Chapter Fourteen: Aldamir
As I rode onto the Green, the afternoon was tilting toward the high golden light of its end. A fresh breeze had begun to stir and the smell of rain wafted on its wings. The sky to the northwest had darkened with thick bluish-black clouds much as it did on the morning we had began our assault on the spiders. The storm was welcome as the deficit of rain still left the rivers and streams low in their banks and the rocks sitting higher and drier than they had in many years. A low rumble of distant thunder rolled languorously over the mountain.
I was pleased to be home, though it had been my choice to depart in such haste; I had not wanted to be present when the villagers left two days past. Perhaps it was cowardly of me to wish to avoid seeing Elenna leave, but I could see no good that would come from the discomfort my presence would cause. The eastern border patrol was due an inspection, and I took advantage of this. I rose early on the morning after the feast and left before dawn for the eastern patrol's camp.
After a day and a night with them, I took my leave and started back to the stronghold, spending one last night in the woods with only Tabor to keep me company. My time in the woods did soothe me somewhat. Listening to bird song and the soft summer hum of the green trees did much for my mood. My heart still ached, but I was more prepared to return to my life and duties with a clearer head, even though it felt emptier without the joy of what I thought I had found. Elenna and I had ended badly, and that I would forever regret, but it was done. Even if she decided to not wed Calith, I held out no hope that she would turn back to me.
I went straightway to my mother to tell her I was home. She was in her sitting room with the cook, and her warm greeting was welcome. The moment she set eyes upon me, I knew that she was testing my mood. Freely, I let her, feeling the gentle brush of her tenderness pass through me. She released me from the embrace. "Your adar will be glad to hear that you are home. I am certain he will wish to speak with you."
"Is there a concern that I should go to him now?" I asked, wondering what matters could have arisen in my absence.
"The king is with his advisors at the moment. I think you can do as you have planned until he has finished."
I smiled grimly. "Perhaps I would find a meeting with the king's advisors more pleasant than my first task."
"And what would that be?" she asked.
"To meet with Melda and a small group of novices." I raised my eyebrows. "I believe you know two of them quite well."
Naneth laughed lightly. "Is that so? I happen to know that these two are not looking forward to this meeting." She patted my cheek. "Be gentle. They have suffered enough for their foolishness."
I laughed. "I suppose that is true enough, but it is my job to see that they do not forget their suffering."
Naneth tilted her head and smiled at me. "I thought that you did not involve yourself in novice discipline matters."
"I do not," I said, "but this escapade is an exception for several reasons. One of the reasons is that these novices were embroiled in scuffling, and they were not paying attention in a situation that turned dangerous. I cannot take that lightly."
"I suppose not," she said as she turned to go back to her discussion with the cook. He remained standing where he was when I came in, waiting patiently for Naneth. I waved a greeting to him. He smiled and bowed. "I wish you luck then," Naneth said as she took her chair again. "Ellons of that age can be most hardheaded."
"So am I," I laughed as I left to go to my office.
After I had sent Culalda to the training field to summon Melda and the errant novices, I went to my desk to see what work had been placed there in my absence.
I read through the dispatches from the field that had arrived and the reports left for me by Seregon. One in particular caught my attention. Seregon had scribbled out in what looked like haste that he needed to discuss something with me, but preferred to do so in person. Odd, I thought, but I put it aside when Culalda announced the arrival of the headmaster and the three novices.
"Show them in," I said as I leaned back in my chair in preparation for them.
Melda entered first with the three obviously nervous novices in tow. After all had offered proper salutes--the novices looking rather contrite, I thought with satisfaction--I motioned them to the chairs in front of my desk. "Be seated," I said.
"I have read the masters' reports regarding the disturbance on your training mission," I told them. "But of course, that was hardly necessary as I witnessed it myself. Still, I value their opinions and observations, and I have taken them into account." I observed the novices carefully. Legolas was wide-eyed and pale seated between Daeron and Melda. Daeron truly looked mortified to find himself before me. But I was most interested in what sort of reaction I would garner from Belas. He was the one who worried me. Legolas and Daeron, I had no real concerns for as future warriors. They were young and reacted poorly in this situation, but they were serious about their training and have caused me little grief in that regard. Belas, however, had been a problem since he first began his training. Like my brother and cousin, he was serious about his training, but his personality left much to be desired. This was not the first time he had come to my attention for his unseemly remarks and constant agitation of other novices. This time he had crossed the boundary of what I could endure waiting for him to mature.
"What I observed on the evening of the spider attack has left me wondering where we have failed in our training," I said. "I have concluded that centuries-old procedures that have turned out many competent and valiant warriors are not to blame. The blame rests with those who have rejected the wisdom of a tried and true system."
I turned my gaze to Daeron. "As captain of your unit that day, you attempted to intervene in the fray, but when the insult became personal, you allowed your feeling to rule your judgment. This is unacceptable. And as an officer, you behavior was shameful. When you found your subordinates not responding to your commands, then it was your responsibility to summon aid from the masters and the others you outranked that day, not to add to the problem by becoming a participant in the fight. I am disappointed in your poor judgment. You have drawn reprimand from the masters, and I am told that you completed your extra duties faithfully and well. I will let this punishment stand without further recriminations, but I will not tolerate such a failure of your duty again. The consequences will not be pleasant, I assure you." I raised a brow. "Do you understand what you did wrong and why you drew a reprimand?"
