

Sept 19

Patrolling once again…really, when does it ever stop? My legs are dying, here.

I ran into Potter, also patrolling. I saw him lazily open the door, see a furiously snogging couple (some Hufflepuffs—a girl with blonde curly hair, who I think is called Amy, and some boy…), and winks encouragingly at them, shutting the door.

Seriously. He is so neglecting his Head Boy duties! I know myself that it's rather awkward snapping at snogging couples to break apart, but he just goes on encouraging them!

"Lily!" Potter cried jovially, walking over to me.

"Potter. You're supposed to reprimand the couples, not going around cheering them on and stuff!" I said, giving him my best "stern Head Girl" glare. I must say I've perfected it in the past week…probably because of my excess time spent patrolling the corridors.

"Ah, come on, let them have some fun, why don't you?" James said with an easy smile.

"It's not about fun, it's about fulfilling your Heads duties!" I screeched, exasperated and thoroughly annoyed. Being around Potter for even a minute does that to you. Gets you annoyed and irritable, I mean. Not to mention extraordinarily screechy. I probably sounded like an escaped crow from a zoo.

Or maybe a parakeet. Do those screech? I've never really been a bird watcher or anything.

Anyway, moving on.

"I'm just helping cultivate blossoming relationships, it's all for the good of mankind, really." James sang out cheerily.

What in the world was the boy talking about? The world may never know, alas.

I stood, looking at him as if he was crazy. Which he undoubtedly is.

"You only live once, after all." He stated, walking off happily and bouncily (probably to wink and hand out snogging technique packets to other couples).

Which is true. You only live once. If that's true, why am I patrolling corridors in the dead of night and trying out various facial expressions to suits of steel armor?

The world may never know.

Lily

Sept 20

Passing notes in History of Magic, again.

(normal type is Lily, italics is Tessa, and underlined is Minnie)

Guys, I'm BORED.

Aren't we all.

Guys, shhhh! I want to learn about the goblins' proclamation of independence.

Is this the real Tessa? You're an imposter, aren't you? You've got the real Tessa up in our dormitory closet and tied her to a chair and put duct tape over her mouth, haven't you?

Yes, because the REAL Tessa never pays attention in class. She does, at times, paint her nails under the desk to pass the time, but never pays attention.

Guys, I'm JOKING.

Oh.

I'm still bored.

Ditto.

Eurgh.

Sept. 20

Tessa and I were discussing how we must organize a birthday party for Minnie. Her birthday's Septemeber the 31st, after all. We've only got eleven short days.

And still no ideas…or presents, for that matter.

Lily

Sept 21

Sirius overheard me and Tessa discussing Minnie's figurative party. Why do I say figurative, you ask? Well, because we have utterly NO arrangements made, even though her birthday's in ten days.

"I could get some butterbeers and drinks and snacks and such from the kitchen, if you'd like me to." He offered. "I couldn't say no to such lovely ladies."

Which is kind of messed up, because HE'S the one who even offered first….it's not like we were all, "Oh, Sirius, darling! Will you please giggle help us giggle with getting giggle giggle giggle supplies for Minnie's birthday party?" bursts into a fit of attractive giggles. (This is the typical Hufflepuff-speak when they flirt with the likes of Sirius or James).

But anyway, all's well in the world because we accepted…so he's bringing the refreshments.

Why do I have a feeling that this is going to go horribly wrong?

He'll probably put an expanding charm in a chocolate frog, or something, so we all blow up like balloons and float about in the common room. Ah, well, it'd be quite handy really, the idea of human balloons—we wouldn't even need to by real decorations! Just eat a chocolate frog, and hey presto—you've got a blown-up Lily floating about the common room!

But somebody might try to pop me with a needle, or something, which I am sure would be fairly painful. So let's nix the human balloons idea. Oh, well.

I've said it before and I'll say it again—I've got way, way, way, WAY too much creative energy pent up in this mind of mine.

Perhaps I should channel this force into…a form of creative expression. But no, I've got creative expression—haven't you heard about my various "faces" that I practice while patrolling? I've even got a handy little audience of some materialistic, non living objects—some suits of armor.

They're not real talkers, but I'm sure they're just shy or something.

Lily

Sept 22

Potter and I must begin planning the Halloween ball…and therefore we are meeting in the Heads rooms to plan. Oh, overwhelming joy—spending more time with Potter.

Lily

Sept 22

We have just finished discussing the merits and negatives of pumpkins bewitched to cackle at everyone, and are heading off to our separate rooms to sleep.

Of course HE has the gold one. Harrumph. I told you, red clashes horribly with my hair, but I'm just going to have to deal with it.

