"Yes, Ric. It does matter. It matters to you and it matters to me."
Releasing him from her arms she moved out from behind him and stretched her torso across his abdomen resting her head in her hand and focused on him intently. His eyes were darkened with pain, his face pale with the effort to withhold his deepest secrets… hide his deepest grief. She lifted her hand and spreading her fingers reached toward him offering to shoulder the load with him. Several slow agonizing heartbeats passed before Ric finally relented and accepted what she was so willing to give. She watched his hand slowly rise and smiled her encouragement as his fingers settled between hers, their palms meeting in mutual need.
"I know you're hurting, Ric. I've known it for a long time." as he started to interrupt, she squeezed his fingers slightly. "Wait, let me finish. It's not because of what you've said or done, it's the tone of your voice when you speak of your family, or your brother. I recognize it because I hear the same tone in my voice when I'm called upon to discuss my family or lack there of. As hard as we try to hide that part of us that is raw and vulnerable, those who have been where we've been, felt what we've felt... it's easier to see through our walls of defense and in some cases our protective arrogance."
Ric smiled weakly at her compassionate attempt to tease his troubled heart. His eyes fell to their hands as she turned them slightly; just enough to allow her thumb to softly caress his palm.
"I guess there's not much I can hide from you considering we both have issues with the parental figures in our life. I lost my mother, you lost your father..." the silence in the air around them caught her whisper and carried it to his ears where it released the ever present agony of her heart.
"... and my mother."
Cringing inside at his unforgivable mistake, Ric leaned forward and brought their clasped hands to his lips and softly kissed the delicate skin of her wrist in an attempt to apologize for not speaking of her mother. Why did he even mention her father… it didn't even make sense. "And your mother." He finally whispered in agreement. Taking a firmer hold on her hand he reached for her with his other arm and pulled her closer to allow her head to lie just above his heart. Her arm that previously supported her head found a home along side his body and their entwined hands snuggled beneath her chin. He pushed the soft wayward tendrils of hair away from her eyes and buried his fingers in the mass of untended curls that were now spread across his stomach.
"Do you remember her?" He asked softly feeling the palm of her hand steal between his shoulder and the bed to lay quiet against his skin. He wasn't sure if she was trying to comfort him because of his insensitivity or simply trying to comfort her own heart. Feeling a tiny drop of wetness begin to trickle down the plane of his chest, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer guiding her head to rest on his shoulder covering his upper body with hers. His arms tightened around her as she curled her own arms around him. He felt her shiver slightly and reached for the comforter that was slowly finding its way to the floor. He covered them both and waited. Minutes passed. He knew she was struggling to regain control her emotions and he gave her the time she needed. A whisper found his ears.
"I have some memories. But what part of her I have now is so much more real and special than the memories."
"Why?"
"It's because of Kristina."
"Kristina? I don't understand."
Alexis smiled as she recalled those moments she felt remarkably gifted with when alone with her daughter.
"There are times when Kristina and I are at home and I'm watching her nap or we're just sitting in the floor playing quietly… at times reading a book, or eating dinner… but most especially when I sit and rock with her late at night… There is a feeling that overcomes me and it's like my mother is once again with me, watching over me… over us, sharing my daughter with me. I feel her love more during those times than I've ever felt it before." Alexis' voice suddenly filled with amazement and Ric felt a tremble pass through her body as she continued, her voice becoming quieter as though in reverence.
"I feel her, Ric. It's like she's holding me in her arms. There's no pain… no heartache… No Mikkos, no Helena… nothing that could mar the perfection of the moment. It is such a rare gift, the purest of moments. And it's almost as if I have my mother back with me if only for a short while." To Ric, her voice seemed to float on air as he listened to her heart fill with more love and joy than he could ever remember hearing from her before. He leaned closer as he continued to listen to her. "Sometimes I talk to her as though she were in the room with me. I can almost hear her laughter, Ric. And before I know what's happening I'm laughing with her and then Kristina laughs. Those are the most beautiful moments of my life… worth everything I've been through ten times over."
The pain of loss in own his chest tightened as he pulled Alexis closer against him, molding every curve of her body to his to comfort the ache that never left him. The quiver in his voice was prominent as he responded.
"I watch you with her… you are so good with Kristina. She never has to look for you or wonder if you're coming home. She knows without question that she is loved and will always be loved. She has no fear… no sadness… no need to question the circumstances of her life. She feels safe and warm, and having a home to go to day after day is as normal to her as breathing. I can't help but question if my mother would have loved me as much as you love her… would have cared for and nourished me as you do Kristina. It's probably a question I will live with for the rest of my life."
