A/N: Ok here's an alternate ending for this story. I know the other one was kind of a cliched cop-out, but my muse's wumpage rampage kind of sputered and died out on me and I apologise for that. Hopefully this ending will better fit in with the rest of the story.
I have no real medical knowledge so there's a good chance some of this probably isn't accurate.
It'd been a rough few days since Carson had discovered John missing from the infirmary. Everyone knew that John had been through hell, but no one had thought that it had been bad enough that he would try to kill himself. If Carson hadn't come to check on John when he had it was a pretty good bet to assume that John would have succeeded, hell there was still a good chance John might not make it. Sure his body was healing, his heart was still beating, his lungs still working, but the mind was a tricky thing and if John truly didn't want to wake up there was nothing Carson or anyone else could do.
Exiting his office Carson spotted Elizabeth staring out of the window near John's bed. The Scotsman couldn't begin to image how Elizabeth was doing. As soon as he'd realized John was missing Carson had informed Elizabeth and the whole city had been put on alert. Elizabeth had been the one to find the missing Major.
Deep down Carson had known, after discovering John missing, that John wouldn't be in good shape when they found him and he hadn't expected otherwise. But that still hadn't prepared him for what he'd found when arriving at the southwest pier and he was a trained medical profesional.
(Flashback)
After reciving a frantic call from Elizabeth, Carson and a small med team quickly rushed down to the southwest pier. Upon arriving at the scene Carson was mometarily frozen in shock, John was lying on the floor surrounded by a rapidly growing pool of blood with Elizabeth kneeling over him holding her scrunched up jacket against his chest. A bloody knife had been discarded off to the side.
Shaking himself out of his shock Carson jumped into action and began to yell out orders. The medics quickly got to work trying to save John's life. While a couple of medics took care of John's wrists, Carson briefly felt for a pulse on John's neck. Finding a very faint one Carson carefully began looking the chest wound over, the knife had pierced very close to John's heart, but luckily it was harder to pierce your own heart than it was someone else's. As soon as they had John stable enough he was loaded onto a gurney and rushed to the infirmary.
(End flash back)
"You should get some sleep." Carson, accent thickened from fatigue, spoke. Elizabeth hadn't left the infirmary once since they'd brough John out of surgery.
"I wanted to believe that he was ok, that with a little time and help he'd be fine." Elizabeth leaned her forehead and one hand against the window. "You'd think that after so many years of dealing with people I would..."
"What, lass? Be able to see it coming? Understand the reasons?" Carson moved next to Elizabeth, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "No one is ever ready when someone they care about it is prepared to hurt themselves. But we shouldn't really be all that surprised, John has quite literally been through hell. He was forced to kill his best friend, there's no getting over that. To be honest there's a very good possibility that John will keep trying to kill himself until he succeeds, no matter what we do. If he really wants to die he'll find away."
"That's what I'm afraid of." Elizabeth whispered softly, finally pulling her eyes away from the window to look over at John. The moment she found John kept running through Elizabeth's head.
(flashback)
A feeling of dread had come over Elizabeth when Carson had informed her that John was missing from the infirmary. After confirming that both John and Rodney's quarters were empty Elizabeth made her way to one of John's favorite spots in the city: the southwest pier. The closer Elizabeth got to the pier the more her feeling of dread grew.
Stepping out onto the pier Elizabeth's stomach nearly rebeled at the site before her. John was sat slumped against the far wall, blood pooling around him at an alarming rate. Rushing over Elizabeth knelt down - ignoring the wetness that seeped into her pants - checking for a pulse. Sighing when she found one Elizabeth radioed Carson telling him she'd found John and that he needed to hurry.
Finshed calling Carson, Elizabeth gently eased John down on his back, pulling her jacket off using it to try and stop the blood flowing out of John's chest. In the back of her mind Elizabeth knew she needed to worry about John's wrists as well, but at the moment the chest wound was the more serious of the injuries.
It felt like an eternity before Carson and the med team arrived. As soon as Carson came rushing through the door Elizabeth moved back letting the man do his job. Elizabeth watched the whole thing with a sense of detachment, like it wasn't her friend lying there dying, like she wasn't really there, all of this wasn't really happening. Realizing that the med team was leaving Elizabeth came crashing back to herself and followed after them.
(end flashback)
A saddened silence fell between the two as they watched over their friend. After a few moments of silence Elizabeth couldn't hold them back any longer and a few silent tears slipped down her face. Understanding her need to let it out Carson gently pulled Elizabeth into a gental embrace.
Elizabeth had no idea what she would do if she lost John so soon after losing Rodney; the two men had been not only friends but family to her. It was going to be hard enough when she finally let herself grieve properly for the loss of Rodney, but if she had to grieve for John as well Elizabeth knew it would crush her.
Having the strange sensation of floating John opened his eyes, only to find himself standing in an empty gate room. Something was different about it though - aside from the eerie lack of people - there was a glowy kind of quality to the room and there was a thin mist surrounding everything.
