I finally updated! Woohoo! This totally rocks! Anyway, I am in love with this chapter, and I hope you people enjoy it. I didn't get that many reviews though. Oh well, guess it's a lot more disturbing than I thought! Ahahaha- ok it's getting old. So read and review! And enjoy, more importantly!
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YAMI, YOU HURT ME SO
Part 2: Bakura to Ryou
Once again, we join our favorite old lady and the three kind children in a warm and cozy cabin. And yes, they were reliving one of those incredible Euro-standard moments in which the old lady was sewing something that was probably already finished, but she's too blind to notice. And the kids are too busy reading books that are four reading levels higher than the kids can handle! And there was no absence of a small tabby kitten and the large roaring fire. Then, all of the sudden Fritz's book went flying right into the fire! The ashes were too large (because he was reading the dictionary) and came back down the chimney. They landed in the kittens mouth, causing it to choke and die!
"Dammit, Heidi!" Fritz yelled. "Why the fuck do you keep on doing that! That kitten actually had a chance, it survived here for more than a week!"
"But I didn't do it! It was Samuel!" cried Heidi.
"Shut up! It's always you!" Fritz screamed. Samuel, confused with all the yelling, began to cry because he had nothing better to do about it. Well they kept on yelling and wailing and making noise, until the old lady (whose face was covered by the blanket she was sewing, in which the blanket is already the size of the roof), showed her face! Her face was distorted with rage and almost purple! It was a sight rivaling that of Hulk's!
"Shut the fuck up!" The old lady bellowed. She jumped out of her rocking chair with such grace, it was hard to believe it was an old lady! But then again, it could be one of those anime-esque circumstances in which a soul is trapped in the wrong body! Like Yucie from Petite Princess Yucie! Or Motoko from Ghost in the Shell!
Well anyway, the old lady jumped up, and chucked the blanket into the fire, causing a huge eruption of flames! The room went silent. No one even coughed or not one herd of tumbleweed went by. And then out of the blue, an actual mini blue alien came out of no where! It carried a baseball bat, and started to beat the old lady in the knees!
"Ow! My knees! My knees!" The old lady cried, not faking the pain. Fritz, Heidi and even Samuel started to laugh. This went on for a while, until the alien ran away. The old lady plopped back down in her rocking chair, and the kids sat on pillows on the ground. A scarf materialized in front of the old lady, so she did the only thing she could, worked on it (she actually wasn't sewing, she was just making the motions to distract the audience from the kitten's carcass which was being dragged away by a heard of teenage mutant ninja rats)!
"Okay old lady," began Fritz, who apparently calmed down too much for his own good. "You owe use three new stories today!"
"Okay, okay fine," the old lady said. "But you youngins better not interrupt me, or I'll throw you all into the fires!"
"Shut up old hag! You're making Samuel cry!" Heidi said. On cue, Samuel sniffed.
"Shut up, I'll do whatever I damn please! Do ya'll want to hear the stories or not?" Silence greeted her. "Good… so it all began like this…"
-
Ryou sighed inwardly. It had been a week since he had been living alone with his endearing yami. Even after a week, it just goes to show how little he knew of the modern world. The other his yami asked him how to open the oven. It was odd, and stupid. But the world was stupid and that's beside the point.
Anyway, even after a week Bakura had gone a week without going to the bathroom. Despite the frequent inhalation of coffee and chocolate milk, he managed. But every spirit has to do their business once and a while, and today was that time. Before Bakura actually went, he wanted to learn to use the commodities in the washroom.
"Hey Ryou!" Bakura called quite rudely to his hikari, who was currently watching his favorite soap opera. Kids these days! I mean, soap operas? TV faux pas, like totally! "How the fuck do you use this white seat?"
Bakura could make out a sigh, and then heard his aibou coming up the stairs in rush. Bakura was unlucky enough to summon up Ryou right after the commercial break ended. "After you do your business, just push this handle. And then wash your hands, but you already know how to do that…"
"I'm confused!" Bakura said quickly, even though he really wasn't. Ryou sighed.
"Just go like so-" But Ryou didn't have time to finish his example. His yami pushed him down, forcing his head into the toilet! Bakura laughed and pushed Ryou's head down even farther! Ryou barely even struggled! Ha, what a sight to behold!
"Like this?" Bakura asked, pushing the handle down several times. He kept on pushing and pushing and pushing, until he got bored and realized Ryou wasn't struggling. He poked his aibou and then kicked him in the butt. Nothing happened.
"Oh shit, I killed Ryou."
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"What kind of dumb ass story was that?" Heidi asked. "I thought it would have a nice ending! You know, where someone is potty trained! I love those kinds of stories!"
"Dammit, you kids are too demanding and high maintenance! I don't even want to hear it from you, on to the next story!"
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"RYOU!" cried Bakura, as he emerged from the kitchen. Ryou looked up from his homework, knowing what was coming. He winced, when Bakura stormed up to him, glaring down on him.
"Yes, Bakura?" Ryou asked timidly.
"Shut up! Don't call me that!" Bakura screeched. "Call me master!"
"Y-yes… master," Ryou said, shaking.
"Wait! That's too cliché… Call me… YOUR HIGHNESS!"
"Okay, your highness-"
"Wait, I don't like it, call me… Too-good-for-anything-master-Bakura!"
"S-sure… Too-good-"
"Wait no, too long… Call me… Pimpin Dawg Bakura!"
"Ah yes, Pimpin-"
"Shut up! How do you humble me to that low level of scum, you female!" Bakura whipped out a paper fan, and started to attack his aibou. He laughed and laughed and laughed. In fact, his eyes started to bulge out of his head, he could probably poke someone's eye out with his own eye! Well anyway, he kept on laughing, hitting and bulging; and Ryou got so many paper cuts from that fan, he started to bleed!
