Chapter 5: Truth

(Lothiriel's POV)

Everything within went out of control when Eomer asked me to tell him how to love me. I couldn't tell if he said it as if he was directing the comment to me or if he meant that I was a woman and should also know the way to a woman's heart. Either way I was too confused to think.

But I remembered what I must say.

"I can't tell you King Eomer because there is something more important I need to say."

"And what else is so important" he asked looking bewildered.

"Lady Lana is not the real Princess Lothiriel but I am."

Eomer did not believe me when I told him the truth. He looked shocked at first and then became angry.

"You are lying!" he said "How could you lie to me? Do you not know you can die for lying to me?"

"I am not lying, King Eomer. This is the truth."

"And what this means is that you have been lying before this?"

"Yes".

What followed was an angry king ranting and raving at me for my crime of treachery. He told me that this was very serious considering that that there was an arrangement proposed that we were to wed.

"I will not live with a deceitful woman" were the words he used. I was very hurt and upset that he thought so little of me. I wished he would try to understand why I had to do this but he was not open.

And when he said he would write to my father to have me punished for my actions, I pleaded with him that he not tell Ada. But Eomer was resolved that I be admonished so that I learnt my lesson.

Seeing that I had no ability to convince him otherwise, I left his presence in tears.

(Eomer's POV)

I was pleased that I managed to outwit Lothiriel at her own game.

Yet something inside me tells me that I have done a very foolish thing.

She was obviously upset that I would tell her father. But a part of me also tells me that she was hurt by something else.

As I started on my paperwork, my heart became very heavy and I wondered if I went out of hand. I acted selfishly and hurt Lothiriel even if it were justified. I was a King not an immature stable boy of thirteen. I knew I should not have acted up to spite her.

As the day went on, the scene of Lothiriel's crying came back many times to distract me. The need to go after her and comfort her gnawed within me. My whole day became frustrating and I became rather sulky. I realized that I was also feeling the pain that I cannot bear to see her in hurt. Or worse, that I was the one who hurt her.

Do I really care for her after she deceived me? And it dawned on me that I did not know even know why she deceived me. Being an intelligent girl she was, she would know the risk by doing so. I reasoned that she should have the chance to explain herself before I decided if I should tell her father.

I felt even more stupid and started to regret my behavior. I must make it up to her. Somehow.

I decided that I had to see her and to make sure that she was well.

Then I was told by Lana that Lothiriel had gone away.

(Lothiriel's POV)

After crying for nearly an hour, I suddenly took hold of myself and stopped. I know when I had lost and that I should not waste anymore tears or time over my heartbreak for Eomer.

"Eomer, you are a lost cause." I repeated to myself endlessly. "But not Ada."

I needed to find a way to stop Eomer from writing to Ada about what I did at Rohan. I had already lost the respect of a man that I could love, I was not going to lose respect of another who already loved me.

I knew the best way was to go back to Dol Amroth and seek my father's understanding and clemency. But I still remembered that he trusted me to be truthful to Eomer all this time. But now I have disgraced him with my foolishness and feared his wrath.

And then I thought of cousin Faramir who was in the Itillien. Faramir was wise and gentle but more importantly his wife is Eomer's sister. Perhaps, she could understand my plight and would help me stop Eomer from telling my father.

I informed Lana that I needed to journey to the Itillien to see Faramir and that I will back soon. But I did not tell her what happened in the morning or of Eomer's intentions toward her. I didn't want to spoil things for her and knew that she would make up her own mind about him. Bless the girl if she becomes the Queen.

My journey to cousin Faramir's took me by the place where Eomer and I had our picnic. I wished to ride up the hill to see the fields one last time but decided against that.

I rode further and came to a wooded area. It felt safe and I decided to stop for a rest.

(Eomer's POV)

I took off with Firefoot immediately when I found out from Lana that Lothiriel had left. She was going to see her cousin Faramir and my sister. I should have known that the girl would never give up trying to worm her way out of trouble. She must be so afraid but she is also quite a fighter.

After some time, I came to the woods and noticed that there were fresh tracks on the ground. I suspected that Lothiriel may be near. I dismounted and walked quietly.

And then I found her near a stream. Her back was turned to me but I could see she was crying.

I crept up behind her but she heard me. She turned and saw me and quickly drew out her dagger from her saddle. She looked as if she would fight me.

She looked deadly.

"Lothiriel, please calm down and return with me" I said nicely looking at her and her dagger.

"Why should I" she said stepping back as I advanced.

"Lothiriel, I wish that you return with me. Don't make this difficult"

"It is not I who is difficult but you, Eomer. I will not go back with you?" and she pointed the dagger toward me.

"Lothiriel, think of your father who entrusted me to keep you safe. I cannot let anything happen to you."

"I will not face my father before you and have you shame him because of me."

Not wanting to waste time and hear any more threatening words, I decided to give in.

"Please Lothiriel , I would do what you wish it if it were not beyond me" I offered not knowing if she would use this opportunity to ask for half of my kingdom. "Please just put the dagger away and come to me."

She made me promise that I would not tell her father of her deception which I acceded. The whole affair had become so ridiculous that I wanted to stop it as soon as I could. What worried me was the dagger in Lothiriel's hand. She was still holding onto it.

Then I ran to her and grab her hand. The dagger dropped onto the ground and before I knew what I was doing, I pulled her toward me and I held her tightly.

I was so relieved that she was safe with me and my guilt from the morning was eased.

"Don't ever run away from me again" I whispered tenderly.

