As I lie in his bed. My mind is racing just as it always is whenever I see him like this. He is sleeping soundly, I'm watching his chest rise and fall so gracefully. Every move he makes is the most elegant I have ever set eyes on but even now, when he is unconcious and so vulnerable to everything out there. I see how much he trusts me, enough to fall asleep in front of me. To let me see the weaker side of him, see him when he cannot see me, watching him as he continues to dream about whatever. Is he dreaming about me? Could he love and trust me so much that he even allows me to enter into his mind as he dreams?
I remember back when it was bad. Back when he hated me, or pretended to, and I pretended to hate him back so vigorously. I realized I was in love with him sometime during our sixth year, but I know I had been for much longer. Just before my little epiphany I had become extraordinarily malicious towards him. Because every time I saw him it hurt. Physically. I was in pain, deep in my stomach and everywhere I felt this horrid tingling feeling dancing over my skin begging to get in. I thought it was my deep hate but it was just the opposite, I wanted him so badly It hurt. When I finally came to terms with it, it hurt more.
I had been walking down the corridor, hating myself for even thinking about another boy, let alone Malfoy in that way. When lo and behold there he is. Walking in my direction, he looked up and a smirk played across his lips. Those lips that I had imagined so many times in my fantasies and dreams and had only just put a face to them. There was the pain again, like a thousand knives digging into my skin my body aching to get closer to his. I had to pretend I didn't notice him, because I knew I had been a prick the whole week and I didn't want to have to deal with it right at that moment. He, of course, wouldn't have it.
"So, Potter. Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" I looked down at my pants and turned the darkest shade of red you would ever see. If you hadn't been there you would never believe the shades of burgundy on my cheeks at that very second. I was embarrassed beyond belief but he just had to push on. "Who were you thinking about Potty? Your little mudblood friend?" He scoffed "Never though you had much taste in girls. That Cho girl had a face like a dog. Although it's not like you could do much better." Draco said, at that moment I also noticed he wasn't Malfoy anymore either. I didn't say anything as I was too busy trying to rid myself of my arousal and the redness I wore. So he continued, he seemed to be in a very bad mood that day too because he took it way too far.
"Look at you, all worked up over nothing, honestly would it kill you to at least try not to look like a total idiot all of the time. Your pathetic, I don't see why every one likes you so much. Just because you barely survived an attack by you-know-who everyone thinks your some great bloody hero. You didn't even know you were doing, you were just staring at him, sucking your thumb like the sodding idiot you are!" I had gotten control of my body and I was listening painfully to every word he said. "You're a bloody fake you are. No one sees it but me. I'm the only one who sees you for what you really are..." Why was he saying these things? "...a pathetic lazy waste of flesh and magic.." I could feel the tears burning in my eyes. "...stupid, lazy git..." I would not cry, I promised myself. "Well aren't you going to say something, fuck I hate you Potter."
And that was it, I couldn't stand it any longer, I turned away and ran in the other direction, I had to get away from him, I had to get away from everything. The feeling in my heart were the ones causing al this trouble, I thought that maybe If I ran fast enough, I could escape them, and so I ran. I had no Idea how long I was in fact running before I felt a hand grab my robes and stop me. I turned around and saw a very tired Draco Malfoy standing with a fist full of my robes. I was afraid, I thought he was going to hit me until he spoke.
"I'm sorry Harry, I-I went too far. I'm sorry I just-" The pain was too much, the ache was killing me and I could no longer hold back, so in one swift motion I stepped up to him and kissed him. I was surprised to feel him kiss back and that's when I registered what he had said to me, he had actually called me Harry, and what's more he was saying sorry I was overwhelmed with joy and I was going to tell him as soon as I was done kissing him.
"Harry, I'm so sorry, for everything." He said, suddenly sounding so incredibly out of character. Was this the same boy I had been fighting with not 5 minutes ago? I understood he felt bad but... I wasn't finished yet.
"Don't worry about it." I said and continued kissing him.
"I have to, I was so terrible to you." More kissing."Harry, can you ever forgive me for what I did-"
"Just shut up and kiss me you bloody pillock!" Of course I was annoyed, for the first time in my life I was feeling wonderfully alive, like just being this close to him was a cure for some strange disease I had had for my entire life and I wasn't about to let him ruin it by talking. We could talk later, but at that time I just wanted the world to stop, explanations and embarassment be damned I just wanted to remain like that. We did for the longest time. Eventually we did get to explanations and awkward moments but we got over it as well. He never did stop appologising and I grew acustomed to it.
Now I'm sitting here watching him sleep, watching his chest rise and fall, in his graceful vulnerability. I love him so much and it's moments like these that make me happy I'm alive to experience this, happy he's here for me to experience. I don't care if anyone knows, I don't care if anyone doesn't know right now all I care about is him and I care about him with all my heart and soul he is my rock, my strength, my all-purpose cure and I never want to see him upset about anything. I watch as he opens his yes, I am suddenly drowning in an intense blue-grey ocea. I see him smiling at me where he once wore a smirk, stroking my cheek where at one time he may have slapped my face. And I wonder.
Does he feel the same?