Chapter 9

Ric watched Alexis carefully for a few moments. He could see that she was shouldering a heavier weight now... one so much heavier than just the fact of her daughter's paternal parentage. Something extensive was going on and he suddenly wondered if she would trust him enough to share what she was thinking. Standing he crossed the room and stopped beside her.

"So I guess this is the big test?"

Alexis jumped when she heard Ric's voice beside her, so intent on her own thoughts that she didn't hear him approach.

"What test?"

"The test I'm going to have to pass in order to gain your complete trust."

"It's not that simple, Ric."

Moving away from him, Alexis made her way out onto the balcony of her apartment. After seating herself in the rocking chair she kept outside for evenings of quiet solitude with Kristina, she waited for Ric to join her and motioned him to sit in the chair next to her. Taking a deep breath she settled her thoughts and turned slightly to face him.

"This is not about trust, Ric. This is about doing something that will destroy a man's life. That's not something I want on my conscience nor do I want it on yours. Especially if that man is your brother."

"But Alexis..."

"No. Let me finish, Ric. It is important that you understand where I'm coming from on this matter."

"Okay..."

Ric settled back and prepared to listen to Alexis explain her motivations knowing that no matter what she said, he wouldn't be able to stay out of the whole mess. He needed to be of some use to her... needed to find a steady place in her life... needed to be someone she could count on no matter what the cost. When he looked at Alexis he saw more than an attractive woman... more than an equal judicial adversary. So much more! In Alexis, Ric saw the potential of them together... as two separates merging into one. He saw how much she needed to be loved and cared for and knew he needed it just as much. Since becoming closer to Alexis he was privileged to be able to witness how single-minded she was in her ability to love. Alexis loved with opened arms... opened eyes... and opened heart. She also loved with one foot stuck in the door, ready to bolt at the first sign of conflict or abandonment with everyone except Kristina. Ric wanted to love Alexis as openly as she loved, but without the need to provide a way of escape. Ric didn't want a way out that he could depend on at the first sign of trouble. Ric wanted a lifetime of love and companionship; and while sitting next to her on that balcony four stories high waiting for her to finish her thoughts, Ric knew in his heart that he was ready to start hopefully bringing Alexis around to his way of thinking. He believed that she needed him just as much as he needed her. He reached out smiling gently and with a little fear of rejection took her hand in his entwining their fingers.

"...go on, Alexis. I'm listening."

Alexis' eyes lowered to their joined hands and felt a rush of heat up her arm. Her whole body tingled at his touch and then a feeling of peace settled over her. Instead of freeing her hand from his grasp as she would have done previously she leaned toward Ric the least little bit so that they could comfortably retain their hold on one another. Looking back out over the balcony rail, Alexis began to explain as best she could why she remained reluctant to use whatever means possible to take Sonny out of their lives for good.

"Have you ever killed someone, Ric?"

"No, I haven't."

"Are you sure?"

Ric frowned at the question and stared at her a moment before answering.

"That's not something I would forget, Alexis?"

Alexis glanced at Ric and smiled with patience and past regret.

"No, I suppose not. But have you ever considered that words can do just as much damage as any weapon you could hold in your hand?"

"I don't understand, Alexis?"

Releasing his hand Alexis anxiously stood and approached the railing. Staring out at the last remaining rays of the sun she hesitated a moment before turning back to Ric.

"I have more than one man's blood on my hands, Ric. But only one of them died physically because of a weapon that I held in my hand. There are instances in my life where words that were thrown in the heat of anger and pain destroyed something inside of either someone I was addressing or someone who was addressing me. Words have power, Ric. I'm sure you know that. But, to take a litany of words and destroy the heart of a man without taking his life as well... don't you see how devastating that is. Take away what a man thinks of himself, his worth... his value and what does he have left worth breathing for. I know of what I speak. I myself have witnessed what happens to a man whose heart has been ripped from his chest because the very essence of who he is was stripped from him. Most of this past two years I have lived for my daughter... I survived because my daughter needed me. There were moments when my faith in myself was sorely tested... when I was confronted by the tirade of those who seemed to wish me harm. Their words doing more damage than any weapon they could raise against me. And in truth... I felt forced to use words in the same manner against them. All because the threat of losing something so precious to me rendered me incapable of acting rationally. I have no desire to walk that road again... but if I am to continue to protect my child... it seems that I may be left with no other recourse. I am not proud of what I have done in the name of saving my daughter... I have never considered myself a cruel or vindictive woman. But, right now... knowing what must be done to protect us all... what else am I left with."

He was stunned by her comments and wanted desperately to be able to dispute them but the tears that slid down her cheeks and the far away look in her eyes stilled his tongue. In that moment he suddenly realized that her thoughts were no longer centered specifically on Sonny... Alexis was focused on events of the past. He wondered if she was talking about her brother or maybe she was referring to Cameron Lewis. Or perhaps she was speaking of her once long ago relationship with Ned Ashton. Ric stood slowly and approached her stopping in front of her. Lifting his hands he gently removed the tracks of tears from her face with his thumbs and smiled with understanding.

"What can I do to help you resolve all of this, Alexis?"

She looked up into his eyes and found nothing more than a sincere need to help her get through a difficult time.

"Let me ask you something, Ric. If Kristina were your child... if it were your blood racing through her tiny heart and someone began to systematically tear you apart bit by bit to keep you from ever seeing your child again. What would that do to you, Ric?"