"I do, my lord," Daeron answered, his cheeks flushed, but his voice strong. I was pleased by his composure. "I will not allow such a negligence of my duty to occur again."
"I will hold you to your oath, Daeron Tarondorion," I said firmly.
"Legolas," I said, turning my eye upon my youngest brother, "like Daeron, you allowed personal interest to guide your actions. While defending another novice was admirable, your methods were without doubt shameful and inappropriate. You failed to heed the command of your superior when ordered to cease the argument and furthermore, you threw the first punch that resulted in a fight. Your lack of self-control concerns me. I cannot have a warrior in the ranks who does not immediately heed his superior officer's commands, nor can I have one who cannot control his temper. Your behavior jeopardized your unit. Such was the distraction of your anger and the resulting fight, that neither you, nor your fellow novices were attentive to your surroundings. The consequences were dire for you in this instance, but should serve as a warning. Instead of suffering the bite of a spider, you and your fellow novices could have been killed. To be so careless will not be tolerated among those who serve the king in protection of his people. The job of a warrior is a revered trust, and I will not have any among the ranks who cannot put that trust above their own personal cares. Do you understand what errors you made?"
"I do, my lord," he said as he flushed deeply. "I will never be so selfish again."
"See that you do not," I snapped. "I am also told that you have drawn reprimand from the masters, and I will let this stand. I will not be lenient if ever I have cause to see you before me again for such ill-advised behavior." Legolas drew a shaky breath and nodded.
When I turned my gaze to Belas, he shrank back, drawing further within himself. His eyes were lowered and his cheeks were flushed. "Belas," I said, "you have presented me with an unusual problem. This is not the first time your behavior has been brought to my attention. The masters have discussed your lack of tolerance for less experienced novices with you in the past. I have been of the mind that you would mature, that this childish and cruel manner of yours would fade as you grew older. I see that I was mistaken." His head dropped lower. "Look at me, Belas," I ordered him. His chest shuddered as he took in a breath and looked up. "I am most displeased with what you said and how you conducted yourself on the games. I cannot have warriors in the ranks that I cannot trust. Trust extends in many directions, Belas. I must trust that a warrior is well trained. I must trust that he will follow orders. I must trust that he will be protective and supportive of his fellow warriors. I must be able to trust that he is honorable and truthful. I must trust that I have his devotion and obedience. Do you understand why I must have this faith in the king's warriors?"
He nodded. "Yes, my lord," he answered softly.
"I am pleased to hear that," I said. "However, I have not seen this understanding demonstrated in you. You brought harm to a fellow warrior with your criticism. But what disturbs me about this attitude is that you think you have the right to determine who is worthy of the ranks. I will tell you now, and for the only time, that you do not have this right. And I will not tolerate such attitudes among the novices or among the serving warriors. I will not hesitate to dismiss anyone who thinks to undermine my authority. I am the commander of the king's armed forces, and I will not, and do not, answer to anyone save the king. Do you understand this?"
"Yes, my lord," he answered, the blush of his cheeks growing deeper.
"Not only did you overstep your boundaries, but you willfully disobeyed direct orders from your captain to cease inappropriate behavior, you refused to do your duty as ordered, and you engaged in a fight with another novice. You have been given every opportunity to correct your behavior, but you have not seen fit to do so." I leaned back and sighed heavily. "Tell me, Belas, do you want to be a warrior?"
His eyes widened as if shocked. "Yes, my lord, I do," he said, his voice growing stronger.
"Then what will be required of you to make this happen?"
"I…I," he stumbled over his words, "I will not do anything like this again. I am terribly regretful."
"I am pleased to hear this, but I want to hear exactly what you believe will be required of you to make this desire become a reality," I said.
"I will work hard at my training," he said. "And I will never say anything to another novice or warrior again about how they perform. I will be loyal and obedient to you, my lord, and the king, and all my superior officers."
"I require more than simple obedience, Belas," I said. "I require your attitude to change. You will have to persuade me that you have indeed changed, that you no longer hold such beliefs as I heard uttered by you on the night of the spider attack. I will not have you serve the king as a warrior if I cannot trust you. And you will be required to gain my trust, Belas. I will have to see this change for myself since you have left me no alternative. Do you understand what I am saying?"
"Yes, I do, my lord," he said.
I watched him for a moment longer. "I am told that you have drawn reprimand from the masters and that you have carried out this punishment well. I am very pleased to hear that. But this is not enough for me to place my confidence in you. You will be required to spend two hours every afternoon in this office doing as I see fit and until I say otherwise. In the spring, when your age group of novices takes their pledge to the king, you will not join them. You will remain with the novices for an additional year of training. At the end of this year, I will determine if you will be allowed to take your pledge to the king. If I determine that you are not ready, then you will be dismissed from the novices and will not enter the ranks of the warriors of this realm. There will be no readdress of this problem. The warriors of this realm are a selected group that I will not see defiled by someone who does not respect or appreciate his fellows or his command. Do I make myself clear?"
