Post 9

*My first thoughts when I awoke were that he was alive.

Then I realized that there was only one way that was possible.

Just when my life was seeming to be put back together, someone stepped on the puzzle and threw it into the Maw. But he's alive, and nothing but that saves me from teetering over to despair. No matter how hard I cried for death. *

~~~~~

Yavin

Mara awoke with a gasp, shivering as she tried to orient herself. The sheets which she shared with Luke were soaked with perspiration, and for moments all she could hear was her own breathing. Then a clammy hand on her back startled her out of the Jedi calming technique.

"Emperor's Black Bones!" She turned and found herself staring into worry filled eyes.

"Mara..." He trailed off as he saw the still wild look in her eyes. It must have been some dream to effect her in this manner.

She shook her head, and grasped for his hand. "Help" she wheezed, "Help me reach calm."

Luke let his eyes roll back as he closed his eyelids which were creased with worry veins. Reaching in the force touched her center and slowly immersed and intertwined the force with her own sense until her harsh breathing stopped and she could speak.

She lay back and let the Force flow through her, unwilling to think about what she had just dreamt.

Luke placed his hand palm up on her damp skin and shook his head. If they didn't get her out of the cool air from the window she would be feverish before morning. He made a move to pick her up, but she resisted.

"Luke, it was worse this time. She tried to take her life."

Luke walked around to his side of the bed, and gently smoothed out her plastered hair. "You don't know if it really happened Mara, you know visions do not work that way."

"I know that, but this seemed so real, and I was her. I could feel what was going through her mind. About not giving in, and not..." Her voice strangled off. In a minute she started again. "She was happy about one thing. Someone she thought was dead was not, but I cannot pinpoint who."

Luke frowned, this did not sound like a vision. "Mara, do you know where Tristan took her?"

Mara nodded. "To their home, on the planet Valdet two parsecs from Danshitie, home of the Morodin." Their eyes met. *You think we should go after them, right?*

"To check on her." Then he paused. "You, Corran and Mirax, if it works with them. I think I need to take the kids towards Hapes, the fact that we have not heard from Tenal Ka yet is a surprise, and needs to be remedied as well."

Mara shivered again and attempted to get up. "Dark Times are ahead, love. I feel something coming."

Luke guided her gently into the refresher, taking a detour to a drawer. "All the more reason to move as quick as possible." He tossed in a set of dry clothes and kissed her fingertips "Call me if you need help."

~~~~~

Danshitie

Her shadow moved quickly, without shape, covered by the black cloak. After a few moments she stooped in front of a door, and typed in a code.

Noiselessly, it swung open, and she crawled through. Like a whisper of rain on tile, the shadow moved to a larger door at the end of a dank and musty hall covered in mildew. In the background, the scurry of rats dampened the noise of her low coughs and helped the moss fixtures absorb them, to someone listening in it was like a region of silent suffering.

The door at the end of the hall opened, and she ran into the arms of the one person she had been thinking of for the last five years. Her mortal enemy, Tristan Romani.

The month that he had spent wandering the underreaches of a world ruled by the few and condemned by the many had changed him. His usual dark hair had become a limp color of dirt with a streak of white in the front. His gray eyes were hollow, but had come from a man searching for ten years only to lose what he had found after a little time of regaining it. He held his love for a long moment, before speaking. "How is she?"

Elbereth shook her head. "The last attempt was much weaker than the first. I do not think she truly means to do it. At least he is not priving himself to take what he believing is deserving of himself, but I fear that he is torturing her psychologically, wanting her to come to him." She pulled her hands from his and shook her blond ringlets from the hood of the cape.

"Illian showing himself did not help, my younger brother has not shown his face to her since the day she was taken. He regrets all the pain he caused her." She spat out her words, frustrated. "He hasn't even taken a stance with Bran, and has lost more than one battle over it. At least someone is the family is doing something to protest this."

Tristan winced, knowing that her last words applied to him as well. "You will be the one to act, but as you still maintain some power, you must grasp it with two hands and prevent your brother from laying a finger on her. I assume there are guards watching her every move since her last attempt to kill herself?"

"Yes."

"Then we must wait. I sent a message to some friends of ours for help." His face froze, as he condemned himself.

"Elbereth, if I had kept her safe, and free from his hands, no one would have said anything. They would have looked away. I was the problem in this whole equation. My brothers would not have taken her back, they would have balked at tradition and law, to keep Anian safe. I was weak, and now I see how she suffers. Even at her darkest hour at the Jedi Academy, she did not attempt death, And now, because of my unforgivable hold on tradition and ancient laws she is suffering…" He let out a staggered breath. " I see now that law or no law, that is a roof she should not be under. "

Elbereth prevented the tears growing from spilling out. "That is a roof that no one should be under, no one."