Her body, resting atop his, rose slowly as he drew a deep breath. She felt the struggle within him as the muscles in his arms reflexively tightened, but she remained silent. He was searching for a way to let go and move on. She gripped him tighter with the arm that was wrapped around him curling her fingers over his shoulder comforting him as best she could. The palm of her hand found his face, her thumb caressed his cheek as her fingers slipped through the unruly curls at the nape of his neck, and she waited patiently for him to settle the chaos of his heart and mind; to hopefully find the answers that would finally allow him to find peace regarding the choices his mother had made so long ago.
As he lay there with her heart resting against his, Ric turned his head slightly and kissed her forehead. He let his mind drift back over the years. From as far back as he could remember there always seemed to be a dark cloud hanging over his head no matter which year he recalled. From day to day, year-to-year, he scuttled through life trying to find a way to acquire what he felt was owed to him… to grab hold of anything that he could call his own that would take the place of what he lost. But nothing he did could provide enough of a substitute to allow him to move past the demons that haunted him. He always knew he would not be able to find rest until he found a way to bring down the man who stole his place in life. Ric's eyes drifted toward the woman who now held him within the circle of her arms; she was his safe-place… his haven of rest. How much she had lost and suffered through in her life. And yet, she still loved… she still cared for people who thoughtlessly and cruelly turned their back on her… people who took her heart and trampled it beneath their feet before throwing it back at her. She still looked for the best in people… expected to find good in them no matter what their past or their transgression. And if the truth be known… she still held deep within her heart hope for his brother whether she chose to admit it or not. In the short time they were together, somehow Alexis had become his standard, his lighthouse when the inevitable storms of his memory threatened to drown him. To Ric, she represented his candle in the window welcoming him safely home.
Leaning his head back for a moment he rested it against the headboard. Drawing another deep breath he felt the weight of her body shift slightly against him and his breath left him in a rush as the magnitude of what he was experiencing with this wonderful beautiful woman suddenly hit him full force. With an unhindered unrestricted smile lighting his face, Ric marveled at the turn his life had taken. As his heart reached out to claim the miracle of this new life, all of a sudden… without warning it was upon him and his eyes widened with surprise. Hiding far back in the deepest darkest corner of his mind, one small souvenir from his childhood, at last finding its freedom and Ric felt his heart jubilantly cry out to embrace the gift of finally having something beautiful to remember from his past. A memory long forgotten, but the reality of it more real to him now than when he first experienced that one life-altering moment. The tears were upon him before he was aware of it. Several moments passed before he regained control of his emotions and when he was ready he glanced down to find her eyes upon him. Her smile, her eyes, her touch ... her body telling him that the truth of this one memory was his and his alone and now so many years later he could finally claim its promise.
His words were choked, heavy with every emotion filling his heart. "I never thought I could love someone this much. I didn't know it was possible for someone to become so much a part of me that I can't tell where I stop and you start."
Suddenly he wanted her to know everything, he wanted her to know how much more he was now because of her. He carefully moved her off his chest and then settled down beside her so that they lay on their side face-to-face, as close as they could get and still be able to talk comfortably. He also wanted to be able to see every expression of her face. The first being a soft expectant smile touching her lips and he reached to wrap a soft curl around his finger then let it go to bounce back into place as he caught her chin between his thumb and forefinger. Leaning closer he kissed her softly…. Once… twice… and then again before settling back down to share his most treasured secret with her.
"Can I tell you something surprising, Alexis? Well, it might not be surprising to you, but it's very surprising to me. I was laying here thinking about my past and it just hit me… I remembered something from when I was a kid that was very special to me and… and…"
"Ric?" He was talking so fast she found it hard to follow him.
"It was there all along… just waiting… and now you're here… with me… and we've been here together… really together… and not just physically. But more than that… And just now… It's so amazing that I finally remembered it…" His voice was filled of amazement and childlike wonder.
"Ric."
"And then when I looked at you… I should have realized it before now… should have remembered it… this is the most profound revelation of my life. I don't know how I could have missed or forgotten it…."
Her laughter stilled his eager rambling. "What may I ask are you laughing at?"
"You." She laughed again.
"And why are you laughing at me?" He couldn't be angry with her. Her laughter was infectious. Her eyes were lit from the inside and the flush on her face tempted his thoughts and stirred his body.
"Why is it that all of a sudden I rather like the sound of rambling run amuck?" she teased him.