"What the fuck?" Confused John stood looking around the room.
"What you don't recognize heaven when you see it?" There was no mistaking that voice. Whirling around John found himself standing face to face with Rodney.
"Well if you're here than this sure as hell ain't heaven." John didn't miss a beat with the bantering.
"You're right it's not, it's more like the Ancient's version of limbo. Basically this place is where you decide to either move on or go back."
"Wait Ancients as in ascended Ancients?"
"Yeah, I know who'd a thought me Dr. Rodney McKay, arrogant, self-centered, egotistical, bastard extrodinare, could reach a higher state of enlightenment and actually ascend?" Rodney had that smug little look he got every time he was right and everybody else was wrong.
"You're ascended?" Yep there was no doubting it now John was in hell.
"Yes. It seems we're not as alone in the Pegasus galaxy as we thought. Appearently the former occupants of our lovely little abode here," Rodney waved his hand around indicating the city, "have been keeping an eye on us. They say they're doing it because they think we have the potential to be the next big step in evolution, but if you ask me I think they're just paranoid we're going to blow their precious city to high hell."
"Yeah that does seem like something you would think." John gazed at Rodney cautiously. "So what am I doing here?"
"You're here to decide if you want to live or die."
"What just like that? No offers of ascension, nothing just live or die?"
"Yes just like that, because you technically can't ascend since you put yourself here. In fact I'm not even supposed to be here, but then again when do I ever listen? I couldn't just sit back and watch you die, I know you John and at this point in time you'd gladly choose death, but I can't let you do that, so I'm here to convince you to live."
"Why? Why would you want me to live? I mean shit Rodeny I fucking killed you! You should want me dead for that, fuck I want me dead for that!" John was having a hard time believing what Rodney was saying.
"You did what you had to do inorder to survive, I don't blame you for that."
"I should have thought of another way. Should have stalled, done something, anything but kill you."
"You really are a self-centered son of a bitch aren't you? I'm the one that made the choice to go back into that fucking pit! I was trying to kill you just like you were me! You have nothing to feel guilty about!" Rodney started pacing around the room gestering wildly with his hands.
"It doesn't matter, I still deserve to die." John turned away from Rodney, his shoulders slumping.
"God damn it you stupid bastard, for the last time you do not deserve to die! I may still be new to this whole ascension thing, but John I can tell you that you're destined for great things in life. The people in Atlantis need you, hell Atlantis needs you, you're probably the best chance anyone has at discovering the city's secrets and bringing it back to it's full glory.
Besides if you die who's going to be there to keep Ford from naming things, who's going to willing get there ass kicked working out with Teyla? Who's going to drive Carson mad with some of the best disappearing acts since Houdini? Who's going to be there to make sure that Elizabeth doesn't work herself to death, that she actually gets out and has some fun every now and then? And fuck John, you're the best damn guinea pig the scientists have if you die then where will they be?"
John couldn't help it, the way Rodney was going on made a small tentive smile form on his face. God he missed listening to Rodney rant and rave. John didn't know if he could keep going with out Rodney around yaking away. There weren't a whole lot of people who talked constantly that John could or would put up with, but with Rodney it was different. Rodney actually knew what he was talking about and for the most part John could keep up with what Rodney said.
With a deep sigh John sat down on the stairs leading up to the control room, running his hands through his hair. Seeing that maybe he was starting to get through to John, Rodney plopped himself down next to the man.
"But what about you?" John turned to look at Rodney. "With out you around who's going to pull cray last minute ideas out of their ass and save the day? Who's going to come up with briliant pranks and be my partner in crime? Who's going to be look out for Zelenka, making sure nobody finds out where he hid his still? Who's going to keep Kavanagh from trying to insight a mutiny?"
"John as hard as it's going to be, you, Ford, Teyla, Carson, Elizabeth, and several others are more than capable of doing all those things, trust me...Look I'm not saying forget about me, just accept that I'm not going to be around like I was before and work past it, but know that I'll always be keeping an eye on you guys and if you ever screw up really big I'll be there to bail you out the best I can."
"Maybe you're right, but that still doesn't make what I did to you ok. I killed you Rodney there's no changing that."
"Here's an idea how about you stop looking at it like you killed me because you know technically I'm not actually dead, I'm ascended. John as weird as this may sound, you did me a favor, you gave me the chance to experience something I never dreamed possible. I'm learning about more things than you could possibly imagine and who knows maybe one day I'll be able to share what I've learned with you, but in the mean time I want you to know that I'm happy with where I am and I want you to be happy. So here's what you're going to do: you're going to promise me you'll never try something like this again, then you're going to wake up and promise everyone else the same thing, then you're going to rack up a lot of hours in Kate's office getting everything in that thick head of yours straight, and you're going to go on with your life."