Belas blinked hard and nodded. "Yes, my lord. I will not fail to do as you have commanded."
"I hope that is the case," I told him firmly, "but I will not hesitate to release you if I am not completely satisfied."
I turned to Melda. "Is there anything you wish to say?" I asked.
"No, my lord, I have already made my conditions for training clear to all involved," he said.
I nodded. "Then you are all dismissed."
After the novices and their master had filed from my office, I rubbed my eyes and the distance ache that centered behind them. During my years in command in the field and this office, I had reprimanded more warriors than I cared to count, but I had rarely had cause to single out novices. I hated doing so, but I could not allow this breach of behavior to go unaddressed by me. My hope was that addressing all three novices would set a precedent for those training and they would grasp the seriousness of the place they sought to hold among the king's warriors. But the novices were young and for the most part, I needed to not worry that they would not be prepared when the time came for them to join the ranks, but I could not leave this to chance. Certainly, I could not leave my brother and cousin to think that they would gain any quarter from me because of our relationship.
Trying to shake the heavy feeling of having to wield my position with ones so young, I turned back to Seregon's note, sorting through all the information I had read in reports to start organizing it in my mind.
I heard a soft knock on my open door and when I looked up, I saw a smiling Seregon standing there. "I see that you have had your moment with the wayward novices," he chuckled.
I motioned him to enter. "Indeed," I laughed, appreciating his unvoiced support. "I do not think we will have any further problems with Legolas and Daeron," I said, "but I am less sure about Belas. We will see."
Seregon dropped down into one of the vacated chairs in front of my desk. "How did you find things on the eastern border?" he asked.
"Fine," I replied, picking up his note. "Things are quieter now that the red-banded spiders have been destroyed." I held the note up. "What is this about?"
"That is what I have come to discuss," he said, turning more serious and then quickly abandoning it as he smiled again at me, "though I am also here to welcome you home."
"I am glad to be back. Now tell me what you need to discuss with me."
"You missed a great deal in your absence," he said. "On the morning that you left, Elenna came to the palace looking for you."
My chest tightened. "Why?" I asked cautiously.
"She wished to apologize for one, but that was not her only reason for seeking you out," Seregon told me.
I was shocked to hear that she wanted to make amends, but I dared not hope that this meant anything more than a simple apology, and I was not entirely certain that I was ready to dismiss that she had taken sides with an obviously lying worm. "What other cause would she have to speak to me?"
"First," Seregon said, "you must understand that coming forward was very difficult for her. She was in an awkward position, but she made the effort to right what wrongs had been committed."
"Wrongs?" I asked confused. "What wrongs?" I knew what wrongs I felt I had suffered, but this did not seem to be what Seregon was talking about.
"She came with important information," he said. "What she revealed was quite surprising." As he went on to inform me of all that had happened I sat in stunned silence. When he had completed the tale, he smiled. "I do not think the king will mind that I have revealed this to you, though I suspect that he will want to tell you what happened too. After all, it is my job to inform you of what actions I have taken in your absence."
I was nearly speechless with hearing about the villagers and the spiders. I sunk even lower. My mother had been right about the villagers hiding something important and my father had been right that I had ignored her intuition. "You did well. There was nothing else to do other than tell the king. The villagers acted unwisely and disregarded the dangers to the king's people. I can imagine how angry the king was to hear this sordid tale."
"He was," Seregon said. "He was also very angry with Calith."
I had thought that I could not feel any worse, but indeed, there were lower depths. "Calith?" I asked as the ache in my head blossomed into full pain.
"The fool presented himself to the king like a cooked pheasant," Seregon said. "If he had not shown his face in court, then I do not know if the king would have confronted him in full view of all in attendance, but Calith did, and the king took advantage of the fool's presence." I listen with a tight knot in the pit of my stomach as Seregon told me what had transpired.
"Then he is gone?" I asked, despairing that I would never be able to look my father's people in the eye again. And the warriors? How could I lead them when I could not demonstrate simple good judgment? How could I reprimand three novices when I could not behave appropriately?
"Yes, the king had him escorted away from the stronghold." Seregon smiled. "But the villagers are still here. They will not be departing for a few days yet."
"I see," was all I could manage.
"Aldamir," Seregon said as he leaned forward, "Elenna and I talked about more than insane healers and village leaders. She is terribly regretful for her behavior and sees now that you were right about Calith. I think she would like the opportunity to tell you this herself."
Having no idea how to respond, I simply sat still and quiet. I was too tired to think. "I have risked myself already to make things right between us; I do not know that I wish to do this again."
He leaned back confidently. "I think the risk is minimal this time." When I obviously had no rational thought to express, he went on. "She loves you, Aldamir. She let the pressure placed on her by others guide her thoughts and actions. She is responsible for allowing all the confusion to influence her, but I cannot say that I do not understand how everything happened; I do. She does not expect you to forgive her her mistakes, but she does want to tell you how sorry she is that you were caught in the middle of all this deceit and that you were hurt." Then he added poignantly, "She is hurting too."
I looked down at my desk as I tried to sort through all the information Seregon had given me. My heart was pounding and my thoughts were jumbled. A part of me wanted to hear what Elenna had to say and another part of me wanted to stay as far away from the risk of pain as I could get. "I do not know what I want to do. But I will think about it."