"I just hope that we are not too late." His face grew stonier.

"Tristan, please do not shut me out. Please, I need to know how you feel, how I can be there for you." She pleaded with him, frightened at his lack of emotion. Her voice grew soft, then high pitched as she almost lost her self-control. "Please...Please." No answer. Angrily, she turned to leave, only to find her hand clasped in a larger one.

His voice was hoarse. "If you leave, I'll be alone." And she understood that he meant that he needed her. She slowly took his face into her hands, and kissed him. it was all joy, lightly at first, then with increasing fervor they melted together.

Finally needing air, she whispered haltingly. "I must go now."

He finished, "Bran will suspect something. Go. We will live to fight another day." Without lingering, she smiled, soft and sad, and with a flutter of her cape she was gone.

Alone in the green light of the tunnel, Tristan sat quietly. "We will get you out Anian, we will get you out."

~~~~~

*If I am gone...what is left for them to fight for? For them to live their lives day in and day out to risk themselves, and destroy their souls for?

If I am gone???*

~~~~~

The height was incredible. The balcony of terra-cotta stone was painted rose pink, with gold-bronze engravings etched in the bars. From the top she could see the mountains of Manadie, a ephemeral pink in the early morning sun.

Perhaps she could enjoy it if she ate, but she couldn't. Last time she had eaten anything of the Morodin she had been drugged, and escaped only by some miracle. Her only solace now was that she understood what she had to do...her failure the first two times were marked by her hesitation. This time she would do it right.

Bran, her husband, a thought that made her heart revolt and her stomach churn, had not touched her since his attempt the first night.

That night had left him with her finger marks on his face where she had slapped him when he tried to kiss her. The things he had said to her had prevented her from wanting any food for two days. At least she had solace in the fact that she was still pure to her heart.

Pure to Deke. She knew now that she loved him, and had always loved him. He had not come to see her, and there were moments when she doubted what she had seen.

Last night, Bran came in and tried to talk her into eating. She had refused. And so all night long people came in by order and ate in front of her, while she stared longingly at the stars outside. Even Elbereth had come dressed in a black cloak and a slightly disheveled look.

Anian understood now why Tristan loved her. Instead of forcing her to eat, Elbereth just hugged her, smelling familiar, and had whispered to her like a sister to be strong, that things would get better.

Anian had never felt more alone. She knew that things could get worse. She felt it in her heart, and knew that one day she would give up, and give in. Then she would truly become Sora...Anian Sora Morodin.

Now was the time to make a decision. Now was the time to not back down.

~~~~~

Illian sat one level lower thinking something around the same lines. He had always loved her, from the moment he had started taking care of her. Even at the age of ten she was bright and funny. The one thing that had scared him were the moments where she would stare out into space, trying to grasp some of the thoughts she should have had about her family. He knew she would never remember but, still he feared.

Then the order had come down, when they were on Ithor, to bring her home. Bran had decided he wanted to use his tool against Tristan, who had become a nuisance on Danshitie. So Illian had her watched by a group of swoopies, who played their part a little too well trying to drug her.

Unfortunately, Bran had formulated a plan, and Jarad had given up his life as "Deke", providing that Anian never saw him. The plan was for her to be brainwashed again, and to forget Deke, and remember Illian as her brother in law. But things had gotten too confused, and the impound agents that were supposed to capture the ship she was on were too late.

Now things were worse. She knew he was alive, she knew...and he knew that he could not always be a part of her life. Not in the way he wanted to be. Duty was to Bran first.

Duty...

At that moment, he heard a loud voice yelling. "M'Lady, don't do it! Don't do it!"

And then there was a breathless answer. "I will, because then I can get you all out of my head. OUT of my life. This is the only way."

Squinting against the sun, Illian looked up beyond his balcony, and became weak in shock. Anian was standing on top of the roof ledge, walking back and forth, growing less balanced at every turn. There was something reckless about the way she was talking. He caught another phrase in the wind. "You have your choice, my death by starvation, or my death this way. Quick and easy." Then he saw her look down and their eyes locked. He mouthed, the only thing he could. "No, don't."

She shook her head as if she didn't see, and he realized that the sun was in her eyes. Then he saw her foot easing off the edge, and he knew if she wasn't stopped he would be a witness to her death.

He couldn't stop her, and she fell, spread eagle into the sun. He yelled frantically, watching her fall towards him as the world slowed down, and her mouth opened in fearless agony.

"Anya..Anya...You can be found...You can be found." Then the face twisted and she clawed at the edge of the building trying to stop her fall and jerked as her arms linked with something stronger than cement.

Illian looked down into the eyes belonging to the girl desperately clinging to his arms, and smiled as she looked up at him in wonder. Things had changed, but not their friendship.

