Gwar... well I have nothing to say, and don't feel like thinking about something to say so... let's just dive right in!
The old lady sat tranquilly by the fire side, contemplating her destiny. Ah destiny… little did she know what it had in store for her! Bwahahaha! Mwahahahaha! Nyahahahaha! AHAHAHAHAHAOMGPORNHAHAHA! Just kidding! Jkjkjkjk! LOL! OMG WTF LOL! BRB! TTYL CYA TTFN LYL! JK W/E! LMAOLMAOOMGPORNLMAO! ALTplusSHIFTbrrringYou'veGotMail25670MGP0RNAGA1Nspace334TABcapsLOCKCtrlaltDELETEcOmPyOvErLoAd!
Ahem.
The old lady was still sitting tranquilly by the fire side and was still contemplating her destiny. As a simple house ex-wife and as a porn star. !O!M!G!P!O!R!N!
Anyway, the old lady's tranquil setting was rudely interrupted when her three favorite children came running down the stairs and onto their pillows in front of her.
"More stories." The kids said monotonously in an Arnold Shwartzomgporntinkagananegr voice.
"Ah dammit!" The old lady cried. "I was having fun on my (invisible) laptop! I was having nice conversations with my friends from the bingo club! And now you've ruined my time stealing cool IM icons! I'll make sure to kill these stories with my mad and unrivaled quick fine print reading talking skillz!"
"Doctor, what's the condition?" Marik asked. His weak little Malik had been sick for a month! Yea, Marik sure was getting tired of it. It really pissed him off when no one was able to bring him his beloved pink lemonade!
"He's going to die in seven days!" The doctor declared. Wow, seven days? Like, the ring!
"Like seven days… or 7 days?" Marik asked.
"Just seven days."
"Like starting now or when you found out, which was a few minutes ago."
"Erm, I found out 3 hours ago."
"So he doesn't have 7 days to live, then?"
"No, he has seven days to live."
"But you found this out 3 hours ago?"
"That is correct."
"So then, he has like, 6 days and 21 hours?"
"If you want to be precise yes."
"But are you counting business days? Or 12 hour days?"
"Just… days."
"What if it's a leap year soon? It is Christmas time after all."
"I don't think that counts."
"Well, let's say it does. Does he have more or less time to live?"
"Just… seven days."
"I though we already established it was 6 days and 21 hours?"
"Dammit, just get out!"
6 days and 18 hours later…
"Hey guess what Malik, you only have 3 hours to live!" Marik said enthusiastically.
"That's not cool," Malik said tiredly.
"Yes it is! Dying is cool!" Marik proclaimed. There was a long silence. "Let's go outside and play in the snow."
So they went outside and played and played. They were having sooooo much fun, time flew past them! Well, it was the 32nd time Malik was going down the hill on his sleigh. He was having so much fun, he forgot all about his approaching death! Well, he was half way down the hill, when Marik noticed (him being at the top of the hill), Malik didn't look right. Suddenly, Malik slumped over, and flew off the saucer! He went flying and flying and flying and then…
FWUMP
"Aw Jesus Christ."
"That was like, a really bad version of ER," Heidi said nonchalantly.
"I thought it was good. It had a plot, and wasn't sappy enough to make one barf all over themselves," Samuel said intelligently. Of course, this made no sense but nobody cares about that these days.
"True, but it was kind of stupid. Old lady, I think you're senile," Fritz said.
"Fuck you, kids! Dammit, what the fuck happened to respect your elders? You brats make me want to sew another noose…"
"You know, Malik, I AM a psychopath," Marik said out of the blue when they were watching TBS. Very funny.
"You always state the obvious, Marik, and it pisses me off," Malik said slowly.
"Dammit Malik! Always ruining my plans!"
flashback
"Guess what, Malik! I'm going to stick a brick up Yami's dick (rhymex3) while he's sleeping!"
"Well I guess I'm going to have to stop you."
"Fuck!"
end flashback
"Marik, I'll stop ruining your plans if you stop revealing them to me," Malik said.
"Shut the fuck up! What the hell do you know about secrets, you fool!" Marik screamed at him. Malik remained unfazed. Marik got sooo pissed off he banished Malik to the shadow realm! Isis cheered, while Marik proceeded to stick a brick up Yami's dick.
