A lonely crystal tear . . .
by SoulsFire (former Pulsing Soul)
It was a normal day in school. A normal day for all 8 year old children. And yet, not so normal, for two of them.
Who would ever think that the bliss of such happy and carefree childhood was more of a curse for some? A very, very evil curse, a curse she had partially helped become reality. And to think she never intended this to happen, she never intended to be shrunk to an eight year olds body, to continue to live.
But she didn´t regret it. She couldn´t. Because somehow she felt that by this life she was being given something like a second chance. A chance to tell... Kudo´s words came to mind, to tell her truth.
And then, there was the second reason for which she didn´t regret any of this, the fact that she shared it with someone, with a very special someone, with someone who managed to crumble all the walls she had built around herself, who had managed to teach her to rely not only on reason but also on her feelings, someone, who she now loved with all her heart.
Yes, Ai Haibara, Shiho Myano, even Sherry, they all loved him. How could they not? He was smart, very smart, had a noble spirit, a sense of self-righteousness which bordered to naivety, and yet a love so deep for the truth, a love for the whole world, because he cared.
He cared for the criminals he put to jail, he cared because he didn´t treat them like the scum of society, but more like people who somehow lost their way . . .
And he forgave her. Her, the person who had created the APTX4869, the person who had damaged his life irremediably. He forgave her. He had been mad, but he had forgiven her, he had held her when she cried her eyes out because of her sisters death, he had been there every moment in the past 6 month, at her side when she needed him, throwing a sarcastic comment at her every now and then, or just breathing near her.
It was enough. It was enough for her to stay sane, and to somehow, miraculously fall in love with him. She, who had never felt anything like that, not even a crush for all her life, only used to feelings of disgust and hate, maybe trust to her sister, now felt love. . .
Sadly, she knew very well that this was the most intense thing she would ever feel. Even if she got captured by the Black Organization, never would she feel something as terrifyingly great as this. It was like a vast fire, lit in her heart, keeping her warm even when darkness threatened to overwhelm her.
He didn´t love her. He couldn´t . After all, she was a criminal, and he ... he had his love, a girl, who deserved her respect just because she had managed to get him.
Walking into the classroom she ignored the children talking to her, sitting down at her desk, putting her books on the table, noticing how Conan slipped into the seat next to her.
,Hey, Haibara, what´s wrong?¨ He asked her, looking at her strangely. She had been behaving quite differently the past few weeks, the aura of a resigned sadness radiating off of her.
Haibara had always been quiet but at least, from time to time, she taunted him with her sarcasm, and he enjoyed her ironic humor, even if he was the object of most of her amusement. They slowly became friends, talking more, not just with words meant to stab each other, but with actual understanding.
The past few weeks though. It was different. Like sometimes, she would smile, while other times, she would sigh so heavily, a frown marring her features, that he thought, Kami, the world was on her shoulders.
In those moments he realized it hurt. It hurt to hear those sighs, to see those frowns, to feel the sadness.
Like that time they had tracked down Pisco, when she was scared, and he had put his glasses on her nose, telling her no one would ever recognize her, putting her mind at ease. How he had felt that time... her smile made him feel like he was the king of the world. The king of her world, and that was a feeling he would never forget, a feeling which made his heart swell ... not only with pride, but with something he soon recognized as ... love.
Love. How ironic. Every moment in the body of Conan he despised not only because he thought he couldn´t be himself, but also because he couldn´t be with Ran. And now, after he had come to learn that Conan was more himself than Shinichi had ever been, after he learned that while he was 17, he had seen only images of reality through the spectrum of arrogance and superficial love, such things would never happen with Conan. He would see reality, and only that.
Ran was a very sweet girl, considerate, and cute, but he had never felt that emotion which he had felt with Ai, Shiho, when he was with her. That emotion that he was understood, without words, without looks, just understood.
However, now as he looked at Ai, he did not understand. Usually, he did, truly, and all those times they bickered he felt more full and happy than all his life, but now, he felt scared, he felt scared because he didn´t know what kept her so . . . so sad.
He looked at her, how she was reading, he blocked out everything around, saw just her, her dark blond hair, which had grown to her middle back in the meantime, something he simply adored at her, saw her blue eyes following the trail of words in the book, saw how her tongue brushed over her dry lips, how her fingers ran over her forehead, moving her hair to the side, making him see... just how perfect she was.
He saw it then, that very moment, that lonely crystal tear which left her eye, rolling down her soft cheek. And in that moment his passiveness ended. Wasn´t this what he had learned from Conan? Life was short, and you should live the truth not just your image of it?
Getting up, he didn´t care about the surprised stares of the people around him, he only cared for her. Reaching for her hand he ignored even her confused stare, making her rise from her seat and move out of this classroom, down the hall, not stopping till he reached the staircase to the roof, and afterwards the roof itself.
Ai in the meantime couldn´t help but think that maybe Kudo had a little too much oxygen, or chocolate, or soccer, or whatever excess, but although she thought of this, she couldn´t help but feel as well, and oh how she felt. She felt surging through her body, making her cheeks take a hue of rose, while her lips suddenly dried, becoming something close to cherry.
What in Kami´s name was he doing? She liked his surprises, he never failed to do new and unheard of things, but now? In the middle of a school day?
He continued to go up, completely lost in his own thoughts it seemed, although what he was thinking could hardly be associated to logic or reason.
Opening the roof door, he let her come to the roof too, closing the door behind them both, he became suddenly aware that he was still holding her hand. Blushing furiously he cast down his eyes, but still not letting go of her hand.
This was it, wasn´t it? The moment where he just couldn´t take it anymore, the moment where he had to tell the truth. He had to, otherwise he wouldn´t be true to himself, to the principles he had lived by.
,Why...Why were you?¨ He stammered embarassed.
,Why was I what Shini...Kudo?¨ She added hastily, noticing how his eyes left the very interesting pavement to stare at her.
,Ai, please, call me Shinichi.¨ He told her quietly.
She nodded, her eyes staring into him, trying to recognize...to recognize something that might actually make sense to her.
,Alright, Shinichi,¨ he blushed as he heard the name roll off her lips, the sound something he would never forget. ,Why was I what, and what are we doing here?¨
,Why were you crying?¨ He asked her, his tone, the same tone he used with the witnesses of murder cases. Was this what he thought, that she had commited some crime?
,Don´t lie, Shiho.¨ Her name brought her out of her musings, making her look at him, but she didn´t see Conan, no, she saw Shinichi, she saw the truth.
love you.¨ Did she just say that out loud? It came naturally, so
naturally, and when she saw his eyes widen, she couldn´t help but want to run, run away from him. Tears spilled from her eyes again, and she dashed for the door, but his hand kept her, turned her so suddenly that she was pressed up to his chest, so tightly that she feared they no longer were two, but one.
She felt him exhale, felt the way he held her so she could cry into his chest, and when she turned she saw a tear. One lonely crystal tear.
He was crying. Why !
Wiping the tear away with her thumb, she didn´t even notice she was cupping his cheek, she only noticed the valley of the tear, and then the smoldering blue of his eyes.
He smiled, a smile so true and kind, it made her feel ... hope.
Leaning down, he let his lips brush hers slowly, memorizing their softness, memorizing their taste, as if he was afraid that dying tomorrow he would forget. She stood there, motionless at first, but soon she drank from his lips, drank his sweet lips.
Breaking apart, he leaned his forehead on hers, whispering a small, almost untraceable whisper.
love you too.¨
She smiled, a smile tender and beautiful, true.
,Then I guess we won´t cry alone anymore, will we?¨