DATE: FEB 20 2001
Wrestling With Survivor Chapter 5
Your Host:
Mick Foley
Team 1: The Faces The Rock Crash Holly Mikey Whipwreck Yoshihero Tajiri Booker T Chris Jericho
Team 2: The Heels Vampiro Edge Chris Benoit Kanyon Lance Storm Kurt Angle
"Hello everyone and welcome back to Survivor Island and Wrestling with Survivor Chapter 5 thats right Chapter 5. What happened in Chapter 4? Well Ric Flair got voted off and if you want to know what else happened just READ THE DAMN THING cause Im just to lazy to stand up here and tell you. So lets let Chapter 5 start now and head to the beaches." Foley said, pointing to the heels beach.
"Bro I am starving bro where are all the rats bro?" Kanyon asked.
"Well Vampiro and I think that Tajiri ate them all thats why where making a raft so we can go fishing." Benoit said.
"Guys Im telling you if there was one weenierfest out there then theres gotta me more!" Edge exclaimed.
"Yeah like that one that Crash knocked you out to get?" Angle said with a grin.
"Dude don't even bring that up anymore that was just plain haneosity." Edge said.
"Bro damnit bro why don't you start talking normal like me bro?" Kanyon asked Edge.
"Kanyon your one to talk I have heard the word bro about a million times since we got here." Kurt said.
"Bro oh yeah bro?" Kanyone said.
"Yeah...bro." Angle said mocking Kanyon.
"BRO LOOK OVER THERE BRO!" Kanyon yelled jumping to his feet.
"WHAT?" Angle yelled quickly looking behind him to see nothing then turns around again to be meet with the Kanyon Cutter.
"Bro BANG bro!" Kanyon said forming his hands in a diamond much like Diamond Dallas Page would.
"And you just know it couldnt of happened to a better guy." Vamprio said with a grin.
"For sure." Benoit agreed
"Yeah hes going to be voted off the island at the first Tribal council after we join the faces." Edge said.
"Hey has anyone seen Lance today?" Benoit asked.
"Yeah he went into the woods to cut down a fifty foot tree so he could make a flag pole out of it or something." Vamprio said.
"What is it with this guy and Canada dosent he know that Canada reeks of Stinktitude?" Edge asked, which caused everyone to look at Edge in confusion.
"Bro arnt you Canadian bro?" Kanyon asked.
"Oh yeah... Well in that case Canada reeks of awesomeness!" Edge said quickly changing his mind and giving a thumbs up.
"Please tell us Edge are you really that stupid?" Benoit asked.
"I think so but I would have to ask Christian first hold on I'll call him and ask... where is the telephone in this place anyways?" Edge asked.
"There is no telephone and you just answered our question." Vampiro said.
"Oh. Heh I reek of awesomeness even when Im not trying." Edge said with a smile.
"Edge make yourself useful and go find Storm we gotta get ready for the challange and wake up Kurt again." Benoit said.
"HEY! Unfairness! Why do I have to go in the woods Crash Holly could be hiding out until I come there and then he might attack me!" Edge yelled.
"Fine then Kanyon you go." Benoit said.
"Bro your not my mommy bro you cant tell me what to do bro!" Kanyon said sticking his tounge out at Benoit, who simply rolled his eyes in return.
"Oh for god sakes! Fine then I'll go!" Benoit said.Benoit then goes into the woods to look for Lance Storm while Kanyon, Vampiro, and Edge are left to revive Kurt Angle. Meanwhile at the Faces Beach Crash is singing a song for everyone else on the team.
"Home, home on the range, where the deer and the buffalo..." Crash sang before getting cut off by The Rock.
"WOULD YOU SHUT UP AND STOP YOUR STUPID SINGING JABRONI! YOU HAVE AS MUCH TALENT AS A FINGERNAIL GOING DOWN A CHALKBOARD!" The Rock yelled.
"Gee I thaught it was pretty good actually." Mikey said, perhaps biased.
"It was Dawg, The Rock just dosnet wanna admit it." Booker T said, making Mikey smiled a little.
"You know I say The Rock as a thing for Crash yet." Jericho observed.
"What do you mean a thing?" Crash asked, totally confused.
"Well Some guys treat the girls they wanna go out with bad." Jericho said.
"Hey Im not A girl!" Crash yelled, once again not getting it at all.
"I didnt say you did but The Rock Might be you know..." Jericho said trailing off.
"THE ROCK IS NOT GAY! Sure he experimented a little back in Smallville but HE IS NOT GAY!" The Rock scolded.
