Letting Go and Finding Home - 4

"No. I don't think I've ever thought of a fireplace as lonely before, but why don't you tell me how you know that Sonny is Kristina's father."

The quiet gentle voice that met his ears gave him the courage to turn and face her.

"How did you know?"

Alexis smiled as she sat down on the sofa clearly letting Ric know that she wasn't angry with him. He followed her and sat down beside her his hands resting in his lap so that she wouldn't feel any awkwardness by his close proximity. She answered him calmly.

"Your impassioned promise to protect my daughter was just a little too impassioned to be coming from just a concerned outsider. Only blood would inspire that much conviction. In placing yourself firmly between Kristina and any harm that could come to her, you fought as though she were a part of you, not just my daughter. You were fighting for your niece."

Ric's head fell forward as he considered her words. She was right. Had it been Michael or Morgan, his promise to protect them might have been just as true, but the lack of familial connection would have made a vast difference in his reaction.

"I meant it, Alexis. I won't let anyone hurt her. And I'll stop anyone who tries to take her from her mother."

She watched his eyes redden and knew he was reliving his past. She reached out and lay her hand on his, squeezed affectionately then let go.

"I believe you, Ric. But, you have to inform me of how you acquired the information in the first place. As much as I believe that you want to protect my daughter... I am her mother and it is my responsibility to take care of her. I can't do that if I don't have all the pieces to the puzzle."

Ric smiled wanly, glanced up at Alexis then let his eyes fall back to stare at his hands in his lap.

"You know, I may not be as smart as Sonny about a lot things... but at least I'm smarter than my brother in this one instance."

As saddened as she was that Ric once again felt the need to compare himself to his brother, Alexis wasn't willing to let him disparage himself this time... not when he was so clearly trying to do something right for a change.

"You happen to be a great deal smarter than your brother, Ric. And you should listen to me because I, more than anyone, know of what I speak on that matter."

They both chuckled then Ric grew serious again.

"You gave yourself away, Alexis. For someone who is looking to take Sonny down in the most personal damaging way possible, it's easy to see that there is still a connection between the two of you. A little curiosity... a little research... a bribe here, bribe there and the information I was looking for was in my hand." Reaching into his back pocket, Ric pulled the document out and offered it to Alexis. "Now it's in your hand. That's the original from the hospital and there are no other copies that I know of."

Alexis opened the document and stared at if for a few moments then folded it back up and tossed it on the coffee table in front of her. Settling back into the comfort of the sofa she looked at Ric.

"So my fear of what he would do if he knew about Kristina is my weakness?"

"I'm afraid so, Alexis."

"I'm not entirely sure how to fix that."

Standing up abruptly Ric began to pace. With her answer an open door suddenly presented itself to him and he needed a few moments to mull over the possibilities before he walked through it hopefully with Alexis following him. Hearing her call quietly to him he motioned a plea for her to hold on until he could put his thoughts in place. Once he was ready he sat back down next to her and turned so that he was facing her. Before he could present his thoughts to her, there was one thing he needed to know.

"Tell me something, Alexis; if you had another chance with Sonny, would you take it?"

The question shouldn't have surprised her considering it came from Ric. He was always trying to goad her into some kind of reaction in regards to her relationship with Sonny. The only thing that checked her anger was his expression and the tone of his voice. Ric was asking for information... information that would allow him the freedom to talk with her as openly as he needed to. This time Ric wasn't teasing her.

"No. I wouldn't. Sonny was... a brief encounter... a necessary lesson to be learned. I lost quite a bit in my association with him. There are probably a few lessons still remaining to be learned where Sonny is concerned and I will learn them. But, I won't risk my daughter, nor will I risk myself in going back to a relationship that would only serve to threaten the safety that I have fought long and hard for since walking away from him 2 years ago. Not just safe from his world, but safe from ever again being caught up in the almost mythical belief that everyone deserves adequate representation. While I still believe it to be true, I lost too much of myself during the time that I served as his counsel. He is not a client that I would ever want to represent again much less get involved with. The only redeeming grace that came out of that relationship is my daughter. For my part, there is nothing left but pity and sadness for Sonny Corinthos... along with a healthy dose of disappointment for the man he could have been. Does that answer your question?"

At that moment Kristina woke screaming for her mother. Alexis knew by the sound of her cry that her ear was once again hurting. She was halfway across the room when she realized that Ric was right on her heels. Reaching the crib, Alexis reached down and picked her daughter up barely noticing that Ric was no longer beside her. Checking her forehead and feeling the heat emanating from her she knew that Kristina needed another dose of antibiotics and pain medication, so Alexis folded her arms around her little girl and made her way into the kitchen where she found Ric with both medicines already measured out, waiting to be administered.

"How did you know?"

"I didn't. It's just been a while since we left the hospital and I figured that maybe it was time and I wanted to help."

"You're right. It is time and thank you for getting it ready for her. The less time she has to wait, the better."

Giving her daughter the medication, she smiled her thanks once again up toward Ric then shifting her daughter up to her shoulder walked back into the living room and sat down holding Kristina as close as the child seemed to need her to. A few moments later Ric joined her and she watched with both fascination and a bit of concern as he leaned down and placed a warm wet cloth against the side of Kristina's head covering the offending ear. Her daughter immediately hushed her fussing and snuggled closer into her mother's arms as the warmth of the cloth began to sooth her aching ear enough to allow her to return to sleep oblivious of the tears that fell from her mothers face.

"Why are you crying, Alexis?"

"It's such a simple thing that immediately relieved her stress. Why didn't I know to do that for her? How many nights could I have made it so much easier on her if I had just thought more rationally? And how did you know what to do for my daughter? Don't get me wrong... I'm very grateful, but you know less about children than I do."