Rolling his eyes dramatically, he fell backward throwing his arm up and let it drop dramatically to hang off the side of the bed as he released a loud groan. Looking up toward the ceiling he lifted his hand again this time imploringly toward heaven. "Please tell me I didn't pick up that particularly exhausting trait from her?"
She slapped at his arm and then caught it pulled it down sliding her fingers up his forearm toward his hand catching his fingers between her own guiding them back down to lie between them.
"So tell me about this profound revelation that has you so excited, Mr. Lansing." She whispered conspiratorially. His sudden grin sent a warm flush throughout her body and she marveled at how adorably handsome he was when he allowed himself to lay down the weight of his past for a while. Raising his hand slightly she kissed the soft skin between his thumb and forefinger and urged him to continue as he mirrored her kiss and again rested their clasped hands on the cool sheet between their bodies.
"When I was a boy… I think 11, no I was 12; there was a group of us kids who hung out together after school. We were rather rough around the edges and constantly getting into some kind of trouble. There was this kid who wasn't really a part of the gang, but he liked to follow me around. His name was Johnny. He was smaller than the rest of us, but he was smart and seemed like an okay kid so I let him tag along, but I made it look like I thought he was a pain in the ass. The gang didn't really want him around, but they put up with him because I did. Truth was I let him hang with me not because he seemed to need anything from me, but because I needed him."
"You needed him, Ric? Why? Sounds like you had quite a following already."
"I actually did that summer. But, it never lasted long. You see there was always something missing inside me that prevented me from letting anyone get too close. So things like trust and loyalty never really meant a great deal to me. I could hang out with the guys, but as far as becoming real buddies with them, it just didn't happen and eventually they all moved on and found other guys to hang with. But there was something about this kid. You could tell by looking at him that he wasn't like the rest of us. He was one of those kids that you knew came from a good home and he was always sharing stuff with us. If one of the guys showed up without his lunch Johnny would all of a sudden come up with something extra out of his own box. Sometimes he would even take the rap for me when I got into trouble. And every once in a while he would show up with a new baseball or football to replace the beat up ones that were either lost or confiscated by an angry adult who suddenly found themselves facing the expense of having to replace a window. He was such a different kid from the normal bums we hung out with. Sometimes this kid even talked about his mother like she was the most important person in the whole world or something. I envied him so much for having a mother he liked to talk about."
Listening to Ric's soft voice fill the room with memories, Alexis reached up and moved her fingers through his hair and then let them drift down his cheek to settle warmly in the curve of his neck, her thumb grazing softly against the curve of his jaw. His eyes held a far away look and as she continued to watch him his eyes softened and a small smile touched his lips. His voice took on a softer tone.
"One day we were walking home from the sandlot where we played 'stickball…"
Alexis quietly interrupted with curiosity. "Stickball?"
"Yeah, all we had was a stick and the cork out of a wine bottle. Some would call it poor-man's baseball."
"Oh." Her heart broke for the life of disfavor he was describing.
Hearing the compassionate remorse in her voice he quickly reassured her as best he could. "It was a great game, Alexis. We got a kick out of playing stickball. To us, it was so much more fun and challenging that just plain old baseball. Anyway, let me get on with it. One afternoon Johnny invited me home with him for supper. It was the answer to one of those secret wishes that kids make late at night when they're in bed and no one can see how much they really want something. Going home with Johnny was my chance to just be a regular kid for a while and I wanted so much to meet his mother and find out what it was that made Johnny talk about her as much as he did. But, it was Friday and Fridays were always for my father. It was my job to clean up after him and make sure he made it to bed when he finally passed out after drinking himself into a stupor. My stepmother usually ignored him, acting as though everything was as it should be. She usually turned in early to keep from having to deal with or witness the broken-hearted ramblings of a man who lost the one real love of his life to someone else who didn't give a damn about her."
Ric felt her turn her palm and clasp his hand between both of hers to pull him it to her breast holding him close to offer what comfort she could as he told the story. He leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose to let her know he was okay and then continued.