At that moment, I heard Culalda speaking and the answering voice, I knew well. I had only time to rise and move around my desk, when adar came through the door, smiling as he reached for me. "Welcome home," he said as he embraced me.
"I am glad to be home," I said as I returned his tight embrace. Adar had shed formal robes and was dressed in only a light tunic and leggings. The time was much later than I had realized.
"Evening meal will be ready soon and you will not want to be late." He grimaced. "Cook is suffering another bout of creativity."
Seregon groaned. "Last evening we had a bleeding turtle."
Adar laughed. "It was a meat pie shaped like a turtle with raspberry sauce."
"It looked like a bleeding turtle," Seregon said stubbornly. "Do you have any warning as to what sort of creature we will be eating tonight?"
"A horse," Adar said, "running in a meadow. That is our theme tonight: the meadow." He leveled his gaze at me, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Last night was the river."
"A horse pie?" I asked dryly.
"I do not think it will have horse in it," Adar laughed. "Your naneth is not willing to go that far to indulge the cook."
I glanced over to see Culalda smiling. I laughed. "I think I will be joining Culalda and his wife for evening meal. Do let me know when cook has worked his way out of this creative mood."
"My wife would be pleased to have you at our table, my lord," Culalda laughed.
"But the queen would be sorely unhappy," Adar said, and looked to me. "I would speak to you for a moment before you go to bathe for the evening."
"Of course, my lord." I took a step back for Adar to enter my office. Seregon waved as he left. I dismissed Culalda and followed the king, closing the door softly behind me.
"I am sure that Seregon has given you report on the activities while you were away?" he said as he settled into a chair and then waved me to sit in a chair next to him.
"Yes." At this point, I had begun to feel that my personal life was so intertwined with realm business that I would never find respite from it being hauled out every few minutes.
"Elenna was brave to come forward," Adar said, "though I am not pleased that this was laid on her to reveal. Everyone involved owns blame in this. She should not have had to do this, but I am grateful to her even if she did wait far past what she should have."
"I did not see that there was something more than Calith going on. I missed it, Adar," I said slowly. "I ask your forgiveness."
"Aldamir, you were too close to the situation to truly see." He placed his hand on my arm. "There is a lesson in this for all of us. Your naneth and I focused our attentions elsewhere too. Legolas was injured, you were hurting, and we dismissed our feelings that something more was amiss. If Elenna had not come forward, then I do not know if we would have ever known or at least, we would not have discovered the truth for a long time."
"As it turns out, I think it was best that I was not here," I said. "I would not have handled the situation as coolly as Seregon did."
"He did indeed respond quickly and appropriately. You would have done the same." Adar sighed. "I am however glad that you were not here. My job was much easier knowing that you were not witnessing it."
"What do you mean?"
"Calith," Adar said simply. "I had decided that I would not confront Calith personally, but use other methods of reprimand. When he appeared with the other villagers to watch the leaders come before me, I dealt with him as I should have. Had you been present, I would have done what I needed to do, but I would have been concerned for you and your feelings." He smiled faintly. "I cannot help my love and concern for you. Dealing with Calith would have been more difficult for me. I suppose I am selfish in that regard."
"You are the least selfish person I know, Adar."
"Not where you and your naneth and your brothers are concerned," he said. "I may be king and my responsibilities are serious, but a king can be replaced if need be. I am the only father you will ever have. You are the only Aldamir I will ever have. I do not feel badly for caring about how you feel."
"I am very blessed to have you and Naneth," I told him, feeling a swell of love and devotion to my king and father. His devotion to realm and family was never clearer to me than at that moment. I could not imagine how he managed to separate all the ties and emotions that he must suffer in seeing to the care of everyone he loved.
"Your naneth and I feel that we are the ones who are blessed, iôn-nín." For a moment he looked as if he had journeyed somewhere beyond the walls of my office and then he smiled. "I remember the day you were born. I do not think I have been as happy as when you were placed in my arms. You were so tiny, almost unbelievably small and delicate. I also do not think that I have ever felt as protective of anyone as I did you at that moment, though," he chuckled, "your naneth would probably say that I am a little overbearing with her at times regarding her safety." He griped my arm again for a moment and then released me. "You were far more than I ever expected. I knew that I would love you. Indeed I did from the moment you were conceived, but you were wonderful beyond what I had been capable of imaging. I was completely humbled and awe-stricken that this perfect being had been placed in your naneth's and my care. Even though you are now grown, you continue to be such a joy."
I could not help but laugh. "Even the time when I was twenty-seven and took your horse from the stables without your permission and went hunting alone?"
"I can laugh about that now," he said, waging his finger at me, "but at the time I was not amused. However, once I recovered from nearly being frightened out my wits and you were safely asleep in your own bed again, I was more inclined to find you appealing."
"I pulled weeds and toted soil in Naneth's garden for a week as I recall," I said.
"Indeed, you did," he snorted. "I thought you showed true potential as a gardener."
"Or it gave me the incentive to work hard at weapons training."
"Then I have done the realm a good turn," he said.
We fell into an uneasy silence again. Finally, he said, "It is difficult when things do not turn out as expected, Aldamir."
