"Suppose it's a nice day out today?"

Severus glared away from the table where he sat, looking through the doorway into the bedroom. He could only see Seamus's legs under covers from his angle, but he thought the glare might be felt nonetheless.

And perhaps it was. "Don't worry, I'm not planning on any trips out." The voice was quiet, but amused. "I was just wondering."

Severus turned back to his parchments, sighing. He had the bloody list memorised, but he couldn't stop staring. There had to be something there. Something he was missing. Something that might help.

He pushed away from the table and moved to the doorway, peering in to the bedroom.

Seamus looked up when he came in. Too pale. Too thin. Unhealthy. It had only beentwo dayssince his return, but this was Seamus. He was strong. He bounced back. This pallor still sitting on him was a bad sign.

Seamus grinned faintly. It didn't touch his eyes. "Don't go glaring at me."

Severus frowned. "I'm trying to work. Do you want me to send for Potter to distract you?"

"No." Seamus's false smile faded and he settled back against the pillow. "Sorry."

Severus almost winced. Too easy. He turned, but spoke quietly before leaving the doorway. "It's horrid outside. Storming and cold and miserable."

He felt Seamus's smile as he walked out. The boy knew he was lying, but what did it matter? They both knew Seamus wasn't going anywhere.

Was it the potion? Perhaps not having it for so many days made his body lose some of the tolerance for some of the metallic compounds. Severus had given him a few large doses since he came back. Was it too much? Was the boy's body chemistry unable to handle it?

Lower the doses. Change the schedule. Shock him back into health.

He made notes at his table, but the silence from the room behind him was so loud that he couldn't focus for long.

Seamus rolled over on his side to watch him when he came in again. His arm curled under his head to brace himself. "How is it coming? Is it...Harry and You Know Who? Are you helping with that?"

"No. There is little I can do there." Snape didn't go on, though. He moved up to the bed and sat lightly on the edge. He slid his palm over the boy's forehead and cheek, frowning when he felt the coolness of his skin.

Seamus looked up at him, and green eyes were trusting, if uncertain. "Is something wrong?"

"Are you cold?"

He shook his head. "Bit too warm, actually."

Snape was going to murder Malfoy with a smile on his face.

00000

Harry looked up when the door opened, nearly blinded from staring into the fire for so long. "Ron?"

"Not quite," came a low, bemused reply.

Harry sat back, recognizing the voice. "Percy. What're you doing here? More bad news?"

"No." Percy moved in, looking at the fire, holding out his hands to be warmed. "The Dark Lord is getting stronger, but you know that. One of the new Unspeakables has been murdered."

"This qualifies as good news?"

Percy smiled almost unnoticeably. "No. It wasn't meant to be news at all. It's just what's happened. I wasn't sent here to tell anyone."

"So?" Harry frowned. "Why come?"

Percy's expression creased for a moment, then smoothed out again. "I had hoped to see Ron. But he and Hermione, I'm told, have gone on some sort of date."

"Yeah. Want to leave him a message?"

Percy turned to him, expression odd. "Harry, I don't have any news or any messages. I just thought I'd visit."

Harry straightened. "Fine. He's not here. Go back to the bloody Ministry where you belong."

Percy hesitated. He turned on his heel a moment later and walked towards the door.

Harry rolled his eyes, but recognized the slight burn of guilt in his gut. "Oh, for Merlin's sake," he muttered to himself. "Percy."

Percy glanced back, the fire reflecting off his glasses. "What?"

What indeed? "I was going to send for tea." He wasn't, really, but he needed something to say.

"You want me to send in a house elf on my way out?"

"No. I want to know if you want some."

Percy stared at him for a moment. "Really?"

Harry frowned, his guilt more genuine. Percy sounded truly shocked. "Come on and sit down."

Percy obeyed fast, returning to the fire and moving a small armchair closer to the flames, and to Harry.

Harry watched him, then turned back to the fire. "I'm going back tomorrow, you know. I'm giving it one more try."

"Is that safe? You've spent a lot of time unconscious lately as it is."

