Hah! Two on the same day! I'm really on top of things today! So, this is Kingdom Hearts: the last one. So far. I wish SquareEnix would quit making sequels; it screws up my stories! Just kidding; I love sequels! But, I don't plan on writing any follow-ups to Final Fantasy X-2, for example. Maybe once this crazy life o' mine lets up a little. Ha! Yeah, right! So, enjoy Kingdom Hearts! R&R!

Note: The much-repeated phrase: I do not own Square's characters. Nor do I own Disney's characters. Please don't sue me; you won't win anything anyway!

Riku

No, it's not the same Riku, there's one less K, you silly! Anyway, this is guy Riku from Kingdom Hearts. When Kairi was saved, she decided that she liked Sora better, because he didn't look like he was prematurely aging or that a bird died on his head. Also, the fact that Riku's soul was controlled by darkness didn't do much for him, either. Devastated, Riku turned to drugs, despite all he learned in health class from the pointless worksheets and boring videos…oh, wait a minute. He probably didn't learn anything because he never did the pointless worksheets and fell asleep during the boring videos. So he has an excuse. Anyway, he turned to drugs, the cause of and answer to all of life's problems. He moved to Wonderland, because everyone in that world is on drugs too, which explains why everyone is insane. Riku spent the rest of his life smoking weed with the Cheshire Cat and the White Rabbit. When he died, no one except the Mad Hatter and the March Hare went to the funeral. They did drugs there, too. The moral of the story is that if you sell your soul to the forces of darkness, you'll end up in Wonderland with the Cheshire Cat and the March Hare. So, watch the health videos.

Kairi

Like, when Kari's heart was restored to her, she had to choose between Sora and Riku. She obviously chose Sora, because he's actually remotely good looking. Like, duh. So, anyway, she was, like, way too good for Sora, so she dumped him and moved to Los Angeles. She became interested in pop music and she, like, especially admired Avril Lavigne. So, she, like, started dressing like her, and talking like her, and pretty much copying her every habit, except for the Valley Girl thing, which she couldn't shake, like, d'ya know? Tch, anyway. She became world famous by singing songs with a troubled tomboy attitude, wearing ties constantly, and giggling incessantly. Did the giggling help? Who knows? I think she used it to hypnotize people and steal their souls, making them slaves to her. She probably can even control the Heartless. By doing this, she sold billions of CD's worldwide. This is a warning! Don't listen to the accursed Kairi! You will lose your sou…Kairi is God. Must buy 20 Kairi CD's. Like, let's go to the mall right now!

Sora

Sora saved Kairi and then got hooked up with her. When she broke up with him, Sora was devastated. See the path of destruction that Kairi leaves in her wake! She's a man-eater! Beware! Anyway. Sora became clinically depressed and moved to the 100-Acre Wood, which can be considered a mental hospital, considering how many freaks live there. No, really! Think about it! Winnie the Pooh is obese and has multiple personalities: he thinks he's Mr. Sanders as well as Winnie the Pooh. Tigger is hyperactive, Rabbit is obsessive-compulsive, Owl's just a snotty know-it-all who needs a good whack upside the head, Gopher has a speech impediment, Piglet has chronic anxiety, and Eeyore is also clinically depressed, so Sora fit right in. He moved in with Eeyore and they spent the rest of their lives complaining about everything in the world. How pathetic.

Ansem

When Ansem was defeated, he was very sad. He had been evil and body-less for so long, he didn't know if he had any skills anymore besides causing trouble, experimenting on Heartless and possessing 13-year-old boys with gray hair. Plus, to top it all off, Yuffie stole his castle: Hollow Bastion. So, Ansem wandered around and waited in the unemployment line in Luca with Kiros and Rikku. When Kiros started playing baseball and Rikku became a multi-millionaire, Ansem decided it was time to stop slacking off and get a life. He got a job at a bumper sticker company and started coming up with slogans like, "One who knows nothing can understand nothing", and "Every light must fade; every heart return to darkness!", and "So you have come this far, and still you understand nothing". Since bumper stickers are supposed to be either happy or funny, his ideas didn't make too much money, but as the company wasn't very popular to begin with, his phrases didn't help or hurt the company. But, at least Ansem is still at peace with the dark side. Bwahahahaha!