"Shhh... Alexis. I didn't know about this until I talked to the doctor while you were in redressing Kristina this morning. I just asked if there was anything else we could do for her. He told me that the wet warmth of the cloth might ease the pain if it got real bad between doses of medicine."

She wiped away the traces of her tears and began to rock back and forth focused solely on the shifting weight of her daughter in her arms.

"Yes."

The one word broke through her thoughts and Alexis frowned her confusion at Ric.

"What?"

"Yes, you answered my question."

Realizing that he was reminding her of where their conversation left off before Kristina woke, she nodded her head a few times before focusing her attention back on her daughter.

"Do you think we could continue where we left off? I mean do you think us talking would disturb her?"

"No, I think she'll be fine now. She should sleep undisturbed for the next couple of hours at least. If you don't mind would you take her so I can fix a place for her to lay down here on the sofa beside me?"

"Oh sure. Here... let me just..." He struggled to make sure he kept his hands as impersonal as he could while he gently worked them between Kristina's little body and Alexis'. Once his niece was secure in his arms he straightened and felt a rush of love work its way throughout his body when tiny little arms found their way around his neck as Kristina wiggled her little body into a more comfortable position in his arms. "There..." he whispered in her ear as he swayed back and forth, "all nice and comfy. You just let yourself go right back to sleep and mommy and I will watch over you until you wake. You're such a sweet angel... too sweet to have nasty little infections making such a happy little girl so sad. But, we're going to take care of all that aren't we? Me and mommy are going to make sure you get well just as soon as possible." His heart swelled as he felt her little arms hug him tighter.

Standing quietly un-noticed in the hallway, Alexis watched Ric interact with Kristina. She could hear how much he cared for her in his voice. It was surprising to her that she didn't mind his commitment to her daughter. In fact, she welcomed it and that caused her more than a little concern. After all this was Ric, Sonny's brother, keeper of panic rooms, and ankle shackles. Looking at him across the room holding her daughter though, she couldn't stand this man up against the other and make them one. Could she really trust him?

"You're very good with her."

Ric looked up and met Alexis' eyes across the room.

His voice broke as he answered. "I'm finding that it's not hard to love a child... especially one that is a part of you."

"Do you understand why I must keep her from her father, Ric? Can I really trust you to keep what you know to yourself?"

"Now more than ever, Alexis."

Ric tilted his head and laid it gently against Kristina's for a moment. He watched Alexis approach and lay a blanket down on the sofa and motion for him to lay the child down. He hesitated a moment not ready to relinquish the feeling of someone holding on to him out of need and trust. But knowing that he was far from finishing his conversation with Alexis he leaned over and gently lay Kristina down carefully folding the blanket over her body then placed a soft kiss on her cheek. Kneeling down beside her he crossed his arms and rested them on the sofa beside the child never taking his eyes from her.

"I want her safe, Alexis. I don't want anything to disturb the peaceful atmosphere you've surrounded her with and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that happens." His voice took on a searching tone as he continued without taking his eyes away from Kristina.

"I read something last night that ignited a sort of spark in me. It made me start thinking about possibilities. The premise of the article was that through all of life's ups and downs, its successes and failures, the push and pull... in the final analysis, life is simply art. It is a creative process and it is up to us to paint our personal canvas of life as honorably as we can. When someone throws an unforeseen circumstance into our life... we pick up a different paintbrush and add another color to the canvas. Create a new color if need be in order to work our way past the circumstance. We do not have to let our friends, enemies or those who are simply indifferent to how their lives affect ours gain an advantage over us. Like the way it's been for you this past couple of years where Sonny is concerned? I mean don't you think that you've allowed him to prevent you from picking up another paintbrush... creating a new color... getting on with your life?"

Alexis shrugged her shoulders at the question but gave the idea serious thought before answering.

"It's an interesting analogy and yes, I would have to say that I did allow others to dictate how my life progressed for most of the past year and beyond. I lost myself for a while. I lost that part of myself that I could always turn to and find strength... the confidence I needed to excel over those who threatened my very sanity. I am not proud of the woman who has walked the streets of Port Charles this past couple of years. She is not the woman that I learned to depend on. But I have to live my life with the belief that the good things of life, those who fight for all that is good and safe and right in this world will in the end come out on top. I believe that. It might not happen when I need or want it to; but I have to believe that it will. My life hasn't been easy. I've been forced to fight for the right to be my own person and at times the fight was almost more than the outcome was worth. But look at what I've finally gained. I have a daughter, Ric. I have the ultimate gift that life can give a person. Someone finally decided that it was my turn to have the best that life could give. It is my job now to make sure I don't lose it."

Rising from his knees he turned and gently sat down beside Kristina making sure that he didn't disturb her then focused on Alexis. He studied her for a moment wondering if she was ready for his proposal. He took the chance.

"So you need a new color. A new beginning free from the stuff that paralyzes you. I need a new color too, but the problem is that all my colors are muddied... I need help to create a new color. I need your help, Alexis and I think you may need mine too."

"I think you might need to offer a bit of an explanation, Ric. How is it that you think I need your help and what on earth could you need from me?"

"I can help you protect Kristina from Sonny."

Rather than allow the quick retort that usually followed one of Ric's outlandish utterances, Alexis held her tongue out of respect for the truce they were somehow enjoying. What appeared to be an unconditional resolve to keep Kristina safe was enough for her to give him an opportunity to explain himself.

"How?"

"By placing you in a position that every judge in town would respect and prefer over anything that Sonny could offer as a parent."

So far it sounded interesting, Alexis thought.

"I'm listening."

"Yesterday, Dara Jensen submitted her request to be relieved of her duties as Assistant District Attorney. How would you like the job?"