Songs and Explanations

I mentioned in the Introduction that this was a piece that I wrote with my own original characters (for the first time). Whenever I wrote an emotional scene, or was trying to reach a place I had inspiration from music lyrics. Here are the main ones that influenced me and my explanation as to why they're important. (I'd read them as I go along in the story, mainly b/c there are spoilers).

A/N May 2005—I took out the lyrics. Didn't realize that even though I gave credit for the song I still wasn't allowed to putthem up. Anyway...if you want to know what lyrics specifically worked e-mail me...otherwise, look them up on google!

She Just Wants To Be: REM-Posted before Post 3

Explanation: She Just Wants To Be: REM
This can be taken in two ways...as a song for Anian..or a song for Mara. I see it being that Anian is this girl who can't remember her past. All that matters for her is her best friend Deke, and what lies ahead in life for her. Similarly, Mara had broken free from her Imperial past, and has embraced one that belongs to her completely.

That is ultimately the message of the story. I feel that while the characters are defined by dates, and events, what happens after is under their direct control. Anian can only complete her life's goal, when she receives self-realization that she is important. Mara received her realization gradually, rebuilding a new life after the control of the Emperor.

Shackled: Vertical Horizon-Posted before Post 4

Explanation: Shackled: Vertical Horizon

This lies mostly with Anian's connection with Bran. As his wife, and his victim.
I also feel that this song analyzes Tristan's feelings. For 10 years this man has been haunted and trapped by this event that destroyed futures.

His need to find his sister is his need to repair what he has lost. Similarly his relationship with Elbereth is an attempt to regain family, and sanity. Each time he stands tall, he slowly stumbles, trying to regain a foothold on what is to come.

Cling and Clatter: Lifehouse-Posted before Post 6

Explanation: Cling and Clatter: Lifehouse
The Obvious: Anian without a voice, unable to vocalize what the memories are saying to her. Past voices revealing things she is unable to handle. It also depicts her feelings of losing Deke (to her knowledge the only family she has ever had). Tormenting, and twisting...the "Cling and Clatter" is making the world not make sense to the point where she no longer cares that things are no longer logical, that her life is not what it was supposed to be...

The not so obvious:
Mara with her worries about Luke, Children, and life in general. True I didn't get into Mirax in this story as much as i would have liked. For me Mara is a much more evolved figure. I know more about her than I do about Mirax.

Just craziness distracting from focusing on what's important, and logical.

It's Been Awhile: Stained-Posted before Post 6

Explanation: It's Been Awhile: Staind
This is an insight into Tristan Romani, a man who values tradition above all else. A man who has lived desperately to find his sister only to realize that she can not return to him. It will take him a shocking splash of reality to see that traditions can be broken, because wrongs have to be put right.

He hasn't had time to apologize to his sister for taking so long to find her, and he feels not worthy of being Elbereth's love.

His Addiction is fear, fear that his life will never be right. Fear of the out-of-control.
And once he is able to realize his faults, he can save his sister, and himself.

Bent: Matchbox Twenty-Posted before Post 6

Explanation: Bent: Matchbox Twenty

This song felt to me to be about support. Needing family to help get through troubles. Mirax and Corran, through love. Luke and Mara with their feelings for one another, and confidence in having a child.

This is the love that Anian, and Tristan need. With family and heart, they can begin to heal.

Drive: Incubus-Posted before Post 7

Explanations: Drive: Incubus
Once again craziness, and the need to take charge. Drive provides that feeling of a downward spiral beginning to lose speed.

Mara with her aching need to watch over Anian. Anian with the growing feeling of helplessness that causes her to lash out. Tristan's hold on tradition, coupled with Elbereth's weakness beside her brother Bran's control. Illian/Deke who is constantly controlled by his failure to be a true Morodin (blue eyes instead of purple ice), realizing that he needs to not let it lead him...

All the YJK who suffer under the pressures of becoming Jedi, who with the responsibility of lightsabers, shall become respected and honored. With them lies the pressure of living up to that awe.

Unknown: Lifehouse-Posted before Post 7

Explanation: Unknown: Lifehouse
"This doubt is screaming in my face in this familiar place sheltered and concealed
And if this night won't let me rest don't let me second guess what I know to be real put away "

In a nutshell: this is Tristan's hold on tradition. His need to put tradition over what is right, and over what is wrong. His non-affiliation with the rebellion puts him at a juncture where he doesn't see how important change can be. How giving up the old, and embracing the new, can save and give birth to startling openness.

El Tango De Roxanne: Moulin Rouge-Posted before Post 8

Explanations: El Tango De Roxanne: Moulin Rouge
Roxanne in general is a scene in the movie that is chaotic and full of madness. From the intense tango, to the tortured wail of Christian the movie's hero.

This song provides the sense and feeling that i tried to catch in the section at the end of the second part of Post 8.

The Warmth: Incubus-Posted Before Post 9

Explanation: The Warmth: Incubus
This song to me is about life, about suicide, and about finding your way back, finding that reason to live.

This is the point where Anian has lost all hope. The other times she was in a tight spot, there were things to saver her. On Corellia, it was her ingenuity, and hope that Mara, Mirax or Iella would find her. When left without her voice, it was her need and hope to not give up as well as her memories of her childhood, providing her with the hope that she could find her family again. When told she would die, she allowed the Jedi to come to her aid.