"Yeah… that was… pretty bad," Fritz said.
"Shut up kids!" The old lady cried. "You don't know the first things about mocking good stories! You can go to hell! Now shut up while I get this last story over with. And if any of you so much as dare comment after this one, I'll hang you and sell your meat at the market!"
Malik swayed his hips sexily as he danced at a club. Yes, it was generic club where Malik is the sexy whore and adored by all. Then there's the new person who has no idea of what the fuck is going on around him. This person so happened to be Marik, who surprisingly looked like Malik. Somehow.
Well Malik danced and danced. He was hit on by 23.46 females and groped by 7.62 males. Of course, he paid no heed to this, and kept on dancing like it was the end of the world. But then again, it IS Yu-Gi-Oh, and the world is always ending so…
ANWAY! Malik was sweating a lot now from all the dancing, and he just so happened to attract Marik, the infamous pimp from Egypt. So Marik waltzed casually over to him, and started grinding with him from behind! Of course Malik didn't care because he just loooved to dance.
"Hey there sexy, want to mysteriously follow me home and then have wild sex in my small but erotic apartment?" Marik asked casually.
"Sure, I'm up for anything," Malik responded. So they did just that. Oh it was wild sex indeed! Of course, it was dark and Marik mysteriously had no lights in his house so they had no idea what they looked like.
When the sun rose, Marik walked into the kitchen only to find his partner making pancakes.
"Wow you look nothing like me," Marik commented.
"I know I don't," Malik said.
And from there, they had a pretty wild relationship. They partied every evening, had wild sex for 6 hours at 1AM, slept for 2 hours, ate breakfast, and had more sex. After that, Malik went to work at a porn shop while Marik stole tickets at the carnival and sold them on Ebay. Then they came home and 7; then ate dinner and went to the club.
This went on for exactly one month. One day, Marik was watching Malik leave for work from the window, since Marik left 30 minutes later. Malik turned to wave, but then all of the sudden, a mysterious blue alien appeared and pushed him into the street! Malik was hit by a Circuit City truck. Malik died slowly in Marik's arms, and there was major angst afterwards. But more importantly, Circuit City was sewed and they went out of business! Best Buy took all of their merchandise and store locations shortly afterwards. The very happy end.
"Comment and you die," The old lady said sleepily. And thus, none of the children said anything, so they went to their rooms and slept and had peaceful dreams of getting a 1 million-dollar shopping spree to Best Buy.
Yes, I am fully aware that I have problems.
So that was bad… but the badder (not a word, who cares. You do? Fuck you.) the better. So yeah it was ok. The second one sucked. And the cut-scenes were just lame. But aside from that, I hope y'all liked it and found it somewhat entertaining. So here's the parody breakdown on each story:
STORY 1: Omigod, what is it with people and making Malik die from some terrible, unknown and totally made-up disease? It's getting old people. So yeah, that seemed appropriate to have fun with. Also, the ending was from this sappy fic where Malik wants to play in the snow before he dies. So instead of having him die at home, I made him die while he was sledding. Dip.
STORY 2: Don't ask about this one; there's not much to say. Hm… well to start off, the whole brick up Yami's dick thing was just spur of the moment. So the ending was the actually parody part (except for the whole TBS thing! Damn). Anyway, there was this crappy never-updated fic where Malik is banished to the shadow realm, and supposedly he's supposed to use love to get him out. The fic was never finished. Obviously.
STORY 3: LOL Omigawd my favorite story out of all the ones so far! This one was incorporated with a Kenshin fic as well, but it seemed appropriate. So as you can tell, the fic was entirely AU. I'm not really a fan, but it was a one-shot so hey, I couldn't resist. Anyway, a lot of AU fics portray Malik as this super sexy dancer that everybody knows and loves. Marik is just there. Somehow.
Okay, and that just about wraps everything up… oh and YES there will be one more chapter with everybody. Party time baby, w00t! So look out for the next chapter, which will be generically called: Yami You Hurt Me So! Okay. So review god dammit! I need them so I can get started on the final chapter, which will be so funny you'll be pissing in your pants! I think.
Or… I hope.
Just review, god dammit!