"I do not know what I want to do, Adar. I am too confused at the moment to cull out anything appropriate. The realm is safer for the presence and for the destruction of the red-banded spider. Had it not been for them, I do think we could have rid the western woods of the black ones. And had it not been for them, Legolas would not have been bitten."
"And Elenna?"
"Perhaps I have learned something about myself," I said. "I hope I have but at the moment, I do not know how to respond to what I have been told. Choosing the right thing to do is much harder than I would have thought."
"Do you doubt your feelings for her?"
Answering this question was nearly beyond me. "I despair that too much hurt has been inflicted to return to the way things were. Trust is fragile, and I think we have both suffered its ruin."
"Perhaps you do not need to return to the way things were," he said. "But only you can decide if trying to set things straight and begin again is worth the risk."
"What about you and Naneth? How do you feel about her now?"
"Elenna is young and has learned a hard lesson. I cannot say that I have never acted foolishly and caused hurt. But how do I feel about her? I found her brave despite her fears. I found her loyal to her father and to the realm, and the decision to come forward, though late, took more than simple courage; it took a great love for what is true and right. I admire her for seeing the distinction. Where she is in your life, is up to the two of you. I cannot tell you what you should do. But I trust you to act wisely and from your heart." He smiled. "And I trust that if you and Elenna decided to reconstruct your relationship that you will be more cautious and allow yourselves more time to explore what this will mean to you."
I chuckled. "Then you think we were too hasty?"
"I think you fell in love," he said. Adar stood and I came to my feet. "Do not despair," he said as he gripped my shoulder. "The villagers will not be departing for several days yet. You have time to think and decide what you want to see done. Sometimes, iôn-nín, we simply have to choose to do the right thing, even if it means that we do not have things the way we want them."
I nodded, but found that I had no words to express what I wanted; I simply did not know.
"Go and get cleaned up," Adar said. "I will see you in the family room for a glass of wine before the meal."
"If we are eating a horse for evening meal, then I might need more than one glass," I joked.
"The only encouragement I have to offer is that cook's pies taste better than they look," Adar said, swapping a hand through the air. "I understand that the after-meal sweet is shaped like an apple tree," he said as he went out the door. "With birds in it," I heard him call from Culalda's office.
The time was too short for a leisurely bath. As quickly as I could I unpacked, tossed my dirty clothing into the basket in floor of my clothes chest and jumped in the bath. As I was dressing, a soft knock came to my chamber door. "Come," I called as I completed lacing my leggings.
The door opened slowly and Legolas stepped in. "Am I disturbing you?" he asked shyly.
My heart warmed at the sight of my little brother. I knew he would be upset after our earlier meeting, and I had expected that I would hear from him soon. "Come in, little one."
He let pass my address of his youth and closed the door. "I came to apologize," he said. "I am truly sorry for how I acted on the training mission and I wanted to tell you alone."
I shrugged my tunic over my head and began to work the fasteners. "It is done, now. We will put it behind us."
"You were right that I let my emotions control my behavior. I was too angry to think clearly. I should not have hit Belas, and I should have obeyed Daeron when he ordered us to stop quarreling."
I went to him and hugged him closely. "I heard the things he said, Legolas, and I am grateful to you for your loyalty." I pushed him back enough to look at his sad face. "But you do not have to defend me. I would rather that you conduct yourself like a mature warrior and allow such remarks to be dealt with by the appropriate people." I sat down on the bed to pull my boots on. "You will find that those in charge are often held responsible for whatever ills someone might feel they have suffered. Sometimes we are indeed the cause of the bad feelings and sometimes we are nothing more than a convenient target. You cannot take it personally."
"The things that Belas said about you were not true," he protested.
"No, they were not, but you must remember that he was simply trying to anger you, and I was the means he used." I smiled up at him. "Legolas, I am sorry that you have to endure your older brother being your commander; it is often hard to separate our feelings for one another as brothers and our duty. The line of separation is often thin and mobile. As you get older it will become easier to separate the roles."
"I do not think I will ever be able to not see you as my brother," he said.
"I understand. I always see you as my brother too, but what we have to do is give our attention to appropriate responses. At this moment, I am speaking to my brother; this afternoon in my office, I spoke to you as a novice and did my duty as commander. You can see the difference when Adar and Naneth are the king and queen and when they are our parents, can you not?"
"Most of the time," he answered.
"This is the same."
"But no one has ever said such things about Adar and Naneth to me," he said as he sat on the edge of the bed next to me.
"Nor to me," I smiled. "Few are that foolish, I suppose. But I am sure that people do at times disagree with them and make comments." I laughed as I put my arm around him. "I am a safer target than the king and queen. Disgruntled people are more likely to criticize me or Erelas and even you, than they are the king and queen. And that is one of the reasons our parents have taught us carefully to be aware of our behavior. Our actions do reflect back on the throne. This family works hard in seeing to this realm, but we are still privileged. We live in a palace with servants and subjects to do our bidding. But we never have the right to abuse this trust. We cannot allow our personal feeling to outweigh our duty to the realm."
"I understand," he said. "I will not allow anyone to anger me so again."