~~~~~

Valdet

Corran glanced at the two ladies next to him, before answering the comm. "This is the *Pulsar Skate* asking for confirmation for take off."

The static cleared, and popped. "This is Valdet control 4352, you are cleared for take off. Come again."

Mirax laughed. "Ha, come again. For what?" She tried to lighten the heavy silence. "I bet even a Hutt could find them suffocating."

Mara cracked a smile, although it did show signs of nervous tension. "They were a little on the enthused side weren't they?" Then she took a deep breath. "On to Danshitie, where I hope we find them."

Corran turned at the whistle from the back room. "Whistler found something." Hitting the control for hyperspace, he walked to the back. Within five minutes he was back. "Mirax, Mara...you better look at this. I had Whistler pull all the news reports involving the Romani, And then I had him sort them from bombing reports to more recent ones."

Mara glanced at him. "So?"

"It seems that a report last week, announcing the return of one Sora Morodin. The childhood bride of Bran Morodin."

Mirax cringed, "Married."

Corran looked at her. "I think it means Anian." He turned to Mara "You're awfully quiet. What are you thinking?"

Mara looked at him, "We have to get there fast. When we were on Coruscant, Anian had a panic attack. She mentioned being confused about who she was. One of the names was Sora. He has her."

Corran nodded. "That is what I think, and because we know Tristan took her away in a hurry. This marriage has to have something to do with it."

Mara replied, "Corsec deductive reasoning, eh?"

Mirax smiled. "It tends to come in handy."

~~~~~

Danshitie

The rush of the guards coming in behind him caused Illian to call out, "Adriaho! Help!" Four or five arms reached around him and over the balcony to pull Anian's bruised body over the edge. They both lay on the floor, gasping in exertion. Slowly, he got up and ordered the guards out, yelling in anger.

"Is this the treatment we give a family member? What have you been doing to her?"

The head guard looked at him. "Nothing that her husband hasn't ordered. We aren't allowed to feed her unless she asks. Her room is locked from all sides. The only way she got on the roof is because she begged us; we didn't know that she would try to jump."

Illian walked over to the door in disgust. "If we all listened to my brother, would this planet be a better place to live on? We seem to be losing humanity, like he's losing his mind. Get out, I'll take care of her and bring her back up."

"We have to stay outside the room."

"Fine. Two guards, no more." They filed out, and Illian turned to the girl on the floor of his room. Curled into a fetal position, she was sobbing quietly in pain. Leaving her there for the moment, Illian turned down his bed, and ran to his refresher for something to clean up her bruises. When he returned, she was standing behind him, pale her eyes bright with wonder.

Haltingly at first, she pointed at him as he approached. "You died. I heard you. I HEARD you. " Her voice was low. "You died. You died."

Illian reached for her hand and for a second she moved away, then she froze allowing him to lead her to the bed. "I didn't die, another man pretending to be me did. Even if I didn't physically die, my heart and mind as Deke did."

"What was wrong with Deke?"

"He was a pawn in his older brother's game to destroy a family."

"And you? Who are you?"

His blue eyes stared at her. "I am Illian Morodin. I am the younger brother, third in line for the head of the family. I am an anomaly. I do not bear the purple eyes that is the Mark of the Morodin. I am Deke, I am your friend."

Anian's eyes flashed. "You are my friend? No, a friend does not let someone who's been with him for ten years think he's dead. A friend does not let his brother starve his wife. A friend...does not stop a friend from doing what needs to be done." She glanced at the balcony. "That needed to be done. I needed to be finished."

Illian crushed her in a enveloping hug. "No, you are not finished. You are not done. I will not let it happen." Anian, in pain, backed away from him, and swayed grabbing the wall for support.

"Anian, I am--, I am a student of medicine, a student of traditional law, and a student of life. If I can get you out of here, I shall. But you must regain your strength." He picked her up and put her on the bed. "I will eat what you eat, and help you. In two weeks time, you will no longer need to suffer, no longer need the pain."

As she drifted off to sleep, she looked at him and smiled. "I'm glad you're alive..."

~~~~~

It took me longer than two weeks to rehabilitate. The first time Illian tried to taste my food, one of the guards had to knock the bowl out of his hand so he couldn't. The guard was ordered to bring real food back.

