Chapter Two: Pushing Away

Squall groaned inwardly. It was exactly what he'd thought it would be and he wasn't even there yet. As soon as the lift doors had clattered open on the ground floor, two SeeD girls ran from around the corner towards the concert hall, whispering excitedly, "He's coming! He's coming!"

Squall paused. It wasn't too late to turn around and go back to his office. But he'd been spotted now and he knew Selphie would take it as a personal insult if he didn't turn up.

The second he came around the corner, he was surrounded by multi-coloured balloons, banners, food even though it was so early in the day, SeeD and students. He saw a banner running across the stage proclaiming, "Happy Birthday, Headmaster Leonhart!" and a great cry of, "Surprise!" came from the many people attending. Selphie had certainly gone all out on this one.

Squall forced a smile. "Well… you got me," he said. "You had me well and truly fooled. Really."

He looked around at all the familiar faces, smiling at him instead of averting their gaze, trying to talk to him instead of going out of their way to avoid him. Still, he couldn't blame them. After all, he hadn't exactly gone out of his way to be friendly to them, not after…

"Hey, Squall!" said Selphie a while later, bounding over to him. "Do you like the party?"

Selphie Tilmitt, one of Squall's few friends who had not began avoiding him, had actually turned nineteen the other week, even though she didn't look it. Selphie still carried the care-free look of a child and with her short hair and natural exuberance most people assumed that she was far younger than she actually was.

A bubble of rage filled Squall and in a way he welcomed it because at least he was feeling something other than the bleakness and misery that he had been experiencing for so long. "Do I like the party?" he hissed so as not to be over heard. "Do I like the party? Selphie, you know full well what happened this time last year. Rinoa died today. And you go and throw a party like it's something to be celebrated? What on earth were you thinking?"

"I - I didn't mean it like that…" stammered Selphie, fingering one of her chocolate locks in anxiety. "I… I just wanted to cheer you up." She looked down, tears welling in her eyes.

Squall's heart gave a jerk and a small, small part of him wanted so much to say, "No, I'm wrong. This party was great and has cheered me up, thanks so much," or, "I know you didn't mean it like that, I'm just being over-emotional," or even just say, "I'm sorry." But that part had all but died a year ago today and he wasn't about to start listening to it again now.

So instead he left her there and walked away, shaking his head. Those wounds were still too fresh.

As he headed back to his office, he heard someone yell, "Squall!" He turned and saw Zell Dincht, another of his would-be close friends were Squall not so busy alienating everyone, jogging lightly towards him. Squall clenched his fists, hoping Zell wouldn't say anything to make him want to use them as today he really wasn't in the mood.

"Squall," continued Zell, catching up with him. He paused for a moment, seeming uncomfortable. "Listen, man, General Caraway's holding a memorial service – just a small one, like – today in honour of Rinoa. He said that he'd invited you but didn't get any response so he asked me to remind you. We're meeting at three outside Caraway's mansion. Do you think you can make it?"

Squall felt the pain throbbing in his heart and considered saying no. But then he thought of her and knew that she would have wanted him to go. "Alright," he said finally. "I'll be there."