(Lothiriel's POV)

Eomer startled me. He came toward me and took my dagger. Then he pulled me into his arms forcefully and gripped me hard on my waist. His hold was strong and tight. I could hardly breathe.

I was too worn out to fight him and just rested my head on his chest. I had my arms around him and started to cry again.

He told me not to run away from him and I was greatly comforted by that. It sounded as if he was afraid to lose me and that I was important to him. It was so unbearable that I was so close to him physically yet I did not know what was in his heart.

He didn't say anything but looked kindly at me. He wiped the tears off my eyes but as he did that, he tried to kiss me.

This was all that I was waiting for after so many days - that he would desire me. But I remembered all he said in the morning and pushed him away.

Eomer look a bit hurt by my recoil and asked me what was wrong.

"You are a worse than a liar. . . " I started.

"I am no liar." he said indignantly.

"Have you so easily forgotten what you said this morning? Or must I remind you?"

"What did I say?"

"You said that you were going to love Lana and how could you behave this way toward me?"

"When did I say I will love Lana?"

"How dare you lie blatantly to me? You said so this morning, You heartless man, how could you forget."

"I did not say I would love Lana. I told you that I want to win the princess's heart." he said.

(Eomer's POV)

And that was how it became my turn to confess. I told Lothiriel that I already knew of her true identity when I saw her in the morning.

She went into a fit of rage.

"Why did you do this to me? You are so cruel to use my father to hurt me!"

"But it was you who started this in the first place." came my reply. "If you didn't lie to me before, I would have …."

Lothiriel did not wait for me to finish. She turned to run away from me again. And I went after her and caught her again.

"Why did you do this, Lothiriel? Why did you lie to me?"

"I wished I did not have to … but you do not understand what it is like for a woman to be trapped in a relationship with a man whom she will not love for life."

She was right I did not understand that at all. I was not a woman. What she said reminded me of Eowyn and that she too was terrified of such arrangements before.

Remorse came over me and I looked down. I loosen my grip on her.

"I am sorry that you feel this way about things. Now I know why you had to do this." I said.

"I am sorry too that I lied to you. I am to be blamed as much." she replied.

And with that, everything became quiet and we made our way back to the horses. Firefoot was still where he was but Lothiriel's horse was missing. I offered the horse to Lothiriel and was prepared to walk.

"This is not my horse and so I will ride with you" she said quickly "You must be very tired after all this too".

The ride back was a slow trot. Lothiriel was leaning against my body and had fallen asleep. I had my arms wrapped over her as I took control of the reins. The sky grew dark and it was getting cold. Night was upon us, yet I felt something wonderful and light about having her with me.

I was close to her now and could sense how complete I would be if I could just kiss her.

But she did not love me. She said so earlier. I felt terrible and tempted at the same time. I wasn't sure of myself before her.

The moon was already out and it was full tonight. We came by the place where we had our picnic. Then, Lothiriel suddenly stirred from her sleep and asked me to stop.

Lothiriel asked if we could ride up the hill. She wanted to see the fields in the moonlight one last time.

Yes, one last time. I said to myself…and it will be if she never returns to Rohan. And as we rode up the hill, I found myself full of regret. I wished I had the time to know the real Lothiriel more. But life it seems, deceived me.

(Lothiriel's POV)

I was close to him once more. My eyes were closed but I was not asleep. His deception in the morning surprised me and I was very angry with him. Yet I was secretly glad that he wasn't in love with Lana. I was relieved.

For a long time, we just rode and I was wondering if he would try to kiss me again. I just wished somehow he would show me that he could love me. But nothing happened, he did not even say a word.

In my heart I feared I lost the opportunity to know him. And after today, I won't be surprised if he doesn't want to know or love me. Was he afraid of me? Did I scare him away? or hurt him? Perhaps he saw how I was too difficult, too cunning or complicated to be with. He is slipping away from me. I was very unsure of what to say and was sad.

Then I opened my eyes and saw that it was the hill where we had our picnic. I asked him to take me up there.

I wonder what it was like under the light of the moon. This will be my last look at the beauty of Rohan.

We were on the top of the hill and saw the moonlight on the plains.

"They look like waves!" I exclaimed. For a moment, I forgotten my sadness. I smiled and turned to look at Eomer and found him looking into me. It felt as if he was trying to search me with his eyes.

Then I tried to get off his horse but it was not easy. He came down and helped me.

And we found ourselves facing each other again. My hands were on his shoulder and he was holding my waist but not tightly. For a while, we stood there looking at each other. His eyes seemed to be locked into mine and he held onto me not wanting to let go.

And I wasn't about to release him either.

(Eomer's POV)

Lothiriel kissed me gently on my cheek and that re-awakened the forbidden feeling I had in my dream.

"I am sorry" she said.

"What are you sorry about" I asked feeling terrible that I was holding back the kiss I wanted to give her.

"That I am not able to keep my word to you about changing the marriage arrangement."

I was confused by her words. Did she still want out from the marriage by saying this? I didn't want to guess anymore and had to know what she wanted.

"And what would you have me do, Princess? That I break the arrangement for you?" I asked hoping that I would find some evidence that she let me love her. And I knew what I told her before in this same place that I would marry for love.

"I would prefer that you do what you want, not because of what I wish." she said, looking at me as if she wanted me to say something.

I knew I need to stand up for what I felt was true.

By that time, it was just impossible to hold back everything I want to do to her and so I pulled her into my arms to kiss her softly. She did not push me away this time but held me tightly. And I so kissed her again more passionately.

"What I want" I finally said "is to know how to win the princess' heart."