Studying her intently, Ric stepped back and placing his hands on the railing looked down at the ground below finally fully understanding what they were about to do to his brother. His brother! His older brother! His blood! His mother's first born. A part of his own heart.

"All my life there has been a small glimmer of hope that one day my brother would look at me and acknowledge the blood that binds us to each other." Standing abruptly he turned and faced Alexis. "I've stood on the sidelines of life waiting for a life to begin that should have been mine the day I was born. Sonny and I will never be brothers in the way I've wished for all my life. We will never be able to hold a civil conversation. I will forever in part be responsible for that tragedy through my misplaced hate and anger. Do I really wish any real harm to befall him?" Walking back to his chair he sat down and leaned his head into his hands full of remorse and regret for things that could never be. "No, deep inside... at the very core of who I am... I do not wish him harmed."

Alexis followed him and knelt in front of him. Pulling his hands from his face she held them between her own and urged him to look at her.

"Ric, I don't want to harm him either. He is the father of my child. She will one day want to know what happened to her father. How will I ever be able to explain to her that for her safety I deliberately destroyed her father? I can't lose my child, Ric. I can't lose her to his violent world... nor can I lose her to the truth years from now when she realizes what I did to her father. I can sit here and present scenario after scenario regarding how all of this might play out. But in the end it all comes down to a choice I have to make... a choice that I have already made. And I'm sorry for what this is going to do to Sonny; but right now, in this moment, I'm sorry for what it's going to cost you."

"Me?"

"Yes, Ric. You! I will not only be extracting Sonny from my daughter's life; but I will be taking him from you as well. I don't take lightly what I am about to do. But, I don't see any other choice. He is not going to leave us alone even when he knows what I have against him. He will come at me with any means necessary to take Kristina from me... and once he realizes he cannot succeed within the boundary of the law... he will step outside of it and do whatever he has to in order to save himself and take her from me. You will lose any chance you ever dreamed of to reconcile with your brother."

Freeing his hands from her hold he reached up and took hold of her face. Leaning forward he lay his forehead against hers for a moment then lay a soft brief kiss on her lips before standing and walking back to the rail. He understood now what this was costing Alexis. No matter how angry... how intent on keeping Sonny out of her life... she still cared about him. Just as he still cared about his brother. Neither of them wanted to hurt him... not this way. When all was said and done, Ric knew that Sonny would not survive if sent to prison. He would go crazy. But, what choice did they have. Alexis was right. Sonny would keep coming after his daughter until he finally had her within his grasp and neither Alexis nor he would ever see her again. Sonny would make sure of it. His niece would grow up behind the walls of a lonely fortress with only her father as company. She would never know the wonder of her mother again... would be deprived of a love that transcended anything he had ever been witness to. For all the suffering that he and Alexis would endure if Kristina were taken from them... Kristina would be the one to suffer the most because of the loss of the beautiful loving women who now stood behind him. He turned and took her hands into his own.

"I'll ask again, Alexis. What do you need from me in order to keep my niece and her mother safe?"

Alexis released the breath she unconsciously held and looked up into eyes that were clear and intense... full of trust and commitment. Ric was committing himself to her and her daughter. She was faced once again with the question of whether or not to trust someone other than herself. As she gazed up into his eyes... Alexis suddenly saw something more in his eyes. Ric not only cared about her daughter; Ric cared about her as well. Not as the mother of his niece... there was something more in his eyes when he looked at her. Mentally retreating from what she was seeing in him she refocused herself on his question. She was not ready for anything other than friendship with Ric Lansing... no matter how much her heart seemed to be telling her otherwise.

"I need to be able to trust you to let me handle this my way, Ric. I need to be able to trust that whatever I tell you will stay between us and go no further unless we have no other choice. I need to be able to talk to you... ask your opinions... without fear of you taking off on your own and doing something rash. I need you to be my friend, Ric. Can you do that? Can you be patient and let me do what needs to be done... can you offer your wisest counsel if it seems that I might be on the verge of losing the ability to think rationally? Can you, Ric? Can you help me save my daughter by letting go of your need to best your brother?"

Letting go of her hands, Ric reached around Alexis and pulled her into his arms. Persisting when she seemed to resist his offer of comfort he guided her head to lay on his shoulder he held her gently a moment before answering. This was his moment to choose the next course his life would take. His future was staring him in the face waiting for him to make the next move. Feeling her arms hesitantly rise to circle his waist, Ric knew without a second thought where his future lay. Turning his head slightly he lay a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Alexis, my decision was made the first time my niece put her arms around my neck. And if there were any doubts remaining... they were gone the moment I felt your arms around me. You and Kristina are my family... you are my home... my heart... my future. Whatever you decide to do, I will support you to the best of my ability even if it is just keeping still while you do what you have to do. Trust me, Alexis. Trust me to do right by you and Kristina. Give me a chance to prove to you that I am a man that you can trust with your life as well as Kristina's."

His heart jumped into his throat when he felt her lift up and kiss his cheek then hold him tighter. His ears just barely hearing her whisper...

"Thank you, Ric."

Standing in the circle of Ric's arms, Alexis' mind was racing. Her relationship with Ric was anything but simple. But standing there on the balcony of her apartment with his strong and comforting arms around her, for the first time in a long time, Alexis found herself unwilling to question the why of his actions. The largest fight of her life was staring her in the face and all she wanted in that moment was to lean on and absorb some of the strength Ric was offering. And whether she wanted to admit it or not, Alexis knew that Ric was slowly stealing his way into her heart.