Letting go and Finding Home – 5
"Assistant District Attorney, Ric? Are you out of your mind? I can't work with you. We'd kill each other by the end of the first day."Ric chuckled then upon seeing the frown on Alexis' face stopped abruptly.
"Don't you think that it's worth a try given the benefit of being able to protect Kristina?"
His undeniably exact reasoning stopped her next reply. Allowing herself time to question and run the pros and cons of every consideration, she was finally forced to concede that it was a brilliant tactical maneuver that would temporarily render Sonny a non-issue in a custody hearing.
"It won't stop him, Ric. But it will give us time to do what I should have done a long time ago."
Ric was excited that Alexis was not trying to find ways to shoot his idea down. It gave him hope that they were finally coming to a point where they could work together companionably and maybe somewhere down the road possibly enjoy a more intimate relationship. Considering her response he was anxious now to hear her thoughts... how they could possibly work together toward a common purpose.
"If you don't mind my asking, what should you have done, Alexis?"
Alexis gazed at Ric for a moment before answering. If she answered him, she would give him a clue as to what he needed to concentrate on in order to put Sonny in prison. Getting Sonny out of the picture would solve her problems, but she was afraid of what it would do to Ric. It was one thing to threaten to destroy your own flesh and blood, but to actually do it... Alexis wasn't sure she wanted to give Ric that power and take the chance of ruining any hope he may have of separating himself from the childhood issues that revolved around his brother and his mother. If he could walk away and let someone else handle the case then he wouldn't be haunted by his roll in the destruction of his brother no matter how much he claimed to want it.
"May I borrow one of your more admirable traits and take some time to think before I answer?"
Enjoying her attempt to tease him, Ric grinned widely. "Unlike you who takes all the time in the world to think before answering?"
Laughing Alexis raised her hand in surrender. "Touché." She then watched him grow pensive and waited knowing that there was something else on his mind. Ric's eyes fell to Kristina and he smiled wistfully.
"You have a beautiful home here, Alexis. You've made it a beautiful home."
"Thank you." Alexis knew he wasn't finished, so she waited until he was ready. Whatever was going on it was causing him more than a little unease. Minutes passed and still he remained quiet. The only way she knew he was still trying to settle his thoughts was he absently lay his hand on Kristina's back and began to move it back and forth never taking his eyes from her.
"Did you know that a home is more than a house?"
"Yes."
Ric chuckled derisively at his ridiculous question. "I'm sorry, that wasn't a very intelligent question, of course you would know that a house is just four sides with a lot of rooms inside."
She knew he was hedging... afraid that she would think less of him for his thoughts.
"Ric? Just tell me. I can't read your mind anymore than you can read mine. So just talk to me. I'm listening."
Standing carefully so as not to disturb Kristina, Ric began to slowly pace around the room. He didn't know how to go about telling Alexis what he wanted. He was scared she would laugh at him or worse send him packing. That just wasn't something he wanted to take a chance on happening. Not now. Now when he had so much to lose. Turning back to her he smiled and waved his hand dismissively.
"Forget it, Alexis. It wasn't anything important."
"Could you just give me one minute, Ric? I'll be right back, I have something I would like to give you." With that Alexis stood and left the room.
Wandering toward the balcony Ric stared outside agitated with himself that he couldn't just be straight with Alexis. Hearing her re-enter the room he continued to stare out the window not ready to face her yet.
"Ric?"
Without turning, "Yeah?"
"I have something I would like to give you. Actually it's from both Kristina and myself. I bought it for her, but under the circumstances I don't think she would mind my giving it to you if will help you to tell me what you need."
Turning he found her right behind him holding a small paintbrush... offering it to him.
"You said you needed my help, Ric. So let's paint our way out of this verbal hole you've dug yourself into. Come on... let's sit down and work through it."
Accepting the paintbrush he smiled while trying to swallow the lump in his throat and followed Alexis back to the living room. Taking his seat beside Kristina again he watched Alexis sit across from him and lean forward expectantly.
"You're really quite a surprise, Alexis Davis."
"Actually, I'm not. We've just been so busy sniping at each other that we couldn't see beyond the next verbal exchange. What we're doing today is simply finding a way to survive... we're just miraculously doing it together. Now stop dodging the issue and talk to me."
"Okay. I'm just not sure you're going to like this."
"You'll never know until you tell me."
"But this is... could be...
Kristina began to fuss and Ric waved toward Alexis and reached down slowly picking up his niece and held her close. "Is your ear bothering you again, sweetness? Maybe we can get mommy to warm up that cloth again. What do you say... think we could make you feel a little better by warming you up a bit." He looked up as Alexis approached with a wet towel. He continued running his hand up and down her back while Alexis laid the towel in place. The thought that he had been struggling with for a while now suddenly hit him again and his eyes filled with the emotions that betrayed him.
Feeling her daughter's forehead, Alexis found that her temperature was once again under control and she breathed a sigh of relief. Looking at Ric she started to tell him it was okay to lay her back down, but stopped cold at the look on his face and the tears in his eyes. Taking her hand away from Kristina she gently cupped his chin and brought his eyes up to meet hers.
"Don't you think you would feel a lot better if you would just say it? I promise I won't run screaming from the room."
Ric smiled weakly. There was no longer a question of whether he should continue or not, he just needed to make sure he used the right words to use to convey his thoughts as honestly as possible. He took a few moments to settle himself then began.
"I grew up without a place to call home. There were the inevitable boarding schools, the house dad lived in, apartments that were always a little too sparse... but there was never a place I could really call 'home'. Because like you I understand that home is more than a place. It is somewhere that you know you're safe. You know that there is someone there that loves you no matter what mistakes you make. If my mother had not walked away, she would probably have been my home... my resting place. I want to know that there is somewhere I can go and know that I'm accepted for who I am... for who Ric Lansing is. Where someone knows that I am more than just the DA or the man who lost his sanity for a while and made life hell for a woman... someone that knows I'm more than just the little brother of Sonny Corinthos. I want... need somewhere that I can call home."
Pulling his arms tighter around the child within his arms, he choked. "Kristina doesn't know anything about me, but what she's seen today. Today was a good day... not for her, but it was for me. I've found that I can love someone without any thought to how I could benefit from that love. This little girl means more to me than I ever expected her to." As he looked up to find Alexis, a tear found its way down his cheek. "She's home, Alexis. Your daughter is my home now. And that scares the hell out of me, because..." he stopped unsure of how to continue.
Alexis was speechless. Of all the things Ric could have said, wanting somewhere he could call home would never have entered her mind. And to know that he was now that attached to her daughter... she wasn't sure how to respond or react. To give herself more time to think she encouraged him to continue.
"Why, Ric? Why does that scare you?"
His head found a pillow resting against the forehead of his niece.
"Because you have the power to take it all away."