"Experimented back in Smallville? This isnt Saturday Night Live Rock this is Survivor Island." Booker T said remembering the SNL sketch where he was Superman. Despite this Crash still hides behind Mikey Whipwreck.
"Hey dont get me involed in this I dont want nothing to do with it!" Mikey said trying to get Crash away from him.
"Ha ha ha Rock gay!" Tajiri said laughing with glee and showing that the word gay was indeed quite a universal one.
"THE ROCK IS NOT GAY!" The Rock yelled.
"We know Rock but were all bored and want something to make fun of and we want to make fun of you being gay even if your not." Jericho said proving his bordom again by leaking the whole "plot".
"Can We just change the subject?" The Rock demanded.
"Sure your no fun anayways." Mikey said, with a sigh.The six remaning faces then look towards the water wondering what to talk about.
"So who do you think Ran over Stone Cold?" Crash asked.
"We already found out on Raw is Jericho that it was The Rocks fat ass cousin Rikishi." Jericho said once again confusing the name of Raw.
"Oh yeah." Crash said quite obvioulsy bored.
"Yeah but what he said was true The WWF has been holding back blacks for years there is still to be one WWF World Champion of Color." Booker T pointed out. The Rock just gave him the peoples eyebrow.
"And What color do you think The Rock is! Purple!" The Rock yelled.
"Oh yeah. Well... dont be a player Hater bro." Booker said.
"I say That the Superfly could of been the World Champ though, that guy was awesome!" Jericho said pointing out his love for Jimmy Snuka.
"Stop Talking about The Rocks Family!" The Rock yelled. Once again everyone stops talking and looks off to the water wondering what to talk about again.
"Well who do you think is the father of Ms. Hancocks baby?" Crash asked
"We Already found out that was Buff Bagwell, oh and that she wasnt really pregnant at all." Jericho said being more then thankful to be away from WCW and all of there awful storylines.
"Oh yeah." Crash said again as once more they are all grew quiet and looked off into the water wondering what to talk about.
"Sooooo... Who do you think that this higher Power The Undertaker keeps talking about is?" Crash asked, bringing up quite an old mystery, and causing The Rock to smack the back of Crashs head.
"Dumb Jabroni!" The Rock yelled.
"Yeah Crash seriously though that was over a year ago!" Mikey said agreeing with The Rock for once.
"Oh yeah it was Vince." Crash said his memory now jogged, perhaps from the slap to the back of the head, as they all look out into the water again.
"Im starting to get thristy." Crash complained.
"Thats it someone hold The Rock back before I kick this jabronis ass!" The Rock said jumping to his feet.
"Man is it challange time yet?" Mikey asked, wanting to end the bordom.
"Thats a great idea lets all walk to see what the next challange is." Booker said agreeing with Mikey.
"But theres still like a hour before the challange starts." Jericho pointed out.
"Well what else are we gonna do?" Booker said, also looking for a solution to the bordom.
"Oh yeah well lets go, worse thing that can happen is that we will be early." Jericho said. All the faces then get up and start to walk to the challange area out of shere bordom. Soon though it is time for the challange and Mick Foley comes out to count how many people are left.
"Hmmmmm... twelve of you left that means when two more people are voted off you will be all one big group." Foley pointed out.
"Yippie." Angle said in obvious lack of excitement.
"Your only acting like that cause you know you will be the first one voted off!" Benoit pointed out.
"Will not!" Angle disagreed.
"Will too!" Vampiro shot back agreeing with Benoit.
"Will not!" Angle yelled again.
"Bro will too bro!" Kanyon said siding with Benoit and Vampiro.
"Will not!" Angle yelled yet again.
"Dude you soooooo will." Edge said throwing his hat in with the others.
"Will not!" Angle yelled again this time stomping his foot.
"DROP IT ALREADY!" Lance Storm yelled, quite obvioulsy annoyed by his entire team.
"Those jabronis are worse then you Crash." The Rock said.
"Hey thanks Rock! Hey wait a second." Crash said, thinking about The Rocks comments.
"Alright I guess your all wondering what the next challange will be right?" Foley asked.
"Dont care." Vampiro said.
"Dont care." Edge said.
"You suck Foley." Benoit said opting to say something different from Edge and Vampiro.
"Dont care bro." Kanyon said.
"Kinda." Storm said somewhat intrigued.
"You bet we are wondering!" Angle said in excitement, proving to be different from the rest of his team yet again.
"I am kinda courious." Crash said, somewhat agreeing with Angle.
"Whatever works gor you Mick." Mikey said sounding really indifferent.
"Yes We wanna know Mick." Booker said.
"Rock...not gay?" Tajiri asked going completly off subject.