"I can't tell you how bad I wanted to go with Johnny. So I asked dad if I could go and just as I knew he would, he said no. I remember standing there and hating him for not being the man I needed him to be. I stood there defiant and angry and when he reached for that damn bottle again… well I made a decision that not only further alienated him but it also changed the course of my life… I decided I was going to Johnny's no matter what he said and I wasn't going to let anyone stop me. From that moment on, I never again let him see how much I was hurt by his lack of interest in me or anything I was able to accomplish in my life. I turned and walked out the door with him screaming at the top of his lungs that he'd beat the hell out of me if I didn't come back. I opened the front door and ran as fast as I could to Johnny's house. I remember standing at the door licking my hands so I could slick my hair down to keep it from flying all over the place and I took the bottom of my shirt and wiped the playground dirt off my face then stuffed back into my jeans. I scrubbed so hard I thought I was going to start bleeding. When I was through doing the best I could to look presentable I knocked on the door. My heart was beating a mile a minute; scared I wouldn't measure up. Scared I wouldn't be invited in because I was just another dirty kid from the wrong side of town. But, just about the time I started to turn and leave, the door opened and I think that was the first time I ever lost my heart to a woman."
"Was she beautiful?" Alexis inquired with the tiniest spark of green curiosity.
"Not in the way that you might think. She was a lot older than I expected Johnny's mom to be, but she really looked okay. She wasn't anything real special, just had that nice down home motherly charm about her. It was her eyes and the smile on her face that got to me the most. I looked up and I saw her smile and it was like I was suddenly the first-born son of royalty. She reached down and took hold of my dirty hand and pulled me inside her home as if I belonged there and it was her job to see that I was cared for as one of her own. I had a hard time trying to hide the fact that I was on the verge of crying like a little girl. What an embarrassment that would have been!"
His eyes filled as the memory washed over him and Alexis let go of Ric's hand and reached to pull him closer. She leaned back and gently guided his head to her shoulder softly stroking his wayward curls as his arm found its way across her stomach and his left leg moved across to lie between hers and Alexis shifted slightly to her side and moved her right leg over his to bring as much of his body in contact with her as she could. "Go on, Ric. Finish the story for me."
"Johnny and I played in the backyard for a while before she called us in for supper. It was the biggest feast of hamburgers and fries with chocolate covered ice cream that I had ever seen." Remembering the moment fondly, Ric chuckled. "When we finished, Johnny and I were so full we fell out on the lawn chairs like a couple of beached whales praying for any kind of relief to sooth our gluttonous appetites. After she finished cleaning up the kitchen his mom joined us and we all sat there for the longest time just talking. It was unreal. She sat there and talked to us like we were grownups and she was sharing the secrets of the world. Johnny flaked out after a while and when I noticed it I tapped his mom on the arm and pointed at him; told her I figured it was probably time for me to go…"
Ric's voice caught in his throat as he remembered what happened next. Wrapping his arm closer around Alexis and with a voice filled with emotion he did his best to finish.
"She leaned over and put her hand on my arm and said, 'Not yet Richard…"
"She called you Richard?"
"Yeah. It made me feel like I was real important… like a real man. I wanted so much to reach over and just hold her hand for a while, but I couldn't. I probably would have found a way to avoid it even if she had offered. She was getting too close to that part of me that always hurt. I could feel my chest beginning to burn."
Alexis turned her head slightly so her tears could find a different path to travel so they would not betray the ache of her own heart by finding any part of him. When the tears were free and could no longer disturb him she turned back and laid a soft kiss on his temple and continued to listen to his forgotten memory.
"She said 'I want to talk to you for a minute without Johnny listening. He already knows what I think and expect of him. But, I wonder who will care enough to tell you the secrets little boys need to know to help them grow into men they can be proud of.' She was whispering like I was the only one in the world important enough to hear what she was saying and I couldn't have left that chair if all the demons of hell were on my heels. Here was this woman who knew very little about me and the past I came from, at least that's what I thought, and she was giving me something that my own mother should have loved me enough to give. And I wanted it so much. I wanted to hear everything she wanted to say to me. Pulling her chair closer to mine she leaned over and put her arm around me and began to talk real quiet in my ear. She said, 'Richard, you were born into a hard life. But you're a good boy. You have a good heart. Don't let anyone take that from you. Some men are forced to work harder than others just to achieve a very small place in this world, but you have enough strength and determination in you to excel beyond just settling for average as most men do. You're smart and you care about people. Hold onto that part of your heart, Richard."
"She stopped and looked up at the sky then told me to look up too. Her voice was like a ghost in the night air when she started talking again. She said, 'Look up, Richard and pick a star. Pick the biggest and brightest you can find.' I did and when I found one I pointed it out to her."
"She said, 'Make sure you never lose that star, because from now on that star is yours. It is going to follow and watch over you until you are old enough and wise enough that you do not need it any longer. It will be there until you become the man that I know is waiting deep inside you'."