"Ow! Stop it, Bakura! You're hurting me!" Ryou cried, a pool of blood forming from underneath him, caused by his vicious paper cuts.
"No dip, female!" Bakura yelled, as he kept on whacking poor Ryou. Well that went on for a while, until Bakura's Pop Tarts popped out of the toaster. Of course, they were badly burnt, but Bakura began to munch down. After he was finished, he went to check on his hikari, who was just stirring from his state of unconsciousness.
"Bakura, I love you," Ryou said pathetically.
"Whatever, you told me that a million times through our mind link. Ugh, That was gawd awful…"
flashback…
'Bakura…'
'What.'
'Bakura…'
'What!'
'Bakura…'
'Oh for fucks sake… what!'
'IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou-'
'Dammit, shut the fuck up!'
end flashback…
Bakura huffed at the memory, and hoisted his hikari up the stairs. He plopped him down on his bed, lying down right next to him.
"You want me to sing to you, don't you?" Bakura asked. Ryou nodded. Bakura cleared his throat and opened his mouth and…
I believe I can fly…
I got shot by the FBI…
All I wanted was a chicken wing!
2.99 at Burger King!
"Okay, shut up Bakura!" Ryou yelled, silencing his yami. "I'm going to go kill myself right now."
"Okay, have fun."
Later that night, Bakura found his aibou dead on the floor! He died from unknown causes. The FBI didn't know if it had to do with the big gashes all over his arms, caused by a cleaver knife that has Ryou's fingerprints and blood all over it. It will forever be a mystery!
Oh, and after the incident, Bakura ran all the way to Yami's house, almost being hit by the same suspicious Circuit City truck three times. Well, when he arrived, he knocked on the door, and surprise! Yami opened the door! He was smoking pot.
"What the fuck do you want?" Yami asked lazily.
"Ryou died and it's all my fault! Kill me!"
Yami didn't even hesitate before he pulled a handgun out from his pants and shot Bakura in the head! He died instantly. Yami shrugged and walked back inside.
-
There was a very long silence.
"That was the worst story you ever told, old lady," Fritz said slowly.
"I thought it was good…" Samuel said. An even longer silence. The old lady cleared her throat, interrupting the casually annoying silence.
"Onto the next story…"
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"Wake up Bakura!' Ryou yelled as he charged into his yami's room. "It's SNOWING!" He bellowed uncharacteristically. It was such a happy-go-lucky scene, but that was quickly interrupted when Bakura punched his hikari in the face! Ryou went flying out the window. And five minutes later…
"Wake up Bakura! It's SNOWING!" Ryou screamed. He barely opened the door when he ran out and shut it again. And we realized why when a huge cow went flying at the door! How Bakura managed to get the cow and fling it like a book is still unknown to this very day. But then again, it IS anime.
Well anyway, Bakura got up 36 hours later and got dressed. He went downstairs only to find his hikari watching TV. AGAIN. Bakura secretly wondered how Ryou could be so smart in school when he lost so many brain cells (whatever those were) from watching the evil box of doom.
"Wow, Bakura. You're up early. Why the sudden change?" Ryou asked bluntly.
"I heard it was snowing."
"Oh yeah, but it melted a long time ago."
"Oh, what a shame."
"Yeah it was so pretty!"
"Really?"
"Yeah…"
"It snowed a lot in Egypt."
"Really?"
"No."
An uncomfortably long silence ensued. In fact, it was so long that Ryou's dad came home from America, left (of course he was only back for one day), came back, and left again! And in that time TBS managed to play only one whole season of Sex in the City.
"You're so weak, Ryou."
"I know…"
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"And the point of that was…?" Heidi started.
"There was no point dammit! Like I said, I'm only mocking things! It's a freakin parody! Get with it, youngins! Now, y'all better go to bed! Or I'll whip y'all!"
And off to bed they went.
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STORY 1: Ah yes. The classic: 'teach yami's to use modern day commodities' is one of the most popular plot additions in fics these days. So I had to throw that in. The TV thing was about how the yamis and hikaris ALWAYS watch TV in those sappy fics. Oh and the end had to do with how Bakura always ends up 'accidentally' killing Ryou, and the major angst he has afterwards. And of course Ryou never complains when he's abused by his yami, he just sits there! I find that amusing. Kidding!
STORY 2: Oh my god, I love these kinds of fics. It's just sooo generic when Bakura starts beating Ryou, and Ryou STILL loves his dear yami. The singing thing is popular too, I see that a lot. Personally, I find it amusing. But that's just me and we know I'm twisted. Anyway, 50 percent of the time, Ryou kills himself, and Bakura like freaks out. I read a good fic like that, where Bakura made Yami kill him. Only he hesitated and freaked out after he did so… yea there's a difference.
STORY 3: Ah yes, the curse of the unfinished fic. Ya know how I feel? It's a damn good story and all of the sudden it just stops. It's never updated. Ever. I don't know, maybe people enjoy torturing us. But anyway, the generic snow setting '(too much of it I swear) and the TV thing. Yeah, oxymoron's in thousands of fics and no one realizes it. Oh and, hopefully many of you know there is waaaay too much Sex in the City. It needs to stop. "It's the show everyone's talking about!" Oh Jesus.
Oookay… so I hope that was enjoyable enough… Anyway, please please please review, I really need it so I can continue these wacky tales of randomness! So review people. It only takes like what, 6,7 seconds? Something like that.