"YOU KNOW THE ROCKS NOT GAY JABRONI THATS KURT ANGLE WHOS GAY! And Mick The Rock could give two monkey turds what your stupid little challange is!" The Rock said obvioulsy pissed off.
"But maybe you'll give three monkey turds Rock." Foley said with that trademark smile of his that ALWAYS meant trouble.
"What are you talking about Mick?" The Rock said now concerned.
"The challange is a eating contest. A monkey turd eating contest!" Foley said all smiles, while all the wrestlers run into the woods and start to puke except Tajiri who stays where he is licking his lips wanting to be the one who takes part.
"I DO IT!" Tajiri said in excitement, just as all the wrestlers come back.
"You didnt just say what we thaught you said did you Tajiri?" Mikey asked.
"Shut up Jabroni if he wants to be the one to eat the monkey turds let him do it!" The Rock said poking Mikey Whipwreck with his elbow.
" Huh... OH YEAH! Good, no GREAT idea! Go Get them Tajiri!" Mikey said encouraging his tag team partner. Tajiri just nods in agreement.
"Ok we have Tajiri eating those yummy monkey turds who do you guys want to do it? No volenteers? Ok Kurt you pick someone." Foley said not wanting to be the one hated for forcing them to do it. Kurt Angle however seemed to enjoy the fact that he got to pick as he starts to grin ear to ear.
"Ok Kanyon you remember that Kanyon cutter you gave me before today? well revenge is a bitch isnt it?" Angle said with a grin.
"Bro no way bro you gotta be kidding bro!" Kanyon said in protest.
"Nope.cYou guys dont care if its Kanyon who does this right?" Angle said already knowing what the answer would be.
"We think its the right choice Kurt." Benoit said taking a step back.
"I dont mind at all." Storm said also taking a step back to where Benoit was.
"Kurt we pratically insist that its Kanyon who eats the monkeytudes!" Edge said.
"Yeah let Kanyon eat all the... umm... .monkeytudes, as Edge calls them, that he wants." Vamprio said agreeing with the rest of the team.
"Bro you guys are soooo gonna get the Kanyon cutter bro!" Kanyon threatened.
"As long as you dont kiss us." Angle said.
"BAH HA HA HA HA HA! Thats a good one Kurt it really is. So Tajiri and Kanyon any questions?" Foley asked.
"Bro yeah bro can we put any spices on it or something bro?" Kanyon asked wanting to try anything to make this even slightly better.
"Nice try Kanyon but you gotta eat them all natural." Foley said.
"Bro this is gonna suck bro." Kanyon said with a frown.
"Ok there are 20 monkey turds on each persons plate the person with the most monkey turds eaten in one minute wins and you will start when I say so... SO!" Foley said explaining the rules, then giving the go ahead.Quickly Tajiri starts eating up the monkey turds while Kanyon looks at the monkey turds then looks at Tajiri as he contuies eating them up, Kanyon looks down at the monkey turds again and starts to throw up until the minute is up.
"And thats it times up! Now lets see. Tajiri you have eaten all 20 on your plate and by the looks of things you ALSO snuck 13 from Kanyons plate while he was puking his guts out so you have a score of 33 and since there are still 7 on Kanyons plate that he didnt touch because he was puking his guts out he ate a grand total of o, zip, nadda, zelch. Which mean Tajiri and the faces win this round.
"Alright Tajiri way to go man I knew you could do it!" Mikey exclaimed giving an enthusactic thumbs up.
"Well the jabroni is the only one who would eat the stuff." The Rock said.
"Dude what do you expect? Hes Japanese he'll eat anything!" Mikey said, though only basing this theory on Tajiri who could be a very very sick indivual on anyones standards.
"Kanyon I cant belive you. You didnt even eat a single monkey turd! Whats wrong with you?" Angle scolded.
"Bro why dont you try eating one bro!" Kanyon yelled, still looking a tad green in the face.
"No you where the one that was supposed to eat them not me." Angle said.
"Bro..." Kanyon said his face turning from green to red in anger. Kanyon then grabs a monkey turd and shoves it in the unsuspecting Kurt Angles mouth.
"Bro shut the hell up you dumbass bro!" Kanyon yelled, Vampiro, Edge, and Benoit all looked at each other and broke out in in laughter and cheers for Kanyon, as Angle was on all fours on the beach spitting out whatever he could trying to get the horrible taste out of his mouth.
"Your all sick! I cant your Canadian! You just disgrased a man who loves his country more then anything else in life." Storm said oddly enough picking up for the american.
"No he loves his gold medal more then anything." Vampiro pointed out.