It's kind off odd…you know, sleeping in the room across from Potter's. Whatever. It's 12:30 and I'm tired…discussing streams of bats for too long does that to a person. Going to bed.

Lily

Sept 22

Aaaagh.

SO embarrassed and…embarrassed. I am mortified.

I may just have to stay in this red room for the rest of my life, even if it does happen to clash with my hair. That is just the price I will have to pay.

Lily

Sept 22

Really. I could get my toast with blackberry-and-apricot jam sent up to this room every morning, from the kitchens. Living between these four, scarlet walls for ever. And ever. I'll grow old here. Everybody will probably forget about me, in time.

Lily

Sept 22

Fine. I'll tell, but I'll probably have to burn these pages in the common room fire (if I ever dare to venture out of this room again…which is unlikely).

Oh my gosh. So mortified.

So I'd gone to bed…and was sleeping quite peacefully and nicely, till I felt a sort of tickly furry thing on my face.

I open my eyes, and what is just hanging around on my face…a bloody TARANTULA!

Now, anybody that knows me, knows that I HATE spiders in any shape or form. They just scare me to pieces, I don't really know why.

So I realized it was a tarantula and screamed bloody murder. It was SCARY, after all! What would YOU do if you'd been innocently sleeping and you wake up with a TARANTULA just kind of peacefully standing their on your CHEEK?

I guess it must have been extraordinarily loud (my friends DO say my screams resemble that of a banshee's and are so high-pitched that they could easily shatter glass), because who comes in to save the day?

James…in nothing but a pair of sweatpants.

The boy isn't any less of an annoying prat, however, just because has a six-pack. His chest is rather nicely defined, but he's still NUMERO UNO on the official prat list.

I'm not one of those simpering girls who fall apart by seeing a guy's chest, even if it does have a six pack.

So he comes in, and says all urgently, "What's the matter?" and there's a lot of confused shrieking (coming from my end of the conversation, naturally).

He notices the tarantula on my cheek (which is not at all fazed by the shrieking girl it is sitting on) and plucks it off, throwing it out the open window.

How could he touch it? Eurgh.

So I'm still all shocked and scared and he's just…standing there.

Of course that is when I realized I'm wearing an utterly SHEER white tank top with a lacy black bra under it. AHHH! I pull a blanket over me. James is still staring at me.

I was feeling a bit foolish…I mean, it was just a tarantula, and he probably thought I was being murdered or something like that.

So we just kind of stared at each other for a while. It would have been funny, actually, had the situation not been so, well, bizarre!

"It's just a tarantula, you know." He said.

"Yes, well, I don't like them." I replied defensively.

"Yes, I can tell. You screamed bloody murder, you practically shattered my eardrums." He commented, sitting down (uninvited) on a red chair.

"Oh…er, sorry."

I know what you are thinking. Me, apologizing to POTTER? I was probably just shook up because of the tarantula incident. That's it. Temporary insanity all over again.

"No problem." He said amusedly.

There was nothing to be AMUSED about. I could have, like, died of fright from the scary thing!

"Well…thanks, you know, for getting rid of the tarantula and all." I said awkwardly.

"Yeah…that's me, pest control services."

He stood up. "Good night."

"Night." I said.

The boy practically saw me in my bra! ACK!

And only now I realize that my hair probably closely resembled a bird's nest.

Whatever, you can't have it all, can you?

Lily

A/N: Sorry that was a little shorter than usual…urgh. I'm home sick from school so I had time to finish this chapter. Anyway…I hope you liked the chapter and everything…I must say I totally relate to the spider/tarantula fear, and that's partly where I got the idea. Whenever I see a spider in my house, I shriek really loud until somebody comes and kills it for me. Haha.

Ok…well…review, please! I love reviews as always…and they help me write SO much faster. So…please review? Thanks.

(Oh, and my added bonus of imaginary cupcakes with chocolate or vanilla icing with sprinkles!)

And now, onto review responses…you guys rock!

Queen Tigress: Glad you liked it…, flying turd, Jeran: Awww, thanks a bunch for the imaginary cake! I'm sure it's lovely. I'm very sorry about the Trelawney mix-up…I forgot about that. But I just had to have a divination teacher stuck somewhere in there, it makes life so much more…well, interesting, phoenix phlyt: Thanks…I hope you liked this chapter, crazy turtle: Aww, thanks (blushes). James got the room because…they're both very stubborn, but Lily just got fed up with him and just let him get what he wanted., taniita, DobbyGrl, Vanessa-Black and Zabini: I'm glad you liked it, little bitch: Awww, thanks! I'm glad you thought it was funny., LCH8292: Me, really random? What do you mean?