"It was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard, but it also put a great deal of fear in me as well. I was so scared of the answer, but I knew I had to ask… I had to know. So I asked her, 'How will I know when I'm wise enough… when will my star leave me'?"
He paused a moment and being impatient for the answer Alexis urged him to continue.
Chuckling at her impatience, Ric continued. "She said I will know when it's time, because I will be strong enough inside to let go of the past and carry on with my life with the woman I have grown to love by my side. But, she also told me that with the life that was chosen for me, I mighty not remember that night. But not to worry because one day I would remember and face the memory with a heart that is ready to accept all the love and laughter that was always meant to be mine."
Pulling away from her hold on his arm, Ric caught her hand and brought it to his lips briefly before setting their hands down upon her heart, his thumb finding the curve of her breast and caressing it slowly. Hearing her breathing change, he chuckled and refocused on the memory that was slowly setting him free. Grinning wildly at the sigh of frustration he coaxed from the woman laying partially beneath him.
"Sorry, kind of lost my focus there for a minute."
"Sure you did. You just remember what I said this morning, Ric Lansing. Bad behavior is always dealt with in kind."
"Promises, Promises." He chided her.
They both laughed, creating an unintentional fire as their bodies moved teasingly against each other. Needing to finish the telling Alexis the rest of what happened that night, Ric became serious once more.
"You know, somehow I knew she was right. I knew that everything she told me that night would some day come true and I was so scared of forgetting what it felt like to sit there and listen to her talk about the kind of man I would grow up to be. And just like she said, I did forget. And I know why I forgot about her and that whole experience. I forgot it because I just couldn't reconcile what I knew of my own mother with that beautiful lady who took me in one night and fed me with more than just food. But I know… I know that there is not one kid that was ever born in this world who could have walked away from that night without trying to find something to hang on to… And for me, all I wanted was to know that if I did happen to forget when would I remember. If I knew when I would remember then I could wait for it. I was just a kid and I didn't understand that it was impossible to wait for something to happen that you couldn't remember. So I asked her. I asked her when I would remember."
With a quiet expectant voice full of love Alexis asked, "And what did she say?"
"She never laughed at my ignorance, never smiled. She just put her hand on my cheek and whispered the answer so no one could hear but me. She said, 'You will remember when you can look inside yourself and find no room to harbor bitterness or hate. And you will also remember because of the woman who will be standing beside you. She will be there because she is the reason there is no room for hate any longer. She will see the best in you, yet know your weaknesses as well and accept you anyway… just as you are. She will inspire you to be a better man just as you will inspire her to be a better woman. When that time comes, Richard I want you to promise me you will turn to her and thank her for teaching you how to love and let go. Because you will have found your home in her and she in you."
Lifting his head from Alexis' shoulder, he gazed down into her eyes and found them just as full as his own were.
"She was right, Alexis." Ric whispered with a voice laced with amazing wonder. "She was right about everything."
Sitting up, Ric pulled Alexis up with him and taking her hands within his own he stared down at them for a moment and when he finally looked up a single tear found its way down his cheek. His voice was broken when he finally looked deep inside himself and accepted the man he had become while standing beside Alexis. He fulfilled the promise he made that night so long ago sitting beside a woman who cared enough to share her heart and wisdom with him.
"Thank you, Alexis. Thank you for teaching me how to love. Thank you for giving me a home and thank you for helping me let go of the past so I could embrace the future. Thank you for helping me find the man that Mrs. O'Brien knew was hidden somewhere deep inside me all along."
A sob tore from her throat as her arms quickly found their way around him. She pulled him as close as she could, holding him as tight as her strength would allow. The ringing of the phone suddenly trilled loudly disturbing the quiet peace filling the room. Neither of them moved not willing to let anything steal any part of their time together until they were ready. But, as the phone rang the eighth time, Alexis whispered into Ric's ear.
"Whoever it is doesn't seem too willing to give up. Besides it could be Viola. You better answer it."
Ric let out an exasperated sigh as he turned and reached for the phone.
"Yes?" He answered thinly.
As the caller spoke, Alexis watched Ric's face grow deathly pale and reached for him.
"Is it Kristina?" She whispered with cold fear. His eyes found hers and she gasped at the pain she saw. His fingertips brushed down her cheek as he pushed the receiver into her hand. She watched helplessly as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. Without looking back he slowly walked out of the room. Looking at the receiver in her hand, she brought it heavily to her ear.
"Hello?"
"Alexis? It's Dara."
"Dara? What's wrong? What did you tell Ric?"
