I briskly walked towards my house, but the thought of being alone wasn't comforting. I stood at the end of my driveway and looked down the street. Up on my tiptoes, I squinted my eyes trying to see if Lucas' light was on. I couldn't tell. I walked towards his house, but only got a few feet before I chickened out then walked back towards mine. No, just go! I turned around again towards Lucas' and took a deep breath.
The room was dim, but I could see the light from his desk lamp clouded through the curtain. I slipped silently inside of the door that opened straight to his room and leaned my back up against it. He was sitting at his desk hunched over with his back towards me. I could see his arm moving as he wrote in his journal. I sighed making sure he knew I was there, but he didn't react at all. He kept writing. "Lucas," I said, barely audible. He turned his head slightly, not turning around, but letting me know that I had his attention. "How did we get this way?" I said no louder than before. I could feel the tears start to well in my eyes, emotional from the alcohol that still flowed through my veins. He closed his eyes and pursed his lips. He stood up only to turn around and lean against the edge of his desk. "Peyton," he used my full name, which caused me to look down towards my feet, "it was the most significant day in my life and you don't even remember it." I quickly looked up at him, confusion tightening all of my features. "You really, honestly don't know?" he asked. I shook my head slightly. I slid down the door and sat on the floor with my knees pulled to my chest. "Please, I need to know." I pleaded, "You just started, I don't know, treating me so mean..." "--Peyt, I never meant," he stopped. "Listen, if I tell you, you have to promise it won't change things between us." I leapt to my feet, irritated, "What's between us? Hate? I can't promise it won't change things because I desperately want it to!" There he went again; he closed his eyes and pursed his lips. He walked over and sat on the edge of his bed. A minute must have passed by because he questioned, "Well? Are you going to sit down so I can tell you?" I walked over to his bed and sat down next to him, leaving no room between us. I wanted a reason to be next to him. He sighed and started his story taking me back to when we were thirteen.
FLASHBACK
"Hey, Peyt!" Lucas ran towards me, "Hey, walk home after school together?" "Oh, Lucas, I would but Ryan and I are going to work on a project after school. But I'll come over afterwards!" He smiled, "OK, see you later."
I walked into Lucas' room after working on the project and climbed into his bed lying next to him. He was reading a book that was beyond our reading level and once he found a good stopping point he looked over at me and smiled. "How'd the project go?" I shrugged my shoulders and started playing with my bracelet. He went back to reading his book. I scooted closer to him and he raised his arm so he could put it around me. After snuggling into his side, I stared up at Lucas' face. Without moving his head, he moved his eyes to look at me with a smile, "Because you staring at me isn't creepy at all." We both laughed, and before he could react, I quickly kissed him. It was over as hastily as it started and I went back to playing with my bracelet leaving him confused. "OK," he said skeptically trying not to laugh, "What was that?" I shrugged my shoulders and looked at him. "Ryan tried to kiss me today," I stated. "And..." he wondered how that had anything to do with me kissing him moments ago. "I didn't want him to be my first kiss, so now that my first kiss is out of the way," I looked at him, "I can let him kiss me." Lucas leaned down and kissed me again. I didn't react at first, but once I started to he pulled away. "OK," it was my turn to ask skeptically, "What was that?" "The first one totally didn't count! You just came at me so quickly. I didn't want you spreading rumors about me being a terrible kisser." "Right! Like I'd admit to actually kissing you!" I teased and he started tickling me in response. Once we quieted down, I quickly fell asleep, while Lucas stared at me for awhile.
END FLASHBACK
"Wait," I stared at him confused, "how does that have to do with any of this," I waved my arm around, which I meant to indicate our years apart. He started picking at the hem on the side of his jeans. "I fell in love with you," he declared faintly. I sat there in silence not knowing how to react. "Not to, um, belittle what you just said, but, um, why couldn't we be friends after that? I mean, you started treating me so badly and I was confused, so--" He cut me off, "I knew you'd never feel the same way about me and it was hard just being your friend, so I sort of closed myself off to you, and then I don't know what happened." "I was mad at you." "What? Why?" I didn't know how to explain my anger. "We told each other everything, then one day I could barely get you to tell me what you had for dinner let alone what was on your mind." "I'm sorry." Silence fell thick between us. I nudged his side teasing, "You looooooved me!" He laughed, slightly embarrassed. Seriousing up a little bit, "Do you still?" "Peyt, I'll always love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore." "Sooo," I looked him in the eye, "where does that leave us?" "Left with years of lost friendship to make up?" he smiled looking hopeful. "Can we just," I paused, "sleep on it? I mean, this is a huge thing to just... forget." I stood up and his face fell a bit, "Yeah, sure. So, I'll see you at school on Monday?" "Actually..." I started, "can I stay here tonight?" He didn't need any explanation, he stood up, kissed my forehead for the second time that night, and we crawled into bed.