Disclaimer: Gravitation owns me.

Howdy. I don't know what to do with this. I got a sudden burst of inspiration and wrote it, but when I re-read it it sounded really boring. Should I continue it? I have an idea of where it should go, but I don't even know if I should bring it there. Argh. Please tell me what you think. Pleeaseeee!

"People change", they say, but I don't believe it's 'changing' so much as finding a part of yourself you never knew existed.

Yuki left me three years ago. Eiri is currently the person standing on my doorstep. Yuki is dead. He died when he left me suddenly and with nothing but a forbidden memory. I try as hard as I can to find a sign, any sign that he was going to leave, but there was none. He didn't abuse me, despite what a lot of people seem to think. He was a cold, he'd always been cold, but I thought I could see through it. I never expected to wake up one morning and find a note taped to the radio in place of my lover.

I went through all the human relations textbook stages of a breakup - shock, for one. Then, denial. I was in denial that he'd left and wasn't coming back. For three weeks I sat on the couch all night and all day, waiting him to pop in and say "Sorry, sorry," in his apathetic manner. Anger - I was furious; with him, with myself. Depression, and finally, a sense of freedom.

The sense of freedom didn't come in a typical way. I stopped talking to and seeing everybody except for Hiro. I was drowning in a wave of inspiration - but not for music. I had forgotten how to sing, it seemed. I didn't write lyrics anymore - words seemed useless. Instead, I found inspiration for the visual arts.

I moved out of Yuki's apartment and bought a new one, which I refused to leave. Everybody thought I had developed some terrible drug habit. Hiro refused to say anything. I think he didn't really know what to say. I decided I needed to figure out who Shindou Shuichi was - not the genki singer who glomps everyone in his sight and slides around in his socks singing. I was convinced that I wasn't a complete idiot.

So, I began to draw. I just drew whatever came to my mind - weird shapes, designs, anything. Hiro looked at them and told me they looked like the results of dropping acid. There was one in particular that sort of looked like a spider web sprinkled in fairy dust. (I had done it in silver pen.) I guess I got pretty good after a while; they started to look like something, so I cleaned them up and taped them to my walls.

Ryuichi came over one day. I think he expected me to look like a dope fiend, but that wasn't the case. I was taking care of myself (or rather, Hiro was taking care of me) and I was just pale from lack of sunlight. I wasn't even depressed. I didn't stop eating or cut my wrists; I don't think I could do that. After Ryuichi I saw Fujisaki and K. During Bad Luck's hiatus - which isn't over yet - Hiro, Suguru, K and Sakano had all found new projects, but if I wanted to come back, I could at any time. I hadn't even listened to my own music in years until Fujisaki, Hiro and I were in the same room and there was an overwhelming sense of nostalgia.

I started leaving the house and got a job as a studio musician. I had my life back - until Eiri decided to show up on my doorstep.

It's Saturday, I have the day off. I'd intended to sleep all day until the stupid doorbell woke me. I thought it might be Hiro, so I answered it, and there he stood.

Eiri Yuki, also known as my ex boyfriend who I was completely obsessed with who randomly left me and drove a knife the size of Germany through my chest.

He doesn't look much different. His hair's longer, that's all. He's staring at me as if he's expecting me to jump him. Yeah, right. I don't even know if I can speak to him. I'm frozen in my spot.

His stare is making me dizzy. I lean onto the doorframe for support. He finally speaks.

"Shuichi?"

I just stare at him. What does he expect me to say?

He jams his hands in his pockets and pulls out a cigarette. I'm seriously surprised he hasn't contracted lung cancer. I used to worry about that constantly when we - no, that's all over.

So why is he here? Why are you here, Eiri? What do you want me to do?

I try to speak but my throat is caught. Imagine that. I used to be able to babble on for hours to this man and he'd barely even pretend to listen to me, and now he's staring at me intently as if he's expecting me to do magic tricks. Oh, Eiri, you're so ironic. When your attention is complete poison, you decided to strangle me with it.

I used to yearn for that stare.

I open my mouth and feel my voice finally begin to function. The floor appears to be spinning, however. I lean further into the doorway.

"Um," is all I manage to get down before I black out. I guess some things never change.

When I wake up, his hazel eyes are staring down at me. Feeling uncomfortable, I turn away from him. Maybe if I close my eyes and count to a hundred, he'll disappear.

Maybe not. I hear him clearing his throat.

"Uh.. hi, Eiri," I manage, forming my first articulate statement of the day.

He grunts in response. God, no. Say something. Don't make me go back to that time.

He sighs. "Shuichi…"

"Yes? Did you forget to write something on that nice little note you left me three years ago?" I sound surprisingly bitter. He bites his lip. Is he nervous? I try again.

"How did you find this place?"

"Tohma gave me the address."

Tohma. That weasly little…

"Eiri, why are you here?"

He shifts in his seat. "I don't know."

I suddenly feel anger burning in my stomach. It's acidic. Maybe I'm going to throw up on him. That'll give him a nice memory of the first time he saw me in three years.

"Well, when you come up with a reason, feel free to come back here and share it with me."

He looks surprised. "You're…kicking me out?"

I glare at him. "You honestly expect me to drop my pants and beg for your love when you left me alone out of fucking nowhere?"

He doesn't say anything, just looks at me. This doesn't feel right. Is this what they call role reversal? I pull my knees up to my chest.

"I shouldn't have come here," he begins. Oh, here it comes, the usual "this is what you've done to mess up my life this time, you damn brat" speech.

"Because…I don't know what to say to you. I should've thought it through more carefully."

I look up at him. "Is that an apology?"

He doesn't answer, just nervously rubs his knees. "Shuichi, I…"

I'm starting to feel guilty. Why does he do this to me?

"Eiri." He looks at me. "Look. Come back here in a few days when you've calmed down or whatever. We can discuss what it is you want to discuss."

He looks surprised, then happy.

Wait. Happy? Is that the Eiri I know and used to love?

What did he do while he was away? Suddenly, I'm frightened.

"Okay," he says. "Thanks, Shuichi."

When I close the door behind him, I wonder if I've just signed myself on for another ride on Eiri Yuki's emotional roller coaster.

Welllll, that's the end of that. If you were expecting more from this...sorry. -.-'