Harry's lips pursed. "Does it bloody matter if it's safe? I've got to try."

"Harry. That was a joke. Of a sort."

"Oh." Harry frowned and scratched at his neck. It had been quite a while since he had talked to anyone outside his small circle of friends.

Percy shifted. "Perhaps my brothers are right and I simply don't possess a true sense of humour. If that's the case, you have my apologies."

Harry almost smiled. Percy seemed as awkward as Harry felt, which made him relax. "They don't think you're that bad."

Percy glanced at him sideways for a moment.

Harry nearly blushed. "Right. Well. Some of them don't. Ron's not the most forgiving sort."

"It's easy to incur Weasley wrath."

Harry studied Percy's profile. He looked a lot like Ron. His face was a bit longer, his nose smaller. He was freckled, pale, and the glasses added shadow to his eyes. He seemed remarkably sad, Harry thought.

Percy had come to visit Ron. Ron never failed to greet him with contempt and dismiss him quickly.

How lonely must Percy have been?

He sighed. "It isn't as if you didn't earn their wrath."

Percy turned to him, his eyes bright and face hard. "Yes, well. I like to do things right."

Harry studied him, curious. "You betrayed them. Even if it was for the Order, you could have trusted them with it."

"Of course. Because the decision was entirely mine." Percy's voice was mocking.

Harry nearly bristled. "You're telling me that Albus told you to lie to them?"

"Of course he did. I loved my family. Do you imagine I wanted to earn their hatred so badly?"

"Why would he order something like that?"

"Because of my father. Because he was an enemy to Fudge, and I was no use as a spy if my relationship to him held me back. Fudge trusted me because my father openly hated me. And my father was a great many things, but a good actor was not one of them." Percy's eyes shone behind his glasses. He looked away from Harry again, stiff.

Harry opened his mouth to argue. That was ridiculous. Albus would never ask someone to leave their family. He would never make someone do anything they didn't...

But he hesitated, and for some reason thought of Snape. Another spy for the Order, and one who had had to risk more and give up any chance at all for a life of his own, because he was the best chance they had to get information on the Order. Percy, Prefect, Head Boy, perfect NEWTs, eagery accepted by the Ministry, may have been their best chance to spy on Fudge, who had already proven himself a risk to the Order.

Albus was brilliant, but if there was one thing he was guilty of it was using people. He had to, of course. He was the leader of the force against Voldemort, and that carried some nasty responsibilities. Still, it was never a nice thing to have to face.

Everyone would be so much better off once all this was over.

"Do they know? Does Ron know? That it was an order?"

Percy shrugged. "I told them, and they could have confirmed it with Dumbledore whenever they liked. I doubt they believe it. Just another excuse, I'm sure they think." The fire did odd things to his face as he leaned in to it, holding hands out again as if incapable of getting warm enough. "It doesn't matter. Even if they do believe, they'll tell me I should have lied to Albus and told them anyway. Or that I should have just left instead of fighting with my father the way I did."

"Maybe. Or maybe they'd believe it and be relieved."

Percy snorted primly. "Perhaps if I was Ron. Or Charlie, or anyone but me."

"Percy, come on."

He glanced at Harry, brown eyes very much like Ron's but altered behind the glasses. "I was never a proper Weasley. You were much better for them. You took my place when I left, in their hearts. They needed you, you needed them. You fit in a way I never could, Harry. Be happy with that. But don't pretend that the warm welcome and brotherly affection they offered you was the same thing I stepped away from, because it wasn't."

"Of course they loved you. Your mum was so heartbroken"

"Don't." Percy's voice was sharp. "Don't bring her up."

"Fine. But you know she loved you. You know they all did."

"Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is that everything I ever took pride in, they laughed at. Every way I ever tried to show them I cared, they simply mocked."

"You shoved your cleverness in their faces, Percy."

"No! I was proud, yes, but when I would talk to Ron about his studies it wasn't bragging. It was helping. Trying, anyway. Ron was always so much smarter than he gave himself credit for. The twins are brilliant, prodigies in several different feilds. Ginny is just like mum - she's got more common sense than she knows what to do with. I knew they could do great things! I was trying to push them."