When this song takes place, she believes her brother is dead. That she is married to the man she has been tormented by, the man who was part of an orchestration to destroy her family, and she has found out that her best friend, the man she loves is a member of the same family. Desperation has taken over.

What she needs is a reason to live...and she finds that after making a serious attempt on her life. Her reason to live is a tiny glimmer of hope.

I Miss You: Incubus-Posted before Post 9

Explanations: I Miss You: Incubus

This is Illian's song, who on the surface seems to be a young man, directly under his brother's control. He seems to be weak and unable to make his own decisions. Later you see that he is part of an orchestration to do the right thing and overthrow his brother's madness. He is the moral brother of the two.

This song represents his hesitation with Anian, how he has loved her from a afar, and has never been able to say it until now. So Instead of going straight out and telling her how he feels, he tries to help her by slowly undermining his brother.

Likewise this song show's Tristan and Elbereth's love for one another despite the distance between them.

Everything: Lifehouse-Posted before Post 9

Explanation: Everything: Lifehouse

Tristan and Elbereth's belief in their family, and need to commit to doing the right thing. They both feel the pain of Illian and Anian, more than the other two even realize. For most of their lives these elder siblings have torn their lives apart to make sure the younger two were all right. Especially painful for Elbereth is the idea that the man she has to destroy is the man who is connected to her by birth, her twin brother.

"Everything" also represents the sacrifice that one goes through, for loved ones. Anian sacrifices herself for the only family she has ever known. Seeing Luke come in made her realize that she could be the reason for loss, all because they were working to save her one life, she still does not realize how much her one life means to them.

No One: Cold-Posted before Post 9

Explanation: No One: Cold

Anian's despair... and the feeling at the end of Post 9 that this is the end of the line. She knows that by shooting Illian, she has put herself in a position where there is no way out. Part of her feels like there is no way out, but the other part hopes that someone will come to save her.

Additionally, At the beginning of Post 9 Tristan is tormented by the thought that his sister has just been fed to the wolves... Literally because of his attachment to tradition. He has a fear of being alone, because for most of his life he has been without family, and having his sister back meant the world to him.

Then he threw it all away. His fear of even Elbereth leaving him is ingrained in the life he had led before he met her. Empty, and soulless

I've Been Delivered: The Wallflowers-Posted before Post 10

Explanation: I've Been Delivered: The Wallflowers

Right before post 10-everyone breathes a huge sigh of relief...Anian's alive, Elbereth has been put into power, and all the horrors that were driving Anian crazy seem to be completed, as we see through her coherent acting and manipulation of Bran...

In order for her to be "delivered" she needed to do more than stand around. Her vindication was hearing Bran being kicked out of his own house, by his own trusted guards.

The end of the story...they're happy, but then BAM! Things hit them at a pace that can't be stopped. For the two who lose their lives, this is something that cannot be fixed. It's the end of the line, but they walked the tightrope to the best of their ability, and landed safely on the other side.

Simon: Lifehouse-Posted before Post 10

Explanation: Simon: Lifehouse

His insecurity and weakness can only be controlled through the weakness of others. Using his sister's protectiveness for Illian, Anian's weakness that was fabricated by his father, and later perpetuated further by himself, was a way for him to feel strong.

Outside: Staind-Posted before Post 10

Explanation: Outside: Staind

Two Men, Two Lives
Two different sets of action...
Tristan Romani: proud, capable, has a stronghold on beliefs and tradition. His pride caused his sister more pain, and ultimately he was...

The minute he found her, he should have protected her at all costs. But being a young man, thrown into adulthood by death, his priorities became pessimistic. Deep down he felt that she was dead. His love for his sister brings him to his knees as he should have forgotten his wants and his needs, and focused on her...when he could."

Angel: Sarah McLaughlin-Posted before Epilogue

Explanation: Angel: Sarah McLaughlin

This song, is the song for Anian. For her all her life has been is waiting, waiting for something to click. And when it did, all she got is more pain, to the point where the closest she could get to peace was death. She only found that death, in a release that was neither selfish, nor painful. Her sacrifice to save the woman who she knew made her brother happy, over her own life is what brought her that weightlessness...and peace.

Illian, forever loyal, forever dutiful, learns that everywhere he turns what he lacks is shoved in his face. The more he stumbles, the further he falls. Until seeing his love fall, he does the one thing he knew was right, and takes vengeance, slipping over to stop greater harms.

In a Little While: U2-Posted before Epilogue

Explanation: In a Little While: U2

Aside from U2 being one of my favorite bands and this being the last song Joey Ramone heard before he died, this song, is peace, as life is slowly fading away. This song stands for the love of Illian, and Anian and holding on as long as you possibly can. This is what the after life for Anian and Illian truly is...slowly, slowly fading away...to peace...and true happiness...what life never game them a chance to have.

Even if its impossible, living on a dying star, reaching for the impossible...is worth it if you are willing to stop hatred...which is what Illian's final act was about. He may have been thinking out of Anger, but shooting came out of the hope that he could somehow, someway...stop the pain...that he and Anian had experienced from happening to someone else.