Opening his eyes open John found himself staring up at the infirmary ceiling. By the way the lights were dimed he could tell that it was some time late in the night. Looking around John didn't see anyone right away and figured Carson must've kicked them out for the night. Thinking of Carson, John looked towards the doctor's office noticing that the light was still on. If he tried hard enough John could just make out the shape of three people sitting in the office. Figuring who ever was in there would come out evetually John laid his head back down on the pillow and waited.
Hearing footsteps headed in his direction John cracked open eyes he hadn't realized he'd closed and watched as Elizabeth walked towards his bed, while Carson and Kate stood in the office doorway still discussing something. Seeing John open his eyes Elizabeth's heart jumped slightly and she quickened her pace towards him.
"You're awake." Elizabeth's statement caught Carson and Kate's attention, bringing them over to John's bed as well.
Opening his mouth to speak John realized just how dry his throat and mouth were. Closing his mouth, John tried to signal for a glass of water, it was then he realized that his arms were in restraints. Coughing slightly John looked pleadingly, at the three people standing around his bed and cautiously lifted one arm silently asking to be unrestrained.
"I'm afraid we can't do that just yet John." Kate spoke as Carson helped John take a few sips of water from the glass that had been sitting on the bedside table.
"One arm...few minutes...please?" John croaked out around a tongue that felt a few sizes too big. Seeing their hesitation John swallowed and tried speaking again. "Nothing will happen I promise. Besides I got an itch." Relenting Kate gave a slight nod and Carson untied one of John's arms. Almost as soon as his arm was free John was scratching the back of his head vigorously.
"That bad uh?" Elizabeth couldn't help the hint of humor that slipped into her voice, it was almost like staring at the old John Sheppard again.
"Damn you have no idea how much that was bugging me."
Itch taken care of John put his arm back down and Carson with out really thinking about it put the arm back in the restraint. Not that John blamed him, Carson nor anyone else had much reason to trust him at the moment.
"How are you feeling John?" Carson was in full doctor mode checking over John's injuries.
"Like I want to get the hell out of here and back to my life." Knowing she was his ticket out of there John turned to look Kate straight in the eyes, "What do I gotta do to get out of here?"
"If you behave for Carson, talk with me, and be patient, we'll see what we can do about getting you out of the infirmary." The look in John's eyes told Kate that she could ask him to jump off a bridge and he'd do it if it meant getting out of the infirmary.
"Done, done, and done." John felt relived that Kate was willing to give him a chance.
"John?" The fact that John was agreeing so quickly had Elizabeth feeling a little suspicious, he never agreed to anything like that with out complaing about it first.
"You have nothing to worry about Elizabeth, I swear. If that's what it takes to get out of here and on with my life then that's what I'll do. I'm not ready to give up yet, too many people in this city need me. It took an arrogant, self-centered, egotistical, bastard extrodinare to point that out to me, but I realize that now. Yes it will take some time to get my head back to the level of insanity it was at before this whole fucked up thing started,but I'm willing to do what I have to."
John wasn't about to tell them that the arrogant, self-centered, egotistical, bastard extrodinare was Rodney - they could figure that out on their own - odds were they wouldn't believe him anyway and would think he was even crazier than they already did. No it was better that he keep the whole Rodney ascending thing to himself, besides nobody would actually believe that one Dr. Rodney McKay could really ascend, hell he was having a hard time believing it himself and he'd seen the man.
Rodney stood in a corner of the infirmary watching John talk with Kate, Carson, and Elizabeth. He knew it was going to take some time but John along with the others would eventually get over losing him.
"And here we were thinking that Daniel Jackson had been a handful, he at least he had the decency to wait a few months before interfering in the lives of his friends." A voice coming from behind him caused Rodney to turn his head away from his friends and look behind him.
"Well what was I supposed to do, let him die?" Rodney turned all the way around to stare at the one that called himself Janus.
"No you did the right thing. John Sheppard is far too valuable and important to the future of humanity to die before his time, that is the only reason we did not stop you from going to him. We knew if anyone could make him see past his grief it would be you."
"It's hard you know, having all this power but not being able to really use it. I just wish I could be with my friends again and let them know that every things gonna be ok. That there was a reason for all of this, even if I'm not quite sure what that reason is myself."
"Yes it is hard sometimes, knowing you have the power to stop something like the Wraith, but choosing not to." Janus placed a comforting hand on Rodney's shoulder. "As for your friends do not worry about them, they will move on in time and who knows maybe you will be reunited with them sooner than you think." Rodney smiled gratefully. He really did wish John and the others all the happiness in the universe, and began looking forward to the day when they would meet again. "Now come there is still much for you to learn."
"Yeah, yeah I'm coming, I'm coming. You know for being such an advanced and enlightened race you people sure don't have a lot of patients." Rodney's lips curved up into a small smirk.
"Yes well nobodies perfect." Janus laughed as the two walked away from the infirmary.
A/N: Well there's ending number two. If I'm honest I kind of like this ending better, but to each their own.