"No he loves his gold medal alot, but not as much as his country right Kurt?" Storm asked. Kurt finished the spitting with a short coughing fit and then answered Lance with tears freely flowing from his eyes.
"Yeah well Im soon gonna turn my back on America! The people here are all rednecks!" Angle yelled.
"You know what your right. Vampiro, Benoit and Edge are canadians and they make me sick! Maybe I should turn my back on Canada too." Storm said, saying the unthinkable.
"Well fine then why dont you make your own country." Benoit said with a grin.
"Yeah dudes! Canmerica!" Edge said with a laugh.
"Canmerica?" Storm repeated giving it some thought.
"You know thats not a bad idea." Angle said.
"Yeah long live Canmerica!" Storm shouted.
"Oh Shut up! You two can have umm... Canmerica if you want but tonight your facing Tribal council!" Foley warned. Trible council came all to soon as well. Foley stood in front of the fire roasting a mashmellow as the heels arrived.
"Welcome back heels you know why your here right? Its because Kanyon didnt eat any monkey turds.Speaking of which those seven monkey turds that were left uneaten disappeared after the faces left the beach. Me thinks Tajiri took off with them. Talk about an odd appitite. Anyways go ahead and vote." Foley said. All 6 wrestlers then got up and voted one after the other.
"Ok now lets see whos going off this week 1st vote... Kanyon. 2nd... Vampiro. 3rd... Kanyon. 4th Edge. 5th...Lance Storm and 6th Chris Benoit. Well Kanyon looks like this is it for you bring me your torch... ummm... where did he go?" Foley asked seeing Kanyon was nowhere to be seen after reading the votes.
"Into the bushes to lay out some major pukeage." Edge said.
"Who cares Kanyon is gone and hes just the first victim of Canmerica!" Angle declared.
"You got that right, my fellow Canmerican!" Storm agreed.
"Dudes... I cant believe that your actually serious about this." Edge said, as Kanyon came back out ony to feel another gurgle in his stomach. Kanyon quickly throws Mick his torch runs off to the bushes again.
"Ok well you all just as well go now." Foley said, giving the five remaining heels all they needed to leave.
"Ok now fans of the story heres what everyone had to say this time around." Foley said throwing it to the few camera clips.
"And just to clear things up one more time THE ROCK IS NOT GAY! The Rock didnt even experment in Smallvillie that was just a line that I had to used on Saturday night live that I figured I would use again for a cheap pop for you readers!" The Rock yelled.
"So yeah Vince was the Higher Power the Undertaker was talking about. But who ran over Kevin Nash that time? Does it even really matter since it was a bad WCW storyline that was never really followed up?" Crash asked trying to decipher yet another wrestling mystery.
"Yeah Tajiris my main man a little discusting but still, hes my best bud!" Mikey said still proud of Tajiri for winning the challange.
"Hmmm... rats good... monkey turds better...TAJIRI GO FIND MONKEYS TO POOP!" Tajiri yelled in excitement trying to follow up on his new favorite survivor food.
"Why couldnt I go to the WWF and be the World Champ you think they would hold me back?" Booker said just out of pure wonderment.
"I told you that I would be in this story more and I didnt. I was gonna do the challange but Y2J will never everrrrrrrrrrrrrr eat a monkey turd." Jericho declared.
"Canmerica? What the hell is that all about?" Vamprio said rolling his eyes.
"I dont belive this, this is total stinktitude! Those guys stole my word!Canmerica is my word not there word! I should of trademarked it and put it on a shirt!" Edge said pounding his fist into his hand.
"I dont wanna say anything right now get outta my face. I SAID GET OUTTA MY FACE!" Benoit yelled, headbutting the camera man.
"Ummmm... Hold on folks technical difficultys. Ok we got another camera man so lets finish this." Foley said apologizing for Benoits actions.
"Canmerica yeah thats a great Idea! I love Canada and all, but still I have had enough of dumb canadians like Vampiro, Benoit, and Edge!" Storm said.
"Yes Canmerica will work out fine. Canmerica will be the best country in the world and thats true, oh its true, its true!" Angle said.
"Ok thats what they all had to say now what does the guy who got voted off have to say? Well lets ask him oursleves lets as Kanyon." Foley said.
"Bro this was sick bro. Bro im outta here bro I gotta puke this was a discucting chapter bro!" Kanyon said running off to throw up yet again.
"Yes it was a discusting chapter and this marks the end of this chapter and until next time, have a nice day." Foley said with a big smile.
Well theres another chapter for you. The challanges seem to get worse all the time as well huh? Oh well I thought it was funny but Im not so sure that everyone else would share my unique sence of humor. Anyways, review and tell me what you think.
LaTerZ -T Bond