"Legolas," I said, "I would have been angry too if I had heard someone say such things about you or Erelas, but the difference is that I would control my anger. I would use the acceptable methods of dealing with it."
"You can do that," he said, "because you are the method of dealing with it. I am not. I have no power to set straight someone who has lied."
"Of course, you do. You have the power to go to the proper authorities, and I would expect you to do so. The final word may rest with a superior officer, but you have the power to do the right thing." I squeezed him tightly once more and went to my dresser to comb and braid my hair. "Sometimes, little brother, doing the right thing is much harder than simply doing what we want."
"I do not know why everything has to be so hard," he complained. "Why is it not just clear what we should do?"
I completed the braid at the back of my head as I thought about his question. "I do not know, but I will say that in the end that doing the right thing feels better than giving into impulse."
"Come," I said as I held out my arm. He walked into it and allowed me to place my arm around his shoulders. "I understand that evening meal will be something of a trial and I would like a glass of wine before I am forced to eat a horse."
As I swung open the door, I came face to face with the raised fist of Daeron preparing to knock. He drew back quickly, glancing between Legolas and me. "I was…I…wanted to see you for a moment."
"Get in line," Legolas said dryly.
"What is on your mind?" I asked as went on out into the corridor, knowing that Daeron was on the same mission as Legolas.
"I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for how I behaved on the games," Daeron said.
"All is forgiven and forgotten," I told him. "I trust that you will choose more wisely in the future."
"I will," Daeron said softly. "But I am nonetheless ashamed."
"Good! Then you will remember this the next time you are tempted to dismiss your duty for a momentary satisfaction."
Daeron snorted. "I have to admit that punching Belas was satisfying." He looked up to me and smiled, his eyes twinkling mischievously. "That was until his fist found my jaw."
A chuckle rose up and escaped me. "I imagine so. The pain of a well-placed punch does seem to destroy the joy of the moment." I placed my arms around them both and gave them a tug toward me. "Though this escapade was not the wisest choice of how to handle a situation, I am proud of you both. You will make fine warriors one day." With these last words on the subject of heated arguments and fists, I lead the two blushing young ones into the family room.
Once we were seated at evening meal, I found that the main dish was indeed shaped like a horse. The meal was full of smiles and secret winks as the poor horse was cut to ribbons for the meal. Adar was right; the pie tasted far better than it looked.
"Naneth," Legolas said when the last of the apple laden tree pastry had been consumed, "since this is the last day of my restriction, would it possible for me to go with Daeron to Alar's cottage tonight? He has invited us to play Dragons and Wizards."
"Now, how would Mithrandir or Radagast feel to know that you are playing games that makes light of them?" Naneth asked with an amused smile.
Adar snorted. "I believe it was Mithrandir who taught the young ones this game."
"It was," Seregon answered. "He gave Aldamir and me the carved pieces when we were younger than Daeron and Legolas and showed us how to make a board to play."
Naneth laughed. "Indeed, I cannot thwart that wily old wizard." She smiled at Legolas. "You may go. Do not be late in returning home. I will be up until you return."
With a barely perceptible bow, the two young ones scurried from the room.
"And I," Seregon announced, "need to see Celelion about some changes in the home guard. He is on duty tonight and it is the first chance I have had to see him," he said to me. By your leave, my lord," he said turning to Adar, "and the naneths, I will go now before it gets too late." Adar waved his dismissal and as Seregon stood, he smiled brightly. "I have some plans for this evening as well." He kissed his mother's cheek. "Do not wait up on me."
Erelas laughed. "I have plans as well…" he began but was cut short by my inquiry.
"And her name?"
"Secret," he smiled as a faint blush bled into his cheeks.
Adar screwed his lips into an askew grin. "There are few secrets in this realm, iôn-nín. Behave yourself."
Erelas threw his hand to his chest in mock horror. "I am always careful, Adar. I am your son."
"That is why," Naneth laughed, "your adar feels justified in reminding you."
"There is a story in there somewhere," Erelas said as he bowed before taking his leave.
All eyes turned to me in anticipation of my plans. Placing my meal cloth on the table, I smiled wryly. "Since I have no friends looking for me or any duty to occupy me, I will take myself on a short walk. But not the stables, I think. I feel too guilty."
With the sound of laughter from my parents and aunt and with Adar's wave of leave, I rose, kissed Naneth's cheek and bowed to Adar. "I will not be late either. As much as I enjoyed the woods, I look forward to my own bed and a book."
The night sky was alive with brilliant pinpoints of blinking lights as I strolled across the green. The air was fresh and clean after the storm had passed over us like a fast runner heading for the finish line of a wind-driven race. Not much rain had fallen, but enough fell to leave milky puddles and glistening grass. A soft warm breeze fluttered across the grass and through the leaves of the trees quickly shaking them dry.