I feel like I'm floating, I don't feel any pain any more.

~~~~~

The hallway was dark, and there were no guards around. In the past three days, Bran had been out of the city, and he was not supposed to be back until the following week. To Elbereth and Tristan, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to do something.

Elbereth was surprised at Bran's reaction to Anian's improvement, and her continuing struggle against him. Instead of being angry, he was becoming slightly unhinged. The night before his departure he had walked up and down the hall past Anian's room, making sure she was in there, making sure that her part of the house was locked down. Bran had become paranoid.

Elbereth had woken up that night to find him standing over her bed. He had whispered something, but she had been only able to catch the last few words, "Trust you..." before he walked out. The next morning there were a few more unfamiliar guards, and a few more significant changes in security.

They had almost scrapped the plan, but then Mara Jade Skywalker, Mirax, and Corran Horn had shown up. It was weird meeting people who had been in the now regular reports from coreward systems. Instead of instant condemnation from Mara and Mirax for what had happened since Anian had left, they got a group of professionals who worked on a plan to break Bran's defenses.

Now the plan had been finalized and an hour after sundown, they infiltrated The House of the Morodin. As per their decision, Elbereth was supposed to be the least difficult to insert, because she was still considered a friendly with the security system. In order to get the rest of the guards down, Corran, Mirax and Mara had snuck in through a blind spot that had been found through Corran's useful information about security systems.

Everything was going according to plan...except when they got to Anian's room she wasn't there.

~~~~

Illian had not seen Elbereth for four days. So when he decided it was the best time to get Anian out of there, there was no time to tell his sister.

Psychologically, Anian still wanted to die, but it wouldn't happen on his watch or through starvation. She was stronger, but all the events of the past six months had taken a toll on her psyche. He understood that he was in part the cause of it. So when he came to her room to take her out, he wasn't surprised to see her staring at the stars again, as if she was waiting for somone's fingers to pluck her out of the house and throw her into the sky.

"Anya, Anya...we need to leave NOW."

She smiled at him, her smile not reaching her eyes. "Bran came back."

"Anya, no he didn't. He's at the meeting in the mountains. He's not here."

"I saw him." Her voice dropped to a falsetto whisper. "I saw him."

Then Illian saw her hand. Where her fingers had been clenched, her nails had bit through the skin and it was bleeding. "Anya, you shouldn't do this. You shouldn't hurt yourself like this."

She opened her mouth in indignation. "I didn't do it. I'm better now."

"OK, OK you're better. Come on we need to go." He quickly wiped the blood off her hands, and wrapped them in gauze. Then he grabbed the cloak that he had borrowed from Elbereth's room, and pulled the hood tight around Anian's face. "Remember, you are Elbereth. OK? Don't look at the guards, you don't fear them, they can't touch you."

Slowly they opened the hall door, and, seeing that no one was around, moved to the corner hallway on the east side of Anian's door. Most of the guards were guarding the main doors as the balcony's had all been refitted with bars, so the first step to leaving would be to get past the Wing's stairwell.

As they waited, Anian grew antsy. "Deke? Illian, why are we waiting, why can't we just move? I need to move." A noise behind them startled him out of their revere. Illian heard a loud, "Shavit, she's gone," coming from the direction of the room they had just left.

He stood up and said urgently, "Anian, follow me, don't say anything, just move fast. If anything happens, move without me." A bit of her old spirit came into her face as he grasped her face with both his hands to make sure she understood.

"Since when don't I move fast enough for you? And last time I left without you, you died, so no."

"Anian you have to listen to me--" He was cut of when without thinking as she leaned over and kissed him, an act that he didn't have enough time to think about. Running, they ran toward his room on the floor below, which was part of the prison that both of them had lived in since Bran had found out how Illian was helping her.

At the main door to the wing, Anian realized that they had not met a single guard in fifteen minutes. "Where is everyone?"

