Title: Young without Youth
Summary: When Harry leaves Dumbledore's office at the end of the fifth book, where does Harry go? Covers Harry's summer holidays.
Author: Ygraine.
chapter one: Carve your name into my arm
He felt sick.
He couldn't move.
Barely even remembered leaving Dumbledores office. But now he lay on the bathroom floor, his cheek resting on the cold floor, cooling it down. How many times had he thrown up? He didn't know, there was nothing left in his stomach and he still felt ill, he thought he had pulled a muscle in his stomach. His life was falling apart and nothing any one said was going to make it any better. Sirius was dead and the only one who could kill Voldemort was him, Harry. why hadn't Dumbledore told hime this before. Becasue Harry's happiness meant more to him. It made Harry scoff, but he stopped because that hurt too much. He should be in the hospital wing, but he couldn't bare being with any one at the moment, any one. He needed to be alone, to mourn.
Distantly he heard people entering the bathroom and he checked his watch, it was half past eight, why were people getting up so early? Did he have classes today? He didn't know, nor did he care. He doubted he would return to classes for the rest of the year, even though there was only a week left of them before the summer. The summer, back at The Dursleys, how long would Harry have to stay there before it was deemed fit that Harry leave? He hoped that it wouldn't be very long, but would Lupin even want to know Harry any more. Wasn't he living at Grimmauld Place? Harry was sure that Sirius' will would have left Lupin the house. Harry was the reason that Siruis was dead, did Lupin hate him. He was the reason why all his friends were dead come to think about it. His parents, Lupins good friends died to save Harry and so had Sirius. There was no way that Lupin would forgive Harry after that.
Where was Lupin any way? Was he at St Mungos with Tonks? Or was he at Grimmauld place, left on his own with that miserably house elf and potrait? Had he done somethinhg terrible to himself? Hatty jerked his head up and looked around the cubicle, he hoped that Lupin was alright. He needed him, no matter if Lupin hated Harry or not, he needed his old teacher.
A tap was running and distantly he heard a toliet flushing. People were getting ready. Why so early? Slowly Harry opened the door and peered round to see who it was. A couple of first years, he didn't know their names, they were talking about someone. Harry couldn't make out any of them. Why were their first years there? Which toliets was he in? He was on the fourth floor. The first year toliets. In Harrys sickened state he had just ran to the nearest toliet. He would get in trouble if he was caught. slowly he got himself up, and walked out the door, the two boys noticed him.
"Isn't he Harry Potter?"
"Yeah" Said the other one. "Are you ok Harry?" Harry said nothing, just washed his hands and left.
His robes were ripped in several places and he could feel a bruise forming on his knee, he didn't know how he had got that one. He was limping, his glasses were broken, he didn't know how, but they sat askew on his face. He didn't know where he was going to go, all he knew was that he had to get far away from people so the common room was out, although the idea of sleep did tempt him. Speaking to Lupin would also get some guilt off his chest, he needed to know some things. But he didn't know if he could bear it quite yet. Maybe some sleep would help.
But as he slowly crawled into bed, he found whenever he closed his eyes all he saw was Sirius' body falling...falling.
After an hour of this he decided that there was no point, so he got up again and walked downstairs. The common room was blissfully empty, and Harry looked at the calender it was Thursday, the first day back of classes after the exams. So Harry sat in the high arched arm chair by the fire, Hedwig had appeared to sense Harry's pain and had flown up to comfort him. So Harry just stroked the owls feathers and tried not to think about anything, least about Sirius and that dreaded prophecy.
He had barely noticed when the potrit door opened and Lupin stood there. He looked terrible, the full moon was two weeks away but Lupin looked as though it was that night. Harry said nothing just gazed his old professor in the eyes, begging for forgiveness. Lupin swallowed, and spoke first, his voice croaked from crying it seemed, his eyes were very red. "I've spoken to Dumbledore. Has he given you his little speech?" Harry nodded. "I want you to know, Harry, that I don't blame you, in the least, Sirius was a brave boustrous Gryffindor, and he loved you very much." Harry gave a dry sob. "No matter how much any of us tried to talk him out of it, he had to go. It was the way that he would have wanted to go."
Harry looked at the werewolf, "but I went to the department of mysteries. I thought that he was in danger. I...It is my fault, I shouldn't have been there in the first place, I placed everyone in danger." Lupin walked over and took Harry by the shoulders.
"If Dumbledore had told you about that dammed prophecy when he should have instead of this whilly nilly stuff with Snape, you would have known that you weren't to go there, no matter how tempted you were."
"But you said that it was important to learn Occlumency."
"Yes." Lupin said slowly scratching the back of his head. "But as you have learned yourself, it doesn't always work. If Dumbledore had told you about the Prophcey then you would have known NOT to go to the ministry." Lupin sighed. "I think I blame Dumbledore, even though I know I shouldn't. All I can see is it being his fault! He kept Si locked up all year. People need fresh air, I think it reminded him being in Azkaban." his voice was very quiet, and Harry suspected that he was trying not to cry for Harry's benefit. Harry wasn't as strong though, as he wept, he wrapped his arms around Lupins back.