I had no destination in mind as I walked across the bridge. The river danced happily with new water flowing from the north where more rain had fallen. For a moment, I simply listened, taking comfort in the melodious babble of the river's song. Some of my earliest memories were of my fascination with this river. I could still feel the tight handhold of one of my parents as I leaned out over the edge of the bridge to see the swiftly flowing water as it parted around boulders. I loved to drop leaves into the stream and then scurry to the other side of the bridge to watch my leafy ships sail off toward imaginary wild and unknown lands. How simple happiness was then. I now knew that my tiny ships sailed to other parts of my father's realm, and it is this realm, I had sworn to protect. My leaf boats belonged to this land and her people. As did I. And it was my duty to keep this land and her people safe from a darkness that wanted to swallow us whole. Sighing, I walked on. I had also sworn to protect foolish villagers who, though I believed unwittingly, had flirted with this darkness in attempt to bend it to their will. Evil, I thought, could not be harnessed and used; it could only be destroyed.
Continuing to walk, I ambled along the high banks of the river, trying to empty my head of thoughts and simply relax, giving myself over to the soothing song of the nighttime forest. The river sang and the trees hummed a soft melody of contentment. The birds had already begun to nestle for the night and few could be heard as they settled in. I imagine parents chiding their young to go to bed.
After walking in a pleasant daze for a short distance, I found myself at the stair-step falls. Memories rushed me as I stood looking up at the rock where I fell in love and later, where I fell from its grace. Instinctively, I took the narrow fern-strewn path to the top of rock, touching the rock's side as if it was still a friend that wanted to offer me comfort but was ashamed of the role it had played in my pain. This place was not to blame. And I would not have my love for it marred by two Elves bickering over a ruined love.
At the top of the path, I stepped into the clearing of flowers and stopped suddenly. Elenna lifted her eyes to me from where she sat nestled against a tall and sturdy beech. She started to rise, but I backed up a step and waved to her to remain seated. "Forgive me for disturbing you," I said as my heart pounded and the peace I had gained fled as quickly as a startled doe.
Tentatively, she settled back down. "You are not disturbing me," she said softly. Then she lifted her eyes to me again. "I hoped that you might come here."
"Why?" I blurted.
Her hands smoothed her dress over her curled legs and for a moment she was thoughtfully silent. "Please, my lord, I owe you an apology and some explanation. I would ask a moment of your time."
My legs would not respond and I simply stood as still as the rock that I felt holding defense at my back.
"Please," she repeated.
Forcing my breath to come and my body to respond, I cautiously sat down to the side of the flower patch, keeping a respectful distance from her, but close enough to give her a comfortable intimacy to speak.
"I have practiced what I would wish to say to you should you grant me your time," she said, "but I find now that all I thought to say is inadequate. Please forgive me for being nervous and undoubtedly poorly spoken."
When I said nothing, she fidgeted upon her leafy seat. "I am terribly sorry for how I have behaved. I know that such a simply apology is not enough, but it is all I have to offer. I have allowed myself to be led and swayed by people when I should have known better. My trust was foolishly placed in the wrong people. Calith lied to me and I was too stunned and too childish to allow myself to see his manipulations." She glanced up at me. "I have always thought myself knowledgeable about people. My naneth has told me for as long as I can recall that being gifted does not mean that I know all. Like all talents, these gifts must be honed and understood, practiced and respected. Arrogantly, I thought I had done so. Little did I realize that I was being fooled by someone I thought cared for me. My family and friends tried to warn me, but I did not listen. I thought I was more knowledgeable than they were. I have allowed my own immaturity and pride to bring harm to the one person I cared most about. I know I cannot expect your pardon, but I wished for you to know that I am deeply regretful for what embarrassment or hurt that I have caused you."
Completely stunned into silence, I fought for words to express feeling and thoughts that I did not understand. I could find nothing reasonable to say. Everything she had said came down to one line: the one person I care most about. I feared the hope I felt and I feared the exposure of my own feelings. Finally, I said, "If you had told me about Calith when we first met, I think things would have turned out differently." Once this was said, I was slightly appalled that I could say nothing but what was obvious, but I could not lay bare anything more intimate than that at that moment.
She nodded. "I was wrong. At the time, I thought he was of little importance to us. I assumed that he would be pleased for me and would rejoice that I had found what he and I both had expressed wanting in our lives."
"He had asked you to bond with him," I said. "Surely you did not think that he would take lightly your rejection of his suit?"
"I thought he might be slightly disappointed, because he had not found someone to truly love in that manner, but it did not occur to me that he would lie to preserve our relationship. I misjudged him terribly. I did not think he would hurt you intentionally and I certainly never thought he would harm me." She wiped quickly at her cheek. "But I am the one who did the most damage. I had no reason to not believe you. It was my own failings that made me strike out at you. For a time, I could not accept that I had been so wrong about Calith. Once I had time to think, I could see that you were not lying to me, that you were sincere and that you cared about me. How I could have been so utterly foolish, I have no idea." Another tear slipped down her cheek, but she let it go its own way this time. "I know I have destroyed anything you may have felt for me, but I wanted you to know that I was also sincere in my feelings for you. The time we spent together was the most wonderful weeks of my life. I will cherish those memories, but I will be forever regretful that I caused the ending of something that might have been by my own foolishness."
I looked down at my boots and studied them as if I might find answers written on the soles. Sighing, I said, "I did not handle things well either, Elenna. We are both at fault."
"I do not ask for your forgiveness," she said as her breath hitched in her chest. "But I would ask that you recall our time together fondly, knowing that I meant you no harm and that I truly care for you."
I brought my gaze back up to her. "Do you still care for me?"