"I'm so sorry, Alexis."
Her fear escalated.
"Dara, what is going on? Has something happened to Kristina?"
"No, Alexis. It's not Kristina."
"Damn it, Dara. Tell me what is going on."
"It's Sonny, Alexis. He tried to run. He didn't make it. I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, but he was shot while trying to escape this morning. He died just a few minutes ago."
"Sonny? He's… he… he's gone?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure?" Alexis reached for any spark of hope she could find to hold on to. It could be a mistake. He could have faked it… He was good at faking his death. "No Dara, it can't be. He… he faked it… somehow. He's done it before… more than once. Find Jason. Make him talk to you. Jason will know where he is. Jason always knows." She gripped the phone with both hands; her eyes traveling around the empty room and then toward the door where his younger brother had just walked out to escape her. Her blood ran cold… her heart screamed for Richard.
"Dara, please… don't do this." She begged for his life. She begged on behalf of the man who just walked away from her. Without thought for herself or what it would mean to her personally, Alexis begged for the life of Ric's brother. Switching the phone to her other ear so she could keep her eyes on the empty doorway, she waited for Dara to tell her it was all just a cruel mistake. That's all it was. Just a cruel mistake and then she could go to Ric and give him back the life of his brother… and maybe he would love her again. Maybe she could love him enough to turn back time and undo all the damage. Maybe if she loved him with every bit of her heart, it would bring him back to her. Hope died when she heard Dara's voice again.
"I'm at General Hospital now, Alexis." Dara paused. She knew it was up to her to tell Alexis everything. And she knew it would be hard for the woman who only yesterday gave her back one of her own brothers. And because of their brief time together the morning before, Dara knew that Alexis would now carry a burden of guilt for the rest of her life. But, it was best for Alexis to hear the details from her, someone who cared about her, rather than hear it from anyone else.
"Alexis, the picture of Kristina you gave him was in his hand. He was gripping it so tightly when he died that we couldn't pry it from his hand. Before he… before he died Sonny asked me to call Jason for him… I did. He talked for a few minutes then handed me the phone and asked me to listen to Jason. Alexis, Sonny asked Jason to deliver an envelope to you so you could pass it on to Ric. It will be there within the hour. There's something else, Alexis. Before he died, Sonny made me promise to tell Ric that it was his responsibility to take care of Kristina now. I'm quoting him directly. He said, 'Tell Ric, that I'm asking him to let go of everything and just take care of my daughter. Make sure she never wants for anything.' Alexis, I promised Sonny that I would tell him, but Ric didn't give me the chance. Maybe it should come from you though. Will you get the message to him?"
"Yes, I'll tell him." Her eyes closed tight, her breathing stilled… she asked for the answer to her only remaining question. "Is that all, Dara? Did he…?" The words died before she could release them.
"I'm sorry, Alexis, but no he didn't ask for or mention you."
Her heart felt like it was being torn from her chest. The man who once meant so much to her, who gave her the most precious gift of her life, would go to his grave hating her. His face appeared before her as she closed her eyes. The face she had once loved, full of life, lit with mischief… a beautiful smile that now graced her daughters face...
"Thanks, Dara."
Dropping the phone into her lap she bowed her head slightly as memory after memory washed over her. She remembered it all. From the moment he arrogantly intruded on her at the Port Charles Grille, to the moment she kissed him good-bye less than 24 hours ago. One tear fell and was quickly followed by another and another until a steady river marked her both sides of her face. He was a man who loved hard, lived hard and in the end died hard… without the friend who promised to stay with him forever. She slowly turned and lay the phone down then reached out letting her fingers find the indention of the pillow where Ric's head had lain. It was chilled now, bereft of the warmth that constantly stayed with them throughout the night and into the light of day. Adding to her despair, as if to cruelly mock her, the warmth of the sun found a lonely cloud to hide behind sending cold shadows into the room. She shivered against the chill that was slowly seeping into every pore of her body and slowly stood reaching for her clothes. Ric wouldn't want her here now. He wouldn't want to be around the woman who destroyed his brother. Alexis silently dressed and walked toward the door looking back once at the bed where they had shared so much throughout the night and into the morning. She would never have the chance to tell him now that her heart had found its home just as his had. The words he once wanted so much to hear from her would now stay forever silent in her heart. Just once, for herself, in the room where they had loved each other, she voiced them for the first and the last time. "I love you, Ric."
Quietly entering the living room she found him sitting in front of the fireplace staring blindly at a mountain of cold ashes. And the tears rained.