Taking a deep breath, Lupin held Harry at arms length, ans swallowed. "I'm not allowing you to saty at the Durselys for very long Harry, I'm...we're going to get you back. Moody, Tonks, Arthur and I are going to have a word with you aunt and uncle. Don't worry you won't be there for long." he gave a small smile and rubbed Harry's forarms.
"But, with Sirius...gone, what will happen with me?"
"Your aunt and uncle are your legal guardians Harry, no matter how we might like things to change, that one can't. Dumbledore told you about blood..."
"Not that Remus, I meant at Headquarters...you remember last year. Everyone fighting because of me, parental isssues."
Again Remus smiled. "No doubt Molly we take you under her wing, she practically already does. But...we'll talk about it before you come ok?" Harry smiled and nodded. "Now, why don't you see of you can get some sleep ok?"
x
Harry sat on the foot of his bed chewing his lower lip. True to his word he had written every three times to Lupin and to Ron and Hermione. Now he was waiting to be picked up, after spending only one and a half weeks at the Dursleys he was still enthusiastic to be away, and Harry guessed that so were the Durselys. Only ten minutes late, the doorbell rang and Harry ran down the stairs and saw Lupin and Tonks standing in the doorway, Uncle Vernon had answered the door.
"Ah hello, would you care for a cup of tea?" Harry blinked at his uncles question but could hear the bitterness in his voice.
"Oh no thank you sir, we'll just take Harry and be on our way if that's ok." Tonks said. She peered round to look at Harry, "Need some help with your bags Harry?" Harry shook his head and pulled his trunk from his bedroom downstairs and Lupin lifted it into the small car.
"I never knew wizards could drive." Harry asked.
"This one does." Tonks laughed indicating to Remus who was just getting in the front seat.
"I learned just after school, thought that it might be usefull. The car is my sisters who's a muggle, I borrowed it from her."
Harry frowned in thought. "How does that work? Are you muggleborn?"
"A muggleborn werewolf?" Lupin laughed. "No, my dad was a wizard mum a muggle. Dad was a werewolf catcher. He didn't kill werewolfs, but he controlled ones that were out of control, all magical beasts. I followed him one night, hence the bite... He died that night."
"I'm sorry..."
"Any way, my mother reamrried a local man a muggle and bore kids, muggles. He was alright about the magic element in me aswell as me being a werewolf. He's an amazing man."
"You got many siblings then Rem?" Tonks asked from the back of the car, leaning on the two front seats. Remus was driving away.
"Two sisters, Carla, the oldest is twenty-five, the one the car belongs to, and Paige, nineteen and a brother Anthony whose twenty-two."
Harry smiled, he never thought that Lupin was so young, but then again he would must only be around thirty-four. "Speaking baout Paige, Harry..." He paused as, he bit his lip in concetration going round a roundabout. "Tomorrow, I'm meeting her for lunch, and she's at that age...she would like to meet you."
Harry could only smile to that.
They reached Grimmauld place at an hour later and Harry went straight to his room and unpacked his trunk. Ron ran into the room just as Harry was hanging up he dress robes. He was bounding excitedly. "Order meeting tomorrow toinght!"
Harry shrugged, "So?"
"I heard Lupin say something about you being able to attend, and if your able to..." ROn didn't seem in necessary to continue that statement.
Harry bit his lip. "I don't know Ron, you know this time they might mean just me."
Ron furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean? You tell them that I have to be there too? We don't do things alone...Harry?"
"Look, I found some stuff out at the end of last year. And they might want to talk about that."
"Oh, and I can't know, top scret You Know Who fighting stuff, I understand."
"No," Harry said, "Yes. Look It's personal and I don't realyy want to get in a fight about it ok?"
Ron seemed to understand.
x
Harry didn't realise just how much he missed the life here. Especially at dinner time, it was as though life was forgotten about and they just enjoyed the good food, and each others company. However towards the end of the night, when Harry was thinking about going to bed, a sullen looking Dumbldore walked into the Kitchen. "Remus Harry could I have a word with you both?"
Looking at each other Harry and Remus walked out of the kitchen and into the study that Snape usually inhabited.
"Harry I'm afraid that I have some bad news. There was an attack at the Durselys, I'm sorry but they didn't survive."
And the rest was silence.
A/N: What do you think? I know I know, I really should update my other fics, don't worry I plan to...one day! Only this one has been floating around in my head since i read book five!
Refs: Story Tile 'Young without Youth' From Idlewild, American English 'And maybe you're young without youthor maybe you're old without knowing anything's trueI think you're young without youth.
Chap title 'Carve your name into my arm' From Placebo, Every you Every me. 'Carve your name into my arminstead of stressed, i lie here charmedCuz there's nothing else to doEvery me and every you.'