She smiled sadly. "I have erred in my judgments about many things, but you are not one of them. I will always hold you in my heart and recall you with feelings that are mine to bear."
"Elenna," I started, then faltered for lack of appropriate words, "much has happened that has altered where I thought we were heading…."
"I understand," she said as a fresh tear fell. "I have also caused grievances with the king. I should not have withheld the information about the spiders from you. Again, I have used poor judgment. I thought I was being loyal to my adar."
"Elenna, I would not have been able to easily put aside my adar's wishes either. I do not hold you accountable for what happened with the spiders. Nor does my adar."
"Thank you," she said softly, "but I should have come forward sooner."
"In the end, you did the right thing," I said. "But I am talking about us."
She looked startled for a moment and then dropped her eyes to her hands.
"I do not know how we can start again, but I am not willing to simply regard you as a memory. If you do not wish to see me ever again, then I will respect that and cause you no further pain. But if you can find it in your heart to forgive my foolishness and if there is something left of your feelings for me, then I would like to try and work through this," I said, my heart pounding and my mouth completely dry.
Her eyes grew wide and brimming with tears. "You would forgive me?"
"If you forgive me," I smiled carefully. I reached out to pluck a white flower, but her hand stayed mine. Gently she picked a single bloom and offered it to me. I took it and then took a bloom of the brilliant yellow ones and offered it to her. "You still bring me joy."
With a sudden hiccough, tears began rolling freely down her face as she took the flower.
"Shh.h.," I whispered as I drew close enough to take her hands in mine. "There is nothing to cry about. It may take some time, but we will begin anew."
She nodded. "I am so grateful to you for allowing me pardon," she said through her tears. "And I do want to begin anew. For a while, I must return home and spend some time with my family and with myself," she said, "but knowing that you are willing to try again, is all I need to aid me in finding my own self."
"Have you lost yourself?" I asked.
She nodded. "I cannot believe how I have erred. I cannot risk anything like this ever happening again." She looked up at me. "I would rather die than ever cause you any further pain. I need some time, Aldamir. I need time to sort through all that has happened and my role in it. I cannot forgive myself yet."
I touched the smooth soft skin of her damp cheek. "Do not be too hard on yourself, Elenna. I will not press you. To be honest, I am still a little shaky in how to go about this. But I do not want to close off all possibility that someday we can work this out." I released her and leaned back. "How will you handle your relationship with Calith?"
"As you know, the king sent him home," she said. "I know I will have to see him again, but there is nothing left between us. I would not even try to maintain a friendship." She smiled sadly. "Tree escorted him from the stronghold. I can only imagine what he had to say to Calith. I do not think he will bother with me again."
"I understand that you need time; I do as well. But if Calith causes you any discomfort, then I want you to send me word. I will have the captain of the western patrol check on you when he comes through your village. All you need do is let him know that Calith is not accepting your decision."
"Thank you," she said. "I can handle Calith now that I know who he truly is. But I will send word if he does not cooperate." Her smile brightened. "My sister is expecting in the early spring. Once she had delivered, I will feel freer to look at where I am in my life." The joy of her sister's child suddenly dimmed. "I would also be with my adar when the village votes on his leadership."
"All will be well, Elenna," I said, truly feeling that the villagers would support her father. Sordien had erred, but he had a long proven leadership of his people and I did not think they would forget this.
Elenna smiled again. "For the first time in days, I can begin to think that you are right."
"I am always right," I said in a mock haughtiness.
"I am beginning to see that," she chuckled.
I stood and offered her my hand. "Now that you have seen reason, I would be honored to walk you to your aunt's cottage if you are inclined to return now."
She took my hand and pulled herself to her feet. "Perhaps I will retire early tonight," she said. "I think I will rest tonight."
"I think I will as well," I said as I led her down the path.
Moonshine: Thanks! I'm so glad you're still enjoying the story. You wish is my command. Elenna and Aldamir get together for a little chat.
Sonya4lotr: I'm terribly pleased that you liked this chapter. The king at full throttle was fun! I suppose Elenna was taken in by Calith, but she's a smarter cookie than it's looked like so far. But she has failings, like everyone else. She made mistakes in how she behaved and how she thought. At least she willing to look at those mistakes and try to avoid repeating them. Seregon did behave admirable. He truly cares about what happens to Aldamir. His heart is in the right place. Thanks again!
Isiliel: What a nice surprise to get your review! I'm so pleased that you're enjoying the story. Elenna made some bad decisions and didn't appear to be a very nice person at times. I'm glad you're willing to give her another chance. She's young and she didn't handle things in the mature manner she should have, but we all have to learn our lessons the hard way sometimes. Her lessons were quite hard in this instance. But she does love Aldamir. And he loves her. It'll take some time to work out what happened between, reestablish trust and begin again, but I have faith in them both. Thanks again for such a nice and detailed review. It was a pleasure for me to read.
Nysarah: Thanks so much! Your reviews are great just the way they are. I'm glad that Elenna turned out to be a good person at heart too. She meant well, but she lacked the maturity to see what was truly happening around her. She sees now. Angry! Thranduil was fun to write. I would have loved for him to stomp Calith like a bug, but well…he couldn't. Thanks again!
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