Illian shook his head. "I don't know, this is getting weird."

~~~~

Mara sensed them as they ran. "Corran, Mirax, over there." They began to run in the direction she pointed, but Elbereth shook her head and whispered.

"No, follow me, it won't take you as long if you go this way." They ran down a stairwell that Elbereth accessed with a timecard, and came one level down, just past a room that Elbereth said was her brother's.

Then it hit her. "Oh, I get it. Illian took her. I should have known. We have to tell them that all the guards are in the left quarter of the building battling the fire."

They stopped suddenly as they heard someone say, "I don't know, this is getting weird."

A young man ran right into Corran, followed by someone who in a cloak resembled Elbereth. "Don't touch her or I'll kill you." In the young man's hand had appeared a Blastech 2000. "Don't move a muscle." A gasp came from the girl behind him. "No, Deke, no. Mara? Mirax?" She ran toward them and was immediately enveloped in a hug.

Illian's mouth hung open, but then he spotted his sister. "What are you doing?"

Elbereth smiled, "The same thing you are, let's get out of here."

The rest of the operation went smoothly, and in the bunker where Tristan had been waiting driving the car to take them away, his sister sobbed in relief when she saw him. "I thought they killed you, I thought..."

He chucked her lightly across the chin. "That's what you get for thinking too much."

Behind them as the car sped away, the night sky was lit up with a small tendril of smoke rising from the back of the house. "What did you start?" Illian asked.

Corran answered, "A small brush fire, should keep them busy for a while."

~~~~~

I don't know what possessed me to do it, but at that moment I felt in all my heart that it was the right thing to do. That there was no way out. So I did.

~~~~~

Illian couldn't believe his eyes, she was normal again. Maybe it had been the close quarters, maybe it had been the way Bran was treating her, but as he watched her talk with Mara Jade and Mirax Terrik, the animation in her face made him feel like all was right with the world. Then she turned and flashed him a smile, and in that instant he could see that her eyes were still lacking of emotion. Where there had been heart, there was now...nothing.

Tristan clapped his hands. "All right, I guess we now have to decide how to anull this marriage of Anian's. Whistler found some loopholes which we can exploit...but there is bad news. Our ships have all been impounded, they are watching all exits. Illian, you and Elbereth are not allowed back in the Morodin compound at any cost. Bran came back and declared you traitors..." He trailed off as he looked at the faces of the people in front of him and paused on his sister's face, which was growing a little green as she set her face in a composed expression. "Anian, is there something you'd like to say?"

She stood up, brushing her tan fatigues off. "I..." she started, only to be interrupted by a gasp from Mara.

"We have to get to the landing bay, now."

"What?!" Everyone looked at her.

"It's Luke, he's here." Even as she said that she felt that he was much closer then what she had felt moments before.

"Correction, Mara, I'm here."

His wife sputtered, "How did you?! And Han Solo, what have you done with your hair?"

Han blinked and grinned. "I cut it, do you like it?"

Luke Skywalker smiled. "Leia asked us to come look after you, and while we were at it to take a look around the outer rim for her. We did, and since disguising ourselves seemed to be a good thing to do...we did."

"What about the kids, and Tenal Ka? "

"Tenal Ka is back with us. She decided not to get a prostethic, and the whole lot of the kids went to Kashyyyk to be with Lowie while his sister performs her ceremony."

" Any word from Zekk? Or the Second Imperium?"

Luke glanced at Corran's questions. "No. Not a word."

"Excuse me. It's good to see you again Master Skywalker, but..." Tristan looked at the group. "Where's Illian?" Everyone stopped and stared.

Repeating Whistler's low wail, Mirax echoed, "Better question, where's Anian?"

~~~~~

Illian watched Anian's face change from indignation to set decision as Luke Skywalker and Han Solo walked in the room. In the surprise and confusion Anya had slipped out the door, not realizing that he had never taken his eyes off of her.

When he reached her room, she was putting on the clothes she had been wearing the night they had pulled her out, a little over a week ago.

"What are you doing?"

"I've thought a lot about it. The only way we can bring him down is if we have someone controlling him. And I can, by the way I act and the way I do things. I am his wife, after all." She said the last words with a wince.

"No, Anya, you are not his wife. A wife gives her consent, a wife is not tortured by the man she is married to. You are not his wife."

She looked up at him, and he saw she was crying. "Illian, do you know how much I love you?"

She had called him Illian... "I love you, too." There, he had said it, and the enormous emotional weight had been replaced by one much worse.

"Then you must let me do this. My life has been full of pain, and suffering. I need to do something for you and those people in the other room. You have risked your life for me, now let me risk my life for you. There isn't any way out of this. If I can distract him enough on the night you all need to leave, he won't know until it's too late."

"And what good will it do us, if you are only going to continue to suffer, making our sacrifices moot?"

"I won't be suffering. I will die before he lays a finger on me. I will be dead within an hour after the word comes in that you are safe."

"Anya... No."

She shouldered the pack and looked at him. "I will love you forever, and the moment I die, I will be whispering your name." Illian grabbed onto her hand and refused to let go.

"No."

"Then you force me to do something I do not want to do." She leaned forward and kissed him full on the mouth, simultaneously putting her gun on stun.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry, Illian. Thank you for finding me. Thank you." And she fired.

End Post 9