Harry turned back, baffled. "Percy, you weren't their teacher, you were their brother."

"I never understood how to be a brother. I thought I was being. The only thing special about me was my intelligence. I thought..." He trailed off, for a moment looking lost before shaking his head. "It doesn't matter. It didn't work, did it?"

Harry frowned, reaching out a hand to rest on Percy's arm. Understanding, he was learning, was not a good thing. It didn't lead to love. It led to a lot of confusion and pain. "I'm sorry, for what it's worth."

Percy looked at his hand for a moment, then shook it off abruptly and stood. He looked distinctly uncomfortable. "Tell Ron I came by. You can do me a favor and not let me know what his response is. Thank you, Harry, the fire was nice."

Harry watched him go, realizing after he was gone that he never had sent for tea.

0000

The scratch on the door drew Severus out of his thoughts. He blinked up, his eyes almost blurring as he saw the lists he had been staring at floating in the air in front of him for a moment before his eyes cleared.

He stood and moved to the door, cracking it open ready to send away another well-wisher before they woke Seamus up. But the round, bright eyes of an owl were all he found on the other side. He opened the door to let the creature fly in, and grimaced when he saw the green-inked, jagged writing on the parchment the bird held. He untied the scroll.

"Severus?"

He frowned, but started for the back without thought. "You're supposed to be resting."

"I was hoping maybe that was Poddy, or Hermione or someone." Seamus was sitting up, looking perhaps a bit stronger. His eyes were glassy from sleep, his hair a disheveled mess. And his gaze went right to the parchment in Snape's hand as if drawn. "Mail?"

Severus looked down at it and sighed. He didn't bother trying to hide the boy from it. He moved in and took a seat on the bed, and the waiting owl came in after him and flew to perch on the edge of the stone tub across the room

Severus had only received owls from one person since arriving. It was inevitable. Lupin had left Draco alive, so the boy wouldn't simply fade away and not try to finish what he had started.

He ignored Seamus's eyes and read the parchment rapidly. Just as he thought. A missive full of insults and derision, threats to his sense of pride because he had not held to his bargain; he had let another come and rescue his little pet.

There was something laying in the middle of the roll of parchment. A green strip of leather. There was no reference to it in the letter, and he waved his wand over it to check for magic.

A noise reached his ear, and he glanced over to see Seamus staring at the leather, a hand at his neck.

Seamus hadn't told him how Draco had kept him, but Lupin had. A collar and chains. This must have been the collar.

Snape threw the stiff leather down and stalked to his desk, writing a short, brisk reply and rolling it up.

"Severus, wait."

He stalked back to the owl.

Seamus threw the covers off, but didn't try to stand. "It doesn't mean anything. It's over."

"It's not over. He's still alive."

"So are you. I'd rather keep it that way. I don't want to risk-"

"You'd rather risk him taking you again?"

Seamus blanched. His eyes instantly filled, and his hands gripped the covers that he'd been half-heartedly trying to extricate himself from. "That's not fair. You know I'm not brave like you."

"I don't want you to be brave." Snape tied the parchment to the bird. He moved out to the front room and opened the door to let the owl fly away.

"Severus."

He turned to see Seamus standing in the doorway, weaving and pale. He moved fast, going back to him and catching him at the waist. "Back to bed, boy."

"Severus"

"Quiet." He maneuvered Seamus back under the covers and sat with him, more quick since the day before to go to the boy, to wrap arms around him and hold him close. He spoke again softly, once he was sure Seamus was relaxing and warm. "You've always managed to understand me for what I am. Don't quit now."

Seamus shook his head. "I'm too selfish. I'll die without you."

"I've left instruction-"

"If you bring up that bloody potion I'm sleeping in the dorm with Harry tonight. You know that's not what I mean." His voice was shaking, and though the threat was idle, Severus knew the tremble was very real.

"Seamus." Severus reached up, running fingers through his hair, hand stopping around the back of his neck in a possessive sort of touch.

Seamus spoke before he could continue. "I'm supposed to go first."

Severus would have smiled if the idea didn't fill him with dread. "No. You're young..."

"I'm supposed to go first," Seamus insisted. "I've known it, and it's brought me comfort. I knew you'd be there for me in the end. It makes thinking about it so much easier. The worst thing is wondering who will be there for you when it's your turn, years from now. I was so gladwe came here, because I thought I could help show all of them how wonderful you really are, and you'd have friends again. Maybe even decide to return here to teach." He wiped at his eyes, frowning when he saw tears. "I hate this. I can't get a grip on myself."

"Shh. Don't work yourself up." Severus hardly recognized his own voice when it was that soft. He tried not to think too hard about the words Seamus spoke. The knowledge that Seamus...that anyone...actually cared enough to have those sort of thoughts. Too strange, even when he should have perhaps grown used to it. Too jarring.

"The idea that it might be you, that Draco Malfoy of all people might see to it that you leave me..." Seamus shook his head. "Thinking about it makes me feel lost. I wouldn't be worth the air it took to keep me alive if it really happened."

Snape shook his head. "You're worth more than me, Seamus."

"No. There is nothing more than you."

Snape leaned in and kissed him, mostly to quiet him. It still made him uncomfortable to hear things like that, spoken with obvious sincerity.

It was how they had come to be lovers, or lovers more than their first meeting more precisely. Seamus had fallen in love and claimedit often, without pride or embarrassment, without Snape's snide and mocking responses driving him away.

Snape had thought him a doormat, but saw in other ways that Seamus was very much proud of himself, what he had survived and who he was. That he could still have self-respect, yet feel so much for Snape that he was willing to side-step it and bring on humiliation simply making sure Snape knew...

Snape had never been put first, not by anyone. It was a heady feeling. Powerful, at a time when he needed it. That more than enything had cemented Seamus's place there with him. He had no idea when his feelings turned to love, but by now there was no getting around it.

Seamus pulled back and looked at him reproachfully. "Now that's not fair either. You know I can't resist you, and this is important."

Severus looked down at him, smiling faintly. "It doesn't matter. It's done. I've sent my reply, and I'll meet him. Seamus, you told me yourself that love makes us do things we shouldn't."

Seamus's eyes screamed another 'no fair', but something else seemed to occur to him and he looked down, watching his own hand trace across Snape's shirt front. "He thinks he loves you."

Snape blinked. "What?"

"Draco."

Surprise rolled through him, and his first reaction was to laugh. "Did he tell you that?"

"More or less. He spoke about you a lot. He made sure I knew that a great man like you would never feel anything but amusement and perhaps lust for a ridiculous mudblood like me." Seamus shrugged.

Severus would have corrected that idea, but he knew it wasn't necessary. "He's a brainless idiot like he always was."

"Dangerous, though."

He nodded. "Yes. But there's something you're not taking into account in all your fears."

Seamus met his eyes, searching and needing. "What's that?"

"I am more dangerous. Unlike him, I have something to survive for. That, Seamus, should give me just that extra edge I may need." He smiled, confident, knowing Seamus needed to see it.

Seamus relaxed, finally smiling in return. "When I think of it that way, it seems unfair that you have as easy a target as Draco. You and Harry ought to trade."

Severus chuckled. "I'm satisfied as things are. Draco is right, in that ridiculous scribble he just sent. I do have a lot of pride. I fight my own battles. But the Dark Lord? I fought that battle, every day, and I got away. I defeated him already."

"You did." Seamus's eyes glowed, and if there had just been some color in those drawn cheeks he would have looked like his old self. "And I am truly ridiculous for not remembering that you're the strongest man I have ever met, and that if you could survive what you have, Draco Malfoy will hardly be a bump on the road."

"Then you will be alright with this?"

There was a flash in Seamus's eyes. He would worry, but Snape wouldn't have expected differently. Still, his voice was steady when he answered. "Kick his arse."